FanFic: University AU Chapter 2
Title: "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Gay" Ch 2/?
Rating: NC-17
Summary: In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur. Mentions of them with other people.
Disclaimer: I do not own them *SOBS*
“What the hell was I thinking?” Merlin asks as he paced the floor of Gwen’s dorm, two days later. “What in the name of holy hell was I thinking?”
Gwen was trying in vain not to smile. “You were obviously thinking with the wrong head.” She giggled out right now.
Merlin stopped and glared at her. “This is not funny, Gwen. I’m fucked.” He groaned as he flopped into her computer chair. “Doomed even. I might as well start writing my will. Tell my mother that I love her when you see her at the funeral.”
Gwen sighed. “I think you’re being a little dramatic here, Merlin. It’s not so bad.”
“Not so bad?!” He cried. “Not so bad?! Gwen, I have to pretend to be Arthur’s fucking boyfriend! This is Hiroshima bad. It’s gonna blow in epic proportions.”
Gwen snorted. “Blow, huh?” She giggled again.
“Gwen!” Merlin said. “God, you have a filthy mind. What has Lance done to you?”
“I really don’t think you want to know that.” Morgana answered as she breezed into the room.
“Morgana!” Gwen said, blushing.
“What? Honestly, it can’t be any worse than what Arthur did to Merlin the other night.” She said off handedly.
Merlin groaned again and sunk further into the chair. “Why do I bother getting up in the morning?” He despaired.
Gwen threw him a sympathetic look and opened her mouth to explain to Morgana the real situation before a knock at the door interrupted her.
“Are you in there, Emrys?” Demanded Arthur’s voice.
Merlin shook his head at the girls and mouthed, “No! No I’m not!”
Morgana rolled her eyes and muttered “boys” before telling Arthur to come in.
“What?! No-” Merlin began but Arthur was all ready barging in like he bloody owned the place.
“God, there you are!” Arthur said. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Booty call, Arthur?” Morgana asked.
“Piss off, you wench.” Arthur snapped.
“Now, really Arthur. Is that any way to speak to a lady?” Morgana said slyly.
“Yes well, you’re evil incarnate so I don’t really think you count.” Arthur told her before he turned to Merlin.
“You know, darling.” He said and Merlin winced at the tone. “For being the bloke I’m currently dating you have a knack for not being around.”
“For God’s sake, Arthur. You don’t have to bother in here. Gwen knows the truth and you might as well tell Morgana. She’ll find out anyway.”
Arthur sighed, exasperated and waved a hand. “Fine, Merlin. Whatever.” He plopped down on Gwen’s bed and threw his feet onto Merlin’s lap. “Explain away.”
“I…er…well you see the thing is…” He trailed off. Did Morgana really have to look at him as if she were going to bloody eat his face off?
“Yes, Merlin?” She asked innocently. “Do tell.”
“Well, what you walked into the other night wasn’t what it seemed.”
“Wasn’t it?” She asked, cocking her head. “It certainly looked like what I thought it was.”
“We…well….that is….Arthur and I aren’t really together. We’re just kinda…pretending?”
She arched an eyebrow unconvinced.
“Oh for Christ sake.” Arthur snapped, glaring at Merlin. “I don’t know if you should be a doctor, mate. I really wouldn’t want you telling me if I had some sort of deadly, incurable disease.”
“Why don’t you explain then, Mr. Holier-than-thou.” Merlin snapped, pushing Arthur’s feet off him.
“Don’t get you knickers in a twist.” Arthur said rolling his eyes.
“Aw.” Morgana said to Gwen. “It’s their first fight.”
“Shut up!” Merlin and Arthur said together as the girls laughed.
“Aren’t you going to kiss and make-up?” Morgana teased.
Merlin went an interesting shade of red as Arthur rubbed his hands over his face.
“Morgana. We aren’t actually dating. We’re pretending to so we can piss off Sophie.”
She was silent for a moment until;
“Are you shitting me?”
Arthur sighed. “No. And besides. It was your idea.”
“Excuse me?” She demanded. “I don’t think I ever told you to fake a homosexual relationship, with an actual gay man, to piss off your slutty ex-cheater of a girlfriend.”
