it's a wonderful night...
life is funny. i want to feel moved to write something. to reflect on my life. on the here and now...my life it seems though, has sped up to such a rate that it appears to be standing still. i know that doesn't make any real sense but i swear to god that's what is happening. the slower i take things, the further i step back to absorb it all the more there is to take in. and the time on the clock, which feels more like sand in an hour glass, just seems to run all the more quickly. in the end i'm left with an image. a still or a snapshot of this one moment before me which i feel will be gone the second i blink.
so what is one to do with that. right now it's a hug. it's hope. it's a familiar smell or a warm smile. but where will i be tomorrow? what am i gonna do with my life. how can i move on from here and where can i go. i'd stay in this moment forever if i could. but i know i can't.
it's the same sensation as when i was 8 yrs old and got thrown off the merry-go-round. in the moment before i was still my mind left my body... a birds eye view shows a noisy scene with the volume turned down and the action in slow motion as i fly through the air. i actually got thrown pretty high, we were being pushed waaaayyyy too fast. but the second my body hit the ground the noise came back and when i opened my eyes all action resumed at a frantic pace with faces circling around me.
this is where i am now caught between the moments when my hands released the metal bar and the back my head hit the ground with a thud. i'm airborne.
what kind of a job could i even get here? where would i live? how am i gonna finish school? these are the questions i will face once i hit the ground and open my eyes. it only lasts a few seconds the flying through the air catapulted by life from one place to another sensation. i fear i will have no answers.
but...
this makes me smile. it could be considered a rough cabaret of my ex-boyfriends...i'm pretty sure they are all represented.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAvpSdfYAlI
so what is one to do with that. right now it's a hug. it's hope. it's a familiar smell or a warm smile. but where will i be tomorrow? what am i gonna do with my life. how can i move on from here and where can i go. i'd stay in this moment forever if i could. but i know i can't.
it's the same sensation as when i was 8 yrs old and got thrown off the merry-go-round. in the moment before i was still my mind left my body... a birds eye view shows a noisy scene with the volume turned down and the action in slow motion as i fly through the air. i actually got thrown pretty high, we were being pushed waaaayyyy too fast. but the second my body hit the ground the noise came back and when i opened my eyes all action resumed at a frantic pace with faces circling around me.
this is where i am now caught between the moments when my hands released the metal bar and the back my head hit the ground with a thud. i'm airborne.
what kind of a job could i even get here? where would i live? how am i gonna finish school? these are the questions i will face once i hit the ground and open my eyes. it only lasts a few seconds the flying through the air catapulted by life from one place to another sensation. i fear i will have no answers.
but...
this makes me smile. it could be considered a rough cabaret of my ex-boyfriends...i'm pretty sure they are all represented.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAvpSdfYAlI