Welcome to the Glee Angst Meme again! You know how these things work. You can come here and prompt your most angsty prompts, and write stories filling those angsty prompts to let our characters suffer
( Read more... )
FILL Act 1 Part 3 - Klaine a la "Me & My Dick"
anonymous
January 26 2012, 20:53:35 UTC
Sebastian Smythe walked down the halls of McKinley High School with a remarkably meerkat-like smirk. Sebastian transferred to McKinley because this is the world of Glee, and deciding to transfer schools is as easy as taking off a blazer. He felt a buzzing in his pocket - his left pocket, so he knew it wasn't the vibrating bullet he kept in his right - and pulled out his cell phone. A picture of his best friend Brittany filled the phone screen, and he answered the call, "Hello."
"Hey, Sebas," Brittany sang brightly, "OMG, would you guess that I'm not wearing undies today?"
"Ew," Sebastian didn't mean to be rude, but... vagina. He sang back,
"Oh Britt LOL, what's the diff? You would still Take them off anyway."
Brittany laughed, "IKR..."
"BTW..." Sebastian said, and they sang in unison.
"Where are you right now?"
"We need to talk..." Brittany said. Sebastian looked up and saw her walking up around the corner, arm and arm with their close friend, Rachel Berry.
"Oh, I totes see you!" Sebastian called.
"BRB. Ciao, ciao!"
Deep in his trousers, Jeremiah, Sebastian's dick, was shifting with boredom. No one had jerked him off today, so Jeremiah was feeling a bit antsy. Well, Sebastian was talking to Rachel and Brittany, so he might as well peek out and had a chat with his friends at the same time. He didn't have to worry about getting hard because... vaginas.
He peeked out and instantly was greeted by Brittany's plump lips, which were covered with a healthy bush of curly blonde hair, better tended than the long crop of blonde hair he had around his base. "How's you doing, Jeremiah?" The vagina said in a deep, dull sort of voice.
"Oh, hey there, you Old Snatch." Jeremiah said, "And how are you Miss Cooter?"
"Great, thanks!" The young vagina was such a virgin, Jeremiah noted with a smirk. Long, untended dark hair, a boisterous personality, full of dreams about the perfect pecker headed her way. Still, she did have a nice personality.
Brittany, meanwhile, was deep in conversation with her friends, "So, you know how the football team had their after party at my house this weekend?"
"Yeah?" Sebastian's eyebrows rose. He was always hungry for the freshest gossip.
"I hooked up with the quarterback," Brittany said, beaming. Sebastian nodded approvingly. Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Really? I heard you hooked up with the running back."
"Oh, yeah!" Brittany said, "Him too!"
"Sounds like you had a rough weekend," Jeremiah muttered conspiratorially as their owners exchanged high fives.
The Old Snatch waved him off, "Oh, it's just business as usual at the chateau de Britt. I tell ya, I've been with so many members of the football team, they're gonna give me an honorary position."
"Oh, yeah?" Miss Cooter said, "What position are they going to give you?"
"Wide Reciever!" And The Old Snatch dissolved into heavy cackles.
"Oh!" Miss Cooter blushed.
Jeremiah leaned in, "I thought you was gonna say 'Tight End'."
"It's been a long time since I've been a tight anything," The Old Snatch joked. "Ah, who am I kidding; what position haven't I tried?" And she began to sing,
"When you've been around The block as much as I have You feel just like a CEO."
"Oh, how's that?" Miss Cooter asked, "That must feel nice."
The Old Snatch shook her labia,
"You see, I'm done with all these cocks But they're not lettin' me retire I tell ya, I'm ready to go!"
"Britt, you've got to stop playing with all these different guys," Rachel said, "They have... feelings, you know?"
Brittany laughed, joined by Sebastian. "Oh, we're just having fun! I guess you don't know what that's like, because you're into that whole 'relationship' thing."
FILL Act 1 Part 3 - Klaine a la "Me & My Dick"
anonymous
January 26 2012, 20:56:04 UTC
"Let me tell ya something, sweetie!" Just because there's only one horse in the stable doesn't mean he don't kick!"
