FanFic: AU university story
Title: "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Gay." Chapter 7/?
Rating: NC-17 for potty mouths. Oh boys.
Word count for chapter: 5286...EH??
Summary: In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.
Disclaimer: Its not mine! It'll never be mine! *Cries*
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin with mentions of others.
Waking up, for the second day in a row, with Merlin in his bed, wasn’t as strange as it probably should have been. Though this morning was significantly different from yesterday. Yesterday both of them had been clothed. Today, however Merlin only had his boxers on (which had magic wands on them and Arthur thought, not for the first time that Merlin was a total dork) and Arthur had stripped his shirt off some time during the night. He had forgotten how much heat two bodies could create while sharing a bed. When Arthur had groggily opened his eyes as the sun peaked in through the pink curtains (yes, even the curtains are pink) he found himself hopelessly tangled with Merlin. He stared down at the dark mop of hair that rested on his chest and wondered, not for the first time since meeting this strange boy, why it didn’t feel…weird. Or even awkward. It should at least be awkward to wake up holding this idiot in his arms.
But it wasn’t. Which freaked the ever loving shit out of him. Well, it had in the beginning anyway. That drunken snog he had with Merlin was still vivid in his mind a while at first he denied it, he now had to admit that he enjoyed it. Thoroughly. And now that Merlin was safely burrowed in his bed, sleep rumpled and warm, Arthur had the sudden urge to kiss him again. Minus the being drunk part of course.
He wasn’t gay, he told himself as his fingers absently traced patterns on Merlin’s spine. He liked girls, he knew that. Merlin was the first bloke he had ever…the only bloke he ever could…and that was just it wasn’t it? Merlin was just so…there wasn’t even a word for what he actually was, but Arthur felt drawn to it so powerfully that he it didn’t matter if Merlin was a bloke or that he had paint blotches on his fingers or that he muttered medical terms in his sleep. Merlin could be a bloody mutant axe murderer and Arthur would still be stupid about him.
“Bugger.” He said out loud and Merlin frowned and stirred until Arthur hushed him and carded a hand through the other boy’s hair.
Merlin snuggled deeper into his embrace and sighed a name in his sleep. “Arthur…” He murmured and he felt Merlin’s breath ghost across his collarbone.
Arthur’s head flopped back down onto his pillow.
He was fucked. (And not in the good way either.)
Arthur had eventually fallen back asleep (and had a strange, yet satisfying dream about being IN the Mario Kart game and pummelling Will with a turtle shell) when he was rudely awoken by high pitched giggling and annoying clicking sounds.
He groaned, “Morgana if you are taking pictures of me I swear to God…”
The noises stopped.
Arthur opened his sleep crusted eyes to see both Morgana and Gwen holding their phones out and sniggering. “I hate you two, I hope you know that.” He said flatly as the snapped their phones shut.
“Oh you love us, Arthur.” Morgana said quietly, peering down at Arthur, oh Christ, with a fond look in her eye.
“What?” He asked in a petulant voice.
“You two are so cute!” Gwen said, her voice reaching dolphin like tones as she squeaked.
“Hush, Gwen.” Morgana said in an amused voice. “Wouldn’t want to wake Merlin up. He looks very comfortable.” She teased.
Arthur looked down at the scruffy head resting on his chest, cold nose pressing against his flesh and watched as it moved up and down in time with his breathing. Merlin’s arm was thrown across his stomach and his leg nestled between Arthur’s thighs and as if on cue he muttered something about cold appendages and the circulatory system and shuffled closer so he could bury his nose into Arthur’s neck. Without even thinking about it Arthur’s arm tightened its hold around Merlin’s waist to keep him in place.
The girls sighed and Arthur glared at them and Gwen whipped her phone back out and furiously took as many pictures as she could.
Arthur opened his mouth to tell them off but Morgana hushed him.
“Ah ah, Arthur, don’t make too much noise now.” She smirked as Arthur snapped his mouth shut.
“What do you two want anyway?” He asked in a frustrated voice.
“To tell you that we’re all going to a party tonight.” Morgana answered. “It’s gonna be fab. And we don’t get out enough anymore-”
“We went out last week!” Arthur protested.
Morgana rolled her eyes. “Merlin’s uncle’s 65th birthday party doesn’t count.” She told him.
“It was a good party for a 65 year old. I didn’t believe Merlin when he told me his Uncle Gaius could do the Single Ladies dance. I had no idea a bloke could even move like that much less an old one.”
Gwen giggled at the memory and Morgana shook her head but a small smile turned her lips up.
“Be that as it may, we’re still going out tonight.”
“Fine, fine.” Arthur said, knowing it was futile to argue with Morgana. “Whose party is it?”
Her smirk came out in full force and Arthur suddenly wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up again.
“It’s Sophie’s party. Her birthday is next week after all.”
“You’re fucking kidding me!” Arthur demanded loudly and Merlin woke with a snort.
“Wassamatter?” He said blearily into Arthur’s neck. “What’d Will do?” He asked lips brushing Arthur’s skin.
He suppressed a shiver and forced himself to sit up to he could stare down at his sleepy friend, who simply flopped face down onto the bed.
“Will is gone you idiot. Gwen and Morgana are here now, but they’re bothering me as much as that psychopath did.”
“Mmm…S’okay then.” He murmured trying to snuggle further into Arthur’s sheets.
“They were taking pictures of us.” Arthur told him
“S’nice…” Came Merlin’s muffled reply.
“They took pictures of you in your ridiculous boxers. Wands, Merlin? Really?”
“Wands’re cool.” Merlin said a little more awake.
“They want us to go to a party tonight. Sophie’s birthday party.
Merlin’s eyes shot open. “But she’ll try to murder me!” He yelped and he struggled to sit up. “First it’s Fruit Loops on your head and the next it’s a body dump in the Thames!”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Good morning to you as well, Merlin. So glad you could finally join us.”
“If we go to that party-” Merlin started.
“You can show that two timing skank just how happy you are together.” Morgana interrupted.
“And the she’ll murder me. Lovely.” Merlin said crossing his arms and trying to look defiant. But all it served to do was make Arthur’s heart flip over at how ridiculously endearing he appeared.
“We won’t let her hurt you, Merlin.” Gwen said consolingly, standing closer to the bed. “You’re far too adorable for anyone to harm anyway.” She laughed as she ruffled Merlin’s hair.
“I’m so glad you find my eminent demise to entertaining.” Merlin muttered before he let out a huge sigh. “I don’t suppose we have a choice in this matter to we?” He asked sullenly.
“Nope!” Gwen chirped happily. “None what-so-ever!”
Arthur rolled his eyes as Merlin collapsed back down on the bed.
“Don’t you get all huffy with us, Arthur.” Morgana said in a no nonsense tone of voice. “You are the one who wanted to get back at Sophie and you now have a good opportunity to rub it in her face.”
Arthur sighed. “Fine, whatever. We’ll be there. Is it still at Gawaine’s place?”
