A Touch of the Fingertips, Chapter 24
Title: A Touch of the Fingertips
Chapter: 24 - This Side of the Blue
Rating: PG-13 this part, NC-17 overall
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: Character spoiler for 3x15
Word Count: ~3,400
Summary: Kurt has barely ever made contact with anyone outside of his family because he is a faerie. However, this is not the small, winged creature you expect. It is a creature, or person, which makes a connection when it touches another. When Kurt accidentally meets Blaine Anderson, this becomes an even greater problem than Kurt ever predicted.
Author's Note: Well, hello again. I've been writing this chapter in bits for a while, but I finally got it all together today. Hope you enjoy!
Cooper Anderson was just as charming as his brother. He had Carole swooning and Burt grinning within five minutes. Kurt realised now that the charm ran in the family. Underneath it, though, he had a feeling Cooper could be just the right side of misadventurous. The way he shot Kurt a wink when he came in the house was just the first sign. It didn’t help that he was ridiculously attractive (something Kurt refused to admit ran through his mind, even when Cooper grinned at him). Dinner passed quickly with everyone settling in together with ease. Kurt had expected Blaine to be a little stiff, a little nervous, but one look at the easy camaraderie between the brothers put that fear to rest. If anything, Blaine was brighter, bouncing off his brother and growing in front of Kurt’s eyes. He loved this Blaine - one who was comfortable and sure of himself. From the small pats on the shoulder, the exchanged grins and banter, and the way he slotted into their family with ease and acceptance, it was pretty obvious to Kurt who was the cause of that.
Cooper also had the capacity to be outrageous and have everyone love him for it. He got away with saying things Kurt wouldn’t dare voice and everyone would just laugh. Kurt got a bizarre flash of a drunk Cooper, throwing his arms wide and pronouncing things to the world that should not be thrown around. The thought made him smirk into his plate and Blaine slid a hand over his knee under the table and tilted his head, shooting him a questioning look. Kurt rolled his eyes, nodding in Cooper’s direction, and the smile that graced Blaine’s face was almost blinding. Kurt was thrown into shell shock, staring at Blaine and completely unable to look away.
Copper nudged Blaine, who blinked, seeming to draw himself out of a deep well, eyes dragging themselves from Kurt’s. Cooper smirked at him, eyes flicking between the two of them. Blaine blushed, ducking his head and lifting his fork to his mouth. Kurt didn’t look away, though. His eyes met Cooper’s and they battled silently for a few seconds, protectiveness meeting fierce love and self-assertion until Cooper let out a breath through his nose, lips quirking up, and gave Kurt an infinitesimal nod. They surfaced into the conversation of the table again, the exchange apparently having gone unnoticed.
**
“So, Kurt, any chance you and my little brother will be in New York together? I’m sure Blaine’s told you all about his Big Apple dreams.” Cooper nudged Blaine’s leg with his own. “Never shuts up about them.”
Kurt’s mind had a moment of shut-down. It seemed to stop processing, bracing itself, before he was thinking far too many things all at once. His jaw slackened a little bit, his lips parting, but there were no words even to stick in his throat. Cooper sat up a little straighter and directed his gaze at Blaine again.
“Almost as obsessed as he with the Buckeyes. Are you a Buckeyes fan, Burt?” he asked, words shooting out rapid-fire. Kurt barely heard them.
Burt glanced at Kurt, but he took the bait. “Yeah. Blaine and I’ve talked about it before, but we’ve never got together for game. Maybe next time?”
Blaine grinned at that, although it was a little frail around the edges as his gaze stayed carefully trained away from Kurt and his wide eyes. “I’d love that.”
“Sounds awesome, dude,” broke in Finn, who of course was still reclining in his chair, tension going unnoticed by him.
Carole insisted on coffee and everyone agreed as though they had been parched for it. Minutes were filled up as cups were passed out and people took their small first sips. Blaine was watching Kurt over the rim of his, but Kurt wouldn’t look back. Cooper’s foot was bouncing back and forth next to his, little flurries and jolts of discomfort, and Blaine pressed his own over it to hold it still. He saw Cooper looking at him, but he didn’t return it. He could see Kurt’s eyes fading in and out with the chit chat, occasionally surfacing before they sank back into a flurry of thoughts Blaine wished he could be privy to.
“Kurt,” Carole said, and the two of them jumped on their separate couches. “Why don’t you take Blaine up to see your new sewing machine? We’ll be fine down here for a while.”
