Prompt Post #7
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Rules Post
PP7 Discussion Post
Lonely Prompts Post
Please remember to place any Trigger Warnings in the subject line of your ( Read more... )
Wants/ideas
- Could be set before or around 3.05 (or later if you want to bend canon) before they have gotten really physical.
- Blaine keeps trying to put on the breaks as far as their relationship getting more physical goes, because he's scared of what comes with it, but he can tell that Kurt is starting to want more.
- Blaine has been on hormones for 1-2 years but is pre-op.
- Blaine's parents (and Cooper if you want to include him) are supportive, if a little distant with him.
- Would love some backstory or flashback to when Blaine was younger/came out.
- Lots of Blaine POV, getting inside his head with his fears and doubts etc.
- Supportive Kurt reprimanding Blaine whenever he tries to talk himself down and assuring Blaine that he is just as attractive as ever - so what if their love life will be a bit different; they'll deal.
- If sex is included bottom!Blaine, please (or they can switch if you want them to try a stap-on).
tl;dr: Really I just want ftm!Blaine with a happy ending, so feel free to ignore some of the above if you have something, slightly different in mind.
Any questions just ask!
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Prologue
As a young child you don't have a concept of gender, and you have never even heard the word "identity". It doesn't really occur to you that the world is divided into male and female - boys and girls; men and women - and that there are different sets of expectations for each. You just exist. When you're old enough to talk, you call yourself a girl because it's what you're supposed to do. It's what the world tells you that you are.
As the years pass, you begin to learn what it means to be a girl. For one thing, there's the hair that your parents like you to keep long, preferably in pigtails or braids. You don't see the point, however - long hair just gets in the way as far as you're concerned. Then there are the clothes. Long frilly dresses and skirts that get stuck everywhere; tights that make your legs itch; and shoes that are impossible to run in.
Most days you're allowed to just wear pants, because your mother wants you to be a modern young woman. You don't know what that means, but you know that, even when your wear pants, you have to look a certain way, because you still look different from the boys you like to play with. But at least you can run and play freely.
On the days that you are forced into a dress, you complain loudly that it's uncomfortable and you feel silly - like you're wearing a costume - but after a while you stop complaining, because you can see that the dresses make your mother happy, and you want her to be proud of you. Still, you can't help but look at your brother in silent jealousy sometimes.
You're six years old when you enter first grade, and your best friend since preschool stops talking to you because his new friends think girls are lame. That's the first time it truly hits you that you're a girl. That not only do you have to dress and keep your hair like one, but people are also going to treat you like a girl. It doesn't matter that you feel uncomfortable and out of place in a group of girls, and that the boys are much more fun to hang out with. You're a girl, and that isn't going to change.
So shortly before your seventh birthday you come to a decision, and from then on you try harder to fit in the way you're supposed to. To be the girl the world expects you to be. It feels kind of like you've taken up an extra class at school; one where you're constantly trying to catch up, always a step behind everyone else and perpetually confused about this week's homework. You tell yourself that it's probably this way for everyone, but - like you - they try not to show it or talk about it. After a while you even get used to it. The constant struggle becomes just the way things are, how they're always going to be, and whenever that nagging voice in the back of your mind becomes a little too insistent, you drown it out with words of praise and love from the people around you.
You're eleven and a few months away from completing your fifth grade when a new student transfers into your class. The first time you see her, you're convinced that she is a boy, and you're confused at first when the teacher introduces her as Sara. The girl fascinates you, and when you approach her to welcome her and admit your mistake, she laughs and says that she is definitely a girl; she just doesn't like most girl things. It's called being a tomboy. Sara and you take to each other quickly and you stay best friends throughout middle school. Sara is completely at peace with herself and it's through her that you start to learn that it's okay to like what you like and be who you are; that not every girl has to be a princess. You start picking out your clothes through different criteria, and for your twelfth birthday your only wish is that you be allowed to cut your hair short. Your parents, though a little reluctant, grant your wish. You're a little confused as to why people start assuming that you and Sara are an item, but you don't really care because you have never felt more happy and comfortable in your own skin.
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Logically, you have always known that puberty is going to happen to you. You are aware that at a certain age boys and girls start to change into men and women. You've covered the basics in biology and you know plenty of grown women, so it isn't that you're surprised when it happens. What does surprise you is how you react when you notice the changes.
It's panic. It hits you like a ton of bricks one morning about a month after your twelfth birthday. Panic because suddenly, as you stand naked in front of the mirror, you can see how much has already happened, and you know it will keep happening. All at once this is real and it feels so, so wrong. You hate what your body is turning into and you feel inexplicably betrayed by it. All the other girls seem to be welcoming the changes. Even Sara is excited about the prospect of buying her first bra, but the thought terrifies you, and you don't understand why. You don't understand why you can't just be like everyone else.