“Yes, though he isn’t very happy about it. Gawaine almost strangled Valiant with his own footie jersey when he found out what he and Sophie did to you.”
“Why doesn’t he tell her to bugger off and have the party somewhere else?” Merlin asked, his voice muffled since he dragged a pillow over his face.
“Stop trying to suffocate yourself, you idiot.” Arthur said pulling the pillow away from Merlin’s head.
Merlin merely glared at him, eyes narrowed but lips pouting and Arthur felt another tug at his heart and cursed inwardly.
“Gawaine is too much of a nice guy to do that. The party has been planned for ages and his house is the closest and biggest.” Morgana explained.
Merlin mumbled something about injecting chivalry with morphine and tying it up in a sack and Arthur sorted as the dark haired boy grabbed the pillow back from him and placed it over his face once more.
“Right.” Arthur said. “I guess I see your point.” He admitted reluctantly. He slapped the pillow covering Merlin’s undoubtedly defeated look. “You’ll go right?” He asked.
Merlin made a distressed sound but agreed in a hopeless voice. “Yes. But you owe me.”
Arthur scoffed. “You said I owe you for pretending to go out with me.”
“That was before I became most wanted on Sophie’s hit list.” Merlin said.
And God Arthur felt like he was having a conversation with a pillow. So he lifted the bundle off his face and Merlin squinted up at him, eyes reacting to the sunshine.
“I’ll be your best friend forever.” Arthur promised as Merlin rolled his eyes.
“You all ready are by best friend you prat. I said I’d go. But if she comes near me…”
“Don’t worry.” Gwen said, and the boys looked over at them for a moment forgetting they were still there. “Lance will be there as well. And so will Arthur’s footie mates. They’ll protect you.”
Arthur nodded. “Yeah, they all ready want to adopt you. They like you more than they like me, I think.”
“They forced me into the school mascot costume and pelted me with paint balls!” Merlin said, indignantly.
“I know!” Arthur said, and oh bloody hell he sounded jealous. “They haven’t pulled anything like that on me in ages! And you were forever cemented in their good favour when you put itching powder in their jock straps and managed to super glue Owain and Percy together. I can’t fathom how they believed it when you told them you knew a secret football move that never fails to trip the other team‘s players.”
Merlin smiled at the memory. “It look them three hours to figure out how to get apart.”
Arthur snorted. “And another two hours before we saw them again. They vanished into a storage shed after finally realizing they were both attracted to each other.”
“What can I say? I do good work.” Merlin said, sitting up with a grin on his face. “How are they by the way?”
“Can barely keep their hands off each other.” Morgana said dryly. “Leon’s been moaning about it.”
“I think its sweet.” Gwen said.
“And about time.” Arthur put in. “How did you know they even liked each other like that?” He asked Merlin.
“I have my ways.” Merlin said. “And anyway it was painfully obvious. And everyone one else on the team complained about the sexual tension. I firmly believe I did you all a favour.”
Arthur smiled at him. “Yeah you did. We’re all happy that they finally got their acts together. The team appreciates what you did. Even though it was a cheap and dirty way of doing it.” He added.
“That was nothing. I could have done much worse.” Merlin said. “This one time, me and Will-”
“Stop.” Arthur said holding up a hand. “Whenever a story starts with ‘Me and Will’ I know its guaranteed to give me nightmares for a week.”
Merlin merely rolled his eyes and forced himself out of the bed.
Morgana wolf whistled. “Sexy boxers Merlin.” She teased. “And you know, for a skinny bloke your in excellent shape. If I were a man I would totally go for you.” She winked saucily at him and Merlin was at a loss as to what he should say.
“Stop scaring him Morgana.” Arthur demanded. “And get out while you’re at it. If you want us to go to this stupid party the we need to make ourselves presentable.”
Morgana arched a perfect eyebrow at him. “You know Arthur, for a straight bloke you spend an obscene amount of time on your clothes and appearance.”
“Don’t be so prejudice, Morgana.” Arthur said. “Not all gay men worry about the clothing or care about what they look like. Take Merlin for example.”
“Oi!” Merlin said indignantly. “Don’t be such a prat!”
Arthur merely threw a pillow at him and Gwen and Morgana hastily retreated when the fight threatened to become violent.
It was around 10:00 at night when Arthur found himself stuffed into the back seat of Gwen’s ancient green Beatle with Lance by his side and Merlin sprawled on top of them.
“You know,” Arthur began as they went over a pothole and his head smacked the roof. “We could have called a taxi. I think this might be a little dangerous.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Gwen scoffed. “Sassy has been a loyal and wonderful car.”
Merlin snorted as Gwen turned a corner and Arthur was forced to grab Merlin’s hips so he wouldn’t go crashing out the window.
“I seem to remember vividly when Sassy died on us in the middle of the Welsh country side and we were stranded in a rotty old cabin for three days.”
Gwen huffed. “Stop mudding the name of my car, Merlin. I seem to recall the time you broke your wrist after that Great Dane you just had to pet in the park, jumped on you, and Sassy drove you speedily to the hospital. I never heard someone make such a fuss before. You’d think you hadn’t ever broken anything in you life.”
“It was my drawing hand!” Merlin yelped as Gwen came to a sudden stop at a crosswalk and both Lance and Arthur grabbed him before he went shooting out the windshield. “What if it hadn’t healed properly? I would never had been able to draw again!”
Gwen tutted as Morgana told her to take her next right to get on Gawain’s street.
Lance whistled. “Now these are houses.” He said as the turned the corner. “Bloody hell, why does that person have a bridge on their front lawn?” He asked as the glided down the road.
“Because they have too much money and not enough sense.” Morgana answered as they came up to a cluster of cars parked along the street. “Park here, Gwen. It’s as close as we’re going to get.”
Gwen guided Sassy into a tight spot and rambled on about the wonders of having a small car before they all piled out and Arthur muttered something about sodding clown cars and their crazy woman drivers.
Gwen chose the higher road and decided to pretend she couldn’t hear him, though Morgana smacked his arm as they made their way farther down the street, where the sound of loud music could all ready be heard.
Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand as the past the wrought iron gates and onto the biggest and most ridiculous driveway Merlin had ever seen.
It was all white and grey cobblestone and it blossomed into a circular drive, the kind you see in the movies, with a bloody two tiered fountain in the middle. The fountain was surrounded by purple and while flowers which cradled sparkling lights that flicked like fairy wings in the dark.
“Mother fucking hell.” Merlin said.
Arthur chuckled. “Have you even looked at the house yet?”
Merlin looked up at the impressive (and inappropriately massive) yellow stoned house, aged to look older and Arthur said something about idiots imitating French manors. Huge white columns loomed aside the entry way, which consisted of the single largest door to ever have graced Merlin’s presence and he blanched.
“Who the fuck needs three chimneys?” Lance demanded.
“I feel like this house wants to eat me up and spit me back out.” Merlin said. “Do we have to go in?”
