Eh?

[glockgal]

I'm Sorry
I've felt there are two categories of 'I'm sorry' which many people (including me!) have used:

TYPE 1: the true apology, where the apologist is genuinely interested in changing their actions and/or perspectives. They are generally willing to listen, to learn, to progress, to practice further conscientious behaviour.

TYPE 2: the false

Comments

[ashkitty]

I think I know what you mean about those Type 2s, and if it's what I'm thinking of I wasn't really including them in Type 2. Because there is another apology and I considered it a subset of 1, because it's not false. When you say or do something that has unintended consequences, but you really don't think you did something wrong, you can still be genuinely sorry for those consequences.

Example, so it's a bit less rambly--suppose at a dinner with the extended family, someone makes a comment that is intolerable, possibly demeaning your parent/sibling/lifestyle/friend (or is outright sexist/racist/homophobic/generally assholish/whatever). You call them out on it, because you feel this is the right thing to do, and tempers run high and there's a blazing row. The host or the other guests feel bad and uncomfortable and the night is basically spoiled. You can be genuinely sorry that it ended up being a bad night without saying or feeling that you were actually in the wrong.

Or, you know, sometimes people actually DO completely misunderstand what you said, especially online. I don't ever have a problem apologising when I've upset someone, even inadvertantly (well actually it's always inadvertant, because I do not go around trying to upset people and honestly this does not usually come up), but if they're upset about something I honestly didn't say or mean, I don't want to plead guilty just to make it better. We all come at things from different perspectives and different directions, and it is ABSOLUTELY important to take note of how your words can upset someone who has a different viewpoint--and it's equally important to realise that we all might just be reading through our own filter and try to understand what they actually mean. We don't all speak the same language sometimes, even when we use the same words.

...that was SO much more rambly than I meant to be. This, children, is what we call 'procrastinating at work.' :p

[glockgal]

The host or the other guests feel bad and uncomfortable and the night is basically spoiled. You can be genuinely sorry that it ended up being a bad night without saying or feeling that you were actually in the wrong.

This is a really good example! And definitely one that a lot of people have trouble wrestling with because they can't separate the two emotions - if they 'ruined' the night, then they must have then also been wrong. Which isn't necessarily true, but it takes a lot of personal insight to see the difference and make that call.