(no subject)
There is nothing I really want to say right now because all I want to do is delete everything and disappear. I am consumed by an overpowering sadness that shrouds me and fills me with dread. Keep telling yourself this is temporary. Keep telling yourself she won’t leave, she’ll keep loving you and everything will be miraculous. The distance is growing and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. No amount of gifts, promises, or surprises can instantly bring what we had back. It kills me and I hate myself for it. I’m supposed to be asleep right now, but there is no way I’m going to sleep with all of this in my head. Just keep writing; you’ll get it out eventually.
I accidentally cut myself today and was very sad to not have anyone there to lick the blood off of me. What happened to the moments we used to share? I’ve damaged them. My selfishness has destroyed my chances with something spectacular. They don’t deserve this distress. Maybe I should just take myself out of the equation and make everyone’s lives a little easier. Fuck all this “woe is me” bullshit, but I can’t help but think their lives would be better if I were not in it right now.
I want alcohol. Now. I’m not looking to solve anything with substance. I just need to get away from myself for a few minutes. Everyone goes away in the end. I do nothing but let them down. I’m not a good boyfriend right now. I’m trying. Sweet fucking Jesus, I’m trying to get better.
I’m going to go insane by the end of this week. If I’m not already there.
I accidentally cut myself today and was very sad to not have anyone there to lick the blood off of me. What happened to the moments we used to share? I’ve damaged them. My selfishness has destroyed my chances with something spectacular. They don’t deserve this distress. Maybe I should just take myself out of the equation and make everyone’s lives a little easier. Fuck all this “woe is me” bullshit, but I can’t help but think their lives would be better if I were not in it right now.
I want alcohol. Now. I’m not looking to solve anything with substance. I just need to get away from myself for a few minutes. Everyone goes away in the end. I do nothing but let them down. I’m not a good boyfriend right now. I’m trying. Sweet fucking Jesus, I’m trying to get better.
I’m going to go insane by the end of this week. If I’m not already there.