You try to tell your mother about it one morning over breakfast, but she tells you it's normal to be a little scared about leaving your childhood and to just hang in there, it will get better. This doesn't help you at all, and you have a hard time believing that you're really meant to feel like this. Claustrophobic and trapped in your own body. Like each day is a nightmare that you keep hoping you'll wake up from, but you never ever do. Like the person you see reflected in the mirror every day isn't even you. Before you can articulate any of this, however, your mother is out the door, off to one of her important meetings, and you're alone in the kitchen again.
You decide that the internet is your friend, but as you sit in front of your computer, the brightly colored Google letters far too cheery, you have no idea what to even search for. Or at least that is what you tell yourself, when the truth is that you're scared. Scared that there isn't an answer to your problem. Scared that there is. So every night you sit there staring at the computer screen as the blinking cursor seems to mock your indecision, and every night you go to bed without having typed a single word.
By rights the thing that finally pushes you over the edge should be some big dramatic moment, but it isn't. It's simply more of the same, but week by week it gets more and more difficult just to exist, and the months go by until finally you've had enough. You sit down at the computer, open Google and without planning or hesitating you type in the words confused about my gender and hit enter.
You don't sleep that night. Instead you spend hour after hour browsing through dozens of websites and watching countless videos until your eyes hurt and your mind feels like it's about to explode from information overload. It's nearly four in the morning when you finally go to bed, and even then you lie awake for the longest time, your whole body thrumming with nervous excitement. It's real. What you're feeling is real. It's then that you say the words out loud to yourself for the first time.
I'm a boy. I may not look like one, but I am. I'm transgender.
Somehow, even though knowing this, and knowing that there are others like you out there, should be - and is in some ways - comforting, you've never felt more alone.
You fall asleep crying.
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Chapter 1
Today all day I had the feeling (When he's talking)
Kurt didn't know. No one did. Or rather no one besides the people that couldn't not know. There was Blaine's family obviously: His parents and Cooper; aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. Then there was Blaine's doctors and therapist, who oversaw his treatment. All those were unavoidable. School administrations at Blaine's first high school, at Dalton and now at McKinley had also been told, which was necessary for certain allowances to be made (Blaine didn't shower with the rest of the boys after P.E. and he was excused from certain field trips). Trent was the only one of Blaine's peers who knew, and then only because him having been Blaine's roommate at Dalton sort necessitated it. Blaine supposed there was also the kids at the high school in Columbus, where he had spent his first freshman year. It had been nearly three years since he had seen any of them, though, so they didn't really count, and in fact Blaine preferred not to think about those kids at all.
So as far as his day-to-day life was concerned, Blaine was, to all intents and purposes, what was known as “stealth”, and he liked it that way. He knew that it was unfair not to include Kurt as one of the people who knew. It was just that telling all those people had been literally quite unavoidable, and telling Kurt - though the morally right thing to do - wasn't. Blaine had been on hormones for two and half years, which meant that as long as he took certain precautions, like binding his chest and avoiding communal showers, no one would ever suspect that he wasn't biologically male. And with this being the first relationship for the both of them, Kurt and Blaine had agreed from the start to take things slow physically and Kurt hadn't pushed (Blaine sure hadn't) so keeping that part of himself hidden hadn't been difficult for Blaine.
It wasn't that Blaine had ever planned on entering a relationship with anyone without first telling them the truth - least of all with Kurt who meant so indescribably much Blaine, not only as a boyfriend but as a friend. But then he and Kurt had just sort of happened without planning or forethought. Of course, looking back, Blaine could see it happening over weeks and months, could see himself falling harder and harder with every day that passed, but he had tried so hard to keep himself at a distance, focusing so much of his energy on that, that when he couldn't anymore, there was no plan ready in his mind. There was just Kurt, Kurt, Kurt and Tomorrow. I'll tell him tomorrow.
It was Artie of all people who made Blaine stop and take stock of the situation.
It had been nearly a month since the full cast list for McKinley's production of West Side Story had been posted, and now the premiere was less than a week away. However, Artie (as the eager young director) was still not satisfied with certain aspects of the show and on Friday afternoon he had pulled his leads aside to run through a number of the songs. As Blaine and Rachel's voices rang through the auditorium with the final note of Tonight, Blaine was feeling quite happy with their performance, confident even - but then the words “sexual awakening” left Artie's mouth and Blaine tensed, sure he wasn't going to like the rest of the conversation. And as Artie continued to talk about passion and sex and first times, somehow not finding the topic remotely inappropriate, Blaine found he was right.
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*
'Well, that's me done.' Kurt closed his textbook with a loud snap, which Blaine, sitting cross-legged on the bed with his nose in a book, barely registered. He felt the mattress dip as Kurt joined him on the bed, but kept his eyes trained on the book in his lap. 'How's yours coming? You done soon?'
'Mmm,' Blaine non-responded, having not really heard the question.
'Well, get cracking then.' Kurt patted Blaine's leg teasingly. 'The whole point of this was that we'd have some alone time when we're done. I don't think Artie's gonna let us sleep this weekend, let alone have social lives, so we gotta make tonight count.' Kurt paused for a moment before continuing, his voice high and breathless. 'I can't believe we open next week. Feels like they just cast us last week. I think we've all worked hard though, and we're ready. Or we will be by Thursday. I feel ready. Do you feel ready?'
