March 5, 2006
G and M came over to sit in the sun in our yard today. G is on antibiotics and may have pneumonia. The doctor told her not to go back to work yet. It was nice to visit with them. M has avoided coming by since the ex attacked him and pounded his head into a wall when M suggested he treat me better. As usual M insisted on cleaning the outdoor furniture before they sat in it. "We are city dwellers," he told me. I said, "Yeah, poor E, she has to come here to enjoy dirt." They have been thinking about moving back to the village as their tenant will move out of their house soon, and the apartment they are in is small for them. But as we talked about our kids, M said that hearing me talk about what my kids are exposed to here made him prefer to stay in a religious neighborhood for their sakes. Actually if they moved back here it would make it even more difficult for me to keep an eye on what my kids are up to as they would get into the habit of going up to the village to visit. M says that his oldest son, who is in Sweden now, was exposed to drugs when he grew up here in the village and is still entangled today.
En, my step-son came by on Friday. I notice he is thin again, and wonder if he is back on heroin. He is still working a steady job. I hope he is okay. Asking of course wouldn't help because he automatically lies. It is problematic for him, because even living in a different neighborhood now, his friends and family are still drug-users and he is constantly exposed to the temptation. Real life is tough.
I guess I'm lucky I use sleep to escape my problems. Hopefully it is less addictive. I am slowly healing. Last week I was experiencing a lot of guilt over how inactive I have been in this time of emotional rejuvenation. I decided I would now suffer from physical problems because of my inactivity. But after talking to K, who has gone through a similar hell and is journeying out, I was encouraged that I need to be more patient with the time in takes to recuperate. I have felt much lighter emotionally lately. I have also started to be more active, which is waking my muscles up from slumber.
En, my step-son came by on Friday. I notice he is thin again, and wonder if he is back on heroin. He is still working a steady job. I hope he is okay. Asking of course wouldn't help because he automatically lies. It is problematic for him, because even living in a different neighborhood now, his friends and family are still drug-users and he is constantly exposed to the temptation. Real life is tough.
I guess I'm lucky I use sleep to escape my problems. Hopefully it is less addictive. I am slowly healing. Last week I was experiencing a lot of guilt over how inactive I have been in this time of emotional rejuvenation. I decided I would now suffer from physical problems because of my inactivity. But after talking to K, who has gone through a similar hell and is journeying out, I was encouraged that I need to be more patient with the time in takes to recuperate. I have felt much lighter emotionally lately. I have also started to be more active, which is waking my muscles up from slumber.