like sands through the blah blah...
just a small rant:
today i'm tired. i feel so tired it's not even natural. i'm happy, but i feel like i can hardly do anything about it. i'm about to take a history exam. going to the doctor next week to get this golf ball [a lump sized accordingly has appeared in my throat] ck'd out. i just hope whatever hormonal crap is going on registers on their little test so i can know i'm not crazy. carolyn suggested we walk to downtown fairfax last evening. at first i was excited because it seemed like the type of thing i would enjoy...except i knew that just going out at all was probably gonna lay me out. i've been strong my whole life, i've never had to feel this way intimidated by heavy objects or physical activity. i hope they can fix me fast. i'm not even worried about cancer or anything silly like that. i just want my life back. soon please. i've only just started talking about it after a yr of worsening symptoms. i hate doctors i hate being sick i don't like admitting that i feel exhausted or physically inadequate EVER, and even though i clearly have a golf ball in my throat i'm terrified that they won't see it or won't believe me or some other retarded thing. i have a glimmer of hope that maybe after all this is said and done i'll have metabolic function more closely resembling "Normal" and that hope is the scariest of it all.
ps- i'm not complaining, i've lived a fairly healthy life and of all the things that could go wrong this has the potential to be a really easy fix...it's not finding out what's wrong that i'm worried about, it's the not knowing...which is a totally irrational fear.
today i'm tired. i feel so tired it's not even natural. i'm happy, but i feel like i can hardly do anything about it. i'm about to take a history exam. going to the doctor next week to get this golf ball [a lump sized accordingly has appeared in my throat] ck'd out. i just hope whatever hormonal crap is going on registers on their little test so i can know i'm not crazy. carolyn suggested we walk to downtown fairfax last evening. at first i was excited because it seemed like the type of thing i would enjoy...except i knew that just going out at all was probably gonna lay me out. i've been strong my whole life, i've never had to feel this way intimidated by heavy objects or physical activity. i hope they can fix me fast. i'm not even worried about cancer or anything silly like that. i just want my life back. soon please. i've only just started talking about it after a yr of worsening symptoms. i hate doctors i hate being sick i don't like admitting that i feel exhausted or physically inadequate EVER, and even though i clearly have a golf ball in my throat i'm terrified that they won't see it or won't believe me or some other retarded thing. i have a glimmer of hope that maybe after all this is said and done i'll have metabolic function more closely resembling "Normal" and that hope is the scariest of it all.
ps- i'm not complaining, i've lived a fairly healthy life and of all the things that could go wrong this has the potential to be a really easy fix...it's not finding out what's wrong that i'm worried about, it's the not knowing...which is a totally irrational fear.