'Mm, yeah, sure,' Blaine mumbled distractedly, still not looking up.
'But then I thought I might not do the play at all, and just move to Alaska and work in a gold mine.'
'Yeah, good... wait, what?' Blaine finally looked up, frowning at Kurt's words, to find his boyfriend looking at him with a bemused sort of expression.
'There you are.' Kurt smiled and leaned over to press a soft kiss to Blaine's cheek. 'Thought I'd lost you for a second.'
'I'm sorry.' Blaine exhaled deeply and leaned back against the headboard. 'But you said it yourself. I just need to finish this chapter for History and then I'm all yours.'
Kurt's eyes narrowed as he took the book from Blaine and examined it briefly. 'Yeah, I'm pretty sure this is Algebra, Blaine. Also, you haven't turned the page in at least ten minutes.' Kurt threw the book aside on the bed and shifted himself so he was sitting directly in front of Blaine, his hands resting on Blaine's knees. 'What's going on? Are you okay?'
'No. Yeah. It's fine, really.' Blaine closed his eyes for a brief moment, suddenly so tired. 'Just something Artie said earlier. It's nothing.'
'What did he say?' Kurt's eyes narrowed and his tone was dangerous as though he would like nothing more than to get his hands on Artie.
'Nothing really.' Blaine waved a dismissive hand. 'Just a director's note. You know how he is. It's nothing.'
'It's not nothing if it's got you all worked up like this,' Kurt maintained.
'Honestly, Kurt, it's fine. Don't worry. I'm just overreacting.' Blaine paused as Kurt kept eyeing him skeptically. 'Really. It's nothing. I shouldn't've even told you.'
'You know, Blaine, there's only so many times you can say “it's nothing” before it starts to mean the opposite. What did Artie say? Was he being rude or out of line or...?'
Blaine bit his lip as Kurt watched him from the bed, his eyes big and earnest. Blaine's heart hammered as he considered the possibility of just telling Kurt the truth here and now. It's just that he mentioned sex, and I'm scared to even bring that up with you, because the truth is I'm transgender, so my body doesn't look like other boys' and I'm afraid of what that will do to our relationship when you find out. Blaine let out a breath he had been holding a little while longer than usual.
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He found his mother downstairs, still in the hall, hanging her coat. Something about the speed and swiftness of her movements let Blaine know that, while she may be home for the night, her work day wasn't over. She was probably headed straight to her computer.
'Hi Mom,' Blaine greeted her softly, coming to a halt at the bottom step. She wheeled around to face him, an expression of mild surprise on her face. It was an expression Blaine's mother wore a lot around her youngest, as though she kept forgetting he was in the house too. Blaine supposed she was just still getting used to having him home after two years at Dalton, but sometimes, when a dark mood struck him, Blaine wondered if maybe she hoped he would just go away again, or grow up already and go to college or something.
'Hi sweetie, you're home. Have a nice day?' she asked, but her voice was breathless and Blaine could tell that her mind was elsewhere and she was really just feigning interest, so he decided to cut to the chase.
'Yeah, it was fine. I got your tickets today. Best seats in the house.' Blaine beamed as he held out the thin pieces of papers in his hand. 'I know Dad isn't due home for another two weeks, but I got one for him as well. Just in case.'
Blaine shrugged and gestured again for his mother to take the tickets. She accepted them, but when she examined them her face fell and she sucked in a breath and made a noise of regret.
'It's on Thursday? Blaine, sweetie, I'm sorry, but I can't come. I have a huge meeting on Thursday. It's impossible to reschedule at this point.'
'But Mom,' Blaine pleaded, his heart sinking. 'I worked hard on this. I- It's the lead role. I really wanted you there.'
'I know, I'm sorry,' she replied sympathetically but Blaine didn't miss the defensive edge to her voice as she went on. 'But you know what my job is like. You can't just spring these things on me last minute. You have to tell me ahead of time, so I can work my schedule around it.'
'I did.' Blaine's voice was quiet as he spoke and he hugged his arms around himself. 'Last month. When I first got cast. I did tell you.'
'You did?' She bit her lip. Clearly this was news to her. 'I must not have had my calendar with me, and it slipped my mind.'
Blaine let out a short humorless laugh. 'It slipped your mind... Meanwhile Rachel's parents have been running lines with her every night. They're both coming to the opening show on Thursday and a couple after that. Plus they're filming the whole thing. They're bringing a tripod.'
Blaine's mother opened and closed her mouth a few times, no sound coming out, but then she seemed to gather herself. 'Well, I don't know who this Rachel is, but it sounds to me like her parents have a lot of time on their hands.'
'No, they make time,' Blaine retorted, yanking the tickets out of his mother's hand and turning to walk back upstairs.