Kurt blinked at her for a second, evidently having been jolted from his internal hurricane, but he nodded slowly. He stood, reaching a hand across the coffee table, which Blaine took, allowing Kurt to lead him upstairs.
They didn’t say anything for a few minutes; they simply sank onto the end of Kurt’s bed, sides not quite touching, with Blaine looking at his hands and running his thumbs over his palms, smoothing across the lines. He sighed, shaking his shoulders out a little, and grabbed Kurt’s hand. “We’ve never talked about this.”
Kurt shook his head, lacing his fingers with Blaine’s. “I never even thought about it. I mean, I did in an abstract way. When you were talking about us having our own place someday, I thought - I just sort of assumed…”
“So did I. Only ever there.”
“But…” He lifted his head, frowning at him. “But, Blaine, what am I going to do? I can’t be the things I want. It’s all too dangerous and.” He closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath through his nose. “If this bill passes, it won’t be possible at all.”
“It won’t pass,” Blaine said, and the force in his voice made Kurt open his eyes again. “It won’t. It can’t.”
“Blaine… Blaine, I’m hoping just as much as you are, but I have to be realistic. I have to consider it.”
“No.” He shook his head, leaning his face into Kurt’s shoulder. “Please. Just tell me what your dreams are. The bill doesn’t matter.”
Kurt pressed a hand to his hair. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Well, no, things are wrong. The bill’s wrong and it… I’m so, so worried about it, Kurt. They could be writing it up right now and that terrifies me. And what Cooper said, about New York, that’s… I want to be there with you. I want us to experience that city together and… I don’t know, I want us to have a coffee shop we go to that’s small and homely and serves the best beans this side of the Atlantic, you know? I want things like that with you.”
Kurt smiled against him, fingers stroking into his curls. “Yeah, I know. It’s just the getting there, right? I don’t know. I know the things I want to do, but I can’t do them.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I want to do musical theatre, apart from my complete lack of credits and not being sure that I’m even any good, I have to dance with people. That means touching people. If I want to do fashion, I still have to live through college without connecting to random people in the hallways. It’s New York, Blaine. It’s people and people and people, and they just don’t end. No number of gloves is going to help that.”
Blaine slid down Kurt’s body, laying his head in his lap and letting Kurt keep running his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Just tell me why you didn’t.”
“It wasn’t conscious. I didn’t keep it from you on purpose. I think… maybe I thought it was too soon? Not just for us, but for me. I mean, I’m only a sophomore. My dreams are just dreams, Kurt. They’re not things I can make a reality yet.”
Kurt’s fingertips skittered across the skin of Blaine’s temple, sliding down his cheek. “What are you dreaming?”
“Lots of things,” Blaine mumbled, and his skin started to heat up under Kurt’s fingers. He twisted his head swiftly and kissed the pads of his fingers.
Kurt smiled down at him, tapping the tip of his index finger against Blaine’s bottom lip. “What sorts of things?”
Blaine groaned, kissing Kurt’s fingers again. “You’re so…”
“Charming?”
“Stubborn.” He got a laugh for that and Kurt leaned over him to kiss him. The angle was odd, Kurt’s lips slanting almost perpendicular over his, but he smiled into it. “I kind of have two paths. There’s the more realistic one and the wishing-on-a-star one.”
“Realistic?”
“Columbia. Or NYU. English major, or something like that. My dad might work me into Law, but I really don’t want that.”
“You’re not doing Law, then.” Kurt kissed him again. “I’m not letting you do something you don’t enjoy. Now, tell me what you really want.”
Blaine huffed a breath, eyes sliding back towards the ceiling. Kurt sat up, leaning back on one hand, the other stroking Blaine’s hair again. He dropped his head back and joined Blaine in watching the paint.
“Performing.”
Kurt smiled, fingers curling Blaine’s hair around them and tugging affectionately. “How did I guess?”
“Are you laughing at me?”
Kurt sat straight and pulled Blaine upright to face him in one swift movement, making Blaine’s head spin a little bit. “Are you crazy? Of course not. They’re your dreams, Blaine. Who am I to tell you what you can and cannot dream? That’s kind of the opposite of what I’m here for. I’ll support you wherever you decide to take your life.” He tilted Blaine’s shoulders from side to side, nudging their noses together. “Besides, would I laugh at my own dreams?”
