(no subject)
senior prom was amazing, actually. we danced and looked amazing and had an entirely wonderful sober night. i gave blinky toys to the kids who were rolling. it was a nice last look at my senior class, i saw everyone i loved, everyone i hated, everyone i didn't get to know as well as i would have liked (out of a class of 700 or so). it was an entirely nice night. i skipped graduation and it doesn't bother me much. now it's time to get a damn job and drive and grow up already. these mental highs and lows are fucking ridiculous, but admittedly it's nice to feel anything at all. without self-medicating on various drugs, things become a lot clearer. i like being clean. i like the idea of going to school and working and becoming independent and responsible, and maybe even healthy. and happy, perhaps. these sounds like nice things. i want to go out and know more people and really honestly get to know them. i want to connect with old friends and let go of some current terrible influences. but i still enjoy the nights with the four of us watching movies and drinking on the porch, quietly. i guess i want it all. i don't know what the point of this is. happiness is rare, around here.