¬.¬" Why?
Why do feelings fluctuate so much? Or does this happen to those who just aren't purely and deeply in love with someone? Why does my heart hurt at times... yet seem disconcerned during other times? Is it because I'm too simple to understand the depth of love? Or I was in love but have so easily fallen out of it? I blame myself for my lack of confidence, yet I don't think I'll ever feel secure with a person ever. If you tried your best, I'm sorry... but it's not working... I do think about him, but it's kind of painful now and filled with more sadness than happiness. My uncle from Hong Kong called me this afternoon during work, and he was like asking if I had a boyfriend yet. Of course the answer was the same as always, I simply said, "I'm going to be single pretty much for this lifetime." He's like How could you stand so firmly on this already? I was like, LOL I decided on that since I was 17. I'd break too easily if I were to be in love. I'm not as strong as those who are in actual relationships. There is so much I actually want to say, but I'm too afraid to say it. Writing this much... is already scary. I'm pretty sure we start lonely and end up being lonely. The term lonely has been misinterpreted for so many centuries. Loneliness can be something beautiful. I think I'm beginning to feel a lot of things I once didn't feel the same for. I've become such a GIRL. XD Wanting to clean my room, worried about the way I look, the way I dress, finding education as something exhilerating and fun. Maybe because I know that I will no longer have school in two years... and my studying periods will no longer exist and will be replaced by a working environment. I thought this sort of feeling... was merely temporary... the lack of feeling as much for Alan... I am trying to give it a week's time to see if anything else appears on my mind. Only thing is, miracles don't happen that often and fairytales are called fables because they don't happen in real life. Alan is like Cinderella, and I hope one day he finds his Princess. Wish him all the best =]
ru.
ru.