Blaine smiled, shaking his head. He was looking at Kurt the same way he had at dinner, making Kurt’s heart stopper up in his chest. “I love you. God,” he said, a hand gripping the back of Kurt’s neck and pulling their foreheads together, “how are you real?”
Kurt laughed, the breath not all quite in it from the look in Blaine’s eyes. “I could ask you the same thing.”
**
From: Unknown Number
I’m trusting you with his heart here, Kurt. Don’t let me down.
To: Unknown Number
Wouldn’t even dream of it, Cooper.
**
Rachel was chattering incessantly, her babble filling up the kitchen, bouncing off the walls and thrumming across the wood of the table. Kurt had stopped listening a little while ago and was watching Blaine’s fingers draw patterns across the back of his hand. Small machines were ticking over in the back of his mind, picking up key words of Rachel’s monologue, but he wasn’t taking it all in.
He had come to love weekends. For so long, they had been nothing special. His dad would be home more, which he loved, but that was the only real change in the monotonous similarity of his week from day to day. He didn’t do as much work, he cooked a bit more, but they had always snuck up on him. He often hadn’t kept track of days because it made everything seem longer, so the weekend would be upon him, the only warning being his dad having a lie-in. Now, Kurt counted days. He knew how long he was counting down until he could have Blaine, Rachel, Finn, or Carole around, until he could have more. Because he knew what more felt like now, and he wanted it. He wanted to have this weekend contentment that came with lazy Saturdays and Sundays, which it had taken him so long to get a taste of. They were elusive days of liquid, languid time, the hum of voices and the press of Blaine’s lips that his body stretched towards each week.
His machines clicked into action again when someone entered the kitchen. Kurt looked up, smiling at Finn with what he thought might be his weekend smile - slow, because they had the time for it, and content. Finn paused when he caught sight of Rachel at their kitchen table.
“Oh, um, hi.” He gave an awkward wave. Rachel gave him her bordering-on-manic grin in return. “I’m just going to get something to eat. Um.” He looked to Kurt, floundering.
“I left you some food on the stove,” Kurt said, wanting to laugh at the relief that washed across Finn’s face. He didn’t give him much respite, only allowing Finn to pick up the pan from the stove before he spoke again. “Finn, have you met Rachel before?”
Finn dropped the pan onto the counter, hands flapping a little. “Uh, yeah. Well, I’ve seen her at school. I mean.” He turned to face them, giving Rachel a smile. “I’ve seen you at school.”
“I’ve seen you, too,” Rachel said. The glint in her eye was leaning towards feral and it made Kurt’s stomach uneasy.
“Is this what they call flirting?” Blaine whispered into his ear. Kurt shook his head, frowning slightly.
“Let me help you with that,” Rachel said, standing up to go to Finn.
“Rachel, sit down.”
She paused at Kurt’s stern tone, frowning at him. He just stared at her, unblinking, until she returned to her seat, clutching the hem of her dress. They said nothing more until Finn was out of the room with another awkward wave and a grin in Rachel’s direction.
“Don’t ever pull something like that in my house again,” Kurt said.
“I don’t-”
“No, you knew exactly what you were doing. You are not going to make my brother just another person you love. I will not let you do that to him, or to yourself.”
Rachel huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and avoiding their eyes.
“Get to know him first,” Blaine said. “When was the last time you were friends with someone you weren’t connected to?” Rachel shifted, doing up another button on her cardigan. “Exactly,” Blaine continued, voice soft. “I think you should try it.”
“What if I don’t - what if I don’t know how?”
“You can’t learn if you don’t try.”
Rachel sighed heavily. Then she reached across the table and grabbed their hands, giving them a wry smile. “I really love you two, you know.”
“We do,” Kurt said, squeezing her hand. “Just, hands off my brother. Literally.”
Rachel laughed, rolling her eyes. Blaine leaned his head on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt kissed his forehead. He let his mouth rest there a little longer, because he could feel the weekend again, and he had the time.
**
“Do you think we’re moving too fast?”
Blaine looked up from where he was sitting cross-legged on Kurt’s floor, flicking through a song book. Kurt was watching him, sprawled out on his front on the bed, legs kicked up at the knee and crossed at the ankle.
“What?”
“Sexually. Are we moving too fast?”
“I… I don’t know, do you think so?”
“I’m just thinking about what you said when I asked to give you a blowjob. You know, mouths not hands. But then you - you kind of went ahead and did mouths pretty soon after that, and I’m just worried I’m making you feel like you have to. That day, it was great. God, no, it was amazing. The best thing I’ve ever felt. But you were kind of… weird, I don’t know. You didn’t seem all there and it kind of freaked me out a little. I’m just… worried.”
