(no subject)
so i just finished the final product of my talk. i dont know if i like it...i mean i do but its so badly written but i just dont know how to make it flow, oh well maybe it will i just cant tell bc i always critisize myself.
so now i need to start ummm i mean finish my palunkas.
and aparently i am a bad friend.
i guess i am.
aparently i dont know how to stand up for people......uh how would u know, u werent there ass.
i didnt want to see danielle and alex go, they r my friends and i have fun with them. and i tried to defend them i did. but its kind of hard to defend them when there isnt much to defend. i mean they have told me i am a bad president, and that hurt...alot. and it also hurts when they talk over me at meetings, and yes the adults and others talk to but they r always the last to stop. and whenever im talking i can never get through w/ what i am saying bc i get interrupted. and that hurts that they r supposed to be my friends but they act like i am the least important person ever and all i have done is defend them to the adults this whole year, its not my fault if they wont listen to my words. not that anyone ever does. this is why i dont talk. as much as it got on my nerves that they talked alot, i didnt really let it get to me, i mean why should i, its just a little thing in the big scheme of things. but jamie doesnt take crap like that and she has no reason too, they rnt her friends and when everyone else agrees w/ that,a little minority isnt going to do much. they were suspended once and warned that it could happen again but there was no difference at the meetings. i said it wasnt really correct to just kick them out, but hey we have no standing bylaws. and as much as i try to explain how much they need this group environment, no one would listen to me bc according to them alex and danielle havent shown any actions that they enjoy the crew and all they do is distract us from our goals. personally i dont see how two people can make any group be unsuccessfull, but aparently everyone else can...we will see, i sincerly doubt that just bc they r gone we r all of a sudden going to become organized, at least they showed up to things, no one else shows the commitment to attending trips like they do. i deff started crying during the meeting after danielle and alex left, not that anyone noticed, why would they? im fucking invisable. and thanks danielle for the most dirty look i have ever seen from you when jamie said u were kicked out. bc u know how it was my idea to make that fucking decision my god. and then when i saw danielle almost go into tears, thats when i started but i held it in for a while. but i love how everyone accusses me of being a bad friend and danielle is the one who is so wronged...perhaps she is. but no one realizes that i am going through a fucking mental break down. and i am serious thats not some joke and i am seriously about to just drop down and cry, id love to do that but im holding it in bc i dont have time to cry. and u might be reading this and going wtf? isnt that a bit much to have a mental breakdown over? well no when u take into consideration it was just the iceing on the cake. im so stressed out right now about getting all of my antioch stuff down, about getting ,my hw done, about my cousins and uncle and aunt, about fitting in two million things in my schedule that all happen at the same time. i hate stress.
so now i need to start ummm i mean finish my palunkas.
and aparently i am a bad friend.
i guess i am.
aparently i dont know how to stand up for people......uh how would u know, u werent there ass.
i didnt want to see danielle and alex go, they r my friends and i have fun with them. and i tried to defend them i did. but its kind of hard to defend them when there isnt much to defend. i mean they have told me i am a bad president, and that hurt...alot. and it also hurts when they talk over me at meetings, and yes the adults and others talk to but they r always the last to stop. and whenever im talking i can never get through w/ what i am saying bc i get interrupted. and that hurts that they r supposed to be my friends but they act like i am the least important person ever and all i have done is defend them to the adults this whole year, its not my fault if they wont listen to my words. not that anyone ever does. this is why i dont talk. as much as it got on my nerves that they talked alot, i didnt really let it get to me, i mean why should i, its just a little thing in the big scheme of things. but jamie doesnt take crap like that and she has no reason too, they rnt her friends and when everyone else agrees w/ that,a little minority isnt going to do much. they were suspended once and warned that it could happen again but there was no difference at the meetings. i said it wasnt really correct to just kick them out, but hey we have no standing bylaws. and as much as i try to explain how much they need this group environment, no one would listen to me bc according to them alex and danielle havent shown any actions that they enjoy the crew and all they do is distract us from our goals. personally i dont see how two people can make any group be unsuccessfull, but aparently everyone else can...we will see, i sincerly doubt that just bc they r gone we r all of a sudden going to become organized, at least they showed up to things, no one else shows the commitment to attending trips like they do. i deff started crying during the meeting after danielle and alex left, not that anyone noticed, why would they? im fucking invisable. and thanks danielle for the most dirty look i have ever seen from you when jamie said u were kicked out. bc u know how it was my idea to make that fucking decision my god. and then when i saw danielle almost go into tears, thats when i started but i held it in for a while. but i love how everyone accusses me of being a bad friend and danielle is the one who is so wronged...perhaps she is. but no one realizes that i am going through a fucking mental break down. and i am serious thats not some joke and i am seriously about to just drop down and cry, id love to do that but im holding it in bc i dont have time to cry. and u might be reading this and going wtf? isnt that a bit much to have a mental breakdown over? well no when u take into consideration it was just the iceing on the cake. im so stressed out right now about getting all of my antioch stuff down, about getting ,my hw done, about my cousins and uncle and aunt, about fitting in two million things in my schedule that all happen at the same time. i hate stress.