“Well, no not in those precise words, but you did give me the idea.” Arthur said loftily.
“When the hell did I do that?!”
“ When you walked in on me and Merlin that night.” Arthur explained, while Gwen and Merlin watched the two as if they were witnessing a tennis match. Heads swivelling between the step siblings.
“And what exactly were you two doing when I found you like that?”
Arthur faltered and Merlin couldn’t help but snicker.
“What?” Morgana pressed. “Just tell me, all ready. It can’t be that bad.”
“Wehadapillowfight.” Arthur muttered under his breath.
“I’m sorry?” Morgana smirked. “What was that?”
“We had a bloody pillow fight!” Arthur snapped.
Morgana burst into laughter. Evil, maniacal, witchy laughter. The kind, Arthur thought, people should be burnt at the stake for.
“Oh my God, Arthur!” Morgana said in between laughing fits. “You do realize you admitting to a pillow fight will damage your reputation more than telling people that you’re gay?”
Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin was wondering whether or not to feel insulted by what Morgana said.
“You two are unbelievable.” Morgana said as Gwen nodded in agreement. “Absolutely, without a doubt, the most oblivious, idiotic boys, I have ever met.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Arthur snapped.
Morgana sighed. “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you, right Gwen?”
She nodded. “It would be best if they figured this out for themselves.” Gwen said wisely.
“Figure what out?” Merlin demanded.
“Well, it’s not so much you that has to figure things out, but Arthur.” Morgana said.
And before either boy could ask they were being kicked out the girl’s room.
“Try not to make yourselves look like complete morons, okay?” Morgana asked as she and Gwen ushered them out the door. “I am sort of socially tied to you Arthur and I really don’t want my reputation to get ruined by this juvenile revenge.”
And with that the door was shut in their faces.
“And that,” Merlin said, after a moment. “Is why I’m gay.”
“What do you think all that was about?” Arthur asked as they made their way back to their room.
Merlin shrugged. “I gave up on girls a long time ago, mate.” He said with a grin. “Lucky for you.”
“I’d say.” Arthur said, slinging an arm across Merlin’s shoulders. Several girls who passed them in the corridor giggled and practically swooned.
Arthur wasn’t sure how far Morgana’s gossiping tongue reached, but he knew for a fact that everyone in their dorm house knew of his and Merlin’s relationship. Now, if that power extended outside these walls, they’d find out tomorrow once classes resumed.
“You do realize,” Arthur said as Merlin pulled out the key to their room. “That pretty much everyone in this dorm house wants to have a threesome with us.”
Merlin choked as he opened the door. “How do you figure that?”
Arthur clicked on the light and winced at the sight of the horrifying interior. Everything was pink. Pink walls, pink carpets, pink comforters, pink wardrobes and even a bloody pink waste basket.
“Well, considering the fact that we’re living in the all girls dorm….I’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet.”
Merlin looked morosely at the terror inducing fuchsia tones. “Yeah…you sure we’re not allowed to paint this yet?”
And unfortunately, Arthur was very sure. It was one of the terms they had agreed to get the room in the first place…
It was three days before classes were scheduled to start and Arthur had been searching the co-ed dorms desperately. He kept looking down at the room number he had be given in the middle of the summer hoping and praying he had just received the wrong one because room 401, resolutely, did not exist.
He went up and down the same corridor multiple times reading off the numbers in his head. His fifth…(or was it sixth?) time down was when he met, Merlin Emrys.
“396, 397, 398, 399, 400...” Arthur muttered under his breath.
“Where the hell is 401?” He muttered, becoming more and more agitated the longer he stared at the number 400 and being unable to change it to 401.
Cursing, Arthur had spun around and crashed into and equally annoyed Merlin who had said,
“Watch it! Bloody hell, walk much?.”
“Anger management much? And at least I’m not the idiot running down the corridors.” Arthur had sniped.
“And I’m not the one talking to myself.” Merlin snapped back.
Arthur glared at him. “Piss off, yeah? I’m having a bad day.”
“News flash, you prat. You’re not the only one.”
“You can’t call me a prat!” Arthur said, outraged.
“Watch me.” Merlin said smugly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Your Highness. I have a housing attendant to track down and kill.”
