FanFic: AU university story Ch5
Title: "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Gay" Ch 5/?
Rating: NC-17
Summary: In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur. Mentions of them with other people.
Disclaimer: I do not own them *SOBS*
The first words to grace Merlin’s ears in the morning are,
“Oh, bloody hell. It feels like I just shat an elephant.”
He cracked his eyes open and groaned as he realized that Will, rubbing his arse looking pained, was still there and last night hadn’t been some bizarre dream.
“You two look disgustingly good together.” Will said when he noticed that Merlin was awake.
“That’s nice.” Merlin mumbled into his pillow as he heard Will snort.
“I can’t feel my face. How much did I smoke last night?”
Merlin’s eyes shot open as all of the memories of what took place came flooding back.
“Oh my God.” Merlin said, sitting half way up with Arthur’s arm slung across his stomach. “Have you looked in the mirror yet, today?”
“What the hell are you talking about, bro?” Will demanded scratching at his…almost bald head.
“What in Gods name have you done to your hair? What happened to the dreadlocks?”
“I’m so over that shit, dude.” Will explained.
“Of course you are.” Merlin said dryly, as Arthur mumbled in irritation and tried to burrow into Merlin’s hip. “Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Merlin said, shaking Arthur’s shoulder.
He opened a bleary eye at Merlin and muttered, “S’too early.”
“It’s almost noon, Arthur.” He told him and then the full force of that thought hit him. “Which means we’ve missed our morning classes.”
Arthur shrugged. “Who cares? You didn’t have anything important and you know I have my proffs wrapped around my finger.” He said with a sigh as he began the arduous task of waking up.
“God you two are sickening.” Will groaned.
“Are you still here?” Arthur demanded, sitting up and resting his chin on Merlin’s shoulder. (Merlin thought that Arthur was getting far too good at their charade.)
“Sure am.” Will said with a grin.
“What the hell happened to you?” Arthur asked taking in Will’s new look. “And why in God’s name are you wearing my clothes?!”
“I’m going for an American douche bag look.” Will told him. “You’ve got the whole douche thing going on and you’re clothes are nicer than Merlin’s.”
“Aren’t you kind.” Arthur snapped.
Will scoffed. “I’ll send them back, if that’s what you’re on about.”
“No thanks. I might catch whatever disease you undoubtedly have.”
Will opened his mouth to retaliate but Merlin interrupted him. “All right, children enough.” He said, glaring at them. “Play nice, for my sake, please.”
“Fine, fine.” Arthur agreed as Will nodded.
“Thank you.” Merlin said. “I think we should all get along, swimmingly now.” He said, hopefully.
Then Arthur finally registered the collage that was Will’s face and proceeded to howl with laughter.
After about ten minutes of enduring Arthur’s numerous fits of hysteria whenever his eyes rested on his face, Will left the room to go to the bathroom and take a proper look in the mirror.
Arthur was wiping tears of mirth from his eyes and still chortling when his mobile rang.
“Can you get that?” Arthur managed to say. “I’m not capable of thought processes at the moment.”
Rolling his eyes, Merlin sat on the edge of Arthur’s bed and grabbed the prat’s phone from his desk.
“Hello?” He said, not bothering to check the caller ID. “This is Pendragon’s House of Penetration, Ben Dover speaking, how may we bugger you today?”
He heard Arthur snort from behind him and Merlin was about to say another witty line when his heart stopped and the world apparently ended.
“Who the hell is this? Arthur? Is that you? Are you drunk? Why aren’t you in class?”
Merlin dropped the phone as if it could kill him, which was probably possible when it was Uther Pendragon you were talking to there was usually the fear of instant death and Merlin always thought Uther and an army of everything, just waiting to kill someone.
“Oh buggering fuck.” Merlin cursed. He tried to scramble off the bed to pick up the mobile, but got tangled in the sheets, which naturally led to he and Arthur crashing to the floor, both of them cursing and flailing.
“Merlin!” Arthur said in a pained voice, as Merlin’s limbs floundered underneath him. “That is a very sensitive area your knee is becoming acquainted with, now stop squirming so I can get off-”
Merlin clapped his hand over Arthur mouth and hastily grabbed Arthur‘s mobile off the floor where words like, ‘insane…what were you thinking….sex….girls…castration….not listening…come down there myself.’ and other such threats and promises of disowning and murder, where tumbling out of the ear piece. “Your father is on the phone!” He hissed.
Arthur’s eyes widened in panic as he took the phone, cleared his throat and said.
“Hello, Father.” He said in a very calm and neutral tone. “How are you, today?”
Merlin couldn’t help but snort and Arthur half kneed him in the groin to shut him up.
“Ouch! You prat that-” This time Arthur covered Merlin’s mouth with a hand and practically used Merlin’s face to keep himself balance.
“Oh no, that was nothing Father. Just an idiot.” He said with a glare at Merlin. “How did you know I wasn‘t in class?….Oh, right. You know Professor Atridge…Why wasn’t I there? I wasn’t feeling good. Didn’t want to take any chances, what with the Swine Flu and all.”