Blaine frowned, eyes sliding away from Kurt’s to focus on a wrinkle in the bedspread. “I wouldn’t do something I’m not ready for.” His voice was wavering a little, and the uncertainty was worse than anything Kurt could have imagined.
“Would you do it again?”
“What, now?”
“Yeah, sure. If we were doing that right now, would you do it again?”
“I-I don’t…”
Kurt sighed, pressing his hands into his eyes. “Blaine,” he whispered. “Blaine, why would you do that? If it wasn’t something you wanted-” he whimpered in the back of his throat-“why?”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, Blaine.” Kurt let out a frustrated sound and pulled himself up, sliding off the end of the bed to sit in front of Blaine, grabbing his hands. “Don’t apologise to me. Just… please, just tell me why you did that. If you’re not ready to do it now, how were you ready to do it then? I want us to be on the same page here, but if you don’t tell me these things then how am I supposed to know?”
“I don’t know why I did it, okay? I don’t. I wanted to at the time.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No! No, I couldn’t. I… I wanted to do that for you.”
“Blaine, I’m really not feeling any more certain about this.”
“I just felt so useless! There are so many things in your life that can hurt you, Kurt, and I can’t do anything about them. People, and the bill, and that damn man-”
“Which man?”
“-and I can’t do anything about them. I’m just your boyfriend. I’m just one stupid human being who, no matter how hard he hopes, can’t change any of the things he wants to. Any of the things you deserve. But that? That was something I could do. I could make you happy, I could make you feel good, and you deserve that.”
“Blaine.” Kurt shook his head. “Blaine, that’s not what it’s… Just. Which man? What are you talking about?”
“The man who came to your house and asked to buy you,” Blaine shouted, fingers clenching too tight around Kurt’s. “The man who wanted to put a price on your head and get your dad to hand you over in to sex slavery. That man. That man who I can’t do a thing to stop, and he’s not the only one. There are so many people who want you for - for that and what if the bill does pass? What… what if…?” He hung his head, a sob breaking out of his throat. One of Kurt’s hands stroked up his back.
“When was this?”
“The day before.”
“Blaine… Why didn’t you say anything?”
“We-” his breath hitched-“we agreed not to. Your dad and I. We said we wouldn’t.”
“So you’ve just been bottling this up?”
“I can’t see what else I was supposed to do.” He sobbed again and Kurt shushed him, wrapping an arm around him and drawing Blaine into him. He crawled into Kurt’s lap, curling up against his chest with his face pressed into the crook of his neck. “He was so awful, Kurt. He made me feel sick.”
“I know,” he said, soothing hands rubbing Blaine’s back and side. “I know.” He closed his eyes and pressed his nose into Blaine’s hair. He wasn’t crying, even though he thought he should be. He had cried over smaller things. He focused on hugging Blaine close to him, comforting him and ignoring the numb feeling that had started to settle. When Blaine’s sobs petered out to little hiccups, Kurt pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead and sighed.
One of Blaine’s arms snaked around his back and his chin tilted up so he could breathe into Kurt’s neck. “Are you angry with me? With me and your dad?”
“Why would I be?”
“Because we didn’t tell you.”
“No. I understand it, I think. My dad thinks I have a martyr complex.” He felt Blaine’s lips curving into a smile against his neck. “I’m only upset that I couldn’t be there for you and that you - oh, god.” He huffed out a breath. “I wish you never felt like you had to do what you did for me. I love you, no matter how long it takes us to be intimate like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologising, you didn’t do anything wrong. Just… wait. Until you’re ready, next time.”
Blaine curled his legs closer into himself, snuggling against him. “I will.”
“I’m not saying it didn’t feel good,” Kurt said, the slight lilt of teasing to his voice.
“I’m glad.” Blaine’s fingers walked up Kurt’s chest, hooking into the neck of his shirt and just resting there. “Are we going to talk about him?”
“I don’t think he deserves talking about.”
“He doesn’t deserve anything, but I want to know you’re not bottling this up like I did.”
Kurt didn’t answer for a little while. He was sifting his thoughts, trying to put them in order. “I don’t think I’m feeling it yet.”
The backs of Blaine’s nails tapped against his sternum, just gently. He sniffled a little. “Okay. Just remember, when you do, I’m here.”
“I know.”