Then he was gone and Arthur was alone again, wondering if he didn’t imagine the entire encounter.
An hour later found Arthur in front of the Housing Department Manager Mr. Coldswell.
“Yes, well, there has obviously been a bit of a mix up.” The small man said adjusting his coke bottle glasses.
“Obviously.” Arthur said dryly. “So what are you going to do about it?”
Mr. Coldswell puffed himself up, not that it did anything, and was about to tell Arthur off when his receptionist opened the door.
“Ah…sir? We’ve found the other young man. The one who is roomed with Mr. Pendragon?”
“Oh yes, good, very good. Bring him in.”
The receptionist nodded and indicated to someone on the other side of the door. “In you go, Mr. Emrys. Arthur Pendragon this is Merlin Emrys.” The woman introduced.
The dark haired boy entered the room and locked eyes with Arthur.
“Well, fuck me.” Merlin had said.
It tuned out to be a huge mix up. Somehow Arthur and Merlin had been assigned a room that was in fact not in the co-ed house but in the all bloody girls dorm house. And unfortunately, there were no other rooms available anywhere. Room 401 in the all girls dorm house was the only place that was empty.
Mr. Coldswell, had made them sign an agreement with a few terms, in which he would graciously allow the boys to live there. Painting the room was despicably one of them as was not fraternizing with the girls inappropriately.
“I’ll put you both on a three month probation and if after that there are not….incidents. I suppose I could allow you to…adjust the room.” Mr. Coldswell said with a distinct touch of malice.
“Why would we need to adjust the room?” Arthur asked as he and Merlin stood in front of room 401 at last.
Merlin shrugged, the earlier animosity forgotten in face of the battle against Coldswell.
“He’s a bit of a bastard.” Merlin offered. “He seemed to find a lot of unhealthy satisfaction in it though.” He said, unlocking the door.
It opened with an foreboding creak and the boys had peeked in cautiously.
“Oh. My. God.” Merlin said echoing the statement in Arthur’s mind.
“It looks like a fucking Disney princess blew up in here.” Arthur said, horrified as he and Merlin stepped in.
“It…it’s only for three months right?” Merlin said weakly. “Can you manage to keep your hands off the girls for that long?”
“I beg your pardon?” Arthur demanded. “I have a girlfriend thank-you very much.”
Merlin snorted as if he thought that, that fact wouldn’t stop Arthur.
“Piss off, Emrys.” Arthur muttered as he threw one of his bags on a pink bed.
Merlin sighed. “Look I’m sorry, yeah? If we intend to survive this revolting room, we probably shouldn’t be ragging on each other. Wanna start over?” He asked holding out a hand. “I’m Merlin Emrys. Welcome to the pink bowls of hell.”
Arthur couldn’t help but laugh as he shook the odd man’s hand. “You are a total girl, Merlin.”
And so began a…very strange and peculiar friendship.
“You know we still have one more month of this.” Arthur told him, bringing myself out of his memories.
Merlin sighed and fell dramatically to his bed. “I know. I think I may gouge out my eyes before it’s all over though. I’m surprised I haven’t done it yet.”
“Such a drama queen.” Arthur said in a fond voice. “At least it’s good for entertainment.” He said sitting on the edge of Merlin’s bed.
“Shut up.” Merlin said without much heat.
They were silent for a moment.
“D’you think, Sophie knows yet?’ Arthur asked.
Merlin shrugged. “Dunno. Have you felt a disturbance in the Force?”
Arthur laughed. “Always the nerd, Merlin.”
The other boy didn’t seem to mind that fact. “Yeah, but I’m your nerd for the time being, so when Sophie tries to castrate me, you have to protect me.”
Arthur snorted. “She’ll come after me, not you.”
“Bull shit.” Merlin said. “She absolutely loathes me. Now she has an excuse to kill me. Seeing as I stole her precious boy toy away.”
Arthur was about to respond when his mobile rang. He looked at the caller idea and paled.
“Queen Bitch?” Merlin asked.
Arthur nodded.
“Good luck and I’ll reiterate. This is why I’m gay.”
