Just Shitty Venting. You're Not Obligated to Read This Crap.
Mommy and Daddy Dearest,
I never want to be either of you. It hurts me to say it, because I want to be like the other kids: I want to say I love you and grow up to be like you. But I didn't say those things as a child. I'm sure as hell not saying them now. Why do you do it, Mommy and Daddy? Why, exactly? Does it make you feel better to lash out, to disrespect the ones closest to you? To say those things because you know we're too respectful to say them back? Does it make you angry that we're trying our hardest not to stoop to your level?
You used to say that respect for your family always came before anybody else's respect, but I watch you care so much about what everyone everyone EVERYONE says, the neighbors, the co-workers, the nobodies, the everybodies. You're sacrificing everything to look good to others while your relationships are rotting rotting ROTTING. Do you know, Mommy and Daddy? Do you know that I married so fast to be away from your reigns of terror? Do you know that my sister counts each day down to the day she no longer legally is bound to stay? Do you know? Why do you pretend like you're the ones being wronged when you so clearly hurt us? Why do you make us cry and act offended at our tears? Are we really your 'problems?' Are we really just the little assholes, the little shits that you made us feel like growing up? How did it feel to make baby girls cry harder and cower behind bathroom and closet doors? How could you do it? ...and never apologize?
You try to use money to erase the guilt, like new things will make up for the fear, the intimidation, the wrenching frustration and confusion. Does it? You worked so hard to put an expensive roof over our heads, but you'll remind us that we're not good enough to live under it? We're ungrateful, so ungrateful, we don't care, we hate you hate you HATE YOU, you use such phrases to poison your own minds against us, but WHY? We have never suggested such terrible things. We've never thought such terrible things. You lie to yourselves, make yourselves angry why why WHY? We just want peace. We want our self esteems back, please. Why can't we all live? Why can't you stop being ANGRY? You have the world and you destroy it or your own selfish desire to dominate us. We are all adults now. Respect us, as we have done so for you. We were the best little church girls, we tried we tried WE TRIED but we were never well-behaved enough. Were we?
You were always so popular, Mommy and Daddy. Of course you were. People love you. "Such a perfect family," they crow. "So happy, so well-adjusted." You live for that opinion, you live for them. Not us. "Your mom is so fun!" "Your mom is so nice!" "Your dad is cool!" The smiles and sweet words crumble when the door shuts us from the public. I wish we could be in front of people everyday, so they would have to act they way they pretend all the time. We're not your problems, no no NO, we're your children. We're your children. And we're afraid of you. You make us cry. You confuse us. You frustrate us.
We want the things we pretend we are, but we can never have them if YOU don't make the first step.
We just want to love.
We just want to be loved.
We just want to love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Anger.
I never want to be either of you. It hurts me to say it, because I want to be like the other kids: I want to say I love you and grow up to be like you. But I didn't say those things as a child. I'm sure as hell not saying them now. Why do you do it, Mommy and Daddy? Why, exactly? Does it make you feel better to lash out, to disrespect the ones closest to you? To say those things because you know we're too respectful to say them back? Does it make you angry that we're trying our hardest not to stoop to your level?
You used to say that respect for your family always came before anybody else's respect, but I watch you care so much about what everyone everyone EVERYONE says, the neighbors, the co-workers, the nobodies, the everybodies. You're sacrificing everything to look good to others while your relationships are rotting rotting ROTTING. Do you know, Mommy and Daddy? Do you know that I married so fast to be away from your reigns of terror? Do you know that my sister counts each day down to the day she no longer legally is bound to stay? Do you know? Why do you pretend like you're the ones being wronged when you so clearly hurt us? Why do you make us cry and act offended at our tears? Are we really your 'problems?' Are we really just the little assholes, the little shits that you made us feel like growing up? How did it feel to make baby girls cry harder and cower behind bathroom and closet doors? How could you do it? ...and never apologize?
You try to use money to erase the guilt, like new things will make up for the fear, the intimidation, the wrenching frustration and confusion. Does it? You worked so hard to put an expensive roof over our heads, but you'll remind us that we're not good enough to live under it? We're ungrateful, so ungrateful, we don't care, we hate you hate you HATE YOU, you use such phrases to poison your own minds against us, but WHY? We have never suggested such terrible things. We've never thought such terrible things. You lie to yourselves, make yourselves angry why why WHY? We just want peace. We want our self esteems back, please. Why can't we all live? Why can't you stop being ANGRY? You have the world and you destroy it or your own selfish desire to dominate us. We are all adults now. Respect us, as we have done so for you. We were the best little church girls, we tried we tried WE TRIED but we were never well-behaved enough. Were we?
You were always so popular, Mommy and Daddy. Of course you were. People love you. "Such a perfect family," they crow. "So happy, so well-adjusted." You live for that opinion, you live for them. Not us. "Your mom is so fun!" "Your mom is so nice!" "Your dad is cool!" The smiles and sweet words crumble when the door shuts us from the public. I wish we could be in front of people everyday, so they would have to act they way they pretend all the time. We're not your problems, no no NO, we're your children. We're your children. And we're afraid of you. You make us cry. You confuse us. You frustrate us.
We want the things we pretend we are, but we can never have them if YOU don't make the first step.
We just want to love.
We just want to be loved.
We just want to love.
Love.
Love.
Love.
Anger.