Next
Chapter: 24 - This Side of the Blue
Rating: PG-13 this part, NC-17 overall
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: Character spoiler for 3x15
Word Count: ~3,400
Summary: Kurt has barely ever made contact with anyone outside of his family because he is a faerie. However, this is not the small, winged creature you expect. It is a creature, or person, which makes a connection when it touches another. When Kurt accidentally meets Blaine Anderson, this becomes an even greater problem than Kurt ever predicted.
Author's Note: Well, hello again. I've been writing this chapter in bits for a while, but I finally got it all together today. Hope you enjoy!
Cooper Anderson was just as charming as his brother. He had Carole swooning and Burt grinning within five minutes. Kurt realised now that the charm ran in the family. Underneath it, though, he had a feeling Cooper could be just the right side of misadventurous. The way he shot Kurt a wink when he came in the house was just the first sign. It didn’t help that he was ridiculously attractive (something Kurt refused to admit ran through his mind, even when Cooper grinned at him). Dinner passed quickly with everyone settling in together with ease. Kurt had expected Blaine to be a little stiff, a little nervous, but one look at the easy camaraderie between the brothers put that fear to rest. If anything, Blaine was brighter, bouncing off his brother and growing in front of Kurt’s eyes. He loved this Blaine - one who was comfortable and sure of himself. From the small pats on the shoulder, the exchanged grins and banter, and the way he slotted into their family with ease and acceptance, it was pretty obvious to Kurt who was the cause of that.
Cooper also had the capacity to be outrageous and have everyone love him for it. He got away with saying things Kurt wouldn’t dare voice and everyone would just laugh. Kurt got a bizarre flash of a drunk Cooper, throwing his arms wide and pronouncing things to the world that should not be thrown around. The thought made him smirk into his plate and Blaine slid a hand over his knee under the table and tilted his head, shooting him a questioning look. Kurt rolled his eyes, nodding in Cooper’s direction, and the smile that graced Blaine’s face was almost blinding. Kurt was thrown into shell shock, staring at Blaine and completely unable to look away.
Copper nudged Blaine, who blinked, seeming to draw himself out of a deep well, eyes dragging themselves from Kurt’s. Cooper smirked at him, eyes flicking between the two of them. Blaine blushed, ducking his head and lifting his fork to his mouth. Kurt didn’t look away, though. His eyes met Cooper’s and they battled silently for a few seconds, protectiveness meeting fierce love and self-assertion until Cooper let out a breath through his nose, lips quirking up, and gave Kurt an infinitesimal nod. They surfaced into the conversation of the table again, the exchange apparently having gone unnoticed.
**
“So, Kurt, any chance you and my little brother will be in New York together? I’m sure Blaine’s told you all about his Big Apple dreams.” Cooper nudged Blaine’s leg with his own. “Never shuts up about them.”
Kurt’s mind had a moment of shut-down. It seemed to stop processing, bracing itself, before he was thinking far too many things all at once. His jaw slackened a little bit, his lips parting, but there were no words even to stick in his throat. Cooper sat up a little straighter and directed his gaze at Blaine again.
“Almost as obsessed as he with the Buckeyes. Are you a Buckeyes fan, Burt?” he asked, words shooting out rapid-fire. Kurt barely heard them.
Burt glanced at Kurt, but he took the bait. “Yeah. Blaine and I’ve talked about it before, but we’ve never got together for game. Maybe next time?”
Blaine grinned at that, although it was a little frail around the edges as his gaze stayed carefully trained away from Kurt and his wide eyes. “I’d love that.”
“Sounds awesome, dude,” broke in Finn, who of course was still reclining in his chair, tension going unnoticed by him.
Carole insisted on coffee and everyone agreed as though they had been parched for it. Minutes were filled up as cups were passed out and people took their small first sips. Blaine was watching Kurt over the rim of his, but Kurt wouldn’t look back. Cooper’s foot was bouncing back and forth next to his, little flurries and jolts of discomfort, and Blaine pressed his own over it to hold it still. He saw Cooper looking at him, but he didn’t return it. He could see Kurt’s eyes fading in and out with the chit chat, occasionally surfacing before they sank back into a flurry of thoughts Blaine wished he could be privy to.
“Kurt,” Carole said, and the two of them jumped on their separate couches. “Why don’t you take Blaine up to see your new sewing machine? We’ll be fine down here for a while.”