Rating: NC-17
Summary: In which, Arthur pretends to be gay, Merlin is crowned Fairy King and both are in way over their heads. Also full of revenge, projectile Fruit Loops, scary pink dorm rooms, glitter pens, pillow fights and a whole lot of very confused people.
Pairing: Merlin/Arthur. Mentions of them with other people.
Disclaimer: I do not own them *SOBS*
“What the hell was I thinking?” Merlin asks as he paced the floor of Gwen’s dorm, two days later. “What in the name of holy hell was I thinking?”
Gwen was trying in vain not to smile. “You were obviously thinking with the wrong head.” She giggled out right now.
Merlin stopped and glared at her. “This is not funny, Gwen. I’m fucked.” He groaned as he flopped into her computer chair. “Doomed even. I might as well start writing my will. Tell my mother that I love her when you see her at the funeral.”
Gwen sighed. “I think you’re being a little dramatic here, Merlin. It’s not so bad.”
“Not so bad?!” He cried. “Not so bad?! Gwen, I have to pretend to be Arthur’s fucking boyfriend! This is Hiroshima bad. It’s gonna blow in epic proportions.”
Gwen snorted. “Blow, huh?” She giggled again.
“Gwen!” Merlin said. “God, you have a filthy mind. What has Lance done to you?”
“I really don’t think you want to know that.” Morgana answered as she breezed into the room.
“Morgana!” Gwen said, blushing.
“What? Honestly, it can’t be any worse than what Arthur did to Merlin the other night.” She said off handedly.
Merlin groaned again and sunk further into the chair. “Why do I bother getting up in the morning?” He despaired.
Gwen threw him a sympathetic look and opened her mouth to explain to Morgana the real situation before a knock at the door interrupted her.
“Are you in there, Emrys?” Demanded Arthur’s voice.
Merlin shook his head at the girls and mouthed, “No! No I’m not!”
Morgana rolled her eyes and muttered “boys” before telling Arthur to come in.
“What?! No-” Merlin began but Arthur was all ready barging in like he bloody owned the place.
“God, there you are!” Arthur said. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Booty call, Arthur?” Morgana asked.
“Piss off, you wench.” Arthur snapped.
“Now, really Arthur. Is that any way to speak to a lady?” Morgana said slyly.
“Yes well, you’re evil incarnate so I don’t really think you count.” Arthur told her before he turned to Merlin.
“You know, darling.” He said and Merlin winced at the tone. “For being the bloke I’m currently dating you have a knack for not being around.”
“For God’s sake, Arthur. You don’t have to bother in here. Gwen knows the truth and you might as well tell Morgana. She’ll find out anyway.”
Arthur sighed, exasperated and waved a hand. “Fine, Merlin. Whatever.” He plopped down on Gwen’s bed and threw his feet onto Merlin’s lap. “Explain away.”
“I…er…well you see the thing is…” He trailed off. Did Morgana really have to look at him as if she were going to bloody eat his face off?
“Yes, Merlin?” She asked innocently. “Do tell.”
“Well, what you walked into the other night wasn’t what it seemed.”
“Wasn’t it?” She asked, cocking her head. “It certainly looked like what I thought it was.”
“We…well….that is….Arthur and I aren’t really together. We’re just kinda…pretending?”
She arched an eyebrow unconvinced.
“Oh for Christ sake.” Arthur snapped, glaring at Merlin. “I don’t know if you should be a doctor, mate. I really wouldn’t want you telling me if I had some sort of deadly, incurable disease.”
“Why don’t you explain then, Mr. Holier-than-thou.” Merlin snapped, pushing Arthur’s feet off him.
“Don’t get you knickers in a twist.” Arthur said rolling his eyes.
“Aw.” Morgana said to Gwen. “It’s their first fight.”
“Shut up!” Merlin and Arthur said together as the girls laughed.
“Aren’t you going to kiss and make-up?” Morgana teased.
Merlin went an interesting shade of red as Arthur rubbed his hands over his face.
“Morgana. We aren’t actually dating. We’re pretending to so we can piss off Sophie.”
She was silent for a moment until;
“Are you shitting me?”
Arthur sighed. “No. And besides. It was your idea.”
