ChangKyu, spooks, 1/2glitterburnFebruary 3 2013, 16:10:29 UTC
M comes to see them in their office in the basement. Kyuhyun is playing Pac Man on a retro games website and Changmin is reading a car manual that formerly propped up his desk.
“Agent Cho, Agent Shim,” M says. “I have a mission for you. Bestiaries at Bedtime has been stolen from the National Library. You must retrieve it or the country could be in terrible danger.”
Changmin looks up with a frown. “I’ve read Bestiaries at Bedtime. It’s crap.”
“The manuscript contains dozens of microdots hidden in the illuminated marginalia,” M says. “Each microdot holds top secret information concerning the identity of our agents in North Korea, China, Russia and the US. You must return the book to the library as soon as possible.”
Kyuhyun pauses the Pac Man game and calls up various screens. “Do we have any suspects, sir?”
“The name on the library card is Jung Yunho.” M shakes his head. “It’s probably an alias.”
“I’ll just use this generic search engine to check.” Kyuhyun taps a few keys. “There’s only one Jung Yunho within a fifteen-minute walk of the library.”
M looks surprised. “Can it be that easy?”
Changmin is studying the bus timetable. “No, sir, it’s not easy at all. We’ll have to take the 41 to East Gate and then the 18 across town and then walk two blocks. It’ll take at least one hour and forty minutes to reach this address.”
“Use your initiative,” M orders.
Ten minutes later, they’re on board the 41 bus. Kyuhyun prefers to sit upstairs but Changmin says it’s better to stand up near the driver in case they need to rush out. The driver tells him repeatedly to go sit down, and when Changmin refuses to do so, they’re both kicked off long before the correct stop for the number 18.
“This mission sucks,” Kyuhyun complains.
“Cheer up, bro,” Changmin says. “Wagamama’s is just around the corner, we can get some lunch before we track down the missing book.”
Kyuhyun sighs and manages to steer his colleague in the opposite direction. After another hour or so they arrive at their destination, a shop called Ho Ho Ho.
“Either it’s a brothel or a joke shop,” Kyuhyun says, and they go inside.
Changmin is slightly disappointed to find that it’s a joke shop. Kyuhyun goes over to the displays of robot things that squirt water. “Dude, look, it’s two for one on whoopee cushions, we should totally get some!”
As if by magic, a really hot guy appears by the cash desk. “Hello! Welcome to Ho Ho Ho. I’m Yunho.”
A guy with scary eyebrows appears near the window display. “And I’m Minho.”
Kyuhyun glances around to find a third guy with wild hair and masses of eyeliner standing right behind him. “And I’m Jongwoon.”
“We tried to get him to change his name to Jongho but he refused.” Yunho looks sad. “Ho Ho Woon is a crap name for a joke shop, don’t you think?”
“Er,” says Changmin.
“How can we help you?” Jongwoon asks, smiling seductively at Kyuhyun.
“Um,” says Kyuhyun, and then he remembers their mission and takes out his badge. “We’re agents Cho and Shim. We put the intelligence into military intelligence.”
There’s a long silence.
“We’re spooks,” Changmin adds.
Yunho relaxes. “Oh, I loved that show! Richard Armitage was so hot.”
Jongwoon makes a derisive snort. “Get real. Any true fan knows that the best spy was that posh blond guy with the double-barrelled name. You know, thingy. He married that woman from whatsit in real life and then he was in Whitechapel.”
“No,” Changmin says slowly, “we are actual spies. Proper ones.”
“You should be careful, spooks always die in car bombings,” Yunho says, brow furrowing in concern. “At least three seasons ended with bombings.”
“One was a hotel, not a car,” Jongwoon says. “Didn’t the Home Secretary die in that one, too? The bloke that was in Hustle.”
Re: ChangKyu, spooks, 2/2glitterburnFebruary 3 2013, 16:11:04 UTC
“Anyway,” Yunho says brightly, “is this about that library book? I borrowed it for Minho. He doesn’t have a library card and he told me wanted to read about the mating habits of rhinopillars. I told him he could just generic search engine it but he said he prefers to read proper books.”