'Hey, that's not fair, Blaine. We're doing our best here,' she called after him. Then she added softer, 'Another night, okay? I'll try and make it one of the other nights.'
'It doesn't matter,' Blaine called back, even as disappointment burned in his throat. 'It's just a silly high school production.'
When he reached the door to his bedroom, Blaine put the tickets away in his pocket and allowed himself to stand there for a moment, picking himself back up and burying the anger and hurt. He was well practiced by now so it didn't take long.
'Hey,' Blaine strode into the room all smiles to find Kurt standing in the middle of the room, a contemplative look on his face.
'Hey...' Kurt's greeting was a little more hesitant, and he watched as Blaine crossed to the other side of the room to his record player. 'Everything okay?'
'Yeah,' Blaine replied breathlessly as he directed his focus to a stack of old vinyls.
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'Yeah, well, it's Friday and it's past six.' He put the record in the player and started it, enjoying the soft crackling sound it made. 'You can't expect me to concentrate on Algebra right now.'
'No, especially not as you don't even seem to be able to tell it apart from History,' Kurt chuckled briefly. 'What was that about?'
'I told you. It's Friday,' Blaine stated simply. 'Now dance with me.'
As Blaine started to move in front of him, Kurt looked doubtfully on as though he would really rather that they had a serious conversation, but it only took a few moments before the corners of his mouth twitched into a smile at sight before him. Blaine took that as his cue to grab Kurt by the hand and soon they were dancing and laughing along to the tunes of Roxy Music.
'Hey, no, we can't stop now,' Blaine exclaimed as the record ran out and Kurt moved to sit down on the bed. Blaine scrambled to switch sides on the record. 'This is the best one.'
'You've been saying that for three songs,' Kurt pointed out as he got more comfortable on the bed.
'Okay, yes,' Blaine admitted as he replaced the needle. 'But this time it's true.' Blaine started moving again as Love is the Drug began playing. 'God, I love this record. Definitely the best new album this year.'
Kurt raised an eyebrow. 'You do realize this album has been out for, like, forty years, right? It's Roxy Music. It's hardly new. The vinyl should give you a clue.'
'Thirty-six,' Blaine corrected. 'And I meant new to me. Also, I'll have you know they still make vinyls. Thank god.'
Kurt smiled indulgently. 'My boyfriend's a Katy Perry devotee and a vinyl purist. You, honey, are truly exceptional.'
'”Devotee”,' Blaine chuckled. 'You make me sound like some kind of crazed stalker. I prefer “admirer”.'
'Like that's any better,' Kurt snorted, which prompted Blaine to stick out his tongue at him.
'Anyway, I'm not a purist. I just like them. The mechanics. The little crinkling sound. It's soothing.' Blaine paused, lost for a moment in childhood memories of a grandfather who had left behind an old turntable and his undying love of records when he passed. 'And who says it has to be one or the other? Old or new? It's not all black and white, you know.'
'Mmm,' Kurt uttered. He had settled on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, and he was watching Blaine quietly.
'What?'
'Nothing. Keep dancing. You're adorable like that.'
'I hope that's adorable as in “my cute and handsome boyfriend”,' Blaine quipped. 'And not “my stupid dorky little brother”.'
'A little of both, I'd say? Mostly the first though.' Kurt looked thoughtful for a moment. 'My cute and stupidly handsome boyfriend, who is also adorably dorky.'
'I guess I can live with that,' Blaine decided with a grin, before moving back to the turntable and starting the record over, since they had talked over most of his favorite song. He resumed his dancing, letting himself be swept away by the music and admittedly egged on a little by the way Kurt seemed to be enjoying the show, judging by the way he was watching Blaine with still darkening eyes.
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'Do you think I'm boring?' Kurt asked out of nowhere.
'Are you crazy?' Blaine responded, taken aback by the question and with no idea where Kurt was coming from. 'You're the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio.'
'I mean like...' Kurt sat up on the bed and Blaine could tell that this was no longer idle chat. 'Sexually. I mean, we are playing it very safe by not granting our hands visas to travel south of the equator.' Kurt made an awkward gesture to show what he meant.
'I thought that's what we wanted,' Blaine managed to offer casually, while internally cursing this day and people's propensities for sex talks.
'It is. I'm just wondering, have you ever had the urge to just rip off each other's clothes and just get dirty?'
Blaine, who had been watching Kurt open-mouthed as he spoke, quickly recovered, and he was even able to answer quite truthfully, 'Well, yeah, but that's why they invented masturbation.'
'It's so hot in this room. Can we open up a window?'
Kurt was blushing slightly, and as Blaine crawled on the bed to reassure his boyfriend and talk about comfort, Blaine breathed an internal sigh of relief, because the blushing at least told him that Kurt wasn't ready to “get dirty” right now, even if he did want to talk about it. It gave Blaine time. Time to think and time to form some sort of plan that didn't end with him being alone and the word “freak” ringing in his ears.