“Excuse me?” She demanded. “I don’t think I ever told you to fake a homosexual relationship, with an actual gay man, to piss off your slutty ex-cheater of a girlfriend.”
“Well, no not in those precise words, but you did give me the idea.” Arthur said loftily.
“When the hell did I do that?!”
“ When you walked in on me and Merlin that night.” Arthur explained, while Gwen and Merlin watched the two as if they were witnessing a tennis match. Heads swivelling between the step siblings.
“And what exactly were you two doing when I found you like that?”
Arthur faltered and Merlin couldn’t help but snicker.
“What?” Morgana pressed. “Just tell me, all ready. It can’t be that bad.”
“Wehadapillowfight.” Arthur muttered under his breath.
“I’m sorry?” Morgana smirked. “What was that?”
“We had a bloody pillow fight!” Arthur snapped.
Morgana burst into laughter. Evil, maniacal, witchy laughter. The kind, Arthur thought, people should be burnt at the stake for.
“Oh my God, Arthur!” Morgana said in between laughing fits. “You do realize you admitting to a pillow fight will damage your reputation more than telling people that you’re gay?”
Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin was wondering whether or not to feel insulted by what Morgana said.
“You two are unbelievable.” Morgana said as Gwen nodded in agreement. “Absolutely, without a doubt, the most oblivious, idiotic boys, I have ever met.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Arthur snapped.
Morgana sighed. “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you, right Gwen?”
She nodded. “It would be best if they figured this out for themselves.” Gwen said wisely.
“Figure what out?” Merlin demanded.
“Well, it’s not so much you that has to figure things out, but Arthur.” Morgana said.
And before either boy could ask they were being kicked out the girl’s room.
“Try not to make yourselves look like complete morons, okay?” Morgana asked as she and Gwen ushered them out the door. “I am sort of socially tied to you Arthur and I really don’t want my reputation to get ruined by this juvenile revenge.”
And with that the door was shut in their faces.
“And that,” Merlin said, after a moment. “Is why I’m gay.”
“What do you think all that was about?” Arthur asked as they made their way back to their room.
Merlin shrugged. “I gave up on girls a long time ago, mate.” He said with a grin. “Lucky for you.”
“I’d say.” Arthur said, slinging an arm across Merlin’s shoulders. Several girls who passed them in the corridor giggled and practically swooned.
Arthur wasn’t sure how far Morgana’s gossiping tongue reached, but he knew for a fact that everyone in their dorm house knew of his and Merlin’s relationship. Now, if that power extended outside these walls, they’d find out tomorrow once classes resumed.
“You do realize,” Arthur said as Merlin pulled out the key to their room. “That pretty much everyone in this dorm house wants to have a threesome with us.”
Merlin choked as he opened the door. “How do you figure that?”
Arthur clicked on the light and winced at the sight of the horrifying interior. Everything was pink. Pink walls, pink carpets, pink comforters, pink wardrobes and even a bloody pink waste basket.
“Well, considering the fact that we’re living in the all girls dorm….I’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet.”
Merlin looked morosely at the terror inducing fuchsia tones. “Yeah…you sure we’re not allowed to paint this yet?”
And unfortunately, Arthur was very sure. It was one of the terms they had agreed to get the room in the first place…
It was three days before classes were scheduled to start and Arthur had been searching the co-ed dorms desperately. He kept looking down at the room number he had be given in the middle of the summer hoping and praying he had just received the wrong one because room 401, resolutely, did not exist.
He went up and down the same corridor multiple times reading off the numbers in his head. His fifth…(or was it sixth?) time down was when he met, Merlin Emrys.
“396, 397, 398, 399, 400...” Arthur muttered under his breath.
“Where the hell is 401?” He muttered, becoming more and more agitated the longer he stared at the number 400 and being unable to change it to 401.
Cursing, Arthur had spun around and crashed into and equally annoyed Merlin who had said,
“Watch it! Bloody hell, walk much?.”
“Anger management much? And at least I’m not the idiot running down the corridors.” Arthur had sniped.
“And I’m not the one talking to myself.” Merlin snapped back.
Arthur glared at him. “Piss off, yeah? I’m having a bad day.”
“News flash, you prat. You’re not the only one.”
“You can’t call me a prat!” Arthur said, outraged.
