Eh?

[glockgal]

I'm Sorry
I've felt there are two categories of 'I'm sorry' which many people (including me!) have used:

TYPE 1: the true apology, where the apologist is genuinely interested in changing their actions and/or perspectives. They are generally willing to listen, to learn, to progress, to practice further conscientious behaviour.

TYPE 2: the false

Comments

[furiosity]

I don't know that I've encountered other types of apologies, precisely -- thing is, I hate that "I'm sorry" can be both an apology and an expression of sympathy (or condescending pity, which can even turn "I'm sorry" into an insult). It adds so much ambiguity to situations, like -- you know I was in a collision last Wednesday, and if I ever saw the woman who caused it again, I would say to her that I was sorry she got hurt in the accident, because I really feel terrible for her. But this would not be an apology because I didn't do anything wrong and I took every humanly possible measure to avoid a collision (whereas she did not; she was gunning to make the turn instead of braking, it turns out D:). But I am still sorry that she got hurt, even though I am not the least bit apologetic (nor do I feel I ought to be, in this case

[glockgal]

Oh yes - the condolence apology is one used a lot. I don't consider it false either, because it's more using the words 'I'm sorry' in a completely different way, like. It's as if the English language doesn't have enough 'colloquial' structures to differentiate between 'I was wrong, I'm sorry' and 'I sympathise, I'm sorry'. Saying things like 'my condolences' or 'my sympathies' can sound at best like what a person would say at a funeral; at worst, it can sound patronizing.

Good point about the online differentiation. It's sort of a sub-set of Type 2 - it's false in that the person has no real intention of learning or empathising. It's very much...imperialistic, like. 'Oh you poor savages who struggle so hard, but oooh aren't you just noble for trying! Not that I care about why you're struggling. So yeah, good luck with that kbai!'

[ashkitty]

I don't mind at all that the language is used this way--it's just how it is, isn't it? But I do get a little frustrated when dealing with people who don't seem to recognise the difference and insist on saying 'oh, it's not your fault' at every 'sorry' whether it's appropriate or not. Obviously it's not my fault a seagull stole your sandwich (or whatever misfortune occurred)--I'm not taking responsibility, just offering sympathy. :p

Your BFF isn't English, by any chance? Because I've never heard people say 'sorry' so much about every little thing ever! ("You trod on my foot! I'm sorry!") I'm afraid it's starting to rub off a bit, but oh well.

[glockgal]

don't mind at all that the language is used this way--it's just how it is, isn't it?

Having English as my only language, I sometimes do feel frustrated when I see how many nuances other languages have for things (and I have no brain to learn new languages, lol), but this is just a general annoyance. Which, being my mother tongue, I feel qualified to complain about every now and again. :)

dealing with people who don't seem to recognise the difference and insist on saying 'oh, it's not your fault'

Ha, this is interesting, because I've had people do this to me as well, which made me feel annoyed because I was like 'that was a sympathetic sorry, not a blame-me sorry!', but. I've never thought about why someone would feel compulsed to respond that way? Hmmmm thinky thinky!

Your BFF isn't English, by any chance?Nope, BFF immigrated from Russia-via-Israel. Her apologies are founded in personal insecurity; I don't think it's cultural. Although now that she's lived in Canada for nearly 20 years (and us Canadians are famous for our

[ashkitty]

I've had people do this to me as well, which made me feel annoyed because I was like 'that was a sympathetic sorry, not a blame-me sorry!'

Yes! This exactly! I also do not know why anyone is compelled to respond that way, but let me know if you figure it out. ;)

And the Canadians really are just as apologetic as the English, aren't they? No wonder it can mean so many things. I can see some poor newcomer non-native-speaker scratching their head, going over it all, thinking, 'is that an apologetic sorry? a sympathetic sorry? a dude, you just elbowed me in the head so watch where you're fucking going next time sorry?' ;)

[glockgal]

FOFL fyi - your British experiences and mine have been pretty different, since I didn't get the 'polite' or 'apologetic' vibe very much at all. I got aggressive or despondent or petulant or condescending a lot more. I was surprised to find the English kind of similar to Americans - except Americans are much more friendly, heh.

Then again, I was living in London; and London is - in and of itself - unique to the rest of England, lol.

[ashkitty]

That is interesting! Though some of it is my experience and some is other people's that they wrote down--things like Watching the English, a long-ago post by alexmalfoy about the difference between 'sorry' and 'excuse me' and an essay I can no longer remember by an Irish woman about the obsessive 'sorries' and how, like you were saying about your BFF, it sort of obliges you to express forgiveness. London is definitely not a very friendly place, though--back to the personal experiences, everywhere else I've been in Britian people have been wonderfully warm (Wales is a whole different culture but definitely more friendly than England, but Shrewsbury and Newcastle and York were all full of super nice people) but, London, yeah. I get you there for sure.

I think Americans are definitely more friendly, but that's kind of our stereotype, in the end. English are reserved, Canadians are polite, Americans are friendly but clueless, Germans are super organised and take all the beach chairs. :p

[glockgal]

Germans are super organised and take all the beach chairs.

FOFLLLL omg dude. I swear to god, every single beach I went to in Europe, there were naked orange Germans. It was inevitable! The best was I once saw a large German fella wearing a tiny crop t-shirt (I assume to protect his shoulders) with a large gut and penis hanging right out. SO PROUD! Oh German tourists. XD

[ashkitty]

....wow. I mean, why bother with any clothes at all if...IDEK. :)