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No matter how much he stood by his decision to transfer to McKinley, it had not been without some regret in his heart that Blaine had said goodbye to Dalton back in September. It was a strange feeling walking through the grand halls of the place he had called home for two years, still remembering and recognizing every detail as if he had never left, but as a visitor now and no longer really belonging here. The odd thing was that, despite playing the male lead in the school musical and having been accepted into the glee club by anyone that wasn't Finn (what was his problem, anyway?), Blaine still didn't really feel like he belonged at McKinley either. He had the sneaking suspicion that he could stop coming to school tomorrow and no one besides Kurt and maybe a few teachers would notice or care.
However, from the way the face of every Warbler lit up in excitement, when they saw him watching their performance from the doorway - even a few new members that Blaine had never met - it was clear that the Warblers hadn't forgotten Blaine in the two months he had been away. When one of the new guys dragged Blaine into the performance, Blaine was reluctant for only half a second before he gave in to it and let himself be swept away by the music and the fun. It was a little bit like coming home.
The performance ended to great applause from Blaine and as he gave Nick a hug, congratulating him on a great solo, his old group of friends all milled around him, buzzing with excitement.
'Is this your triumphant return to Dalton?' Trent urged. 'Please?'
'Actually, I'm here to invite you guys to my opening night at McKinley,' Blaine announced as from his back pocket he withdrew a stack of tickets, that he had been lucky to get this late in the game. The two now useless tickets Blaine had got for his parents had served as good bargaining chips. 'West Side Story. I reserved a whole block of tickets just for the Warblers. It would mean the world to me if you guys could come.'
'We'll be there,' a tall Warbler that Blaine didn't know - the same guy that had pulled Blaine into the performance - assured him. 'Once a Warbler, always a Warbler, right?'
The statement was met with cheers and murmurs of assent, while Blaine himself watched the new guy curiously. There was something strange about the way he looked at Blaine, that Blaine couldn't put his finger on, and he wasn't altogether sure he liked it. As the Warblers began filing out of the room, Blaine suddenly remembered the other reason he was here and quickly pulled Trent aside, speaking to him in a low voice.
'Hey, can I talk to you? In private?' he added meaningfully.
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'Great, thanks.' Blaine glanced over his shoulder at the new Warbler, who was watching the two of them, clearly waiting for them to finish. 'I guess I'll just go say hello to the new guy. See you later then.'
*
Sebastian Smythe was unlike anyone Blaine had ever met - and definitely very much unlike Blaine himself. Sebastian had a certain air of confidence about him, that Blaine had to admit he admired a little, even though it also made him a bit nervous.
'So you're a legend at Dalton,' Sebastian remarked the moment the two of them had sat down for coffee.
'Well, I...' Blaine mumbled, at a loss for how to respond.
'Don't be modest,' Sebastian went on, his smile wide and revealing perfectly straight white teeth. 'I was, like, I don't know who this Blaine guy is, but apparently he's sex on a stick and sings like a dream.' Blaine gave an involuntary jerk of the head at word sex, before laughing awkwardly at Sebastian's words. 'So - sucks that I missed him.'
As Sebastian's smile morphed into a smirk, his gaze at Blaine changed into something more intense and searching, and Blaine couldn't help the feeling that Sebastian was looking for something that wasn't there.
'Alright,' Sebastian continued, his demeanor melting into something more business-like. 'Since I'm working to recreate your meteoric ascent, I need to ask. Why'd you leave Dalton?' Sebastian's eyes darkened and he lost the business act as he went on. 'Were you bored with all the preppies around here, or is it that you broke too many hearts to stay?'
Blaine laughed nervously. It was slowly dawning on him that he was being flirted with and it gave him an odd unsettled feeling in his stomach.
'It wasn't like that,' Blaine managed to get out. He thought for a moment. 'Let's just say I miss Dalton every day, but McKinley's where my heart is now.'
Sebastian seemed to take the hint and kept the topic on the Warblers and performing as he went on. Blaine, however, was only half paying attention, though he was acutely aware of the way Sebastian kept eyeing him like he was some particularly delicious piece of food that he couldn't wait to devour. Blaine vaguely wondered if Sebastian would be so interested if he knew what Blaine hid beneath layers of clothing. Blaine's mind wandered then to everyone in his life who knew his truth and his less than stellar relationship with each of them. There was his mom, who worked all the time and never seemed to pay attention to anything Blaine did or said. There was his dad whose job had him on the road for weeks at a time and who Blaine didn't know how to talk to anyway. Then there was Cooper with whom Blaine usually got along well enough on the rare occasion that they saw each other, but in whose eyes Blaine never seemed to measure up. Blaine didn't really speak to much of his extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, but as far as he knew none of them had been too happy to learn that the little girl they knew was really a boy, though his grandmother had at least paid for him to attend Dalton. Blaine's maternal grandfather, with whom Blaine had had a strong bond, had passed away before he could know, and Blaine was half glad of that as it left no chance for his grandfather to be disappointed with or think less of his grandchild. Theirs would always be the one perfect relationship Blaine had.
