Imprisonment.
I'm being held captive in the one place that makes me the most uneasy: my own home.
I can't say that it isn't my fault, because it is. But the extent at which they've taken my punishment is a little obsurd. Seeing that I rarely cause trouble, I think a mild punishment and maybe a forced apology would suffice. But no. Not in this house. That slides with my brother, but not with me. I "should know better". Well I do, and I know enough to be able to give myself my own punishments. And being held under the intense security of my room is a little over the line.
I know I hurt her, inside and out. I know she deserved it, just as much as I did. but why isn't she in trouble? My whole life has been at her feet, begging for her mercy, yet never being the slightest bit recognized. The validity of what she says isn't even strong enough to pass as Mother's judgement. She's insane and rediculously out of control. The pain she has caused me isn't even comparable to what I did. No amount of physical pain that I could cause would ever hurt as much as everything she's done to me. I've fought so hard to believe that she has nothing to do with me, and that she hasn't completely ruined any chance I have at having my own life & dreams. I'm getting very tired of fighting for myself.. but I can't and won't let her win.
That's all for now.
Other than I need everyone to know for the 8th year in a row, I'm grounded over my Christmas break.
the end.
I can't say that it isn't my fault, because it is. But the extent at which they've taken my punishment is a little obsurd. Seeing that I rarely cause trouble, I think a mild punishment and maybe a forced apology would suffice. But no. Not in this house. That slides with my brother, but not with me. I "should know better". Well I do, and I know enough to be able to give myself my own punishments. And being held under the intense security of my room is a little over the line.
I know I hurt her, inside and out. I know she deserved it, just as much as I did. but why isn't she in trouble? My whole life has been at her feet, begging for her mercy, yet never being the slightest bit recognized. The validity of what she says isn't even strong enough to pass as Mother's judgement. She's insane and rediculously out of control. The pain she has caused me isn't even comparable to what I did. No amount of physical pain that I could cause would ever hurt as much as everything she's done to me. I've fought so hard to believe that she has nothing to do with me, and that she hasn't completely ruined any chance I have at having my own life & dreams. I'm getting very tired of fighting for myself.. but I can't and won't let her win.
That's all for now.
Other than I need everyone to know for the 8th year in a row, I'm grounded over my Christmas break.
the end.