“Of course we do, Merlin.” Arthur said, nodding to a couple staggering out of the shrubbery.
“And who needs eight foot bushes?” Lance asked now as Gwen giggled.
Arthur dragged Merlin by the waist through the front door and into the marble entry way with its double stair case lined with a deep purple carpet and monster of a chandelier that someone was trying to throw their friends left boot in. They were depositing their jackets in the coat room when they heard the loud cry of:
“Piss off you arsehole!” As the owner of the boot shouted and tackled his mate to the ground, spilling beer all over the floor.
“How mature.” Morgana sneered as she swept into the entryway, high heeled green shoes clacking against the marble. “Ostentatious.” She muttered, eyeing the staircase, as she waved them a farewell and went in search of drinks.
“Have fun you two.” Gwen said as she and Lance drifted into the room on the left. “And behave!” She called over the pounding music that Merlin just registered.
“Why do that always tell us to behave?” Arthur pouted.
“Cause we always end up in trouble?” Merlin offered.
“Lies.” Arthur said, leading him into the what appeared to be a living, elegant with its dark hard floor and stark white furnishings. The affect of the rich, stylish room was lost however thanks to the 30 other people in it gyrating and grinding to Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance.
“Why is that bloke under the piano?” Merlin yelled over the music as Arthur dragged him to another huge door on the other side of the sweaty and swaying wall of people.
Arthur looked over his shoulder where indeed, there was a man lying under a grand piano, waving his hands wildly, telling a story to the black under belly of the instrument. “We probably don’t want to know.” Arthur said wisely pushing through the massive door and into a kitchen the size of Merlin’s old apartment.
It was quieter in here but there were still loads of, what Merlin guessed to be, uni students in various degrees of inebriation. They ranged from ’I’m slightly tipsy but I’m still in control as I puke on your shoes’ to ‘I’m so tanked I’m gonna make out with this artfully displayed fake plant and then puke on your head.”
“God I love university.” Arthur laughed as he seized two glasses of beer and thrust one at Merlin.
“Er…you know I can’t handle my liquor.” Merlin commented as he eyed the dark beverage with distaste.Strange things tended to happen when Merlin lost control of his inhibitions.Strange impossible things, like tripping on his unsteady feet and finding himself floating instead of falling.
“Oh come on, Merlin. It’s a Friday! No classes tomorrow so you can sleep off the horrible hangover all day. Just let loose for once, yeah?” Arthur said taking a swig of his beer.
Merlin sighed. “Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to regret this?” He asked.
Arthur smirked. “Those are the best kind of nights!” He said enthusiastically and Merlin could help but catch Arthur contagious eagerness and took a gulp of his own drink…and immediately wished he didn’t.
“Holy fuck! What the hell is this?” He gasped alcohol burning his throat.
“Beer…and stuff.” Arthur said not really interested.
“Who the hell mixes beer with anything?” Merlin demanded as Arthur grabbed his hand again and pulled him out of the kitchen and into…another fucking living room. With two grand pianos. And some drunken twat doing a horrible rendition of My Heart Will Go On.
“He’s murdering that song.” Merlin mumbled as Arthur spotted some of his footie mates where they had thrown themselves on a enormous leather sectional sofa and headed in their direction.
“You can’t murder a song that’s all ready dead, Merlin.” Arthur said dryly, finishing his beer and whatever and setting the empty cup down on a table.
Merlin barked a laugh. “Ha! I happen to know that this song is on your iPod. It’s under the ‘songs from movies that made me cry” play list.” He informed him draining the last of his God awful drink and setting his glass next to Arthur’s.
Arthur stopped and turned to face him. “If you ever mention that to anyone.” He threatened, pointing a finger at Merlin’s nose.
Merlin snickered. “Your secret’s safe with me, Princess.” He said grinned madly at him.
Arthur was about to retort, or at least promise physical harm when Gawaine spotted them.
“An’ there they are!!” He roared, leaping off the couch to tackle Merlin and Arthur into a crushing hug. “The two love birds!” He laughed.
“Hullo Gawaine.” Merlin said his voice muffled in the man’s armpit.
“Get off you stupid berk!” Arthur said shoving him away. This of course is how football players show their love for one another. Tackling, beating and insulting. Lovely.
“Ah, don’ be like that Arthuuur.” Gawaine slurred. “We’re all jus’ ‘appy for yas. Aren’t we men?!” He shouted to the other members of the team.
“Aye!” Leon said as Gawaine shoved Arthur down on a spot between Percy and Gareth and Merlin was forcefully pushed on Arthur’s lap. “We always said that Sophie was bad news!”
“Total tart!” Shouted Galahad.
“Lecherous lemon sucker!” Cried Bedivere. (He had always been an odd one, him)
“Shhhhh!!” Percy said in an overly loud stage whisper. “She’s here somewhere remember?”
“Huh?” Gawaine asked perplexed. “Why is that…that…woman in my house?”
Arthur sighed as Merlin tried to make himself comfortable on his lap. “This is her birthday party remember?” He said. “You said she could have it here months ago.”
“Why would I do sometin’ like tha’?” He demanded. “I never liked ‘er.”
“Ours is not to reason why.” Merlin muttered and Arthur fed up with his constant wiggling turned him so Merlin’s back was pressed against his chest and Arthur was able to wrap his arms around Merlin’s waist.
“There.” Arthur said resting his chin on Merlin’s shoulder. “Now you can stop shifting.”
Kay, who was the only (slightly)sober one out of the lot turned to say to them. “Seriously though chaps,” he began. “We the team all support this new relationship,” and said team began humming God Save the Queen as Kay continued his speech. “Our boy Arthur here has had some dark days in the past. What with the bad taste in women and all the parties and the drugs.” (Arthur’s indignant cry of, There were no drugs! What are you talking about? Was promptly ignored as Kay went on) “We all feared the worse for the young Pendragon and did our best to help him through those difficult days. But then, like sun shining through the clouds of an endless storm, our young Merlin appeared. And we knew! We knew from the moment we first heard them argue that they were destined to be together! Sophie’s tiny birthday candle flame was nothing compared to the wild forest fire that was Arthur and Merlin’s passion for each other!”
By now Arthur’s forehead had slumped onto Merlin’s shoulder and Merlin was shaking from trying to keep his giggles in.
“So we fear not!” Kay cried as the humming got louder. “For the dark days of Sophie’s perpetual winter are behind us! And now the bright clear days of Merlin’s summer lie upon the horizon! Raise your glasses men! In a toast! To Arthur and Merlin! Destiny and love! Two halves a hole! Together at last! Together forever!”
Then the whole damn room burst into cheers and cries of “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” sprung up from the crowd and Merlin and Arthur were thrown from the couch to stand in front of the mad throng of chanters.
“Er…” Merlin said, uncertain of what they should do.
Arthur too appeared lost and if Merlin was reading him correctly, slightly nervous. It was only when Merlin heard Sophie’s nasally tone shriek, “What is going on here?!” did he move into action.