"Jeremiah!" The Old Snatch said reproachfully, "I didn't know you was into horse riding?"
"What, I - I ain't!" Jeremiah shrieked, "Some horse has been riding me. I tell you, Old Snatch, you're lucky!"
"Oh, I'm lucky?"
"Yeah, you are!"
"Oh, I'm lucky!"
"Yeah, you're lucky!"
"Me!" The Old Snatch said, "Well, this oughta be rich, why's that?"
"Well, let me tell ya!" Jeremiah said,
"It's like living the same way That an old pair of shoes do Every day's a one man show!
They start to stink, and then there's holes, And they don't fit the way they used to I've had it! I'm ready to go!"
"Look at us," The Old Snatch cried, "We're just a couple of stiffs..."
"Now you're just being cute!"
"With a lifetime of ifs..."
"Don't be so hard on us."
"And I wonder With someone else Could life be more fair?"
"Yeah!" Jeremiah sang, "I mean it's not like We're some one-dick pony..."
"Oh, now who's being cute?"
"We could be more if only..."
And Miss Cooter watched as the vagina and penis sang in unison.
"Someone out there Would answer our prayer!
Whiles we's waits to be delivered Go ahead, cry me a river We agree that there's No quid pro quo!"
"So until that great vacation..."
"Save your tears for lubrication!"
"Have mercy, are we ready to go? Mercy, are we ready to go..."
"So," Brittany said, turning to Sebastian, "What's up with you and Dave? You guys drove separate Jeep Ranglers to school today. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, she shouldn't have said that!" Jeremiah said.
"No, it's not, Brittany," Sebastian said, his voice tiny, "Dave and I actually... broke up." Rachel and Brittany gasped.
"Here come the waterworks," Jeremiah said.
"Pinkie swear that you won't spread this around?" Sebastian said, extending his pinkies to the girls in front of him. Both latched on eagerly, "I heard from Santana that Tina was with Mercedes when they saw Dave... cheating on me."
"It's, like, the best thing that's ever happened to me," Jeremiah said, "It's like I'm on vacation!"
"Well, you aren't the only one who's breaking up," Rachel said quietly.
"Wha!" The pair turned to her, gasping in unison.
"He told me it wasn't working," Rachel said, "Because we haven't had sex yet, and he doesn't think we ever will." Sebastian nodded sadly with her, and Brittany stared between her two friends, her mouth hanging open as she processed this new information.
"You didn't tell us that you had broken up!" Jeremiah cried, turning to Miss Cooter.
"I didn't know!" The vagina said, turning pale underneath her dark hair, "Why, it just can't be true! We were so close, I know it!"
"W... T... Fuck!" Brittany shrieked, dropping their pinkies. "Those assholes!" She pointed at Sebastian, "You know what you need to do, you need to re-cheat that motherfucker for the win! And Rachy, we need to get you laid."
"What?" Rachel said.
"You need to find guys!" Brittany said.
"What?" Miss Cooter gasped. Jeremiah was equally dismayed.
"Why do I feel like I'm going to get the short end of this stick?" He said.
"Very short, very short," The Old Snatch agreed.
"And not just any guy," Brittany said to Sebastian, "A guy who's very existence would drive Dave insane. He should be, like, a total loser. And Rachel, yours should have a bit of a mushy tummy, a definite step down. Like..." She paused and saw Blaine Anderson and Finn Hudson, standing awkwardly by each other, each muttering down at their pants like a couple of wackos. "Those guys!"
"Blaine Anderson?" Sebastian said.
"Finn Hudson?" Rachel said.
"They're perfect!" Brittany crowed, "This is going to be so epic!"
"I don't know," Rachel said, "I don't think I could just hook up with some random guy..."
"Hey, Sebas," Brittany sang brightly, "OMG, would you guess that I'm not wearing undies today?"
"Ew," Sebastian didn't mean to be rude, but... vagina. He sang back,
"Oh Britt
LOL, what's the diff?
You would still
Take them off anyway."
Brittany laughed, "IKR..."
"BTW..." Sebastian said, and they sang in unison.
"Where are you right now?"
"We need to talk..." Brittany said. Sebastian looked up and saw her walking up around the corner, arm and arm with their close friend, Rachel Berry.