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'I have to go. Lacrosse practice,' Sebastian announced then, jolting Blaine from his thoughts. 'But... could we meet again? I could really use some more insight from you, Blaine. You know, Warbler to Warbler.'
'Sure,' Blaine replied before he could really process what Sebastian was asking, his brain still so deep in thought about everything else. It was a moment before it reoccurred to him that the whole time Sebastian had never stopped looking at him with hungry eyes, and there were several reasons why that made Blaine uncomfortable, but before Blaine could even consider voicing his concerns, Sebastian had left the room. Blaine didn't figure he had any real reason to worry though. Sebastian seemed harmless enough, and who was Blaine to turn down helping a fellow Warbler? After all, as Sebastian said, once a Warbler, always a Warbler, right?
*
Fifteen minutes before he was supposed to meet Trent, Blaine sighed and got up from his position at the table, figuring if he walked really slowly he wouldn't be early. On his way to the dorms Blaine met a couple of familiar faces - and a couple of unfamiliar ones that seemed to know him - some merely offering brief hellos, while others stopped to chat.
Blaine smiled to himself as he proceeded down the hall to the dormitories, the walk to his old dorm room both familiar and new, having walked this way so many times before but never as a visitor. He came to a halt in front of the door, before looking quickly at his watch. Seven minutes early. That would have to do. He knocked.
The door was opened quickly by Trent sans blazer and sporting a loose tie, clearly taking advantage of his free and private time before dinner to unwind a little. Blaine had seen this countless times before, and it gave him a series of sudden flashbacks to the many private moments the two of them had shared as roommates. Trent's face lit up in a smile as he saw Blaine, and he stood aside to let him in before closing the door behind him.
Blaine absently noted that Trent's side of the room looked exactly like it had two months ago (perfectly neat and tidy), while a stranger's belongings took up the side of the room that had been Blaine's. The idea made him feel strangely sad, but there was no time to ponder this for long, because then Trent was hugging Blaine like he hadn't seen him in years. Blaine had learned a long time ago, that Trent could be an extremely affectionate person once you got to know him.
'God, I missed you,' Trent mumbled against Blaine's neck before finally letting go of him. 'My new roommate's horrible. He leaves dirty socks everywhere, he has no appreciation for music, and he snores, Blaine.' Trent was ranting now, and Blaine could feel his own mouth curling into an amused smile, despite how much he tried to look concerned. 'I feel like I haven't slept properly in a month. Do you know what it's like living with someone like that? I need my sleep. He never even goes home on weekends either. I suspect his parents are kind of relieved to--'
'Trent?'
'Yes?'
'Breathe.'
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'To remind you to breathe?' Blaine dead-panned, turning his head to regard Trent, one brow raised.
'Hilarious,' Trent replied sarcastically, throwing a pillow at Blaine, who threw up his arms in defense, before he continued in a softer tone. 'How are you though? What's it like being back home?'
'It's...' Blaine hesitated, buying time by making a show of picking up the pillow and hugging it against his chest. 'Surprisingly lonely.'
'How so?'
Blaine sighed. 'My parents. God love 'em, they've done so much for me, but they're never really there. In any sense of the word. I guess I just expected...' He trailed off. 'Anyway, I've been used to having friends around me all the time. I guess I've just gotta get used to being by myself again.'
'You've got friends at McKinley, though, right? In New Directions.'
'Yeah, sure.' Blaine thought of Finn and Santana chastising him for being an attention seeker, and he thought of the way he still felt like he was on the fringes of everything that went on in the club. 'It's difficult... they've all known each other for so long. I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in.'
'Kurt's gotta make the whole thing easier though? Being closer to him and seeing him every day. I mean, he's basically the reason you left, right? I still remember what you were like to live with those last few months after Kurt had transferred back. Not that I didn't sympathize, but you were kind of whiny, no offense.'
Blaine threw the pillow back at Trent with a grin, but immediately wished he hadn't because he missed having something to clutch. He bit his lip.
'Yeah...Kurt. That's kind of why I'm here actually. It's-- He doesn't know. I've never told him. About the whole -' Blaine automatically lowered his voice despite being behind a closed door with presumably no curious eavesdroppers trying to listen in. '- trans thing.'
'He-- what? How is that even possible?' Trent's eyes went wide with shock. 'How can he not know?'
'I've been careful,' Blaine shrugged.
'Okay, wow...' Trent said quietly. 'I just sort of always assumed you'd told him at some point.'
Blaine slumped, face planting onto the bed and mumbling into the mattress, 'I know, I should have. I'm a horrible person.'
Blaine felt the mattress dip near him and a hand touched his shoulder. He sat back up but didn't meet Trent's eye.
'Okay, one: You're not,' Trent told him firmly, leaving no room for doubt. 'You're just... scared, I assume? And two: That word is reserved for my roommate, remember?'
Blaine sighed and sank back into the bed, leaning his head and shoulders against the wall.
