lost in thought
i grow closer and closer to the day. which makes me look back at the people before him. i think about how different my life could have been if i hadnt broken up with certain ex boyfriends. in no way shape or form do i regret any of them nor do i believe i am making a mistake with what is to come in my near future.
there are some that i just look at as, well.... maybe it was just a phase. then there are 2 that i particularly cared about more than any of the others. he cared more than any of the other ones in my past. he loved me for who i am and nothing else. he introduced me into my quote on quote "adult" life. he was the first person i ever felt and said "i love you" to and completely, 100% meant it. and then i hurt him. not because i didnt love him anymore... but because i was afraid of how strong my feelings were and how far away from me he was because summer kept us away from each other.
i saw him recently. he has a new woman in his life. i have my soon to be future husband. they were both there when we saw each other. both of us happy in our seperate lives. we spoke. we laughed. we went our seperate ways. life moves on. but yet, i think about him in particular from time to time. wondering how different it would all be. part of the reason i think i feel this way is because i feel like there was never any closure. it ended in such an immature way on my part. sometimes i want to see if he wants to get lunch or coffee (even though i LOATHE coffee) and talk. but i know that will never happen.
so yet again ive come to a sad realization. you never realize how much someone may have affected your life til they are gone suddenly. you have your sudden feelings of sadness, but in time it fades....til you see that person again and that is when you truly know how someone has or has not touched your life in some way. if that person ever happens to read this, they should know immediately this about them. and if that one in a million chance happens, please know i am sorry for the past and how it affected you. please do know i never meant to hurt you. i did love you deeply and truly.
thats the end to my sad entry of the moment.
---------------------------------------------
richelle.
there are some that i just look at as, well.... maybe it was just a phase. then there are 2 that i particularly cared about more than any of the others. he cared more than any of the other ones in my past. he loved me for who i am and nothing else. he introduced me into my quote on quote "adult" life. he was the first person i ever felt and said "i love you" to and completely, 100% meant it. and then i hurt him. not because i didnt love him anymore... but because i was afraid of how strong my feelings were and how far away from me he was because summer kept us away from each other.
i saw him recently. he has a new woman in his life. i have my soon to be future husband. they were both there when we saw each other. both of us happy in our seperate lives. we spoke. we laughed. we went our seperate ways. life moves on. but yet, i think about him in particular from time to time. wondering how different it would all be. part of the reason i think i feel this way is because i feel like there was never any closure. it ended in such an immature way on my part. sometimes i want to see if he wants to get lunch or coffee (even though i LOATHE coffee) and talk. but i know that will never happen.
so yet again ive come to a sad realization. you never realize how much someone may have affected your life til they are gone suddenly. you have your sudden feelings of sadness, but in time it fades....til you see that person again and that is when you truly know how someone has or has not touched your life in some way. if that person ever happens to read this, they should know immediately this about them. and if that one in a million chance happens, please know i am sorry for the past and how it affected you. please do know i never meant to hurt you. i did love you deeply and truly.
thats the end to my sad entry of the moment.
---------------------------------------------
richelle.