Help me...
Did I make a bad decision? Did I do the right thing? It was good and great but is it good and great in the long run? I think so. I thought I wanted it really bad before it happened and after it did, I just want it even more now!!! (and for those of u who think I'm talking about s e x, I'm not.) What do I do? I cant go back to what I used to do, that's not an option. I learned from that mistake. But on the other hand, when I think about the good that does come out of it it reminds of just how worth it it was and I wonder if I will ever resolve to that again. Am I stupid? Maybe not. Hope not. I just want something really bad. Why do we always want what we cant have? WHY!? But whats the worst about it is that what I want, wants it too and cant have it either so at least I'm not alone. (CAN ANYONE RELATE HERE?) You know, I never do understand why high school couples fight so much. Cant they realize how lucky they are to be with that special one and not be threatened by it. If I only had that. Why is it just my luck that I have to be threatened by this?! I just dont understand. Maybe God has sent this my way so I may learn from it. And if so, God, I have fallen in love with your lesson. Its almost like someone has stuck your favorite dessert in front of your face telling you that you cant have it xcept this is 100x's worse. WHAT PAIN, WHAT MISERY, WHAT AGONY!!! I try to fill the emptiness somewhere else but cant, just cant. When I think about filling the emptiness somewhere else, I then compare it to what it used to be and realize its no where near being filled. The only thing that can fill the emptiness is whats not there, and well, that's no good is it? Why cant I be like everyone else, just happy and content? The other thing about it is that I am so impatient! My emptiness can truly be filled but just not right now. I have to wait to get the "approval" from the 2 in charge before I can fill it. HURRY! (ANYONE RELATING YET?)You see, it wouldnt be so bad if I hadnt had this b4. SO now I know what I am missing which bites the big one! Usually, when I have a problem, I can just write about it or get it out through my music, but not this. This is much too powerful. This is on my mind 24 7 365. I've been praying which is powerful but its like God is teasing me which I know cant be right. He wouldnt do that. Maybe I am just so wrapped up in this that I am trying to look too far. I need some answers. I need this. This is my everything, my world, my life, my other half. Answers please find me soon and tell me what to do. Love always- Carly Ann