Kurt blinked at her for a second, evidently having been jolted from his internal hurricane, but he nodded slowly. He stood, reaching a hand across the coffee table, which Blaine took, allowing Kurt to lead him upstairs.
They didn’t say anything for a few minutes; they simply sank onto the end of Kurt’s bed, sides not quite touching, with Blaine looking at his hands and running his thumbs over his palms, smoothing across the lines. He sighed, shaking his shoulders out a little, and grabbed Kurt’s hand. “We’ve never talked about this.”
Kurt shook his head, lacing his fingers with Blaine’s. “I never even thought about it. I mean, I did in an abstract way. When you were talking about us having our own place someday, I thought - I just sort of assumed…”
“So did I. Only ever there.”
“But…” He lifted his head, frowning at him. “But, Blaine, what am I going to do? I can’t be the things I want. It’s all too dangerous and.” He closed his eyes, taking a shaky breath through his nose. “If this bill passes, it won’t be possible at all.”
“It won’t pass,” Blaine said, and the force in his voice made Kurt open his eyes again. “It won’t. It can’t.”
“Blaine… Blaine, I’m hoping just as much as you are, but I have to be realistic. I have to consider it.”
“No.” He shook his head, leaning his face into Kurt’s shoulder. “Please. Just tell me what your dreams are. The bill doesn’t matter.”
Kurt pressed a hand to his hair. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Well, no, things are wrong. The bill’s wrong and it… I’m so, so worried about it, Kurt. They could be writing it up right now and that terrifies me. And what Cooper said, about New York, that’s… I want to be there with you. I want us to experience that city together and… I don’t know, I want us to have a coffee shop we go to that’s small and homely and serves the best beans this side of the Atlantic, you know? I want things like that with you.”
Kurt smiled against him, fingers stroking into his curls. “Yeah, I know. It’s just the getting there, right? I don’t know. I know the things I want to do, but I can’t do them.”
“Why not?”
“Because if I want to do musical theatre, apart from my complete lack of credits and not being sure that I’m even any good, I have to dance with people. That means touching people. If I want to do fashion, I still have to live through college without connecting to random people in the hallways. It’s New York, Blaine. It’s people and people and people, and they just don’t end. No number of gloves is going to help that.”
Blaine slid down Kurt’s body, laying his head in his lap and letting Kurt keep running his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Just tell me why you didn’t.”
“It wasn’t conscious. I didn’t keep it from you on purpose. I think… maybe I thought it was too soon? Not just for us, but for me. I mean, I’m only a sophomore. My dreams are just dreams, Kurt. They’re not things I can make a reality yet.”
Kurt’s fingertips skittered across the skin of Blaine’s temple, sliding down his cheek. “What are you dreaming?”
“Lots of things,” Blaine mumbled, and his skin started to heat up under Kurt’s fingers. He twisted his head swiftly and kissed the pads of his fingers.
Kurt smiled down at him, tapping the tip of his index finger against Blaine’s bottom lip. “What sorts of things?”
Blaine groaned, kissing Kurt’s fingers again. “You’re so…”
“Charming?”
“Stubborn.” He got a laugh for that and Kurt leaned over him to kiss him. The angle was odd, Kurt’s lips slanting almost perpendicular over his, but he smiled into it. “I kind of have two paths. There’s the more realistic one and the wishing-on-a-star one.”
“Realistic?”
“Columbia. Or NYU. English major, or something like that. My dad might work me into Law, but I really don’t want that.”
“You’re not doing Law, then.” Kurt kissed him again. “I’m not letting you do something you don’t enjoy. Now, tell me what you really want.”
Blaine huffed a breath, eyes sliding back towards the ceiling. Kurt sat up, leaning back on one hand, the other stroking Blaine’s hair again. He dropped his head back and joined Blaine in watching the paint.
“Performing.”
Kurt smiled, fingers curling Blaine’s hair around them and tugging affectionately. “How did I guess?”
“Are you laughing at me?”
Kurt sat straight and pulled Blaine upright to face him in one swift movement, making Blaine’s head spin a little bit. “Are you crazy? Of course not. They’re your dreams, Blaine. Who am I to tell you what you can and cannot dream? That’s kind of the opposite of what I’m here for. I’ll support you wherever you decide to take your life.” He tilted Blaine’s shoulders from side to side, nudging their noses together. “Besides, would I laugh at my own dreams?”
Blaine smiled, shaking his head. He was looking at Kurt the same way he had at dinner, making Kurt’s heart stopper up in his chest. “I love you. God,” he said, a hand gripping the back of Kurt’s neck and pulling their foreheads together, “how are you real?”