"Oh, I totes see you!" Sebastian called.
"BRB. Ciao, ciao!"
Deep in his trousers, Jeremiah, Sebastian's dick, was shifting with boredom. No one had jerked him off today, so Jeremiah was feeling a bit antsy. Well, Sebastian was talking to Rachel and Brittany, so he might as well peek out and had a chat with his friends at the same time. He didn't have to worry about getting hard because... vaginas.
He peeked out and instantly was greeted by Brittany's plump lips, which were covered with a healthy bush of curly blonde hair, better tended than the long crop of blonde hair he had around his base. "How's you doing, Jeremiah?" The vagina said in a deep, dull sort of voice.
"Oh, hey there, you Old Snatch." Jeremiah said, "And how are you Miss Cooter?"
"Great, thanks!" The young vagina was such a virgin, Jeremiah noted with a smirk. Long, untended dark hair, a boisterous personality, full of dreams about the perfect pecker headed her way. Still, she did have a nice personality.
Brittany, meanwhile, was deep in conversation with her friends, "So, you know how the football team had their after party at my house this weekend?"
"Yeah?" Sebastian's eyebrows rose. He was always hungry for the freshest gossip.
"I hooked up with the quarterback," Brittany said, beaming. Sebastian nodded approvingly. Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Really? I heard you hooked up with the running back."
"Oh, yeah!" Brittany said, "Him too!"
"Sounds like you had a rough weekend," Jeremiah muttered conspiratorially as their owners exchanged high fives.
The Old Snatch waved him off, "Oh, it's just business as usual at the chateau de Britt. I tell ya, I've been with so many members of the football team, they're gonna give me an honorary position."
"Oh, yeah?" Miss Cooter said, "What position are they going to give you?"
"Wide Reciever!" And The Old Snatch dissolved into heavy cackles.
"Oh!" Miss Cooter blushed.
Jeremiah leaned in, "I thought you was gonna say 'Tight End'."
"It's been a long time since I've been a tight anything," The Old Snatch joked. "Ah, who am I kidding; what position haven't I tried?" And she began to sing,
"When you've been around
The block as much as I have
You feel just like a CEO."
"Oh, how's that?" Miss Cooter asked, "That must feel nice."
The Old Snatch shook her labia,
"You see, I'm done with all these cocks
But they're not lettin' me retire
I tell ya, I'm ready to go!"
"Britt, you've got to stop playing with all these different guys," Rachel said, "They have... feelings, you know?"
Brittany laughed, joined by Sebastian. "Oh, we're just having fun! I guess you don't know what that's like, because you're into that whole 'relationship' thing."
"Yep," Rachel said, "That's me, Miss Monogamy."
Reply
"Let me tell ya something, sweetie!" Just because there's only one horse in the stable doesn't mean he don't kick!"
"Jeremiah!" The Old Snatch said reproachfully, "I didn't know you was into horse riding?"
"What, I - I ain't!" Jeremiah shrieked, "Some horse has been riding me. I tell you, Old Snatch, you're lucky!"
"Oh, I'm lucky?"
"Yeah, you are!"
"Oh, I'm lucky!"
"Yeah, you're lucky!"
"Me!" The Old Snatch said, "Well, this oughta be rich, why's that?"
"Well, let me tell ya!" Jeremiah said,
"It's like living the same way
That an old pair of shoes do
Every day's a one man show!
They start to stink, and then there's holes,
And they don't fit the way they used to
I've had it! I'm ready to go!"
"Look at us," The Old Snatch cried,
"We're just a couple of stiffs..."
"Now you're just being cute!"
"With a lifetime of ifs..."
"Don't be so hard on us."
"And I wonder
With someone else
Could life be more fair?"
"Yeah!" Jeremiah sang, "I mean it's not like
We're some one-dick pony..."
"Oh, now who's being cute?"
"We could be more if only..."
And Miss Cooter watched as the vagina and penis sang in unison.
"Someone out there
Would answer our prayer!
Whiles we's waits to be delivered
Go ahead, cry me a river
We agree that there's
No quid pro quo!"
"So until that great vacation..."
