who's this human?
It's been a long since I've reflected on myself. I think I've grown a whole helluv a lot. I've lost touch with my bestest friends in the whole wide world. I couldn't tell you what Butch is doing, if you gave me a trillion dollars, and that to me is staggeringly sad. (Cnsidering I'm staggeringly drunk, it's even sadder than sad) He and I hardly know each other and it's effed up, because I often wonder about him. I feel like if we were walking down the street, we'd just pass each other by. Friends until the end, isn't that what we said?
I miss my old life, I miss my old friends.
I wish I could go back to the Stacy who was actually Stacy. I'm stuck in this retail rut, where nothing is real and everything is price tags and clearance signs. All I wanna do is go back to being me. I feel like me, really me, is the last person I wan't to be. Is the me I used to be, not me anymore? I know I'm not the same person I was when I was 18, and that's a good thing because I've grown and evolved into a grown up. But did I ever think my grown up self would be a supervisor at a retail store? This is not my life. Is the person I am today, the person I want to be for the rest of my life? Of course not. I just wish I could do somethimg about it. I wish I could rewind a few years and take out all the bad shit to get where I should be about now.
I should be a pharmacist, I should be making a gagillion dollars a year, out of the trailler park, and into my new sububian life. But I'm not. It's eats at me daily. As soon as I get the fucking program done I can kinda get passed it, but I still owe 2000 bucks and working on a JCP paycheck, I'll be paying for the rest of my life, and never get out of the shit I'm in. If I was just done, I'd be back into the "stacy" I know.
Love bullshit? I have no time for it, but yet the question remains? To love or not to love?
To be or not to be? Should be the question.
Yet, I still I feel that my shit is just not right without having someone to share the experiance with. I do very well on my own, but I still miss the feeling of sharing an experiance with another human.
I keep telling myself that the person I'm supposed to be with will evenetually appear and all will be cool, but what happens if I've passed him by because I was too wrapped up in my everyday mundane bullshit that I passed up dancing with him?
:shrugs: Just a drunken thought.
I miss my old life, I miss my old friends.
I wish I could go back to the Stacy who was actually Stacy. I'm stuck in this retail rut, where nothing is real and everything is price tags and clearance signs. All I wanna do is go back to being me. I feel like me, really me, is the last person I wan't to be. Is the me I used to be, not me anymore? I know I'm not the same person I was when I was 18, and that's a good thing because I've grown and evolved into a grown up. But did I ever think my grown up self would be a supervisor at a retail store? This is not my life. Is the person I am today, the person I want to be for the rest of my life? Of course not. I just wish I could do somethimg about it. I wish I could rewind a few years and take out all the bad shit to get where I should be about now.
I should be a pharmacist, I should be making a gagillion dollars a year, out of the trailler park, and into my new sububian life. But I'm not. It's eats at me daily. As soon as I get the fucking program done I can kinda get passed it, but I still owe 2000 bucks and working on a JCP paycheck, I'll be paying for the rest of my life, and never get out of the shit I'm in. If I was just done, I'd be back into the "stacy" I know.
Love bullshit? I have no time for it, but yet the question remains? To love or not to love?
To be or not to be? Should be the question.
Yet, I still I feel that my shit is just not right without having someone to share the experiance with. I do very well on my own, but I still miss the feeling of sharing an experiance with another human.
I keep telling myself that the person I'm supposed to be with will evenetually appear and all will be cool, but what happens if I've passed him by because I was too wrapped up in my everyday mundane bullshit that I passed up dancing with him?
:shrugs: Just a drunken thought.