a drop in the ocean//a change in the weather
HI GUISE. long time no post. i think the few people who used to read this gave up checking if i even update HAHAA.
anyway. its been a crazy hectic week. don't know how, don't know why, but i decided to and somehow became............the Bizad club 27th managing committee Director of Welfare. Was honestly quite sad that none of my other campaign groupmates got in, and at the same time quite in disbelief I made the 15 they chose out of 47(?) people. Honestly, I'm scared. very scared. I have no idea how busy I'll be, how challenging its gonna be and how i'm going to live up to expectations (considering how good the previous welfare head was w his initiatives) and whether I'll have time to do my own stuff like baking or exercising. I came into NUS with the mindset of really just chilling and doing my own thing but i somehow got myself so involved in almost everything lol. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CHILL MENTALITY? I'm just feeling very disorientated and my thoughts are really everywhere so this is really gonna just be a verbal diarrhea. I don't really know most people in my MC, and I honestly have no idea how our working relationships will be and if I will actually ENJOY this whole journey and make good friends and stuff. I can't help but have some shards of regret. IDKKKK ZOMG. I think sometimes I'm really too pessimistic and i just need someone to assure me that its all gonna be alright ):
I was also thinking about more long term plans, like what I really wanna do with my future. I know at this stage its still pretty difficult to lay out a concrete plan because I'm barely 3 weeks into school and what do i know about Business right? And I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA. I JUST WANNA FIND LOVE, DO SOMETHING I LOVE, BE HAPPY. But in any case, if I could plan out least my first year, I'd wanna focus my first year on pushing my boundaries for self-development by working hard for Welfare and really bringing it to greater heights, getting back into shape IM SO FAT NOW I HATE MYSELF DISGUSTED BLEGH, and really being consistent in my studies to make sure I dont backlog and screw up my CAP, and of course HOPEFULLY go on a trip with my uni friends!
Second year onwards, I wanna really focus on my future like plan it out properly and maybe further explore my baking career options in terms of bringing it to school or taking more orders and stuff like that. Or maybe even go on the diploma course at cordon bleu during my summer break. still deciding whether i wanna go on exchange during 2nd year second sem or 3rd year first sem rawrrrrrrrr. I needa focus on my studies too so that i get an awesome CAP to go anywhere LOL. i sound like such a mugger T__T why am i in an sg uni SIGHZ. i do wanna try doing a different dance genre too maybe. on a sidenote, i got rejected by blast. wont deny i felt really demoralized cuz that meant i was really so darn sucky to not even be one of the 60 people they chose out of 200 and altho i was really quite tired that day due to campaigning i would say im really just not good enough to start with anyway la sooo got over it, decided since im in MC i wouldnt have time for the high commitment as well and if i do wanna try hiphop i can try it next year!
i really miss my friends too ): amongst all these uncertainties and changes I really miss familiarity. my batch10 nymd buddies, my jc classmates, MAD peeps, my cousin Sheryl who's in melb and even pd. I really dread the process of making new friends cuz theres the whole phase of being reserved and not yourself first, then having to find out through time and interaction if the person is genuine/your frequency and stuff and its just such a long drawn process rawrrr. that being said I really am glad to have met some awesome people but its quite sad that now with school and cca and all, everyone's everywhere and our schedules make it so hard to have common time to just hang out ): both for my robinhood cg mates and my old friends.
So there's just so many mini goals I want to achieve and being a perfectionist and ocd person these uncertainties are kinda driving me crazy. My studies, my fitness, baking, dance, friends etc. IN ANY CASE. JUST GOTTA HAVE FAITH IN MYSELF AND TRY TO STRIKE A BALANCE AND ALWAYS REMEMBER TO ENJOY THE MOMENT.
ITS ALL GONnA BE ALRIGHT. THE RAINBOW'S GONNA COME.
gonna miss lana who's going to UK for law ): we've been friends since p1 and although we dont meet often, we meet regularly, and i know i'll definitely miss her sighpie
incorrigible gluttons. cookies after dinner and gym. WHYYYYYY DO I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THIS.
awesome campaign mates :)