Pain in the ass!

[glisteningocean]

Something so intangible
is folding me over
until I'm enveloped in the desire
to just sleep it off
whenever it hurts
which turns many of my waking hours into
trying to sleep
trying to relax
I want to cry
or scream
and especially bite
or stab through this
unbearable
restless
chronic
nonstop
PAIN IN MY ASS

I want to understand
cut myself open
and explore like a scientist
where this
PAIN
comes from
something that I can't see
but I so uniquely own
and can't give away
or make you understand

And everyone has their own theory
and I've tried visualizing
and positive thinking
and stretches
and muscle strengthening exercises
and sticking needles in me
and taking herbs and vitamins
and pain killers
and many chiropractors
and I have pretty Xrays that look neat in a window
but still there's this PAIN

And sometimes I close my eyes
and pretend that I don't exist
and I just breath
and then there is only a void
and emptiness and me here in it
and then it seems the pain doesn't exist
but it always comes back sooner or later
like we're bound to get wrapped up in human drama
and like we're bound to relearn things we already knew

And why is it so hard
to know what this is
and what's causing it

Because I hear conflicting things
when someone says I should stretch
and someone else says I should stregthen
and someone else says I should aline

Ok universe you have me tied tight
with something so abstract
called pain
that we can't even be sure exists
except in it's own
individual subjectivity
so I'll be the individual
to free myself from it
with some help ofcourse
...