"Save your tears for lubrication!"
"Have mercy,
are we ready to go?
Mercy, are we ready to go..."
"So," Brittany said, turning to Sebastian, "What's up with you and Dave? You guys drove separate Jeep Ranglers to school today. Is everything okay?"
"Oh, she shouldn't have said that!" Jeremiah said.
"No, it's not, Brittany," Sebastian said, his voice tiny, "Dave and I actually... broke up." Rachel and Brittany gasped.
"Here come the waterworks," Jeremiah said.
"Pinkie swear that you won't spread this around?" Sebastian said, extending his pinkies to the girls in front of him. Both latched on eagerly, "I heard from Santana that Tina was with Mercedes when they saw Dave... cheating on me."
"It's, like, the best thing that's ever happened to me," Jeremiah said, "It's like I'm on vacation!"
"Well, you aren't the only one who's breaking up," Rachel said quietly.
"Wha!" The pair turned to her, gasping in unison.
"He told me it wasn't working," Rachel said, "Because we haven't had sex yet, and he doesn't think we ever will." Sebastian nodded sadly with her, and Brittany stared between her two friends, her mouth hanging open as she processed this new information.
"You didn't tell us that you had broken up!" Jeremiah cried, turning to Miss Cooter.
"I didn't know!" The vagina said, turning pale underneath her dark hair, "Why, it just can't be true! We were so close, I know it!"
"W... T... Fuck!" Brittany shrieked, dropping their pinkies. "Those assholes!" She pointed at Sebastian, "You know what you need to do, you need to re-cheat that motherfucker for the win! And Rachy, we need to get you laid."
"What?" Rachel said.
"You need to find guys!" Brittany said.
"What?" Miss Cooter gasped. Jeremiah was equally dismayed.
"Why do I feel like I'm going to get the short end of this stick?" He said.
"Very short, very short," The Old Snatch agreed.
"And not just any guy," Brittany said to Sebastian, "A guy who's very existence would drive Dave insane. He should be, like, a total loser. And Rachel, yours should have a bit of a mushy tummy, a definite step down. Like..." She paused and saw Blaine Anderson and Finn Hudson, standing awkwardly by each other, each muttering down at their pants like a couple of wackos. "Those guys!"
"Blaine Anderson?" Sebastian said.
"Finn Hudson?" Rachel said.
"They're perfect!" Brittany crowed, "This is going to be so epic!"
"I don't know," Rachel said, "I don't think I could just hook up with some random guy..."
Sebastian nodded, "And I can't do that to Dave."
"Ah, ah, ah!" Brittany interrupted, "Epic. Revenge.
"Listen up!
Sebastian, sweetie
I do this 'cause I care."
"I know," Sebastian and Rachel said. Brittany grabbed both their hands.
"This is war
Forget your peace treaty
Justice is right over there!"
Reply
'Cause it's been a while
And I am still so young," Sebastian sang.
Rachel joined in, "Why not give it a try?
At the very least it
Could be kind of fun."
Brittany beamed, "Hey now, Rachel
That's the girl
I know and love."
"I've been so boring
Boy I'm glad...
I had a little shove!" Rachel sang, and her friends joined in,
"Tick, tock
While the iron's hot
There's no time
To take it slow
You gotta be ready
So ready to."
And because this is the universe of Glee, and everyone knows when to come in on a song with no previous instruction, every major character joined in.
"Go...
I'm ready to go... Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
I'm ready to go... Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
I'm ready to go... Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh
We're finally ready
And the time is right
For us to light a spark
Were keepin' it steady
With our eyes on the prize
To get us through the dark
I know there's so much more
To what I think I see
I feel a change, and the
Strange thing is... it's part of me!
My hormones are freakin' out
And I think I'm gonna blow!"
"We're locked and loaded..." Blaine, Dick, Finn and Puck cried.
"Oh, so devoted..." Peter and Kurt cooed.
"Low and demoted..." Jeremiah and The Old Snatch commiserated.
"Totes, just toted..." Rachel, Brittany, and Sebastian yelled, interlocking pinkies. And everyone finished;
"We're finally ready
So ready to go! Yeah!"
Reply
Leave a comment