Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Well, this journal entry was going to contain a piece of writing from donkey's years ago, but as I seem to have left my notebook on the top of a steamer oven in the kitchen, that's not really possible. So, what to put in here instead? How about a condensed essay on the uses of a coconut?
The Uses of a Coconut.
Possibly one of the most useful of all the tropical plants, the coconut - or cocoanut - is often mis-understood. There are a few facts to be known about coconuts, some well known, and others you might find out on Qi. There are three layers to a coconut: the exocarp and the mesocarp which make up the husk, and the endocarp - otherwise known as the shell The rest of it is classified as hollow, like my head. If you desire to smash a coconut, without planning to get anything back from it apart from a mess, drop it from a window onto a patio. However, if you wish to gain more worth than the satisfaction of shattering a couple of patio stones and something that looks like an overgrown Malteaser, I suggest you take the easier route through the 'eyes'.
Coconuts have three eyes (although they are about as useful as a chocolate teapot with regards to seeing things coming) but only one of them is easily stabbed to get the coconut open. The layout of these eyes is also much like that of a bowling ball, but with a higher probability of getting ones fingers stuck and flying down the alley.
So, with coconut skittles out of the window, you could always try coconut shy - the age old classic of trying to knock a coconut off a stand, that no matter how hard you throw a direct hit never seems to fall off - I wonder why that is? Perhaps something to do with the large blob of glue securing it to its base?
To be honest, you’re better off scrapping the idea of using it for entertainment in favour of its more practical uses, like when you just happen to be stranded on a desert island full of coconut trees (did you know that the term ‘coconut’ applies not only to the seed, but to the tree?) then you can build everything you need to survive from them - from timber to build huts, leaves for bedding, mats and even clothes, random scraps to build long range artillery - because who knows, there could be something that moves to eat, or wants to eat you - and even as friends. The eccentric ‘remove brain and watch’ program called ‘the Mighty Boosh’ demonstrates the use of coconuts to instigate rivalry, jealously and coconut homicide.
Perhaps the Hawaiians had the better idea of just drinking the coconuts and using the shells for decorative bras. Using coconuts in food is common practice around the globe, from sticking it in curries to prevent ones head exploding, to making sticky, sweet coconut macaroons, there is always a use for the white bits of the coconut that no child finds interesting after they’ve smashed it on the floor.
But, finally, the most memorable of all coconut uses is in the world of film. More specifically, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, in which the notion of coconuts migrating, and losing an arm being ‘only a flesh wound’ arise. In this world, horses are removed in favour of the much more lower budget coconut effect, where the shells are musically tapped together to replicate the beat of a horses hooves over an eternal concrete surface.
Honestly, there are far too many uses for a coconut to list here without boring you to death - for instance if you’re that desperate you can even dye your hair with one, although I dread to think of the colour it would turn out, or if someone’s dropped dead and you just happen to have a coconut handy, you can use it as an IV fluid - all those little electrolytes in it are good for the soul. So head on down to your local superstore and pick up a coconut today, you never know when you might need one!
~ This is property of Kirstine Heald, anyone who attempts to steal it and use it as their own shall find their attempts met with pain, frustration and a black eye caused by my cat wielding a frying pan.