“Fuck it.” Merlin said. And he kissed him.
For a moment Arthur stiffened and Merlin almost panicked before Arthur seemed to adopt his ‘fuck it’ train of thought and he grabbed the back of Merlin’s head to deepen the kiss. Arthur’s other hand settled on the small of Merlin’s back to bring him closer, chests fused together, and the fingers Merlin hadn’t threaded through Arthur’s hair, knotted in fabric of his t-shirt. Neither of them heard the wild cheers as Merlin slipped his tongue into Arthur’s gloriously hot mouth and Arthur moaned low and desperate and he pushed his way into Merlin’s mouth tasting and exploring with ridiculous enthusiasm.
Finally when oxygen was needed they parted and the sounds of the rambunctious sea of admirers crashed over them as they panted and stared into each others glassy eyes.
“Hell of a kiss that was!” Hollered Gawaine as people began to drift away. He threw an arm over both their shoulders and said in a deep, suggestive voice. “I’ve got a shit load of rooms that are probably, for the most part, unoccupied…if ya get my drift.” He winked at them.
“I…well…I don’t think…” Merlin stammered.
Arthur, finally coming out of where the hell he went, just laughed. “Maybe later you filthy pervert.” He said before sliding his fingers into Merlin’s grasp. “But I think more drinks are in order.”
Merlin nodded hastily. “Yes…drinks. Drinks would be good.”
“Ahhh! Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Gawaine said to their retreating forms. “Make an honest man out of our boy, Emrys!” He bellowed.
“Oh my God.” Merlin said, mind still fuzzy from the kiss.
“Bastard.” Arthur mumbled as he located a tray of jello shooters and proceeded to drag Merlin over to it.
“Umm…if I have just two of those I’ll be done.” Merlin said.
Arthur rolled his eyes and picked two up, shoving one into Merlin’s hands. “Just drink you idiot.” He said, knocking his glass against Merlin’s and muttered, “Cheers” before downing it.
“Er…are you ok?” Merlin asked after choking down his drink.
Of course I‘m all right! I’m just having a minor sexual crisis and am quite possibly falling hard for my best friend, but besides that I‘m wonderful! Thanks for asking! Was what Arthur wanted to say but he opted to babble out: “Huh? What are you talking about? Why would you ask that?” He demanded throwing back another shooter.
“Umm…well…you’re slurping those things back like they’re water and…er…well we just…you know…snogged.”
Oh God, Merlin thought. Why am I initiating this conversation? He grabbed another shot, gulping it back hastily.
“Well we hardly could refuse, Merlin.” Arthur said loftily. “It would have looked odd if we didn’t. We are going out after all.”
“Oh…right.” Merlin said. He should have figured Arthur only did it for show. This thought depressed him thoroughly and he picked up another drink.
Arthur grabbed his wrist before he could throw back the shooter.
“Fuck…look, that came out wrong.” Arthur said. Why did he have to be such a…a prat at times like this?
But Merlin just shook his head and a wide, mad grin flashed on his face. “Forget it, Arthur.” He said pulling his wrist from Arthur’s warm hand and taking the shot and felt better through the pleasant buzz of alcohol. “I understand.” Merlin told him. “I really do.” He said as he started making his way down the hall they had hidden in.
No. Arthur thought as he trailed after Merlin. You really fucking don’t.
An hour or so later Merlin found himself alone walking, a little wobbly, through a jam packed room. He lost Arthur to the sheer mass of people about 20 minutes ago and he was looking for a way to get some fresh air.
He was about to go out the front door, which he still thought was far too big, when a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him into the coat room.
“What the bloody-” He froze.
Sophie stood smirking at him condescendingly. “Hello there, Fairy King.”
Merlin cursed. He really wasn’t in the mood for her right now. With his luck he’d end up punching her and then he’d really be in for it. No matter how much the woman deserved it.
“What the hell do you want?” He snapped.
“No need to be so hostile, Merlin.” She sneered. “I’m just here to talk.”
Merlin snorted. “I’m sure you are.” He said dryly.
“Actually,” she went on, ignoring him. “I wanted to ask you how it feels to be Arthur’s rebound? Is it as hard as it looks?”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “If you really think that you can make me feel like shit with this you are clearly delusional.” He informed her.
“I’m only concerned, Merlin. I was very surprised that Arthur decided to go out with you in the first place. I mean with what he’d always say about you when we were together.”
Merlin narrowed his eyes but his heart clenched slightly. “What…what are you talking about?”
She smiled sadly at him. “Well, I just thought you deserved to know. If you’re going to be with the man, you should at least know what he really thinks about you.”
The small part of his brain that wasn’t affected by the horrendous amount of alcohol he consumed, started the warning bells. ’IT’S A TRICK! DON’T LISTEN TO HER, YOU IDIOT!’ Merlin groaned. Since when did he brain use Arthur’s voice to yell at him?
But Merlin must have been well and truly sloshed because he said, “What did he say about me?”
“Well he said how annoyingly obvious it was that you had a crush on him. I mean, no offence Merlin, but you are totally out of his league. He’s the rich, beautiful boy from the perfect family. And you’re well…” She sniggered. “You’re so not.” She patted his arm as if to comfort him. “Face it, Fairy King. You’re just an experimental rebound. Arthur would never look twice at you in normal circumstances. Wake up from your little fantasy and break it off with him before he does with you. It’ll be easier for all of us that way.”
Merlin had remained silent for her speech focusing his angered stare at the coats behind her back, feeling that odd tingling sensation that could be passed of as alcoholic influence if not for the fact that the jackets began to sway ominously on their hangers.
Sophie, who seemed to think his hate fuelled gaze was one of devastation, continued; “Did you actually think he liked you like that?” She laughed cruelly and the coats began to rock harder. “Grow up and face reality, Fairy King. Arthur is too good for you. You can never compete with me. You’re nothing but a skinny, big eared, gay, loser. And that’s all you’ll ever be so-”
But whatever she was going to add was lost as a large fur coat suddenly sprung to life and began smacking Sophie on the head, several pairs of boots began stomping her feet and a particularly vindictive set of woolly mittens attacked her perfectly groomed hair, messing it up beyond repair.
Sophie shrieked and tried to bat the offensive objects away but they merely continued their siege.
“Oh my God!” She yelled. “What’s happening? Get them off me!”
Merlin could only stare in shock as one of the mitts waved at him before bopping Sophie on her (look what Daddy bought me!) nose.
Sophie screamed and, forgetting that Merlin was even there, scrambled out of the coat room, with one mitt lodged in her hair and forced her way through the sea of drunken revellers, screeching about inanimate objects trying to destroy her good looks.
As the coat, boots and the one remaining mitt dropped to the floor, Merlin slide down the wall to fall onto his arse, staring in horror at the spot Sophie had been standing.
This, he thought hazily and terrified. This is why I never get drunk.
