Prompt Post #7
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'What's it like?' you ask in a small voice. 'Transitioning... Passing... Being... who you're supposed to be.' A tender look passes Michelle's face and you bite your lip, staring out the window behind her for a moment, before you look back at her. 'Is it like... happy?'
Michelle leans against the window sill and seems to consider her answer for a few moments.
'Am I happier now than I was five years ago? Yes. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It's not going to be easy, the life you have ahead of you. There will be good days and bad days - and probably some really miserable ones.' She straightens up and looks you in the eye before continuing. 'But with a good support system and the right attitude, I promise you, you can make it. And there might even come a day, when you're glad this is the life you have.'
'I just get so bitter sometimes,' you confess in strangled voice. 'It's not fair.'
'Life rarely is,' she tells you evenly, before moving to stand closer to you. 'I know I sound like a fortune cookie, but you really just have to make the best of it. Hey, kid,' she implores tenderly, tilting your face up with a soft finger under your chin to make you look at her. She smiles. 'Your life isn't over. In fact this is where you life starts. So chin up, alright?'
You nod obediently. For someone you just met, you feel oddly compelled to follow her advice.
'Also,' she continues, her gaze still on you. 'I've told you before, Ty. It's rude to stare.'
You blink confusedly and are just about to ask her why she is calling you Ty, when a boy a year or two older than you appears from behind you with a sheepish grin on his face.
'I'm sorry. It's just, I know you.' the boy points at you, clearly excited about his discovery. 'You're the Anderson kid. We went to the same junior high.'
'Oh,' is all you can think to say, stunned that this random older kid remembers you.
'You don't remember me.'
'Sorry,' you wince.
'It's cool,' he chuckles. 'It's not like I would've stood out to you. I was still kind of hiding back then. Tyler Simmons.'
'That makes two of us,' you quip as you shake Tyler's hand, then add laughing, 'About the hiding, I mean. Not the being called Tyler Simmons. I'm Blaine. Blaine Anderson.'
*
'So...' your mother starts later when you're all in the car, driving back home. '”Blaine”, huh?'
'Yeah,' you say from the backseat, your cheeks coloring a little. It's still so strange discussing any of this with your parents, or with anyone, really. 'I found it last year. It means yellow so I figure that's sort of like keeping some of Amber around. Does that make sense?'
'It does,' she nods encouragingly. She tries out the name again, 'Blaine. I like it. We'll try.' She pauses for a moment, exchanging a look with your father, before continuing. 'It's a lot. It is. We've never-- We just thought you might be a lesbian. So this a lot to take in.'
Your stomach clenches a bit at her words, and you look out the window. You can't help feeling guilty for putting this on your parents. You hate being a source of stress for them.
'But Michelle's mom was very helpful,' your mother continues, her voice aiming for hopeful but still a bit strained. 'She had a lot of good advice to give. She mentioned a support group down in the LGBT center that you might be interested in, and she gave us the name of a good therapist that we're going to try and set you up with, and-- and we'll see from there, okay? And just-- we'll try, okay?'
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Blaine was good at excuses. First it had been It doesn't need to be right now, which had turned into But I can't right now. Then had he told himself he couldn't do it in the middle of the musical. Then after he had actually made up his mind, there was the whole mess with Santana's outing that distracted everyone for a few days, and Blaine and Kurt were working on Perfect and it just didn't seem like the moment.
Now, however, the situation had mostly blown over, and Blaine was waiting for Kurt in the empty choir room, having asked his boyfriend to stay behind with him after glee rehearsal (after a bit of deliberation Blaine had opted for neutral territory). Kurt had been pulled out by Figgins in the middle of it, which was why he wasn't here now, but as Blaine paced back and forth in front of the chairs, trying to work out how he was going to start the conversation, it didn't occur to him that that could mean anything bad.
There was the sound of someone bursting into the room and Blaine wheeled around to see Kurt, crying and clearly upset. Blaine was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that for one wild moment he thought Kurt was crying about what Blaine was about to tell him, but of course that didn't make any sense.
'Kurt, what happened?' Blaine urged, hurrying to Kurt's side.
Kurt sniffled once before launching into speech. 'I lost. I lost the race. Plus they think I cheated. Someone stuffed the ballot boxes. I could get suspended.' He looked at Blaine with red, tear-filled eyes and the magnitude of the situation seemed to sink in. 'Blaine, I lost. I really lost.'
Kurt sobbed again, and Blaine pulled him close, hugging him tight and murmuring comfort in his ear, all thoughts of coming out wiped from his mind, because right now Kurt needed Blaine's comfort more than his honesty.
Excuses.
They weren't just excuses though, honestly, because what kind of douchebag would he have to be to turn to his crying boyfriend now and say Hey, by the way, I'm transgender. You don't mind, do you? There was a time and a place and this was not it.
The next day they were in the library finishing up Kurt's application for NYADA. Kurt had composed himself a little, and Rachel had admitted to the cheating, so he wasn't getting in trouble. Kurt still lost though, and his expression was somber as they left the library together.
'Can we talk about something else now? I feel like thinking about this much more is just going to drive me crazy.'
Should Blaine tell him then? Granted what he had to say probably would make Kurt forget his current troubles for a while, but distracting Kurt from his worries by adding yet more worries didn't really seem like the way to go.
So Blaine waited, telling himself that he would do it after Thanksgiving, which gave Kurt the rest of the week to gather himself and his thoughts about this whole mess, before Blaine forced him to deal with another. And it gave Blaine a little more time (as though he hadn't already had enough), and maybe he could ask Cooper for advice this weekend.
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'What about you?' he asked, turning to Blaine, when he had exhausted the topic.
'Ah...' Blaine sighed. 'Let's not talk about that. I just managed to get a smile on your face. I wouldn't wanna kill the mood.'
'Big family gathering?' Kurt guessed correctly.
'Yup. My grandma, my dad's brothers, their wives, kids...' Blaine tried to keep his voice neutral, but Kurt caught his discomfort easily.
'That bad, huh?'
'No, I mean, I guess it could be fine,' Blaine reasoned. 'It's just I haven't really seen them all since... well, since I came out.'
'I can see how that could be awkward,' Kurt commented, grimacing in sympathy. 'But hey, it might not even come up at all. It's not like you're wearing a sign saying “I'm gay, ask me how”. If they can't deal, maybe they'll just ignore it as much as they can. You know, to keep the Thanksgiving peace.'
'Yeah, maybe...'
Except ignoring the issue was kind of the opposite of what Blaine was hoping for in this case.
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