'I have to tell him, right?' Blaine said in a hollow voice, staring at the clock on the opposite wall. 'He deserves to know.'
'Well, yes.' Trent sat himself next to Blaine. 'I don't want to get involved with things that are none of my business, but, if he doesn't know, the two of you can't have gone very far. Physically, I mean. Don't you want more? Don't you think he does?'
'I know he does. And I want more, too.' Blaine contemplated this statement for a few moments. 'Or at least I want to want more. Does that make sense?'
'So what's holding you up?' Trent prompted.
'Well, it's like you said. I'm...scared. How's he going to react? Not just to the thing itself but to the fact that I kept it from him?' Trent was quiet. He had no answer. 'What if he hates me? I couldn't bear that.'
'I'm sure, whatever he's going to do or say, he won't hate you,' Trent argued reasonably. 'Kurt doesn't do hate.'
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There were a few moments of silence in which Trent seemed to be contemplating something. 'You do realize that it was love at first sight with the two of you, right? Okay, maybe not “love” but something. Kurt knew. You, on the other hand, were a little slower on the uptake. The guys had a bet going about how long it would take you.'
'What, seriously? You bet on us?'
'Well, I didn't,' Trent corrected as though it were a matter of pride. 'Although I may have acted as referee. Jeff won, by the way. He bet it would happen by Regionals.'
Blaine snorted incredulously, not knowing whether to find the matter tasteless or amusing.
'I'm confused though. What does that have to do with the fight?'
'Isn't it obvious? He was jealous, Blaine. And that wasn't just any girl you went out with. Rachel was supposed to be one of his best friends. That has to have stung.'
'Oh,' Blaine said dumbly. 'Well, I feel stupid now.'
'Don't let me stop you.'
'Hey!' Blaine exclaimed as Trent just surveyed him with his 'you know I'm right' face.
'Well, really Blaine. You have to admit you can be pretty dense sometimes.' He prodded Blaine in the side, teasing him. 'You're lucky you're so cute.'
'Yeah, that's me. Lucky...' Blaine let the word hang in the air for a few moments, while he wrestled with a thought. 'It's just, even if he doesn't outright hate me, what are the odds that he's gonna stick around as anything more than a friend? I mean, he's gay.'
'And you're a guy,' Trent said simply, clearly refusing to understand where Blaine was going.
'Yes, I know that. But I don't exactly have a...' Blaine made an awkward half-hearted gesture. 'And there's this,' he added, waving his arm in front of his chest. 'That's not what he signed up for.'
'How long have you been together? Eight months?' Blaine nodded. 'And he hasn't pushed for sex yet?'
Blaine blushed, his mouth falling open slightly. Trent was a good friend, yes, but they didn't usually have conversations like this.
'Come on, answer the question,' Trent insisted a little impatiently. 'You're the one that made this about sex.'
Blaine cleared his throat. 'No. He hasn't pushed.'
'And you guys are happy, right?'
'Yes.' A smile spread across Blaine's face. 'Very.'
'Well, I'd say that's proof enough that he likes you for more than your hypothetical penis.'
*
Since his very first day as a Warbler, Sebastian had heard stories about the great Blaine Anderson, whose lead vocals had led them to Regionals the previous spring. Sebastian had seen videos of their performances at both Sectionals and Regionals and had to color himself impressed by what he saw. It made him quite regret having missed the guy by a matter of weeks. Admittedly Sebastian's own chances at a solo had to be better without Blaine here to compete against him (not that Sebastian would ever admit to Blaine being better than him, but this guy was clearly the darling of the Warblers), but Sebastian also had other, far less professional, reasons for wanting to meet Blaine Anderson. However, when he asked about the boy that Blaine had done a duet with at Regionals, Sebastian was told briefly about Kurt Hummel; Dalton student and Warbler for five months, Blaine's boyfriend and the sole reason Blaine had left Dalton at the start of the school year. Most guys would probably have taken that as a sign that the boys were in love and to not try and get in between them.
Sebastian was not most guys.
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As Sebastian finished his coffee order, he added as an afterthought, completely straight-faced, 'And could I get a shot of Courvoisier with that, please.'
'I-- I'm sorry, sir, I don't know what that is,' the young barista stuttered apologetically, and Sebastian barely suppressed a smirk at her look of confusion, while feeling oddly triumphant at the look of incredulity and amusement that crossed Blaine's face.
'Never mind,' Sebastian sighed dramatically. 'Just get me the coffee then.'
'I can't believe you asked for a shot of Courvoisier in your coffee,' Blaine chuckled as they made their way to a table.
Sebastian grinned, then replied as he sat down, 'I forget how lame this town is. When I lived in Paris I drank it like it was mother's milk.'
'When you lived-- Oh, okay. Wow.' Blaine was apparently at a loss for words, clearly impacted by Sebastian's.
'What?' Sebastian asked, his smile wide and feigning ignorance as though he hadn't planned to drop that bit of information in there.
