(no subject)
I feel like the biggest bitch on the earth.... i hate what i have done, i want to change everything.
i have been going thru the last 2 weeks just pretending this hasn't happened.... but i have to face the fact that im a fucking loser and i am so sorry to everyone, this isn't me... im not myself anymore.... and i hate who i am now...i hate who i have become, who the hell do i think i am.
i cant just forget about it.... i am going to remeber this for maybe eva.....
im so stupid.... and im scared of what people are thinking when i talk to them and they talk to me pretending they don't even know what i have done.... or when they tell me "it's not that bad and don't worry about it...." are they thinking " she is a stupid girl" or she has gone to far" or... "i used to like her but now i don't want to no her"
there is one person that i have hurt the most and i havn't even thought about him that much.... and that just makes me hate myself even more...
it was just a kiss... one kiss...... but the way i spoke about it ..... the way i made it all out to be a stupid game..... the more i grew to be the girl i am now.....all i wanted was to be loved.... and i have pushed everyone away from me almost..... everyone thinks of me differently now...
i'm 14... not 17, not 18, i was playing all this as if it were a game, and if i got game over it would be ok because i could just start over and over and over again untill i got it right.... but i can't change what i have done....
if i could take it back i would, but i can't.
but anyway... i am in a really bad mood, i hate everything atm....
and that's about all.... so yeah.... feel free to abuse me in your comments..... :)
i have been going thru the last 2 weeks just pretending this hasn't happened.... but i have to face the fact that im a fucking loser and i am so sorry to everyone, this isn't me... im not myself anymore.... and i hate who i am now...i hate who i have become, who the hell do i think i am.
i cant just forget about it.... i am going to remeber this for maybe eva.....
im so stupid.... and im scared of what people are thinking when i talk to them and they talk to me pretending they don't even know what i have done.... or when they tell me "it's not that bad and don't worry about it...." are they thinking " she is a stupid girl" or she has gone to far" or... "i used to like her but now i don't want to no her"
there is one person that i have hurt the most and i havn't even thought about him that much.... and that just makes me hate myself even more...
it was just a kiss... one kiss...... but the way i spoke about it ..... the way i made it all out to be a stupid game..... the more i grew to be the girl i am now.....all i wanted was to be loved.... and i have pushed everyone away from me almost..... everyone thinks of me differently now...
i'm 14... not 17, not 18, i was playing all this as if it were a game, and if i got game over it would be ok because i could just start over and over and over again untill i got it right.... but i can't change what i have done....
if i could take it back i would, but i can't.
but anyway... i am in a really bad mood, i hate everything atm....
and that's about all.... so yeah.... feel free to abuse me in your comments..... :)