[.We're All Mad Here.]
So here I am again, finding my way back to my online journal. I usually write things down in my paper journals, but more and more I'm slowly finding my way back here. I guess sometimes it's easier to just let everything flow from your fingertips, and just let your mind wander rather than sitting down and trying to write something by hand. I've been having some problems with my new meds that I'm on. Which is both worrying me and pissing me off at the same time. This was the last medicine that my Dr. was going to try on me before everyone washed their hands of me, and I think its failing. I've been having some bad side effects like trouble breathing at night, hot flashes, chills, headaches which occur almost daily, trouble sleeping, and weight gain. I don't want to complain to my Dr. about this medicine for fear that he'll take me off of it, but with all these side effects I'm having I don't know what to do. It's still in the early stages of this medicine. When I go back to the Dr. he will increase my dosage, so I think that I'll try and hang in there and see how I handle the increase before I go and make any complaints. I really want this medicine to work. I want to get better. I'm so tired of all this crap that's been happening to me. I've had enough, and I'm afraid if it doesn't stop soon that I'm going to have some kind of breakdown. I pray every single day to get better, and I know God and Jesus hear me. I know they're there for me. I also know that I should get my ass to church soon haha! I'm surprised God hasn't zapped me with a bolt of lightning or something to get my ass in gear and get my mom and I to church. I'll try to make the effort to go this Sunday.
I have ants in my pants! My shows on the CW are going to be coming back to TV soon and I can't wait! Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, IZombie, and The Originals. I'm most excited to see Supernatural. They ended the season with a huge cliffhanger! I'm so excited to see what happens!
I was browsing DeviantArt last night and came upon a picture of Ian Somerhalder that someone made. I showed it to my mom and she nearly fainted! Let's just say she needed her own personal drool bucket! There are times when we're watching Vampire Diaries and she just stares at the TV in amazement. She likes his blue eyes and dark hair, and his hypnotic gaze. Ever since he got married though she say's he's not that appealing anymore. She says that he's off the market and has lost his sex appeal now. She says he's been 'tamed' now haha so its not that fun anymore!
So besides the fact that I'm going through all these mental problems, I'm also going through the loss of a best friend. My favorite cat died a few months ago and I still can't get over it. I think about him just about every day, and I miss him like I've never missed anyone before. He wasn't just my cat, he was my baby and my best friend. Him and I were close like none other. I had a special bond with him that I don't have with my other cats. I know I mentioned him in my last entry, but whatever, it's my journal. When he died he was in so much pain. All I could do was hold him in my arms as he died. I wish I could have done something to save him, but I couldn't. It was too late for a vet. I guess if you wanted to get all technical about it he's no longer in pain anymore and is with God and Jesus Christ, but damnit I wish so bad that he wouldn't have died! I guess I'm just selfish that way. I miss him SOOOO much! there are no words to describe the pain that I feel. Part of me is numb and the other part of me wants to cry my heart out and never stop! I'm lucky that I have 3 pictures of him. I just have to find them. When I find them, they are going straight in my Holy Bible so I can sleep with him at night. :)
I have ants in my pants! My shows on the CW are going to be coming back to TV soon and I can't wait! Supernatural, Vampire Diaries, IZombie, and The Originals. I'm most excited to see Supernatural. They ended the season with a huge cliffhanger! I'm so excited to see what happens!
I was browsing DeviantArt last night and came upon a picture of Ian Somerhalder that someone made. I showed it to my mom and she nearly fainted! Let's just say she needed her own personal drool bucket! There are times when we're watching Vampire Diaries and she just stares at the TV in amazement. She likes his blue eyes and dark hair, and his hypnotic gaze. Ever since he got married though she say's he's not that appealing anymore. She says that he's off the market and has lost his sex appeal now. She says he's been 'tamed' now haha so its not that fun anymore!
So besides the fact that I'm going through all these mental problems, I'm also going through the loss of a best friend. My favorite cat died a few months ago and I still can't get over it. I think about him just about every day, and I miss him like I've never missed anyone before. He wasn't just my cat, he was my baby and my best friend. Him and I were close like none other. I had a special bond with him that I don't have with my other cats. I know I mentioned him in my last entry, but whatever, it's my journal. When he died he was in so much pain. All I could do was hold him in my arms as he died. I wish I could have done something to save him, but I couldn't. It was too late for a vet. I guess if you wanted to get all technical about it he's no longer in pain anymore and is with God and Jesus Christ, but damnit I wish so bad that he wouldn't have died! I guess I'm just selfish that way. I miss him SOOOO much! there are no words to describe the pain that I feel. Part of me is numb and the other part of me wants to cry my heart out and never stop! I'm lucky that I have 3 pictures of him. I just have to find them. When I find them, they are going straight in my Holy Bible so I can sleep with him at night. :)