'You're just so... you know, you're out there.' An uncertain smile was playing on Blaine's lips as though he wasn't quite sure what to make of it all.
'And your whole bashful schoolboy thing?' Sebastian responded without missing a beat, figuring he might as well be upfront and see what kind of reaction he got. 'Super hot.'
Blaine's smile faded immediately. 'Look, Sebastian. I have a boyfriend.'
This Sebastian knew, of course. 'Doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you,' he said truthfully. Quite the opposite, in fact.
'No,' Blaine objected. 'I mean, I really care about him.'
'He doesn't need to know,' Sebastian emphasized.
'I'd just never want to mess my thing up with him in any way. He's really great,' Blaine explained and Sebastian was about to counter with That's why you don't tell him when their conversation was interrupted.
'Who's really great?' Sebastian looked up at the owner of the high voice, recognizing Kurt from the videos he had watched.
'You!' Blaine cried, his expression caught somewhere between relief and panic. 'We were just talking about you. Sebastian this is Kurt, my boyfriend, who I was just--'
'Got it,' Sebastian cut him off, saving Blaine from his own fluster. The way Blaine was acting like a kid caught with his fingers in the cookie jar, you would think he had done something other than reject Sebastian's every advance. Which had to mean that either Blaine really was faithful to a fault - or he wasn't as uninterested as he made out and was playing hard to get. Sebastian knew which option he preferred.
Kurt shook Sebastian's hand, giving an icy 'Pleasure' before turning to Blaine. 'And how do we know Sebastian?'
'We met at Dalton.' Sebastian saved a still sputtering Blaine from answering. 'I was dying to meet Blaine,' he went on, deciding that if Kurt was going to be all icy and obnoxious, saying we when he meant you, then Sebastian wasn't going to give a damn about flirting with his boyfriend in front of him. 'Those Warblers just won't shut up about him. I didn't think he could live up the hype. But as it turns out...'
'Yes, he's even more impressive in the flesh,' Kurt agreed as he pulled up a chair and sat next to Blaine, looping one arm around his boyfriend's. Staking his claim.
This was going to be fun.
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'He's harmless,' Blaine reassured his boyfriend, because while Sebastian talked a good game, he had not actually tried anything, and it wasn't like Blaine was interested.
Kurt didn't say anything but snaked an arm around Blaine's waist as they approached Sebastian. Blaine didn't think anything of the gesture, figuring Kurt simply considered the gay bar a safe place for PDA. Sebastian greeted them with drinks, taking care that Kurt's - as he was the designated driver - was alcohol free. They stayed at the bar for a while, sipping their drinks and chatting idly.
As one song faded into another, Sebastian downed the rest of his drink, before taking Blaine's empty beer bottle from him and placing it on the counter. He patted Blaine's upper arm and gestured with his head towards the dance floor. 'Come on. Let's dance.'
Blaine glanced at Kurt, who was still clutching his half full glass.
'Join us when you're done, Hummel,' Sebastian shrugged as if it really didn't matter to him. 'Unless you think the fun will be too much to handle.' He tugged at Blaine. 'Come on, Blaine. I love this song.'
Blaine opened his mouth in half protest, looking from Sebastian to Kurt, but ended up stumbling after Sebastian who pulled him away by the wrist. The dance floor was not particularly crowded but Blaine still felt Sebastian dancing rather closer than he would have liked. However, Blaine was alone with him for less than half a minute before Kurt joined them, pointedly cutting between his boyfriend and the other boy. Unfazed Sebastian moved to Blaine's other side, so Blaine was sandwiched between him and Kurt, both boys dancing a lot closer than Blaine thought was strictly necessary. Kurt's eyes narrowed at Sebastian.
'Just ignore him,' Blaine urged, bringing his hand to Kurt's face and forcing his gaze back on Blaine. 'Dance with me.'
Kurt's face split into a wicked smile then as he grabbed Blaine's hand and spun him around so he was once again facing away from Sebastian. Blaine had eyes only for his boyfriend, but before the song ended Sebastian had edged around them once more, prompting Kurt to spin Blaine around again. This pattern continued into the next song, and the one after that, and it left Blaine feeling rather dizzy, probably not helped by the beer that was starting to take effect.
When the third song ended Blaine withdrew his arms from where they had been curled around Kurt's shoulders. 'I need to use the bathroom,' he announced and without uttering another word he left, stalking across the floor through the thin crowd of people.
Two steps into the restroom, Blaine stopped short, momentarily overwhelmed by the smell of it. He scrunched up his nose in disgust at the sight of urinals, for once glad that he couldn't use them, before proceeding to find the stall that looked the least gross, sighing as he sat down. Being desired by more than one person was not half as fun as it sounded in theory. Blaine supposed he should just ask Sebastian to back off, and maybe for Kurt to take it easy with the territory marking, but he really didn't want to upset anyone. And perhaps this was just Sebastian's misguided way of being friendly or having a laugh or whatever, because really, what else was he doing acting like this when Blaine's boyfriend was right there?
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