Why don't i feel happy?
Things are really hitting me hard. I don't know what to do anymore. Dads just gone out..my brother and his friends are upstairs...they wouldnt know. i feel so shit, and all i can do is hope that I'm okay tomorrow, i'm at work tomorrow, hopefully i won't collapse in tears again. *sigh
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i know how you feel. having been in that position more times than i can count and recently fighting back from it, i cant say "dont do it" cos i would be a hypocrite, i cant say dont cut cos ive done that recently too. i can say FIGHT IT dammit zaya your strong. so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. buy your bfs tickets. buy them now and at least hold out till youve hugged me!
when you meet me, will you lie? will you look at me and tell me you feel great if you dont?
cos i dont want you to lie to me. i wanna know the truth when i see you and i wanna be able to hug you and laugh with you. i will make you laugh and smile for real. even if its just once!
but go and buy those tickets and fight and hold on till then at least. if you EVER need anywhere to stay even for one night or a week. my house is always open. there is always space here for you, dont even hesitate to ask honey. i love you n im here for you, keep fighting and keep going to the psych and stuff. you can beat it. it takes time but i promise you that you can. i know you can i belive in you and i know your strong enough.
the illness is clouding your thinking shaping your midn and controling your actions. you need to regain control. its hard but try it bebe. fight it for me. and everyone who cares
im here <3
love always laura xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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