(no subject)
I haven't updated in awhile... I come on every day and check out my friends list, but I rarely gather the inspiration to post.
I guess I come here mostly when I need to vent or try to document things I care about. I guess today I've come here to work out some feelings.
Ever since I was promoted, my friendship with Kelly (who I was good friends with from 7th grade on) has dwindled to nothing. We work at the same place, and our friendship did not survive my promotion. I don't care to suss out who's fault it was or even need to think it was one persons fault, it's just the way it is.
A week ago or so she posted some pictures on her facebook or myspace or whatever of her at our seemingly mutual college friend Sarah's grad school graduation party. That didn't bother me so much. I alone did a poor job of keeping in contact with Sarah and understand completely why I was not invited. I don't know why I'm even bringing it up as part of this whole thing, but there you go. Anyway... today I see that Kelly posted pictures of her grad school graduation party. I'm not at all surprised I wasn't invited. But I peruse the pictures anyways, because that's the beauty of MySpace, right? And I see... Damian in the pictures. Damian was here in Baldwinsville and didn't even tell me. Now... granted, he did come down to see me and I don't believe he told Kelly then, but at the time I offered to take him to my work when she was on shift, he declined. Anyway... I know the right thing to do is to respect the somewhat difficult situation mutual friends are put in when two friends go their separate ways and let him off the hook. However, a giant part of me is hurt and angry and jealous. A giant part of me hates that he was here and didn't contact me, that he came down here for her. A giant part of me wants his friendship to myself.
Maybe writing that down here will help me realize how ridiculous I sound.
A giant part of me saw those pictures and reacted by thinking "well... I'll never call him again..." which is ridiculous. I'm sure it will pass... I hope it will pass. No. I know it will pass because I will make it pass because I'm not going to let her ruin my friendships from a distance. I'm not going to let her get to me so much that I ruin my own friendships. I am a separate person. A whole person alone and do not need to be defined by friends or by what my friends do.
I'm just hurt because I feel like it was kept from me... but that's silly too... I am not his keeper. He doesn't have to tell me everything.
I hope this is all normal and I'm not just some crazy, selfish freak.
I guess I come here mostly when I need to vent or try to document things I care about. I guess today I've come here to work out some feelings.
Ever since I was promoted, my friendship with Kelly (who I was good friends with from 7th grade on) has dwindled to nothing. We work at the same place, and our friendship did not survive my promotion. I don't care to suss out who's fault it was or even need to think it was one persons fault, it's just the way it is.
A week ago or so she posted some pictures on her facebook or myspace or whatever of her at our seemingly mutual college friend Sarah's grad school graduation party. That didn't bother me so much. I alone did a poor job of keeping in contact with Sarah and understand completely why I was not invited. I don't know why I'm even bringing it up as part of this whole thing, but there you go. Anyway... today I see that Kelly posted pictures of her grad school graduation party. I'm not at all surprised I wasn't invited. But I peruse the pictures anyways, because that's the beauty of MySpace, right? And I see... Damian in the pictures. Damian was here in Baldwinsville and didn't even tell me. Now... granted, he did come down to see me and I don't believe he told Kelly then, but at the time I offered to take him to my work when she was on shift, he declined. Anyway... I know the right thing to do is to respect the somewhat difficult situation mutual friends are put in when two friends go their separate ways and let him off the hook. However, a giant part of me is hurt and angry and jealous. A giant part of me hates that he was here and didn't contact me, that he came down here for her. A giant part of me wants his friendship to myself.
Maybe writing that down here will help me realize how ridiculous I sound.
A giant part of me saw those pictures and reacted by thinking "well... I'll never call him again..." which is ridiculous. I'm sure it will pass... I hope it will pass. No. I know it will pass because I will make it pass because I'm not going to let her ruin my friendships from a distance. I'm not going to let her get to me so much that I ruin my own friendships. I am a separate person. A whole person alone and do not need to be defined by friends or by what my friends do.
I'm just hurt because I feel like it was kept from me... but that's silly too... I am not his keeper. He doesn't have to tell me everything.
I hope this is all normal and I'm not just some crazy, selfish freak.