Sorry for being a post-whore!
I KNOW I am supposed to be a massage therapist. But, for some reason, it feels like my timing is off. I just...I don't know. It seems like each time I start school it feels like a bad time to do so. Last time there was the miscarriages and then the ulnar tunnel from pregnancy. This time I am so stressed out, I've lost my job, not sure when I'll be bringing in money from watching kids, my insomnia and anxiety are at all time highs. It just seems like things are working against me. And that sounds like such a line of bullshit, even to me.
As Buffy Summers so eloquently sang "I'm going through the motions..." I said that today verbatim, not realizing until afterward it was a Buffy quote. I really do feel that way. I'm not learning when I do my homework, I'm just doing it to get by. As a therapist I am supposed to project an image of "relaxed confidence". Umm, I don't know the last time I appeared relaxed to anyone! Scatterbrained and high strung, I got that down! Relaxed and confident? Notsomuch.
The thing is I do want to do massage. I do think I'll be a great massage therapist. But I feel that I'm cheating myself and my future clients by not giving school as much effort as I should. I need to regain my focus. And the thing I need to be able to do that the most, I can't have (a week away, ftr...or even a few days). I think I may go spend the night at a nearby nature center by myself. It would be my first time leaving Reese, but I really feel that I need this.
Just overnight, me and Casey. I would take Bones, but she's still such a puppy that she's a bit too active. Casey and I will both be happy just chilling out. Take a couple of books, a paper journal, and some good music. Take time for myself. Build a fire outside and cuddle with Casey and some hot tea under a blanket and watch the stars. Go for a walk along the trails. Just have time for me. God, that sounds nice. And it's only $45...I think its more than worth it. I'll take my cell phone, but only in case of emergency. I think I could block any calls except my mom or Kelton, whichever has the girls. Yes. This is going to happen. Definitely.
I need to have priorities. I don't right now. My only goal and priority is to get through each day relatively in tact. So, my first priority is ME. I have to take better care of myself. Physically, spiritually, and mentally. Taking care of myself means I keep my house in order, since when it is clean I am less stressed and have more time to relax. It means eating good foods and exercising. It means taking a few minutes each day to cultivate my relationship with God, my relationships with friends, and my relationship with my husband. It means playing with my kids and enjoying them. It means taking the time necessary to really put into school what I expect to get out of it. It means walking the doggies, for their benefit as well as my own. It means going places, doing things. Keeping spending under control. Experiencing life for what it has to offer. Being completely giving of myself because we can only fully receive what life has to give when we have fully given of ourselves.
I think that doing those things pretty much cover it all.
I feel renewed today. I don't know if its from the cleaning, from something inside of me, or what. But I feel like it's a new day. It's time to change, and time to wake up! I feel like I can finally breathe.
As Buffy Summers so eloquently sang "I'm going through the motions..." I said that today verbatim, not realizing until afterward it was a Buffy quote. I really do feel that way. I'm not learning when I do my homework, I'm just doing it to get by. As a therapist I am supposed to project an image of "relaxed confidence". Umm, I don't know the last time I appeared relaxed to anyone! Scatterbrained and high strung, I got that down! Relaxed and confident? Notsomuch.
The thing is I do want to do massage. I do think I'll be a great massage therapist. But I feel that I'm cheating myself and my future clients by not giving school as much effort as I should. I need to regain my focus. And the thing I need to be able to do that the most, I can't have (a week away, ftr...or even a few days). I think I may go spend the night at a nearby nature center by myself. It would be my first time leaving Reese, but I really feel that I need this.
Just overnight, me and Casey. I would take Bones, but she's still such a puppy that she's a bit too active. Casey and I will both be happy just chilling out. Take a couple of books, a paper journal, and some good music. Take time for myself. Build a fire outside and cuddle with Casey and some hot tea under a blanket and watch the stars. Go for a walk along the trails. Just have time for me. God, that sounds nice. And it's only $45...I think its more than worth it. I'll take my cell phone, but only in case of emergency. I think I could block any calls except my mom or Kelton, whichever has the girls. Yes. This is going to happen. Definitely.
I need to have priorities. I don't right now. My only goal and priority is to get through each day relatively in tact. So, my first priority is ME. I have to take better care of myself. Physically, spiritually, and mentally. Taking care of myself means I keep my house in order, since when it is clean I am less stressed and have more time to relax. It means eating good foods and exercising. It means taking a few minutes each day to cultivate my relationship with God, my relationships with friends, and my relationship with my husband. It means playing with my kids and enjoying them. It means taking the time necessary to really put into school what I expect to get out of it. It means walking the doggies, for their benefit as well as my own. It means going places, doing things. Keeping spending under control. Experiencing life for what it has to offer. Being completely giving of myself because we can only fully receive what life has to give when we have fully given of ourselves.
I think that doing those things pretty much cover it all.
I feel renewed today. I don't know if its from the cleaning, from something inside of me, or what. But I feel like it's a new day. It's time to change, and time to wake up! I feel like I can finally breathe.