Part VIII: Don't tell my heart, my achy Zachy heart (22 December, 2002)
Title: Tart Noir Around and About Vertick Alley
Rating: PG-13, light R
Genre: Tart Noir, crime-romance
Pairings: Lavender/Zacharias, Draco/Ron, Susan/Blaise, Zacharias/Ginny ...
Summary: Lavender Brown is part of the investigation into the murders of the children of Death Eaters and is madly in love with her flatmate and best friend, Zacharias Smith. Ron Weasley is babysitting Draco Malfoy and sick of being gay in a terribly straight Wizarding World. Susan Bones doesn't get patronuses and is not having a relationship with Blaise Zabini. Zacharias Smith is sick of his job and thinks he might ask Ginny Weasley to move in with him. Mr Darcy, the flatmate's cat, thinks they're all bloody ridiculous. Four twenty-one year olds suffering with work, love and life.
Notes: This part has been a real effort to write, to be honest. I tried to make it a bit more sexy, don't think I pulled it off. Also, I think Zacharias comes across as more of a bastard than I meant. Anyway, sorry about the huge gap between parts, but expect more of them because I'm running out of pre-written parts and university exams are coming up.
After work, Ginny and I go out for dinner. It’s our anniversary, see, and I want it to be special. Especially since I’m asking her to move in with me.
“Merlin, I’ve just had the worst day ever.” Ginny storms into Madam Puddifoots, upsetting a table as she steamrollers her way in my direction. She collapses into the soft stool beside me and bangs her head down on the table.
“What happened?” I ask, leaning over to kiss her and rubbing at her back in what I hope are calming motions.
“I failed my international law test, my tutor for criminology tried to make a pass at me and I’ve got cramps. Let’s get really drunk tonight.”
“Two Hogsmeade Sunrises, no ice. Quickly please.” The waitress nods nervously and scuttles off to make up the cocktails. “Let’s deal with this one step at a time.”
“Okay, so I only just failed but a ‘P’ is such a crap mark and I really don’t want to tell Mum, but she’ll find out and then she’ll pull the disappointed act and ask if I’m really making the right decision doing law and maybe I want to do something more family-oriented.” She pulls a face. I know how she feels about children. It’s a little sad, because I’ve always secretly wanted children of my own. It’d be different if they were her own.
“Can you resit?”
“Yes, but I hate filling out the forms to re-do the test.” She sighs. “Also, my tutor, y’know, the young one with all the hair, tried to kiss me when I went to ask a question after class.”
“Did you tell him you were taken?”
“Yes, but he said I was leading him on, wearing low cut robes and curling my hair. I didn’t like to tell him that my hair just goes this way.”
“What a prick.”
“Yeah.”
The cocktails arrive and Ginny drains hers in about one gulp and sends it back for a refill, along with our orders for the main course. “Well, I can’t do much about the cramps, except to say there’s a hot water bottle at my place after dinner if you want it.”
“Thanks honey.” She leans over and kisses me on the cheek. “You’re a sweetheart. How was your day?”
“Oh, the usual. Today I interviewed the head of magical games and sports because Ferrars didn’t have time. He, of course, gets to write the article.”
“Of course.” Second cocktail down and she’s looking more relaxed.
It’s now or never I guess. “Hey, Gin, before you get too drunk I have something to ask you.”
“Sure, I’m listening.”
“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to move in together, find a place of our own?”
Her eyes widen. “Oh my goodness.”
“If you don’t want to, that’s fine and everything.”
“You always go into defensive mode after every proposition and it’s always completely unnecessary. I think that would be really sweet.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, were you not serious or something?”
“No, I was.” There’s a small voice at the back of my head that whispers, you’re doing this to get away from Lavender, but I ignore it.
“Wow. Just, wow. This is so amazing. We can start looking over Christmas.”
I smirk. “Feel free to drink more now.”
She’s onto her fourth cocktail as the meals arrive and I’ve had a couple. As I’m twirling the last bits of pasta around my fork, I decide to tell her what Susan told me. After all, no secrets between couples, right? “Susan said that Lavender’s in love with me.”
“What?”
“I know. I’m really confused. Lavender doesn’t know I know, but it’s ruined our friendship because I can’t even look at her now.”
Ginny looks like she’s going to cry. “Well, this is perfect.”
“What is?”
“I can’t believe you. You ask me to live with you and then you drop this on me.”
“Ginny, you’re drunk; you don’t know what you’re saying.” Why did I tell her? Why now?
“No! I know exactly what I’m saying. Why don’t you just leave me for her? It’d make everything so much easier. I’ve known she loves you since I started dating you.”
“You knew, and you didn’t tell me?” Now I’m angry. “What happened to the whole no-secrets-between-us thing?”
“You don’t tell me everything. You didn’t tell me about that dare when you kissed each other.”
“It was Wizarding Truth or Dare. We couldn’t back out.”
“And next you’re going to say, it meant nothing.” Her fists are balled in anger. “Merlin, Zacharias, no wonder you haven’t made it in writing. You’re a walking fucking cliché.”
I stand up. “Maybe this was all a big mistake.”
She stands shakily, facing me. “Maybe it was. I’ll see you around perhaps.” And, grabbing her coat, she storms out, leaving me with the bill, four horrified waitresses and a seriously confused heart.
So I go to the pub.
Seamus and Dean are there. “Smith, come join us,” Seamus calls. “Heard from Lavender lately?”
“One firewhiskey please.” I sit down beside them.
“I’d best go,” Dean says. “Hope you’re alright, Smith. See you soon, Seamus.” And he apparates away.
The firewhiskey comes and I knock it back. “You know Lavender likes me, don’t you Seamus?”
He looks away. “Like is an awfully strong word …”
“Susan told me.”
“She loves you. She’s been in love with you for fucking years. And you only just found out.”
“No, I found out a few days ago.”
“When you broke her heart by deciding to ask Ginny to move in with you?”
“Hah.” I snort. “I don’t think that’ll be working out. We’re kind of broken up. She has a problem with Lavender.”
“Who would you choose?” Seamus seems genuinely curious.
“I love Ginny.” I feel dizzy. “I love Lavender too. But as a friend. She’s my best friend. I don’t want to screw things up.”
“Are you honestly telling me you’ve never thought about what it’d be like? Sleeping with Lavender?” He smirks at my silence. “Lave’s the girl you buy crazy presents for and who you talk to about absolutely everything and who drives you absolutely insane some of the time. Mate, you’ve been falling for her since forever and you didn’t even realise.”
“She’s my best friend,” I repeat.
“I wish I had a best friend who I was that close to.”
“What do I do?”
Seamus snorts. “I love how people ask me for romantic advice.” Then, more seriously: “Go home now and talk to her.”
I walk down through the narrow windy roads until I reach the flat. Ron’s out at Hogwarts and Susan said she was spending the night at the library, studying. I would have thought Lav would have been out with Seamus, but clearly I was wrong.
I knock on her bedroom door. “Come in.” She’s lying on her bed, reading what looks like a trashy novel, but she jumps up when I come in and slides it under her pillow. Her hair is tousled as if she just woke up and she’s in this over-sized tee shirt that is so unbelievably sexy on her. Lavender? Sexy? Merlin, what the fuck is going through my head? “Zacharias?”
Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve pushed her up against the wall, pressed up against her, kissing her furiously. She shivers and I feel it run through me. Then, her hands are on my cheeks and she’s pulling me even closer.
We break apart, but I continue to hold her close. Her pinky finger traces an outline across my face and her eyes are wide. “What was that?”
My breath has thickened and my heart is thumping unnaturally loudly. “Lav, I know. People told me. I’m an idiot, Lav.”
“You’re drunk,” she whispers, squeezing her eyes shut. “You’re drunk and I shouldn’t be hearing this.”