Kyuhyun and Changmin exchange looks. Maybe it will be easy after all.
“Do you have the book here?” Kyuhyun asks. “It needs to be returned by five o’clock, otherwise you’ll get a fine.”
Minho looks shifty. “It’s not here. It’s... somewhere else.”
Changmin gets a bad feeling about this. “Where? What did you do with it?”
“I sold it.” Minho wriggles his eyebrows in an evil manner. “I sold it to the highest bidder and now I’m going to take my ill-gotten gains and flee to a non-extradition country!” He grabs a handful of pellets from the window display and hurls them onto the floor. Black smoke fills the room, along with Minho’s sinister laughter, which cuts off into a hacking cough, rather spoiling his dramatic exit.
When the smoke clears, Kyuhyun is alarmed to see Changmin on the floor in Yunho’s arms. They appear to be making out, although when challenged, Changmin claims that he inhaled too much smoke and Yunho was just giving him the kiss of life.
“While you were snogging, Minho got away!” Kyuhyun shouts. “How will we retrieve Bestiaries at Bedtime now?”
“If it helps,” Jongwoon says calmly, “I removed all the incriminating microdots from the marginalia before Minho opened the book.”
Kyuhyun stares. “You did?”
“Oh, yes.” Jongwoon beams. “I collect microdots. I keep them in my bedroom. Would you like to see my collection?”
This sounds like the best idea ever. Kyuhyun starts to follow Jongwoon towards the stairs.
“Wait!” Yunho looks distressed. “Even though the microdots are safe, Minho still sold the book. That means I’m going to get a fine.”
“No problem,” Changmin assures him. “Kyu can totally hack into the library database and stick someone else with the fine. But first he should make a thorough examination of Jongwoon’s microdot collection and you should show me your etchings.”
And they all lived happily ever after, except Minho who joined his boyfriend Thingy in Ougadougou and got really bad sunburn.
Re: ChangKyu, spooks, 2/2dislex1aFebruary 3 2013, 16:35:44 UTC
OK, so this is my third time reading it and I'm still laughing like an idiot.
I love how you just take these really random ideas that Twitter messaging can generate and then turn it into something so coherent! I swear all I had in my head when I mentioned ChangKyu the idiot spies was an image of them trying (and failing) to be cool and suave. But to get this in return is such a treat. THANK YOU.
Well, first off, the whole Spooks discussion is hilarious. And yes, I'm going to agree with Yesung that RPJ was definitely hotter there than Armitage, although I haven't watched enough of the show to justify the comment XD Also, the name of the joke shop! The references to the generic search engine!
We put the intelligence into military intelligence They so don't, but the image of Kyu saying that is so vivid and funny.
And I loved all the other references -- Bestiaries at Bedtime (presumably with the Renaissance Artist's hand-drawn sketches) and rhinopillar mating habits. The opening scene with M (I forgot for a moment that Ralph Fiennes is M now, whoops!) was inspired, as was ChangKyu failing to take a bus properly. Yes, yes that would happen to them!
Oh! Also, poor Minho's eventual fate. Stuck with Prelate Thingy in Ougadougou with his scary eyebrows (they are) and melty Easter Eggs.
Loved every bit of it, basically (but I think you know that already). <333333
Re: ChangKyu, spooks, 2/2glitterburnFebruary 3 2013, 16:55:41 UTC
Not sure this was particularly coherent but I'll pretend it was anyway :D
I'd find it hard to choose between RPJ and Richard Armitage, they're both smokin' hot in Spooks though I think Armitage might just win it because he was so TORMENTED and FULL OF ANGST. Also, he took his shirt off a fair bit and that is always going to sway my opinion.
All spies need a catchphrase! You just know they sat around practicing it until it sounded natural. Or slightly less awkward.
Bestiaries at Bedtime will forever be my favourite faux-Renaissance tome, now available in colouring-in book format from the Vatican gift shop!