Merlin rolled his eyes, then sick of Arthur’s hand crushing his face, licked the other boy’s palm, with a wicked look in his eyes.
“Ugh! That’s disgusting!” Arthur snapped, wiping his hand on Merlin’s shirt. “What? No, not you, Father.” Arthur said hastily as Merlin tried not to laugh. “Actually, this isn’t a really good time to talk. Can I call you later?…Yes, yes I promise I won’t forg-You want to talk about Sophie?” Arthur asked suddenly. “Why?….She-she called you?” Arthur closed his eyes in a pained grimace and his forehead hit Merlin’s chest as his head sunk in defeat. “Right, we’ll talk later. Of course. Have a good day, Father…yes I look forward to our little discussion as well. Good bye.” And with that he shut his phone off with a groan and proceeded to use every curse word in the book (some new ones too) is vent his horror.
“Er…” Merlin said his hand coming to rest on the back of Arthur’s head. “You okay?”
“I am going to kill you.” Arthur said into Merlin’s shirt. “Slowly and painfully.”
“You threaten me with murder and even worse things everyday, Arthur. You can’t think I’m afraid of them anymore.”
When Arthur didn’t say anything Merlin went on, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t check the caller ID! I was an idiot!” He groaned. “God, I can’t believe I said that to your father. Ben Dover…what was I thinking?”
Arthur was now shaking and Merlin thought for one horrified minute that he was crying.
He patted the back of Arthur’s head, resolutely not thinking about the softness of the prat’s hair. “It’ll be all right. I’m sure he’s not that upset with you, Arthur. Arthur?” He asked as the blond man snorted. “Are you…are you…laughing?” He demanded.
“Yes…oh God…I can’t believe. I would kill to have seen my father’s expression after you said that.” Arthur looked up at Merlin and pulled face that made him look constipated, confused, incredulous and pissed all at the same time and Merlin burst out laughing at the outrageousness of it all.
When the finally managed to stop snickering Arthur looked down at him with a fond look.
“You know…life’s a lot more interesting with you around.” He told Merlin. “Crazy, ridiculous, confusing and annoying but…better I think.”
“Careful Arthur.” Merlin told him. “You’re beginning to sound sentimental there.”
“Better shut me up then.” Arthur shot back, and was it Merlin’s hazy and horny imagination or was Arthur leaning down?
Merlin was thinking of the best way of going about shutting Arthur up and was almost ready to put the plan into action when Hurricane Will crashed into the room and yelled loud enough for all of England to hear,
“I can’t get this cock off my face!”
Rating: NC-17
Summary: In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur. Mentions of them with other people.
Disclaimer: I do not own them *SOBS*
The first words to grace Merlin’s ears in the morning are,
“Oh, bloody hell. It feels like I just shat an elephant.”
He cracked his eyes open and groaned as he realized that Will, rubbing his arse looking pained, was still there and last night hadn’t been some bizarre dream.
“You two look disgustingly good together.” Will said when he noticed that Merlin was awake.
“That’s nice.” Merlin mumbled into his pillow as he heard Will snort.
“I can’t feel my face. How much did I smoke last night?”
Merlin’s eyes shot open as all of the memories of what took place came flooding back.
“Oh my God.” Merlin said, sitting half way up with Arthur’s arm slung across his stomach. “Have you looked in the mirror yet, today?”
“What the hell are you talking about, bro?” Will demanded scratching at his…almost bald head.
“What in Gods name have you done to your hair? What happened to the dreadlocks?”
“I’m so over that shit, dude.” Will explained.
“Of course you are.” Merlin said dryly, as Arthur mumbled in irritation and tried to burrow into Merlin’s hip. “Wake up, sleeping beauty.” Merlin said, shaking Arthur’s shoulder.
He opened a bleary eye at Merlin and muttered, “S’too early.”
“It’s almost noon, Arthur.” He told him and then the full force of that thought hit him. “Which means we’ve missed our morning classes.”
Arthur shrugged. “Who cares? You didn’t have anything important and you know I have my proffs wrapped around my finger.” He said with a sigh as he began the arduous task of waking up.
“God you two are sickening.” Will groaned.
“Are you still here?” Arthur demanded, sitting up and resting his chin on Merlin’s shoulder. (Merlin thought that Arthur was getting far too good at their charade.)
“Sure am.” Will said with a grin.
“What the hell happened to you?” Arthur asked taking in Will’s new look. “And why in God’s name are you wearing my clothes?!”
“I’m going for an American douche bag look.” Will told him. “You’ve got the whole douche thing going on and you’re clothes are nicer than Merlin’s.”
“Aren’t you kind.” Arthur snapped.
Will scoffed. “I’ll send them back, if that’s what you’re on about.”
“No thanks. I might catch whatever disease you undoubtedly have.”
Will opened his mouth to retaliate but Merlin interrupted him. “All right, children enough.” He said, glaring at them. “Play nice, for my sake, please.”
“Fine, fine.” Arthur agreed as Will nodded.