“I’m not really drunk. I’m not so drunk that I don’t know what I’m saying.” I grab her hand and let my lips graze her knuckles lightly. She tenses.
“Ginny …”
“No, I’m Zacharias.” She laughs shakily. I continue. “Ginny and I had an argument. About you actually. I don’t think we’re together anymore. I don’t think I want us to be together anymore.”
“You don’t think?” She is shaking and there are tears in her eyes. She sits down abruptly.
I move to sit beside her and tentatively rub her back. Her shoulders relax. “Lavvie …”
“Oh God,” she murmurs.
“Do you want me to leave?” I ask. Please say no. Please say no.
“No.” She kisses me demurely on the cheek.
And we are kissing again. She tastes like peaches and I remember that she loves that peach lip gloss and I wonder why I am even thinking about this when I am kissing my best friend more passionately than I’ve ever kissed Ginny. Her hands are on my back, under my shirt, and they’re cold, so cold compared to my skin.
Now her fingers are undoing the buttons of my shirt, fumbling as she tries to kiss me at the same time, and my fingers are lightly grazing her nipples under the thin material of her tee shirt. She gives up on my shirt and rips her own tee shirt off.
“Are you sure?” I ask hoarsely, slipping my own shirt off as I speak.
In response, she takes off her underwear. I fumble with my trousers and, both naked, we stare at each other for a moment.
“I think I can safely say that our friendship is officially ruined,” she says. I laugh and pull her towards me, on top, underneath me and she wraps her thighs around my waist, pulling me closer towards her. It is pleasure and maneuvering and I lick her neck and it tastes like salt.
Afterwards, she rests her soft head on my chest, I wrap my arms around her body and we lie together peacefully. Her eyes are half closed, lazy-lidded like a cat, and I shift one hand to wipe her damp hair from her forehead. “You are so beautiful,” I tell her.
“So are you,” she murmurs, shifts slightly so that her lips graze my chest and falls asleep. My own sleep follows soon after.
*
My first thought when I open my eyes in the morning is that I’m naked. The second is that I’m not alone. Lavender, also conspicuously naked, is lying with an arm draped over my chest possessively.
I groan quietly as the events of the night before come flooding back to me. The fight, the alcohol, the sex. With Lavender. I leap up, dislodging Lavender from her position and making her fall clumsily to the floor.
She wakes up with a small ‘oof’ sound and scrambles for sheets to cover herself. “Oh God, oh God,” she murmurs.
I pull her duvet around my waist. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know,” she wails. “This isn’t how our first time was supposed to go. You weren’t drunk and I definitely didn’t get pushed out of bed in the morning.”
“You’d imagined it?” I feel slightly violated. I didn’t agree to this imaginary-sex. I did instigate the real-life sex though so I’m probably not the best one to talk about this.
“Of course! I’ve been in love with you for three fucking long years. Do you think I never imagined our life together?”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this a couple of years ago?”
“Because there was Jenny and Sara and the Hot Hungarian and Ginny and there wasn’t really much of a break between your conquests to let you know.”
“I would have listened.”
“No, I listen. You talk. And talk and talk. You never asked me why I hadn’t had a boyfriend for a couple of years or if there was anyone at work I liked.”
“That’s unfair. You told me you didn’t like to talk about that stuff.”
“Oh, you want to talk about unfair. You coming into my room last night was unfair. You screwing up your relationship with Ginny and bringing it home to me was unfair. You pushing me out of bed this morning was unfair.” There are tears streaming down her face and I know I’ve stuffed things up badly.
“I didn’t mean for it to work out this way.” I didn’t mean to push her out of bed for a start, I think, but the words just aren’t coming out.
“No one ever means anything, Zacharias. It just happens.” She looks old. I can suddenly imagine what she’ll look like in twenty years time. I want to know her in twenty years but I have this terrifying feeling in the pit of my stomach like I never will see her again. “I think you should get the hell out of my room.”
So I leave. There’s nothing much for me to do really, is there?