Rating: NC-17 for potty mouths. Oh boys.
Word count for chapter: 5286...EH??
Summary: In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.
Disclaimer: Its not mine! It'll never be mine! *Cries*
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin with mentions of others.
Waking up, for the second day in a row, with Merlin in his bed, wasn’t as strange as it probably should have been. Though this morning was significantly different from yesterday. Yesterday both of them had been clothed. Today, however Merlin only had his boxers on (which had magic wands on them and Arthur thought, not for the first time that Merlin was a total dork) and Arthur had stripped his shirt off some time during the night. He had forgotten how much heat two bodies could create while sharing a bed. When Arthur had groggily opened his eyes as the sun peaked in through the pink curtains (yes, even the curtains are pink) he found himself hopelessly tangled with Merlin. He stared down at the dark mop of hair that rested on his chest and wondered, not for the first time since meeting this strange boy, why it didn’t feel…weird. Or even awkward. It should at least be awkward to wake up holding this idiot in his arms.
But it wasn’t. Which freaked the ever loving shit out of him. Well, it had in the beginning anyway. That drunken snog he had with Merlin was still vivid in his mind a while at first he denied it, he now had to admit that he enjoyed it. Thoroughly. And now that Merlin was safely burrowed in his bed, sleep rumpled and warm, Arthur had the sudden urge to kiss him again. Minus the being drunk part of course.
He wasn’t gay, he told himself as his fingers absently traced patterns on Merlin’s spine. He liked girls, he knew that. Merlin was the first bloke he had ever…the only bloke he ever could…and that was just it wasn’t it? Merlin was just so…there wasn’t even a word for what he actually was, but Arthur felt drawn to it so powerfully that he it didn’t matter if Merlin was a bloke or that he had paint blotches on his fingers or that he muttered medical terms in his sleep. Merlin could be a bloody mutant axe murderer and Arthur would still be stupid about him.
“Bugger.” He said out loud and Merlin frowned and stirred until Arthur hushed him and carded a hand through the other boy’s hair.
Merlin snuggled deeper into his embrace and sighed a name in his sleep. “Arthur…” He murmured and he felt Merlin’s breath ghost across his collarbone.
Arthur’s head flopped back down onto his pillow.
He was fucked. (And not in the good way either.)
Arthur had eventually fallen back asleep (and had a strange, yet satisfying dream about being IN the Mario Kart game and pummelling Will with a turtle shell) when he was rudely awoken by high pitched giggling and annoying clicking sounds.
He groaned, “Morgana if you are taking pictures of me I swear to God…”
The noises stopped.
Arthur opened his sleep crusted eyes to see both Morgana and Gwen holding their phones out and sniggering. “I hate you two, I hope you know that.” He said flatly as the snapped their phones shut.
“Oh you love us, Arthur.” Morgana said quietly, peering down at Arthur, oh Christ, with a fond look in her eye.
“What?” He asked in a petulant voice.
“You two are so cute!” Gwen said, her voice reaching dolphin like tones as she squeaked.
“Hush, Gwen.” Morgana said in an amused voice. “Wouldn’t want to wake Merlin up. He looks very comfortable.” She teased.
Arthur looked down at the scruffy head resting on his chest, cold nose pressing against his flesh and watched as it moved up and down in time with his breathing. Merlin’s arm was thrown across his stomach and his leg nestled between Arthur’s thighs and as if on cue he muttered something about cold appendages and the circulatory system and shuffled closer so he could bury his nose into Arthur’s neck. Without even thinking about it Arthur’s arm tightened its hold around Merlin’s waist to keep him in place.
The girls sighed and Arthur glared at them and Gwen whipped her phone back out and furiously took as many pictures as she could.
Arthur opened his mouth to tell them off but Morgana hushed him.
“Ah ah, Arthur, don’t make too much noise now.” She smirked as Arthur snapped his mouth shut.
“What do you two want anyway?” He asked in a frustrated voice.
“To tell you that we’re all going to a party tonight.” Morgana answered. “It’s gonna be fab. And we don’t get out enough anymore-”
“We went out last week!” Arthur protested.
Morgana rolled her eyes. “Merlin’s uncle’s 65th birthday party doesn’t count.” She told him.
“It was a good party for a 65 year old. I didn’t believe Merlin when he told me his Uncle Gaius could do the Single Ladies dance. I had no idea a bloke could even move like that much less an old one.”
Gwen giggled at the memory and Morgana shook her head but a small smile turned her lips up.
“Be that as it may, we’re still going out tonight.”
“Fine, fine.” Arthur said, knowing it was futile to argue with Morgana. “Whose party is it?”
Her smirk came out in full force and Arthur suddenly wanted to go back to sleep and never wake up again.
“It’s Sophie’s party. Her birthday is next week after all.”
“You’re fucking kidding me!” Arthur demanded loudly and Merlin woke with a snort.
“Wassamatter?” He said blearily into Arthur’s neck. “What’d Will do?” He asked lips brushing Arthur’s skin.
He suppressed a shiver and forced himself to sit up to he could stare down at his sleepy friend, who simply flopped face down onto the bed.
“Will is gone you idiot. Gwen and Morgana are here now, but they’re bothering me as much as that psychopath did.”
“Mmm…S’okay then.” He murmured trying to snuggle further into Arthur’s sheets.
“They were taking pictures of us.” Arthur told him
“S’nice…” Came Merlin’s muffled reply.
“They took pictures of you in your ridiculous boxers. Wands, Merlin? Really?”
“Wands’re cool.” Merlin said a little more awake.
“They want us to go to a party tonight. Sophie’s birthday party.
Merlin’s eyes shot open. “But she’ll try to murder me!” He yelped and he struggled to sit up. “First it’s Fruit Loops on your head and the next it’s a body dump in the Thames!”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Good morning to you as well, Merlin. So glad you could finally join us.”
“If we go to that party-” Merlin started.
“You can show that two timing skank just how happy you are together.” Morgana interrupted.
“And the she’ll murder me. Lovely.” Merlin said crossing his arms and trying to look defiant. But all it served to do was make Arthur’s heart flip over at how ridiculously endearing he appeared.
“We won’t let her hurt you, Merlin.” Gwen said consolingly, standing closer to the bed. “You’re far too adorable for anyone to harm anyway.” She laughed as she ruffled Merlin’s hair.
“I’m so glad you find my eminent demise to entertaining.” Merlin muttered before he let out a huge sigh. “I don’t suppose we have a choice in this matter to we?” He asked sullenly.
“Nope!” Gwen chirped happily. “None what-so-ever!”
Arthur rolled his eyes as Merlin collapsed back down on the bed.
“Don’t you get all huffy with us, Arthur.” Morgana said in a no nonsense tone of voice. “You are the one who wanted to get back at Sophie and you now have a good opportunity to rub it in her face.”
Arthur sighed. “Fine, whatever. We’ll be there. Is it still at Gawaine’s place?”