“Thank you.” Merlin said. “I think we should all get along, swimmingly now.” He said, hopefully.
Then Arthur finally registered the collage that was Will’s face and proceeded to howl with laughter.
After about ten minutes of enduring Arthur’s numerous fits of hysteria whenever his eyes rested on his face, Will left the room to go to the bathroom and take a proper look in the mirror.
Arthur was wiping tears of mirth from his eyes and still chortling when his mobile rang.
“Can you get that?” Arthur managed to say. “I’m not capable of thought processes at the moment.”
Rolling his eyes, Merlin sat on the edge of Arthur’s bed and grabbed the prat’s phone from his desk.
“Hello?” He said, not bothering to check the caller ID. “This is Pendragon’s House of Penetration, Ben Dover speaking, how may we bugger you today?”
He heard Arthur snort from behind him and Merlin was about to say another witty line when his heart stopped and the world apparently ended.
“Who the hell is this? Arthur? Is that you? Are you drunk? Why aren’t you in class?”
Merlin dropped the phone as if it could kill him, which was probably possible when it was Uther Pendragon you were talking to there was usually the fear of instant death and Merlin always thought Uther and an army of everything, just waiting to kill someone.
“Oh buggering fuck.” Merlin cursed. He tried to scramble off the bed to pick up the mobile, but got tangled in the sheets, which naturally led to he and Arthur crashing to the floor, both of them cursing and flailing.
“Merlin!” Arthur said in a pained voice, as Merlin’s limbs floundered underneath him. “That is a very sensitive area your knee is becoming acquainted with, now stop squirming so I can get off-”
Merlin clapped his hand over Arthur mouth and hastily grabbed Arthur‘s mobile off the floor where words like, ‘insane…what were you thinking….sex….girls…castration….not listening…come down there myself.’ and other such threats and promises of disowning and murder, where tumbling out of the ear piece. “Your father is on the phone!” He hissed.
Arthur’s eyes widened in panic as he took the phone, cleared his throat and said.
“Hello, Father.” He said in a very calm and neutral tone. “How are you, today?”
Merlin couldn’t help but snort and Arthur half kneed him in the groin to shut him up.
“Ouch! You prat that-” This time Arthur covered Merlin’s mouth with a hand and practically used Merlin’s face to keep himself balance.
“Oh no, that was nothing Father. Just an idiot.” He said with a glare at Merlin. “How did you know I wasn‘t in class?….Oh, right. You know Professor Atridge…Why wasn’t I there? I wasn’t feeling good. Didn’t want to take any chances, what with the Swine Flu and all.”
Merlin rolled his eyes, then sick of Arthur’s hand crushing his face, licked the other boy’s palm, with a wicked look in his eyes.
“Ugh! That’s disgusting!” Arthur snapped, wiping his hand on Merlin’s shirt. “What? No, not you, Father.” Arthur said hastily as Merlin tried not to laugh. “Actually, this isn’t a really good time to talk. Can I call you later?…Yes, yes I promise I won’t forg-You want to talk about Sophie?” Arthur asked suddenly. “Why?….She-she called you?” Arthur closed his eyes in a pained grimace and his forehead hit Merlin’s chest as his head sunk in defeat. “Right, we’ll talk later. Of course. Have a good day, Father…yes I look forward to our little discussion as well. Good bye.” And with that he shut his phone off with a groan and proceeded to use every curse word in the book (some new ones too) is vent his horror.
“Er…” Merlin said his hand coming to rest on the back of Arthur’s head. “You okay?”
“I am going to kill you.” Arthur said into Merlin’s shirt. “Slowly and painfully.”
“You threaten me with murder and even worse things everyday, Arthur. You can’t think I’m afraid of them anymore.”
When Arthur didn’t say anything Merlin went on, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t check the caller ID! I was an idiot!” He groaned. “God, I can’t believe I said that to your father. Ben Dover…what was I thinking?”
Arthur was now shaking and Merlin thought for one horrified minute that he was crying.
He patted the back of Arthur’s head, resolutely not thinking about the softness of the prat’s hair. “It’ll be all right. I’m sure he’s not that upset with you, Arthur. Arthur?” He asked as the blond man snorted. “Are you…are you…laughing?” He demanded.
“Yes…oh God…I can’t believe. I would kill to have seen my father’s expression after you said that.” Arthur looked up at Merlin and pulled face that made him look constipated, confused, incredulous and pissed all at the same time and Merlin burst out laughing at the outrageousness of it all.
When the finally managed to stop snickering Arthur looked down at him with a fond look.
“You know…life’s a lot more interesting with you around.” He told Merlin. “Crazy, ridiculous, confusing and annoying but…better I think.”
“Careful Arthur.” Merlin told him. “You’re beginning to sound sentimental there.”
“Better shut me up then.” Arthur shot back, and was it Merlin’s hazy and horny imagination or was Arthur leaning down?
Merlin was thinking of the best way of going about shutting Arthur up and was almost ready to put the plan into action when Hurricane Will crashed into the room and yelled loud enough for all of England to hear,
“I can’t get this cock off my face!”