Re: ChangKyu, spooks, 2/2diagonFebruary 3 2013, 16:49:09 UTC
I love that Yunho fancies Richard Armitage so much! (much hotter than Wupert Penry-Whatsit!) and you indirectly mentioned lovely Robert Glenister!
And can I just say that Yesung having a microdot collection and Kyu wanting to see it is one of the squickiest things you've every written, but luckily I was laughing too hard to realise until later.
Re: ChangKyu, spooks, 2/2glitterburnFebruary 3 2013, 16:57:43 UTC
RPJ was pretty hot in earlier seasons of Spooks - I'm pretty sure I only started watching it for him, but IIRC he never took his shirt off the way Richard Armitage did, so he loses out there ;)
“Agent Cho, Agent Shim,” M says. “I have a mission for you. Bestiaries at Bedtime has been stolen from the National Library. You must retrieve it or the country could be in terrible danger.”
Changmin looks up with a frown. “I’ve read Bestiaries at Bedtime. It’s crap.”
“The manuscript contains dozens of microdots hidden in the illuminated marginalia,” M says. “Each microdot holds top secret information concerning the identity of our agents in North Korea, China, Russia and the US. You must return the book to the library as soon as possible.”
Kyuhyun pauses the Pac Man game and calls up various screens. “Do we have any suspects, sir?”
“The name on the library card is Jung Yunho.” M shakes his head. “It’s probably an alias.”
“I’ll just use this generic search engine to check.” Kyuhyun taps a few keys. “There’s only one Jung Yunho within a fifteen-minute walk of the library.”
M looks surprised. “Can it be that easy?”
Changmin is studying the bus timetable. “No, sir, it’s not easy at all. We’ll have to take the 41 to East Gate and then the 18 across town and then walk two blocks. It’ll take at least one hour and forty minutes to reach this address.”
“Use your initiative,” M orders.
Ten minutes later, they’re on board the 41 bus. Kyuhyun prefers to sit upstairs but Changmin says it’s better to stand up near the driver in case they need to rush out. The driver tells him repeatedly to go sit down, and when Changmin refuses to do so, they’re both kicked off long before the correct stop for the number 18.
“This mission sucks,” Kyuhyun complains.
“Cheer up, bro,” Changmin says. “Wagamama’s is just around the corner, we can get some lunch before we track down the missing book.”
Kyuhyun sighs and manages to steer his colleague in the opposite direction. After another hour or so they arrive at their destination, a shop called Ho Ho Ho.
“Either it’s a brothel or a joke shop,” Kyuhyun says, and they go inside.
Changmin is slightly disappointed to find that it’s a joke shop. Kyuhyun goes over to the displays of robot things that squirt water. “Dude, look, it’s two for one on whoopee cushions, we should totally get some!”
As if by magic, a really hot guy appears by the cash desk. “Hello! Welcome to Ho Ho Ho. I’m Yunho.”
A guy with scary eyebrows appears near the window display. “And I’m Minho.”
Kyuhyun glances around to find a third guy with wild hair and masses of eyeliner standing right behind him. “And I’m Jongwoon.”
“We tried to get him to change his name to Jongho but he refused.” Yunho looks sad. “Ho Ho Woon is a crap name for a joke shop, don’t you think?”
“Er,” says Changmin.
“How can we help you?” Jongwoon asks, smiling seductively at Kyuhyun.
“Um,” says Kyuhyun, and then he remembers their mission and takes out his badge. “We’re agents Cho and Shim. We put the intelligence into military intelligence.”
There’s a long silence.
“We’re spooks,” Changmin adds.
Yunho relaxes. “Oh, I loved that show! Richard Armitage was so hot.”
Jongwoon makes a derisive snort. “Get real. Any true fan knows that the best spy was that posh blond guy with the double-barrelled name. You know, thingy. He married that woman from whatsit in real life and then he was in Whitechapel.”
“No,” Changmin says slowly, “we are actual spies. Proper ones.”
“You should be careful, spooks always die in car bombings,” Yunho says, brow furrowing in concern. “At least three seasons ended with bombings.”