“Yes, though he isn’t very happy about it. Gawaine almost strangled Valiant with his own footie jersey when he found out what he and Sophie did to you.”
“Why doesn’t he tell her to bugger off and have the party somewhere else?” Merlin asked, his voice muffled since he dragged a pillow over his face.
“Stop trying to suffocate yourself, you idiot.” Arthur said pulling the pillow away from Merlin’s head.
Merlin merely glared at him, eyes narrowed but lips pouting and Arthur felt another tug at his heart and cursed inwardly.
“Gawaine is too much of a nice guy to do that. The party has been planned for ages and his house is the closest and biggest.” Morgana explained.
Merlin mumbled something about injecting chivalry with morphine and tying it up in a sack and Arthur sorted as the dark haired boy grabbed the pillow back from him and placed it over his face once more.
“Right.” Arthur said. “I guess I see your point.” He admitted reluctantly. He slapped the pillow covering Merlin’s undoubtedly defeated look. “You’ll go right?” He asked.
Merlin made a distressed sound but agreed in a hopeless voice. “Yes. But you owe me.”
Arthur scoffed. “You said I owe you for pretending to go out with me.”
“That was before I became most wanted on Sophie’s hit list.” Merlin said.
And God Arthur felt like he was having a conversation with a pillow. So he lifted the bundle off his face and Merlin squinted up at him, eyes reacting to the sunshine.
“I’ll be your best friend forever.” Arthur promised as Merlin rolled his eyes.
“You all ready are by best friend you prat. I said I’d go. But if she comes near me…”
“Don’t worry.” Gwen said, and the boys looked over at them for a moment forgetting they were still there. “Lance will be there as well. And so will Arthur’s footie mates. They’ll protect you.”
Arthur nodded. “Yeah, they all ready want to adopt you. They like you more than they like me, I think.”
“They forced me into the school mascot costume and pelted me with paint balls!” Merlin said, indignantly.
“I know!” Arthur said, and oh bloody hell he sounded jealous. “They haven’t pulled anything like that on me in ages! And you were forever cemented in their good favour when you put itching powder in their jock straps and managed to super glue Owain and Percy together. I can’t fathom how they believed it when you told them you knew a secret football move that never fails to trip the other team‘s players.”
Merlin smiled at the memory. “It look them three hours to figure out how to get apart.”
Arthur snorted. “And another two hours before we saw them again. They vanished into a storage shed after finally realizing they were both attracted to each other.”
“What can I say? I do good work.” Merlin said, sitting up with a grin on his face. “How are they by the way?”
“Can barely keep their hands off each other.” Morgana said dryly. “Leon’s been moaning about it.”
“I think its sweet.” Gwen said.
“And about time.” Arthur put in. “How did you know they even liked each other like that?” He asked Merlin.
“I have my ways.” Merlin said. “And anyway it was painfully obvious. And everyone one else on the team complained about the sexual tension. I firmly believe I did you all a favour.”
Arthur smiled at him. “Yeah you did. We’re all happy that they finally got their acts together. The team appreciates what you did. Even though it was a cheap and dirty way of doing it.” He added.
“That was nothing. I could have done much worse.” Merlin said. “This one time, me and Will-”
“Stop.” Arthur said holding up a hand. “Whenever a story starts with ‘Me and Will’ I know its guaranteed to give me nightmares for a week.”
Merlin merely rolled his eyes and forced himself out of the bed.
Morgana wolf whistled. “Sexy boxers Merlin.” She teased. “And you know, for a skinny bloke your in excellent shape. If I were a man I would totally go for you.” She winked saucily at him and Merlin was at a loss as to what he should say.
“Stop scaring him Morgana.” Arthur demanded. “And get out while you’re at it. If you want us to go to this stupid party the we need to make ourselves presentable.”
Morgana arched a perfect eyebrow at him. “You know Arthur, for a straight bloke you spend an obscene amount of time on your clothes and appearance.”
“Don’t be so prejudice, Morgana.” Arthur said. “Not all gay men worry about the clothing or care about what they look like. Take Merlin for example.”
“Oi!” Merlin said indignantly. “Don’t be such a prat!”
Arthur merely threw a pillow at him and Gwen and Morgana hastily retreated when the fight threatened to become violent.
It was around 10:00 at night when Arthur found himself stuffed into the back seat of Gwen’s ancient green Beatle with Lance by his side and Merlin sprawled on top of them.
“You know,” Arthur began as they went over a pothole and his head smacked the roof. “We could have called a taxi. I think this might be a little dangerous.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Gwen scoffed. “Sassy has been a loyal and wonderful car.”
Merlin snorted as Gwen turned a corner and Arthur was forced to grab Merlin’s hips so he wouldn’t go crashing out the window.
“I seem to remember vividly when Sassy died on us in the middle of the Welsh country side and we were stranded in a rotty old cabin for three days.”
Gwen huffed. “Stop mudding the name of my car, Merlin. I seem to recall the time you broke your wrist after that Great Dane you just had to pet in the park, jumped on you, and Sassy drove you speedily to the hospital. I never heard someone make such a fuss before. You’d think you hadn’t ever broken anything in you life.”
“It was my drawing hand!” Merlin yelped as Gwen came to a sudden stop at a crosswalk and both Lance and Arthur grabbed him before he went shooting out the windshield. “What if it hadn’t healed properly? I would never had been able to draw again!”
Gwen tutted as Morgana told her to take her next right to get on Gawain’s street.
Lance whistled. “Now these are houses.” He said as the turned the corner. “Bloody hell, why does that person have a bridge on their front lawn?” He asked as the glided down the road.
“Because they have too much money and not enough sense.” Morgana answered as they came up to a cluster of cars parked along the street. “Park here, Gwen. It’s as close as we’re going to get.”
Gwen guided Sassy into a tight spot and rambled on about the wonders of having a small car before they all piled out and Arthur muttered something about sodding clown cars and their crazy woman drivers.
Gwen chose the higher road and decided to pretend she couldn’t hear him, though Morgana smacked his arm as they made their way farther down the street, where the sound of loud music could all ready be heard.
Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand as the past the wrought iron gates and onto the biggest and most ridiculous driveway Merlin had ever seen.
It was all white and grey cobblestone and it blossomed into a circular drive, the kind you see in the movies, with a bloody two tiered fountain in the middle. The fountain was surrounded by purple and while flowers which cradled sparkling lights that flicked like fairy wings in the dark.
“Mother fucking hell.” Merlin said.
Arthur chuckled. “Have you even looked at the house yet?”
Merlin looked up at the impressive (and inappropriately massive) yellow stoned house, aged to look older and Arthur said something about idiots imitating French manors. Huge white columns loomed aside the entry way, which consisted of the single largest door to ever have graced Merlin’s presence and he blanched.
“Who the fuck needs three chimneys?” Lance demanded.
“I feel like this house wants to eat me up and spit me back out.” Merlin said. “Do we have to go in?”