Rating: PG-13, light R
Genre: Tart Noir, crime-romance
Pairings: Lavender/Zacharias, Draco/Ron, Susan/Blaise, Zacharias/Ginny ...
Summary: Lavender Brown is part of the investigation into the murders of the children of Death Eaters and is madly in love with her flatmate and best friend, Zacharias Smith. Ron Weasley is babysitting Draco Malfoy and sick of being gay in a terribly straight Wizarding World. Susan Bones doesn't get patronuses and is not having a relationship with Blaise Zabini. Zacharias Smith is sick of his job and thinks he might ask Ginny Weasley to move in with him. Mr Darcy, the flatmate's cat, thinks they're all bloody ridiculous. Four twenty-one year olds suffering with work, love and life.
Notes: This part has been a real effort to write, to be honest. I tried to make it a bit more sexy, don't think I pulled it off. Also, I think Zacharias comes across as more of a bastard than I meant. Anyway, sorry about the huge gap between parts, but expect more of them because I'm running out of pre-written parts and university exams are coming up.
After work, Ginny and I go out for dinner. It’s our anniversary, see, and I want it to be special. Especially since I’m asking her to move in with me.
“Merlin, I’ve just had the worst day ever.” Ginny storms into Madam Puddifoots, upsetting a table as she steamrollers her way in my direction. She collapses into the soft stool beside me and bangs her head down on the table.
“What happened?” I ask, leaning over to kiss her and rubbing at her back in what I hope are calming motions.
“I failed my international law test, my tutor for criminology tried to make a pass at me and I’ve got cramps. Let’s get really drunk tonight.”
“Two Hogsmeade Sunrises, no ice. Quickly please.” The waitress nods nervously and scuttles off to make up the cocktails. “Let’s deal with this one step at a time.”
“Okay, so I only just failed but a ‘P’ is such a crap mark and I really don’t want to tell Mum, but she’ll find out and then she’ll pull the disappointed act and ask if I’m really making the right decision doing law and maybe I want to do something more family-oriented.” She pulls a face. I know how she feels about children. It’s a little sad, because I’ve always secretly wanted children of my own. It’d be different if they were her own.
“Can you resit?”
“Yes, but I hate filling out the forms to re-do the test.” She sighs. “Also, my tutor, y’know, the young one with all the hair, tried to kiss me when I went to ask a question after class.”
“Did you tell him you were taken?”
“Yes, but he said I was leading him on, wearing low cut robes and curling my hair. I didn’t like to tell him that my hair just goes this way.”
“What a prick.”
“Yeah.”
The cocktails arrive and Ginny drains hers in about one gulp and sends it back for a refill, along with our orders for the main course. “Well, I can’t do much about the cramps, except to say there’s a hot water bottle at my place after dinner if you want it.”
“Thanks honey.” She leans over and kisses me on the cheek. “You’re a sweetheart. How was your day?”
“Oh, the usual. Today I interviewed the head of magical games and sports because Ferrars didn’t have time. He, of course, gets to write the article.”
“Of course.” Second cocktail down and she’s looking more relaxed.
It’s now or never I guess. “Hey, Gin, before you get too drunk I have something to ask you.”
“Sure, I’m listening.”
“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to move in together, find a place of our own?”
Her eyes widen. “Oh my goodness.”
“If you don’t want to, that’s fine and everything.”
“You always go into defensive mode after every proposition and it’s always completely unnecessary. I think that would be really sweet.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, were you not serious or something?”
“No, I was.” There’s a small voice at the back of my head that whispers, you’re doing this to get away from Lavender, but I ignore it.
“Wow. Just, wow. This is so amazing. We can start looking over Christmas.”
I smirk. “Feel free to drink more now.”
She’s onto her fourth cocktail as the meals arrive and I’ve had a couple. As I’m twirling the last bits of pasta around my fork, I decide to tell her what Susan told me. After all, no secrets between couples, right? “Susan said that Lavender’s in love with me.”
“What?”
“I know. I’m really confused. Lavender doesn’t know I know, but it’s ruined our friendship because I can’t even look at her now.”
Ginny looks like she’s going to cry. “Well, this is perfect.”
“What is?”
“I can’t believe you. You ask me to live with you and then you drop this on me.”
“Ginny, you’re drunk; you don’t know what you’re saying.” Why did I tell her? Why now?
“No! I know exactly what I’m saying. Why don’t you just leave me for her? It’d make everything so much easier. I’ve known she loves you since I started dating you.”
“You knew, and you didn’t tell me?” Now I’m angry. “What happened to the whole no-secrets-between-us thing?”
“You don’t tell me everything. You didn’t tell me about that dare when you kissed each other.”
“It was Wizarding Truth or Dare. We couldn’t back out.”
“And next you’re going to say, it meant nothing.” Her fists are balled in anger. “Merlin, Zacharias, no wonder you haven’t made it in writing. You’re a walking fucking cliché.”
I stand up. “Maybe this was all a big mistake.”
She stands shakily, facing me. “Maybe it was. I’ll see you around perhaps.” And, grabbing her coat, she storms out, leaving me with the bill, four horrified waitresses and a seriously confused heart.
So I go to the pub.
Seamus and Dean are there. “Smith, come join us,” Seamus calls. “Heard from Lavender lately?”
“One firewhiskey please.” I sit down beside them.
“I’d best go,” Dean says. “Hope you’re alright, Smith. See you soon, Seamus.” And he apparates away.
The firewhiskey comes and I knock it back. “You know Lavender likes me, don’t you Seamus?”
He looks away. “Like is an awfully strong word …”
“Susan told me.”
“She loves you. She’s been in love with you for fucking years. And you only just found out.”
“No, I found out a few days ago.”
“When you broke her heart by deciding to ask Ginny to move in with you?”
“Hah.” I snort. “I don’t think that’ll be working out. We’re kind of broken up. She has a problem with Lavender.”
“Who would you choose?” Seamus seems genuinely curious.
“I love Ginny.” I feel dizzy. “I love Lavender too. But as a friend. She’s my best friend. I don’t want to screw things up.”
“Are you honestly telling me you’ve never thought about what it’d be like? Sleeping with Lavender?” He smirks at my silence. “Lave’s the girl you buy crazy presents for and who you talk to about absolutely everything and who drives you absolutely insane some of the time. Mate, you’ve been falling for her since forever and you didn’t even realise.”
“She’s my best friend,” I repeat.
“I wish I had a best friend who I was that close to.”
“What do I do?”
Seamus snorts. “I love how people ask me for romantic advice.” Then, more seriously: “Go home now and talk to her.”
I walk down through the narrow windy roads until I reach the flat. Ron’s out at Hogwarts and Susan said she was spending the night at the library, studying. I would have thought Lav would have been out with Seamus, but clearly I was wrong.
I knock on her bedroom door. “Come in.” She’s lying on her bed, reading what looks like a trashy novel, but she jumps up when I come in and slides it under her pillow. Her hair is tousled as if she just woke up and she’s in this over-sized tee shirt that is so unbelievably sexy on her. Lavender? Sexy? Merlin, what the fuck is going through my head? “Zacharias?”
Before I know what I’m doing, I’ve pushed her up against the wall, pressed up against her, kissing her furiously. She shivers and I feel it run through me. Then, her hands are on my cheeks and she’s pulling me even closer.
We break apart, but I continue to hold her close. Her pinky finger traces an outline across my face and her eyes are wide. “What was that?”
My breath has thickened and my heart is thumping unnaturally loudly. “Lav, I know. People told me. I’m an idiot, Lav.”
“You’re drunk,” she whispers, squeezing her eyes shut. “You’re drunk and I shouldn’t be hearing this.”
“I’m not really drunk. I’m not so drunk that I don’t know what I’m saying.” I grab her hand and let my lips graze her knuckles lightly. She tenses.
“Ginny …”
“No, I’m Zacharias.” She laughs shakily. I continue. “Ginny and I had an argument. About you actually. I don’t think we’re together anymore. I don’t think I want us to be together anymore.”
“You don’t think?” She is shaking and there are tears in her eyes. She sits down abruptly.
I move to sit beside her and tentatively rub her back. Her shoulders relax. “Lavvie …”
“Oh God,” she murmurs.
“Do you want me to leave?” I ask. Please say no. Please say no.
“No.” She kisses me demurely on the cheek.
And we are kissing again. She tastes like peaches and I remember that she loves that peach lip gloss and I wonder why I am even thinking about this when I am kissing my best friend more passionately than I’ve ever kissed Ginny. Her hands are on my back, under my shirt, and they’re cold, so cold compared to my skin.
Now her fingers are undoing the buttons of my shirt, fumbling as she tries to kiss me at the same time, and my fingers are lightly grazing her nipples under the thin material of her tee shirt. She gives up on my shirt and rips her own tee shirt off.
“Are you sure?” I ask hoarsely, slipping my own shirt off as I speak.
In response, she takes off her underwear. I fumble with my trousers and, both naked, we stare at each other for a moment.
“I think I can safely say that our friendship is officially ruined,” she says. I laugh and pull her towards me, on top, underneath me and she wraps her thighs around my waist, pulling me closer towards her. It is pleasure and maneuvering and I lick her neck and it tastes like salt.
Afterwards, she rests her soft head on my chest, I wrap my arms around her body and we lie together peacefully. Her eyes are half closed, lazy-lidded like a cat, and I shift one hand to wipe her damp hair from her forehead. “You are so beautiful,” I tell her.
“So are you,” she murmurs, shifts slightly so that her lips graze my chest and falls asleep. My own sleep follows soon after.
*
My first thought when I open my eyes in the morning is that I’m naked. The second is that I’m not alone. Lavender, also conspicuously naked, is lying with an arm draped over my chest possessively.
I groan quietly as the events of the night before come flooding back to me. The fight, the alcohol, the sex. With Lavender. I leap up, dislodging Lavender from her position and making her fall clumsily to the floor.
She wakes up with a small ‘oof’ sound and scrambles for sheets to cover herself. “Oh God, oh God,” she murmurs.
I pull her duvet around my waist. “How did this happen?”
“I don’t know,” she wails. “This isn’t how our first time was supposed to go. You weren’t drunk and I definitely didn’t get pushed out of bed in the morning.”
“You’d imagined it?” I feel slightly violated. I didn’t agree to this imaginary-sex. I did instigate the real-life sex though so I’m probably not the best one to talk about this.
“Of course! I’ve been in love with you for three fucking long years. Do you think I never imagined our life together?”
“Why didn’t you tell me all this a couple of years ago?”
“Because there was Jenny and Sara and the Hot Hungarian and Ginny and there wasn’t really much of a break between your conquests to let you know.”
“I would have listened.”
“No, I listen. You talk. And talk and talk. You never asked me why I hadn’t had a boyfriend for a couple of years or if there was anyone at work I liked.”
“That’s unfair. You told me you didn’t like to talk about that stuff.”
“Oh, you want to talk about unfair. You coming into my room last night was unfair. You screwing up your relationship with Ginny and bringing it home to me was unfair. You pushing me out of bed this morning was unfair.” There are tears streaming down her face and I know I’ve stuffed things up badly.
“I didn’t mean for it to work out this way.” I didn’t mean to push her out of bed for a start, I think, but the words just aren’t coming out.
“No one ever means anything, Zacharias. It just happens.” She looks old. I can suddenly imagine what she’ll look like in twenty years time. I want to know her in twenty years but I have this terrifying feeling in the pit of my stomach like I never will see her again. “I think you should get the hell out of my room.”
So I leave. There’s nothing much for me to do really, is there?