“One was a hotel, not a car,” Jongwoon says. “Didn’t the Home Secretary die in that one, too? The bloke that was in Hustle.”
Minho shakes his head in despair.
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Kyuhyun and Changmin exchange looks. Maybe it will be easy after all.
“Do you have the book here?” Kyuhyun asks. “It needs to be returned by five o’clock, otherwise you’ll get a fine.”
Minho looks shifty. “It’s not here. It’s... somewhere else.”
Changmin gets a bad feeling about this. “Where? What did you do with it?”
“I sold it.” Minho wriggles his eyebrows in an evil manner. “I sold it to the highest bidder and now I’m going to take my ill-gotten gains and flee to a non-extradition country!” He grabs a handful of pellets from the window display and hurls them onto the floor. Black smoke fills the room, along with Minho’s sinister laughter, which cuts off into a hacking cough, rather spoiling his dramatic exit.
When the smoke clears, Kyuhyun is alarmed to see Changmin on the floor in Yunho’s arms. They appear to be making out, although when challenged, Changmin claims that he inhaled too much smoke and Yunho was just giving him the kiss of life.
“While you were snogging, Minho got away!” Kyuhyun shouts. “How will we retrieve Bestiaries at Bedtime now?”
“If it helps,” Jongwoon says calmly, “I removed all the incriminating microdots from the marginalia before Minho opened the book.”
Kyuhyun stares. “You did?”
“Oh, yes.” Jongwoon beams. “I collect microdots. I keep them in my bedroom. Would you like to see my collection?”
This sounds like the best idea ever. Kyuhyun starts to follow Jongwoon towards the stairs.
“Wait!” Yunho looks distressed. “Even though the microdots are safe, Minho still sold the book. That means I’m going to get a fine.”
“No problem,” Changmin assures him. “Kyu can totally hack into the library database and stick someone else with the fine. But first he should make a thorough examination of Jongwoon’s microdot collection and you should show me your etchings.”
And they all lived happily ever after, except Minho who joined his boyfriend Thingy in Ougadougou and got really bad sunburn.
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I love how you just take these really random ideas that Twitter messaging can generate and then turn it into something so coherent! I swear all I had in my head when I mentioned ChangKyu the idiot spies was an image of them trying (and failing) to be cool and suave. But to get this in return is such a treat. THANK YOU.
Well, first off, the whole Spooks discussion is hilarious. And yes, I'm going to agree with Yesung that RPJ was definitely hotter there than Armitage, although I haven't watched enough of the show to justify the comment XD Also, the name of the joke shop! The references to the generic search engine!
We put the intelligence into military intelligence
They so don't, but the image of Kyu saying that is so vivid and funny.
And I loved all the other references -- Bestiaries at Bedtime (presumably with the Renaissance Artist's hand-drawn sketches) and rhinopillar mating habits. The opening scene with M (I forgot for a moment that Ralph Fiennes is M now, whoops!) was inspired, as was ChangKyu failing to take a bus properly. Yes, yes that would happen to them!
Oh! Also, poor Minho's eventual fate. Stuck with Prelate Thingy in Ougadougou with his scary eyebrows (they are) and melty Easter Eggs.
Loved every bit of it, basically (but I think you know that already). <333333
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I'd find it hard to choose between RPJ and Richard Armitage, they're both smokin' hot in Spooks though I think Armitage might just win it because he was so TORMENTED and FULL OF ANGST. Also, he took his shirt off a fair bit and that is always going to sway my opinion.
All spies need a catchphrase! You just know they sat around practicing it until it sounded natural. Or slightly less awkward.
Bestiaries at Bedtime will forever be my favourite faux-Renaissance tome, now available in colouring-in book format from the Vatican gift shop!
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And can I just say that Yesung having a microdot collection and Kyu wanting to see it is one of the squickiest things you've every written, but luckily I was laughing too hard to realise until later.
Did I mention the brilliant use of in jokes?
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(about to post the ficlet inspired by your prompt ^^)
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