(no subject)
I had a really good week this week. I managed to get two lots of voluntary work sorted out! Firstly, on a Mon afternoon for 2 hours I am going to help out at a drop-in centre run by CRUSE, for those of you not in the UK, this s a charity that counsells people who have been recently bereaved. I am hopefully going to be trained to be a counsellor. Training takes place over one evening a week for ten weeks and some Sats's too. It's taken me a while to decide to go for the training as concentration is practically zero so i don't know how good I'll do with it. However, i'm gonna give it a go anyway and i can always quit if necessary.
The second voluntary work I've got is helping kiddies out at a local junior school. For those of you not in the UK, that is kids aged between 7-11. I'll be starting Tues afternoons in the second week of Sept and after four weeks, if I'm not too tired, they'll up it to Weds afternoons as well. I'm a bit pissed off with the school secretary actually! I have phoned the school 2-3 times earlier this year and last year asking if they wanted help, she said she would pass my details on, but no one contacted me! A few days ago I went into the school playground to read the notice board and the headmaster came out. I asked him if they needed any help and he nearly bit my hand off! I'm looking forward to it.
As for now, now is not good... This morning and even this afternoon, I was pretty much fine, not even any anxiety! But, this evening came, and I feel like crap! I don't quite know how to describe it. Basically, I think the best way is that i feel like I'm walking along a tightrope and I'm going to have a huge fall... into the abyss. And what will happen then, i don't know. I haven't harmed for over two years, but now I'm really urgy and feel the need to. I so don't want to give in. I read Caz's journal earlier and she wrote that she doesn't have time for si anymore, that it doesn't fit in with her lifestyle now. And that's pretty much how I feel about it! I don't want no more si! Why does this keep happening? I get so far, and then it just creeps up on me again. It's been over two years now, I should be over this, I hate the bloody addiction. I pick at my fingers and Dean reckons that's si. I don't agree cos it rarely hurts! I'm just so fucking frustrated. Sorry for ranting...
The second voluntary work I've got is helping kiddies out at a local junior school. For those of you not in the UK, that is kids aged between 7-11. I'll be starting Tues afternoons in the second week of Sept and after four weeks, if I'm not too tired, they'll up it to Weds afternoons as well. I'm a bit pissed off with the school secretary actually! I have phoned the school 2-3 times earlier this year and last year asking if they wanted help, she said she would pass my details on, but no one contacted me! A few days ago I went into the school playground to read the notice board and the headmaster came out. I asked him if they needed any help and he nearly bit my hand off! I'm looking forward to it.
As for now, now is not good... This morning and even this afternoon, I was pretty much fine, not even any anxiety! But, this evening came, and I feel like crap! I don't quite know how to describe it. Basically, I think the best way is that i feel like I'm walking along a tightrope and I'm going to have a huge fall... into the abyss. And what will happen then, i don't know. I haven't harmed for over two years, but now I'm really urgy and feel the need to. I so don't want to give in. I read Caz's journal earlier and she wrote that she doesn't have time for si anymore, that it doesn't fit in with her lifestyle now. And that's pretty much how I feel about it! I don't want no more si! Why does this keep happening? I get so far, and then it just creeps up on me again. It's been over two years now, I should be over this, I hate the bloody addiction. I pick at my fingers and Dean reckons that's si. I don't agree cos it rarely hurts! I'm just so fucking frustrated. Sorry for ranting...