“Watch me.” Merlin said smugly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Your Highness. I have a housing attendant to track down and kill.”
Then he was gone and Arthur was alone again, wondering if he didn’t imagine the entire encounter.
An hour later found Arthur in front of the Housing Department Manager Mr. Coldswell.
“Yes, well, there has obviously been a bit of a mix up.” The small man said adjusting his coke bottle glasses.
“Obviously.” Arthur said dryly. “So what are you going to do about it?”
Mr. Coldswell puffed himself up, not that it did anything, and was about to tell Arthur off when his receptionist opened the door.
“Ah…sir? We’ve found the other young man. The one who is roomed with Mr. Pendragon?”
“Oh yes, good, very good. Bring him in.”
The receptionist nodded and indicated to someone on the other side of the door. “In you go, Mr. Emrys. Arthur Pendragon this is Merlin Emrys.” The woman introduced.
The dark haired boy entered the room and locked eyes with Arthur.
“Well, fuck me.” Merlin had said.
It tuned out to be a huge mix up. Somehow Arthur and Merlin had been assigned a room that was in fact not in the co-ed house but in the all bloody girls dorm house. And unfortunately, there were no other rooms available anywhere. Room 401 in the all girls dorm house was the only place that was empty.
Mr. Coldswell, had made them sign an agreement with a few terms, in which he would graciously allow the boys to live there. Painting the room was despicably one of them as was not fraternizing with the girls inappropriately.
“I’ll put you both on a three month probation and if after that there are not….incidents. I suppose I could allow you to…adjust the room.” Mr. Coldswell said with a distinct touch of malice.
“Why would we need to adjust the room?” Arthur asked as he and Merlin stood in front of room 401 at last.
Merlin shrugged, the earlier animosity forgotten in face of the battle against Coldswell.
“He’s a bit of a bastard.” Merlin offered. “He seemed to find a lot of unhealthy satisfaction in it though.” He said, unlocking the door.
It opened with an foreboding creak and the boys had peeked in cautiously.
“Oh. My. God.” Merlin said echoing the statement in Arthur’s mind.
“It looks like a fucking Disney princess blew up in here.” Arthur said, horrified as he and Merlin stepped in.
“It…it’s only for three months right?” Merlin said weakly. “Can you manage to keep your hands off the girls for that long?”
“I beg your pardon?” Arthur demanded. “I have a girlfriend thank-you very much.”
Merlin snorted as if he thought that, that fact wouldn’t stop Arthur.
“Piss off, Emrys.” Arthur muttered as he threw one of his bags on a pink bed.
Merlin sighed. “Look I’m sorry, yeah? If we intend to survive this revolting room, we probably shouldn’t be ragging on each other. Wanna start over?” He asked holding out a hand. “I’m Merlin Emrys. Welcome to the pink bowls of hell.”
Arthur couldn’t help but laugh as he shook the odd man’s hand. “You are a total girl, Merlin.”
And so began a…very strange and peculiar friendship.
“You know we still have one more month of this.” Arthur told him, bringing myself out of his memories.
Merlin sighed and fell dramatically to his bed. “I know. I think I may gouge out my eyes before it’s all over though. I’m surprised I haven’t done it yet.”
“Such a drama queen.” Arthur said in a fond voice. “At least it’s good for entertainment.” He said sitting on the edge of Merlin’s bed.
“Shut up.” Merlin said without much heat.
They were silent for a moment.
“D’you think, Sophie knows yet?’ Arthur asked.
Merlin shrugged. “Dunno. Have you felt a disturbance in the Force?”
Arthur laughed. “Always the nerd, Merlin.”
The other boy didn’t seem to mind that fact. “Yeah, but I’m your nerd for the time being, so when Sophie tries to castrate me, you have to protect me.”
Arthur snorted. “She’ll come after me, not you.”
“Bull shit.” Merlin said. “She absolutely loathes me. Now she has an excuse to kill me. Seeing as I stole her precious boy toy away.”
Arthur was about to respond when his mobile rang. He looked at the caller idea and paled.
“Queen Bitch?” Merlin asked.
Arthur nodded.
“Good luck and I’ll reiterate. This is why I’m gay.”