Fic: The Square Root of Four [SJM RPS]

[glitterburn]

Title: The Square Root of Four
Fandom: Super Junior M RPS
Pairing: Sungmin/Eunhyuk
Rating: PG13
Summary: The secret’s out, everything’s broken, but love is worth fighting for.
Notes: Crossdressing!Sungmin. Counting Backwards, final part. Sequel to Two Plus Two Equals Five.

The Square Root of Four
You cheated on me. You fucking bitch.Sungmin

Comments

[diagon]

I love it when you fill me with so much anticipation. When you write stories where I am literally scared to read the next line you know you have it made!
In the first two parts I was completely behind Hyuk, then in part three is was Min but you actually managed to make me feel equally wrecked for both of them in this one. Poor boys - they finally get to talk and they keep misunderstanding each other. It's like talking isn't enough - they have to combine talk and action and instinct and trust to really understand each other.

Right from the start you set up the male/female Jade/Min man/woman conundrum flowing which is so important to the dynamic and how this plays out. They're both so confused about it and how the line blurs and it's such an important line because it defines exactly what Hyuk has to come to terms with - and it also harks back nicely to part 3 where Hae calls Min babe when they first talk about the bet. It's not a simple case of dressing up - it's about subterfuge and pretence and playing parts and doing something unreal to make things seem real.

There's a couple of important matching questions where they misunderstand each other "Was it worth it" and Hyuk is asking about Siwon, but Min is thinking about Jade when he answers - and later when Min says "There's no comparison" and Hyukkie thinks he's the lesser of the two when Min is trying to say he's the better man.

They're both so equally undone in this and while Hyuk keeps getting angry and pushing it externally, Min keeps dragging it all inside like he's hugging a protective blanket around him, but he also has his moments when he can't help but force it out like when he flips Hyuk (harking back to part one where Hyuk sees Min do that to the leach in the bar and feels bad for not being able to protect Jade) and when he turns into Jade in the mirror without even trying. Their reactions to this whole thing are so different but come from the exact same place - love and being scared of love (and rejection) and challenging their own preconceptions.

“Because this was the only way I could have you.” “No.” Hyukjae looks wild. “I mean, yes. But not any more. Don’t you see?”
And this bit too "don't you see" has Hyuk meaning that they don't need Jade as an excuse now but Min hears it as "even with Jade you can't have me any more".

**more follows!

[diagon]

***has to split reply again OMG!!

This must have been exhausting to write because each line had the potential to be loaded so heavily. I had my layout so I would only read a line and then move down to the next one because my anticipation was so high and it really paid off in some parts - this next section the line ended with But you don't want me, do you? and I was begging Min not to say anything else, but I had a feeling he would and spoil it - and he did.
Silence. It stretches, becomes painful. Sungmin doesn’t want to address the last point, but he can’t ignore it, either. His voice scratches him raw. “But you don’t want me, do you?

You'd set him up so well that I could taste just what he would say and of course how Hyukkie would respond because this was a point they were both hurting over so much.

I think the most painful thing for me to read was: Then you wouldn’t feel so rejected, and I-I wouldn’t feel so guilty.” Because it shows just how deep the friendship was even before Min confessed his love. That Hyuk felt guilty for saying no - but their friendship was already based on love and it was just the conventionality of being straight/gay that stopped them. Stupid labels!! I would have sat Hyuk down and used flow charts to show him it's perfectly naturally for straight people to fall in love with people of the same sex if that person is as totally special and remarkable and amazing as Sungmin.

Can I just say: Waaaaaaah!!!1!!11!! !! “Because it’s true. If you were a girl I think I’d love you. No, I know I’d love you. Because I did fall in love with you. With her. With you. With Jade.”

(If I was an anime character I'd have big hearts in my eyes now)

and the whole bit with Jade's name and where Min wondered in part 3 if Hyuk had named his girlfriend in his head, it's so clear now that he didn't because it was always about Min.

If these two had just sat and talked about this from the start instead of assuming aarrrgh! makes me want to knock their heads together. Except if they had talked then perhaps they wouldn't have got here because they couldn't be deliberately obtuse about their awareness of each other. It's like the pretence had to be there not for justification, but for protection. There's so much in this one where you show how much they did for each other without seeking acknowledgement because that's what love is about - it's not about seeking constant rewards for good behaviour it's about always trying to be your best because the other person deserves it.

I agree with Chrissy about the beauty of using the stripping Min back and then cocooning him up and needing Hyuk in the cocoon with him as they make their fresh start. They both need the physically and emotionally scouring raw of each other to start afresh.
Hyuk demanding Min dress up and seeing him as just Min in girls' clothes until that vital moment when he becomes Jade is brilliant and reflects so well on real-life Min and how he switches from passive!Min to showman!Min so quickly and completely. Same with him switching between aegyo and ubersexy. And Hyuk doesn't do that - yes he can go between dorky and serious on stage but the line between the two is so thin, but with Min it's one or the other and it's so complete.

Just one more point before I stop rambling about these two: “I’m a manipulative bitch.” “And I’m a greedy bastard.” so much love for this because it's true, and it harks back to the gender split and yet it's said with such affection and love and understanding that it completely erasers any fears that there could be a later backlash from what happened before. They really do understand each other.

Hyukkie is so brave (as is Min) but Hyukkie had further to go and he did and I'm so grateful Min perservered on this so they could both get what they wanted.
***comment part 3 to follow!!

[diagon]

**Damns word limits

A final note on supporting characters.
Yesung: You dork!
Siwon and Donghae: I love the comedy moment between them and how you could tell which one was knocking on the door when. They're both like seconds for the duelling main characters but luckily they know when to leave them alone because actually, they're not all that supportive (Siwon taking the "I love Hyuk" announcement out of Min's hands and Hae setting up the whole bet in the first place) except they do love them, really.

And finally Wookie. You give him something like four lines in the whole series and he pretty much steals the show. I love bossy Wookie. I love caring Wookie. I'm so glad the dorm has a mother like him because they need him.

I must have read some 200 of your stories over the years but this is easily top-5 because you take something that could be silly, or something that could just be a big bucket of angst and you make it warm and human and hurty and ultimately joyous all at the same time.

You managed to write it with both unfathomable depth and a light touch at the same time which is such a tribute to your talent.

I'll shut up.
But can I have some chocolate??

[glitterburn]

This must be the longest comment I've ever had LOL Thank you for finding so much to say and being more coherent about it than I can ever be in my daft replies. What makes sense in my head rarely transmutes into the comment box. Thank you for discussing this series with me over the past few months and not letting me sidle my way out of it.

Thank you - and now I really owe you a HenWook!
xxx

[diagon]

and not letting me sidle my way out of it.

Like I would have ever let you not finish this! Remember that epic sulk I put on over that Istanbul story interrupting ToF?? That would have been nothing compared to you not finishing this one.

These boys needed resolution and you really did give them the perfect one.

epic meta-chats are epic!

[glitterburn]

You're such a gom :p An epic gom!

[diagon]

Face it, you're an exceedingly clever writer and I'm just a massive fangirl that you somehow put up with ;p

[glitterburn]

Somehow! *snort* It's such a hardship! :p