“Of course we do, Merlin.” Arthur said, nodding to a couple staggering out of the shrubbery.
“And who needs eight foot bushes?” Lance asked now as Gwen giggled.
Arthur dragged Merlin by the waist through the front door and into the marble entry way with its double stair case lined with a deep purple carpet and monster of a chandelier that someone was trying to throw their friends left boot in. They were depositing their jackets in the coat room when they heard the loud cry of:
“Piss off you arsehole!” As the owner of the boot shouted and tackled his mate to the ground, spilling beer all over the floor.
“How mature.” Morgana sneered as she swept into the entryway, high heeled green shoes clacking against the marble. “Ostentatious.” She muttered, eyeing the staircase, as she waved them a farewell and went in search of drinks.
“Have fun you two.” Gwen said as she and Lance drifted into the room on the left. “And behave!” She called over the pounding music that Merlin just registered.
“Why do that always tell us to behave?” Arthur pouted.
“Cause we always end up in trouble?” Merlin offered.
“Lies.” Arthur said, leading him into the what appeared to be a living, elegant with its dark hard floor and stark white furnishings. The affect of the rich, stylish room was lost however thanks to the 30 other people in it gyrating and grinding to Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance.
“Why is that bloke under the piano?” Merlin yelled over the music as Arthur dragged him to another huge door on the other side of the sweaty and swaying wall of people.
Arthur looked over his shoulder where indeed, there was a man lying under a grand piano, waving his hands wildly, telling a story to the black under belly of the instrument. “We probably don’t want to know.” Arthur said wisely pushing through the massive door and into a kitchen the size of Merlin’s old apartment.
It was quieter in here but there were still loads of, what Merlin guessed to be, uni students in various degrees of inebriation. They ranged from ’I’m slightly tipsy but I’m still in control as I puke on your shoes’ to ‘I’m so tanked I’m gonna make out with this artfully displayed fake plant and then puke on your head.”
“God I love university.” Arthur laughed as he seized two glasses of beer and thrust one at Merlin.
“Er…you know I can’t handle my liquor.” Merlin commented as he eyed the dark beverage with distaste.Strange things tended to happen when Merlin lost control of his inhibitions.Strange impossible things, like tripping on his unsteady feet and finding himself floating instead of falling.
“Oh come on, Merlin. It’s a Friday! No classes tomorrow so you can sleep off the horrible hangover all day. Just let loose for once, yeah?” Arthur said taking a swig of his beer.
Merlin sighed. “Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to regret this?” He asked.
Arthur smirked. “Those are the best kind of nights!” He said enthusiastically and Merlin could help but catch Arthur contagious eagerness and took a gulp of his own drink…and immediately wished he didn’t.
“Holy fuck! What the hell is this?” He gasped alcohol burning his throat.
“Beer…and stuff.” Arthur said not really interested.
“Who the hell mixes beer with anything?” Merlin demanded as Arthur grabbed his hand again and pulled him out of the kitchen and into…another fucking living room. With two grand pianos. And some drunken twat doing a horrible rendition of My Heart Will Go On.
“He’s murdering that song.” Merlin mumbled as Arthur spotted some of his footie mates where they had thrown themselves on a enormous leather sectional sofa and headed in their direction.
“You can’t murder a song that’s all ready dead, Merlin.” Arthur said dryly, finishing his beer and whatever and setting the empty cup down on a table.
Merlin barked a laugh. “Ha! I happen to know that this song is on your iPod. It’s under the ‘songs from movies that made me cry” play list.” He informed him draining the last of his God awful drink and setting his glass next to Arthur’s.
Arthur stopped and turned to face him. “If you ever mention that to anyone.” He threatened, pointing a finger at Merlin’s nose.
Merlin snickered. “Your secret’s safe with me, Princess.” He said grinned madly at him.
Arthur was about to retort, or at least promise physical harm when Gawaine spotted them.
“An’ there they are!!” He roared, leaping off the couch to tackle Merlin and Arthur into a crushing hug. “The two love birds!” He laughed.
“Hullo Gawaine.” Merlin said his voice muffled in the man’s armpit.
“Get off you stupid berk!” Arthur said shoving him away. This of course is how football players show their love for one another. Tackling, beating and insulting. Lovely.
“Ah, don’ be like that Arthuuur.” Gawaine slurred. “We’re all jus’ ‘appy for yas. Aren’t we men?!” He shouted to the other members of the team.
“Aye!” Leon said as Gawaine shoved Arthur down on a spot between Percy and Gareth and Merlin was forcefully pushed on Arthur’s lap. “We always said that Sophie was bad news!”
“Total tart!” Shouted Galahad.
“Lecherous lemon sucker!” Cried Bedivere. (He had always been an odd one, him)
“Shhhhh!!” Percy said in an overly loud stage whisper. “She’s here somewhere remember?”
“Huh?” Gawaine asked perplexed. “Why is that…that…woman in my house?”
Arthur sighed as Merlin tried to make himself comfortable on his lap. “This is her birthday party remember?” He said. “You said she could have it here months ago.”
“Why would I do sometin’ like tha’?” He demanded. “I never liked ‘er.”
“Ours is not to reason why.” Merlin muttered and Arthur fed up with his constant wiggling turned him so Merlin’s back was pressed against his chest and Arthur was able to wrap his arms around Merlin’s waist.
“There.” Arthur said resting his chin on Merlin’s shoulder. “Now you can stop shifting.”
Kay, who was the only (slightly)sober one out of the lot turned to say to them. “Seriously though chaps,” he began. “We the team all support this new relationship,” and said team began humming God Save the Queen as Kay continued his speech. “Our boy Arthur here has had some dark days in the past. What with the bad taste in women and all the parties and the drugs.” (Arthur’s indignant cry of, There were no drugs! What are you talking about? Was promptly ignored as Kay went on) “We all feared the worse for the young Pendragon and did our best to help him through those difficult days. But then, like sun shining through the clouds of an endless storm, our young Merlin appeared. And we knew! We knew from the moment we first heard them argue that they were destined to be together! Sophie’s tiny birthday candle flame was nothing compared to the wild forest fire that was Arthur and Merlin’s passion for each other!”
By now Arthur’s forehead had slumped onto Merlin’s shoulder and Merlin was shaking from trying to keep his giggles in.
“So we fear not!” Kay cried as the humming got louder. “For the dark days of Sophie’s perpetual winter are behind us! And now the bright clear days of Merlin’s summer lie upon the horizon! Raise your glasses men! In a toast! To Arthur and Merlin! Destiny and love! Two halves a hole! Together at last! Together forever!”
Then the whole damn room burst into cheers and cries of “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” sprung up from the crowd and Merlin and Arthur were thrown from the couch to stand in front of the mad throng of chanters.
“Er…” Merlin said, uncertain of what they should do.
Arthur too appeared lost and if Merlin was reading him correctly, slightly nervous. It was only when Merlin heard Sophie’s nasally tone shriek, “What is going on here?!” did he move into action.
