Little Miss Gloomy
As my birthday looms ever-closer, I can't help but pout. I have never been a brat on my birthday, but is twenty-one too old to start? Hah. I don't know what my problem is exactly... I just feel like 21 is an important year, THE year you go out with your friends and for a night you get trash-ass-plastered and throw caution to the wind. Well, I really, really was hoping for something like that because I felt I deserve it for finally breaking free of my shell.
Unfortunately, I think this year I will probably do the same thing I did last year. Nothing. I went out to dinner with my family on Sunday to the same place we went to dinner last year on my birthday, Freemason Abbey. It was a nice time and I enjoyed it, but secretly I really was hoping my few east coast friends would come together so we could have a crazyass night. Silly me, I keep forgetting that they are mostly good kids who don't or can't do that yet. I mean, at least in Annapolis I could've gathered together a goodtime crowd! Maybe it's just my Virginia crowd that's a bit quiet for my tastes. It pisses me off that I have to spend my birthday in one of the few places in America I don't have a social life. What the fuck. Anywhere... Florida, Arizona, California, Maryland, Nevada, SO MANY PLACES I could be, but I am in the one that is boring. God, I am soooo whiny.
I know this is bad, especially since I was such a lady on my last birthday. I was smack in the middle of a divorce and a ridiculous "relationshit" and yet I still managed to hold my head high and come up with some extremely profound words. I mean, I should read my own words of wisdom:
"So what if my birthday celebration is mundane this year? I still have twenty years of friends, family, and love to be thankful for. I'm blessed with my best sisterfriend, an amazing man, and the greatest friends I could ever ask for. I'm very content with that, and I don't need anything for my birthday to appreciate how much they love me and I love them year-round."
I still don't need anything... except maybe company. I just want to feel young again. Honestly? I feel old at 21. Really, really old. I wanted to be young and stupid just a bit this time around. But who am I kidding? I really am just being a big brat. I should enjoy my time and stuff. I'll have a bit of fun and dissect last year's predictions for this year:
"Where will I be this time next year? I can only guess. If you had asked me that last year, I bet you anything I wouldn't have forseen where I am now. I conjecture that my future self will be finishing her last semester at TCC and packing up for UNLV. My future self will already be missing her sissy-poo and still be loving Daniel. My future self will rely on her friends instead of always pulling away like an aloof idiot."
Toss out the bit about TCC and replace that with AACC, then move the UNLV part all the way back to January 2008. I miss Nat most of the time anyway, and ohmygod. Did I seriously think I would still be attatched to that wimp? Good lord. The last part is slowly becoming more true though; I've opened up a lot. I've made a ton of progress. I seriously rarely feel aloof in social situations anymore, it's awesome. I feel like the Batman of small talk. Who knew it was so easy? I feel closer to my old friends now than I did a year ago... that is also good. Even though time differences are going to be awful, I want to keep in contact as much as possible.
Anywho, I'd like to end this semi-complaining, semi-thoughtful blurb with the words of wisdom I laid down last year. They really were good ones:
"Twenty[-one] marks another year of me growing up. Today, I'm closer to the lady and the woman I'm striving to be."
Live to love,
Vanessa
Unfortunately, I think this year I will probably do the same thing I did last year. Nothing. I went out to dinner with my family on Sunday to the same place we went to dinner last year on my birthday, Freemason Abbey. It was a nice time and I enjoyed it, but secretly I really was hoping my few east coast friends would come together so we could have a crazyass night. Silly me, I keep forgetting that they are mostly good kids who don't or can't do that yet. I mean, at least in Annapolis I could've gathered together a goodtime crowd! Maybe it's just my Virginia crowd that's a bit quiet for my tastes. It pisses me off that I have to spend my birthday in one of the few places in America I don't have a social life. What the fuck. Anywhere... Florida, Arizona, California, Maryland, Nevada, SO MANY PLACES I could be, but I am in the one that is boring. God, I am soooo whiny.
I know this is bad, especially since I was such a lady on my last birthday. I was smack in the middle of a divorce and a ridiculous "relationshit" and yet I still managed to hold my head high and come up with some extremely profound words. I mean, I should read my own words of wisdom:
"So what if my birthday celebration is mundane this year? I still have twenty years of friends, family, and love to be thankful for. I'm blessed with my best sisterfriend, an amazing man, and the greatest friends I could ever ask for. I'm very content with that, and I don't need anything for my birthday to appreciate how much they love me and I love them year-round."
I still don't need anything... except maybe company. I just want to feel young again. Honestly? I feel old at 21. Really, really old. I wanted to be young and stupid just a bit this time around. But who am I kidding? I really am just being a big brat. I should enjoy my time and stuff. I'll have a bit of fun and dissect last year's predictions for this year:
"Where will I be this time next year? I can only guess. If you had asked me that last year, I bet you anything I wouldn't have forseen where I am now. I conjecture that my future self will be finishing her last semester at TCC and packing up for UNLV. My future self will already be missing her sissy-poo and still be loving Daniel. My future self will rely on her friends instead of always pulling away like an aloof idiot."
Toss out the bit about TCC and replace that with AACC, then move the UNLV part all the way back to January 2008. I miss Nat most of the time anyway, and ohmygod. Did I seriously think I would still be attatched to that wimp? Good lord. The last part is slowly becoming more true though; I've opened up a lot. I've made a ton of progress. I seriously rarely feel aloof in social situations anymore, it's awesome. I feel like the Batman of small talk. Who knew it was so easy? I feel closer to my old friends now than I did a year ago... that is also good. Even though time differences are going to be awful, I want to keep in contact as much as possible.
Anywho, I'd like to end this semi-complaining, semi-thoughtful blurb with the words of wisdom I laid down last year. They really were good ones:
"Twenty[-one] marks another year of me growing up. Today, I'm closer to the lady and the woman I'm striving to be."
Live to love,
Vanessa