Kurt laughed, the breath not all quite in it from the look in Blaine’s eyes. “I could ask you the same thing.”
**
From: Unknown Number
I’m trusting you with his heart here, Kurt. Don’t let me down.
To: Unknown Number
Wouldn’t even dream of it, Cooper.
**
Rachel was chattering incessantly, her babble filling up the kitchen, bouncing off the walls and thrumming across the wood of the table. Kurt had stopped listening a little while ago and was watching Blaine’s fingers draw patterns across the back of his hand. Small machines were ticking over in the back of his mind, picking up key words of Rachel’s monologue, but he wasn’t taking it all in.
He had come to love weekends. For so long, they had been nothing special. His dad would be home more, which he loved, but that was the only real change in the monotonous similarity of his week from day to day. He didn’t do as much work, he cooked a bit more, but they had always snuck up on him. He often hadn’t kept track of days because it made everything seem longer, so the weekend would be upon him, the only warning being his dad having a lie-in. Now, Kurt counted days. He knew how long he was counting down until he could have Blaine, Rachel, Finn, or Carole around, until he could have more. Because he knew what more felt like now, and he wanted it. He wanted to have this weekend contentment that came with lazy Saturdays and Sundays, which it had taken him so long to get a taste of. They were elusive days of liquid, languid time, the hum of voices and the press of Blaine’s lips that his body stretched towards each week.
His machines clicked into action again when someone entered the kitchen. Kurt looked up, smiling at Finn with what he thought might be his weekend smile - slow, because they had the time for it, and content. Finn paused when he caught sight of Rachel at their kitchen table.
“Oh, um, hi.” He gave an awkward wave. Rachel gave him her bordering-on-manic grin in return. “I’m just going to get something to eat. Um.” He looked to Kurt, floundering.
“I left you some food on the stove,” Kurt said, wanting to laugh at the relief that washed across Finn’s face. He didn’t give him much respite, only allowing Finn to pick up the pan from the stove before he spoke again. “Finn, have you met Rachel before?”
Finn dropped the pan onto the counter, hands flapping a little. “Uh, yeah. Well, I’ve seen her at school. I mean.” He turned to face them, giving Rachel a smile. “I’ve seen you at school.”
“I’ve seen you, too,” Rachel said. The glint in her eye was leaning towards feral and it made Kurt’s stomach uneasy.
“Is this what they call flirting?” Blaine whispered into his ear. Kurt shook his head, frowning slightly.
“Let me help you with that,” Rachel said, standing up to go to Finn.
“Rachel, sit down.”
She paused at Kurt’s stern tone, frowning at him. He just stared at her, unblinking, until she returned to her seat, clutching the hem of her dress. They said nothing more until Finn was out of the room with another awkward wave and a grin in Rachel’s direction.
“Don’t ever pull something like that in my house again,” Kurt said.
“I don’t-”
“No, you knew exactly what you were doing. You are not going to make my brother just another person you love. I will not let you do that to him, or to yourself.”
Rachel huffed, crossing her arms over her chest and avoiding their eyes.
“Get to know him first,” Blaine said. “When was the last time you were friends with someone you weren’t connected to?” Rachel shifted, doing up another button on her cardigan. “Exactly,” Blaine continued, voice soft. “I think you should try it.”
“What if I don’t - what if I don’t know how?”
“You can’t learn if you don’t try.”
Rachel sighed heavily. Then she reached across the table and grabbed their hands, giving them a wry smile. “I really love you two, you know.”
“We do,” Kurt said, squeezing her hand. “Just, hands off my brother. Literally.”
Rachel laughed, rolling her eyes. Blaine leaned his head on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt kissed his forehead. He let his mouth rest there a little longer, because he could feel the weekend again, and he had the time.
**
“Do you think we’re moving too fast?”
Blaine looked up from where he was sitting cross-legged on Kurt’s floor, flicking through a song book. Kurt was watching him, sprawled out on his front on the bed, legs kicked up at the knee and crossed at the ankle.
“What?”
“Sexually. Are we moving too fast?”
“I… I don’t know, do you think so?”
“I’m just thinking about what you said when I asked to give you a blowjob. You know, mouths not hands. But then you - you kind of went ahead and did mouths pretty soon after that, and I’m just worried I’m making you feel like you have to. That day, it was great. God, no, it was amazing. The best thing I’ve ever felt. But you were kind of… weird, I don’t know. You didn’t seem all there and it kind of freaked me out a little. I’m just… worried.”