“Fuck it.” Merlin said. And he kissed him.
For a moment Arthur stiffened and Merlin almost panicked before Arthur seemed to adopt his ‘fuck it’ train of thought and he grabbed the back of Merlin’s head to deepen the kiss. Arthur’s other hand settled on the small of Merlin’s back to bring him closer, chests fused together, and the fingers Merlin hadn’t threaded through Arthur’s hair, knotted in fabric of his t-shirt. Neither of them heard the wild cheers as Merlin slipped his tongue into Arthur’s gloriously hot mouth and Arthur moaned low and desperate and he pushed his way into Merlin’s mouth tasting and exploring with ridiculous enthusiasm.
Finally when oxygen was needed they parted and the sounds of the rambunctious sea of admirers crashed over them as they panted and stared into each others glassy eyes.
“Hell of a kiss that was!” Hollered Gawaine as people began to drift away. He threw an arm over both their shoulders and said in a deep, suggestive voice. “I’ve got a shit load of rooms that are probably, for the most part, unoccupied…if ya get my drift.” He winked at them.
“I…well…I don’t think…” Merlin stammered.
Arthur, finally coming out of where the hell he went, just laughed. “Maybe later you filthy pervert.” He said before sliding his fingers into Merlin’s grasp. “But I think more drinks are in order.”
Merlin nodded hastily. “Yes…drinks. Drinks would be good.”
“Ahhh! Is that what they’re calling it these days?” Gawaine said to their retreating forms. “Make an honest man out of our boy, Emrys!” He bellowed.
“Oh my God.” Merlin said, mind still fuzzy from the kiss.
“Bastard.” Arthur mumbled as he located a tray of jello shooters and proceeded to drag Merlin over to it.
“Umm…if I have just two of those I’ll be done.” Merlin said.
Arthur rolled his eyes and picked two up, shoving one into Merlin’s hands. “Just drink you idiot.” He said, knocking his glass against Merlin’s and muttered, “Cheers” before downing it.
“Er…are you ok?” Merlin asked after choking down his drink.
Of course I‘m all right! I’m just having a minor sexual crisis and am quite possibly falling hard for my best friend, but besides that I‘m wonderful! Thanks for asking! Was what Arthur wanted to say but he opted to babble out: “Huh? What are you talking about? Why would you ask that?” He demanded throwing back another shooter.
“Umm…well…you’re slurping those things back like they’re water and…er…well we just…you know…snogged.”
Oh God, Merlin thought. Why am I initiating this conversation? He grabbed another shot, gulping it back hastily.
“Well we hardly could refuse, Merlin.” Arthur said loftily. “It would have looked odd if we didn’t. We are going out after all.”
“Oh…right.” Merlin said. He should have figured Arthur only did it for show. This thought depressed him thoroughly and he picked up another drink.
Arthur grabbed his wrist before he could throw back the shooter.
“Fuck…look, that came out wrong.” Arthur said. Why did he have to be such a…a prat at times like this?
But Merlin just shook his head and a wide, mad grin flashed on his face. “Forget it, Arthur.” He said pulling his wrist from Arthur’s warm hand and taking the shot and felt better through the pleasant buzz of alcohol. “I understand.” Merlin told him. “I really do.” He said as he started making his way down the hall they had hidden in.
No. Arthur thought as he trailed after Merlin. You really fucking don’t.
An hour or so later Merlin found himself alone walking, a little wobbly, through a jam packed room. He lost Arthur to the sheer mass of people about 20 minutes ago and he was looking for a way to get some fresh air.
He was about to go out the front door, which he still thought was far too big, when a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him into the coat room.
“What the bloody-” He froze.
Sophie stood smirking at him condescendingly. “Hello there, Fairy King.”
Merlin cursed. He really wasn’t in the mood for her right now. With his luck he’d end up punching her and then he’d really be in for it. No matter how much the woman deserved it.
“What the hell do you want?” He snapped.
“No need to be so hostile, Merlin.” She sneered. “I’m just here to talk.”
Merlin snorted. “I’m sure you are.” He said dryly.
“Actually,” she went on, ignoring him. “I wanted to ask you how it feels to be Arthur’s rebound? Is it as hard as it looks?”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “If you really think that you can make me feel like shit with this you are clearly delusional.” He informed her.
“I’m only concerned, Merlin. I was very surprised that Arthur decided to go out with you in the first place. I mean with what he’d always say about you when we were together.”
Merlin narrowed his eyes but his heart clenched slightly. “What…what are you talking about?”
She smiled sadly at him. “Well, I just thought you deserved to know. If you’re going to be with the man, you should at least know what he really thinks about you.”
The small part of his brain that wasn’t affected by the horrendous amount of alcohol he consumed, started the warning bells. ’IT’S A TRICK! DON’T LISTEN TO HER, YOU IDIOT!’ Merlin groaned. Since when did he brain use Arthur’s voice to yell at him?
But Merlin must have been well and truly sloshed because he said, “What did he say about me?”
“Well he said how annoyingly obvious it was that you had a crush on him. I mean, no offence Merlin, but you are totally out of his league. He’s the rich, beautiful boy from the perfect family. And you’re well…” She sniggered. “You’re so not.” She patted his arm as if to comfort him. “Face it, Fairy King. You’re just an experimental rebound. Arthur would never look twice at you in normal circumstances. Wake up from your little fantasy and break it off with him before he does with you. It’ll be easier for all of us that way.”
Merlin had remained silent for her speech focusing his angered stare at the coats behind her back, feeling that odd tingling sensation that could be passed of as alcoholic influence if not for the fact that the jackets began to sway ominously on their hangers.
Sophie, who seemed to think his hate fuelled gaze was one of devastation, continued; “Did you actually think he liked you like that?” She laughed cruelly and the coats began to rock harder. “Grow up and face reality, Fairy King. Arthur is too good for you. You can never compete with me. You’re nothing but a skinny, big eared, gay, loser. And that’s all you’ll ever be so-”
But whatever she was going to add was lost as a large fur coat suddenly sprung to life and began smacking Sophie on the head, several pairs of boots began stomping her feet and a particularly vindictive set of woolly mittens attacked her perfectly groomed hair, messing it up beyond repair.
Sophie shrieked and tried to bat the offensive objects away but they merely continued their siege.
“Oh my God!” She yelled. “What’s happening? Get them off me!”
Merlin could only stare in shock as one of the mitts waved at him before bopping Sophie on her (look what Daddy bought me!) nose.
Sophie screamed and, forgetting that Merlin was even there, scrambled out of the coat room, with one mitt lodged in her hair and forced her way through the sea of drunken revellers, screeching about inanimate objects trying to destroy her good looks.
As the coat, boots and the one remaining mitt dropped to the floor, Merlin slide down the wall to fall onto his arse, staring in horror at the spot Sophie had been standing.
This, he thought hazily and terrified. This is why I never get drunk.