Blaine frowned, eyes sliding away from Kurt’s to focus on a wrinkle in the bedspread. “I wouldn’t do something I’m not ready for.” His voice was wavering a little, and the uncertainty was worse than anything Kurt could have imagined.
“Would you do it again?”
“What, now?”
“Yeah, sure. If we were doing that right now, would you do it again?”
“I-I don’t…”
Kurt sighed, pressing his hands into his eyes. “Blaine,” he whispered. “Blaine, why would you do that? If it wasn’t something you wanted-” he whimpered in the back of his throat-“why?”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, Blaine.” Kurt let out a frustrated sound and pulled himself up, sliding off the end of the bed to sit in front of Blaine, grabbing his hands. “Don’t apologise to me. Just… please, just tell me why you did that. If you’re not ready to do it now, how were you ready to do it then? I want us to be on the same page here, but if you don’t tell me these things then how am I supposed to know?”
“I don’t know why I did it, okay? I don’t. I wanted to at the time.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No! No, I couldn’t. I… I wanted to do that for you.”
“Blaine, I’m really not feeling any more certain about this.”
“I just felt so useless! There are so many things in your life that can hurt you, Kurt, and I can’t do anything about them. People, and the bill, and that damn man-”
“Which man?”
“-and I can’t do anything about them. I’m just your boyfriend. I’m just one stupid human being who, no matter how hard he hopes, can’t change any of the things he wants to. Any of the things you deserve. But that? That was something I could do. I could make you happy, I could make you feel good, and you deserve that.”
“Blaine.” Kurt shook his head. “Blaine, that’s not what it’s… Just. Which man? What are you talking about?”
“The man who came to your house and asked to buy you,” Blaine shouted, fingers clenching too tight around Kurt’s. “The man who wanted to put a price on your head and get your dad to hand you over in to sex slavery. That man. That man who I can’t do a thing to stop, and he’s not the only one. There are so many people who want you for - for that and what if the bill does pass? What… what if…?” He hung his head, a sob breaking out of his throat. One of Kurt’s hands stroked up his back.
“When was this?”
“The day before.”
“Blaine… Why didn’t you say anything?”
“We-” his breath hitched-“we agreed not to. Your dad and I. We said we wouldn’t.”
“So you’ve just been bottling this up?”
“I can’t see what else I was supposed to do.” He sobbed again and Kurt shushed him, wrapping an arm around him and drawing Blaine into him. He crawled into Kurt’s lap, curling up against his chest with his face pressed into the crook of his neck. “He was so awful, Kurt. He made me feel sick.”
“I know,” he said, soothing hands rubbing Blaine’s back and side. “I know.” He closed his eyes and pressed his nose into Blaine’s hair. He wasn’t crying, even though he thought he should be. He had cried over smaller things. He focused on hugging Blaine close to him, comforting him and ignoring the numb feeling that had started to settle. When Blaine’s sobs petered out to little hiccups, Kurt pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead and sighed.
One of Blaine’s arms snaked around his back and his chin tilted up so he could breathe into Kurt’s neck. “Are you angry with me? With me and your dad?”
“Why would I be?”
“Because we didn’t tell you.”
“No. I understand it, I think. My dad thinks I have a martyr complex.” He felt Blaine’s lips curving into a smile against his neck. “I’m only upset that I couldn’t be there for you and that you - oh, god.” He huffed out a breath. “I wish you never felt like you had to do what you did for me. I love you, no matter how long it takes us to be intimate like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologising, you didn’t do anything wrong. Just… wait. Until you’re ready, next time.”
Blaine curled his legs closer into himself, snuggling against him. “I will.”
“I’m not saying it didn’t feel good,” Kurt said, the slight lilt of teasing to his voice.
“I’m glad.” Blaine’s fingers walked up Kurt’s chest, hooking into the neck of his shirt and just resting there. “Are we going to talk about him?”
“I don’t think he deserves talking about.”
“He doesn’t deserve anything, but I want to know you’re not bottling this up like I did.”
Kurt didn’t answer for a little while. He was sifting his thoughts, trying to put them in order. “I don’t think I’m feeling it yet.”
The backs of Blaine’s nails tapped against his sternum, just gently. He sniffled a little. “Okay. Just remember, when you do, I’m here.”
“I know.”
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