Welcome to the Glee Angst Meme again! You know how these things work. You can come here and prompt your most angsty prompts, and write stories filling those angsty prompts to let our characters suffer
( Read more... )
FILLED: Wrong (11?/)
anonymous
December 20 2011, 16:03:15 UTC
11. This morning, Kurt has no problem getting to Blaine’s room; he already knows where it is and the nurses there have him on the list of people allowed in. When he opens the door, hesitant, he’s relieved to see the straps have been removed. The heart monitor is also off and there’s only a single IV stand by the bed where Blaine’s curled on his side, his back to the door. Kurt slides in quietly, in case he’s asleep, but when he reaches the chair by the other side of the bed, the amber eyes are open and staring at a wall.
He yearns to lean in and kiss Blaine’s forehead, his cheek, his lips, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to do this - if Blaine would allow him. He’s not sure of so many things, these days. But he doesn’t want to just sit on a chair across from the bed, like an awkward guest with good wishes and a secret desire to get out of here as soon as he can. That’s not him. He wants to be here, as long as he can, by this silent boy with sad eyes that used to smile and sparkle as he jumped on furniture and danced with boundless energy.
So Kurt compromises, kneeling down on the floor by the bed, so that his head is level with Blaine’s and their hands only inches apart. Blaine’s lips, dry and cracked, are so close like this and Kurt feels the pull of longing; it’s been so long since they last kissed, saying goodbye in front of Kurt’s house, never suspecting the circumstances of their next meeting would be like this. Blaine’s eyes move to look at him, and for a moment they both just stay like this, silent, unmoving, greenish grey locked on amber. There’s such an ocean of pain, sadness and loneliness in Blaine’s eyes that Kurt’s heart breaks in the silence, even though he thought it was broken completely already. And there’s resignation there, too, which terrifies him more than anything.
After a long while Blaine speaks hoarsely.
“Hi.”
“Hi. I see they gave you some more freedom today?” Kurt answers softly. Another thing he’s not sure of - are there things he shouldn’t talk about now? Damn, he just feels so lost.
Blaine shrugs.
“72 hour watch is over. Now they can pretend to trust me not to try and kill myself again.”
The way he says this, level and monotonous, like he could be talking about yesterday’s weather, freezes Kurt’s blood.
“Will you?” The question is out before he can censor himself.
“No.” Blaine’s eyes are focused now, earnest. “I won’t. I’m sorry, Kurt. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you wanted to hurt yourself?”
“I… I don’t-“ Blaine’s face crumples and he closes his eyes. “Please, let’s not talk about it. I’m just so tired.”
“Okay, baby. Okay.”
Except there’s not much they can safely talk about, it turns out. Everything is somehow awkward - New York and Kurt’s college stories, McKinley, Glee, friends. Talking about feelings and their relationship here, now, seems terribly out of place so they don’t even try. Blaine mostly pretends to sleep and Kurt mostly pretends to believe he does, and they talk just a little, about neutral, unimportant thinks, but at some point their hands end up together and that’s enough. Mrs. Anderson comes around noon, adding a bit of warm chaos to the room, but seeing that her son is in good company, she leaves soon, promising to come back in the evening.
Blaine seems to be genuinely asleep when Kurt has to go in the afternoon, to eat dinner and spend some time with his family, so he dares to press a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead before he whispers “I love you” and leaves.
Dinner is a somber occasion, even though Kurt is happy to be with his family. They talk and exchange news, and it’s all very nice and warm, but Kurt cant’s stop thinking about Blaine, alone in his hospital bed, and this awful look of resignation and defeat in his eyes.
Re: FILLED: Wrong (11?/)punkkitten2113December 20 2011, 16:23:29 UTC
The awkwardness is so palpable....I half expected Kurt to be snarky to try and help, but one look into those gorgeously sad amber eyes and he's just as broken.
Ow. My heart. But the tears were held at bay (barely) with the overwhelming gratitude I have for Kurt sticking by Blaine, no matter what.
Don't worry, I am without a doubt that they'll be back at your next update.
Re: FILLED: Wrong (11?/)wowbrightDecember 20 2011, 17:36:24 UTC
Blaine mostly pretends to sleep and Kurt mostly pretends to believe he does, and they talk just a little, about neutral, unimportant thinks, but at some point their hands end up together and that’s enough.
I just love this image. I was in Blaine's position once and this was exactly the kind of thing I needed - no talking except about meaningless things, and then only because it was reassuring to have the noise of words to remind me that I understood them and therefore, must be alive and human. And just someone else being there and breathing in the same space, being there for me (and therefore reminding me that I must be worth something, even if I didn't feel like it at the moment) and not trying to solve things.
Kurt has no idea how much he is doing for Blaine, because of course he wants to solve everything now. But what he's doing is so important.
This morning, Kurt has no problem getting to Blaine’s room; he already knows where it is and the nurses there have him on the list of people allowed in. When he opens the door, hesitant, he’s relieved to see the straps have been removed. The heart monitor is also off and there’s only a single IV stand by the bed where Blaine’s curled on his side, his back to the door. Kurt slides in quietly, in case he’s asleep, but when he reaches the chair by the other side of the bed, the amber eyes are open and staring at a wall.
He yearns to lean in and kiss Blaine’s forehead, his cheek, his lips, but he’s not sure if he’s allowed to do this - if Blaine would allow him. He’s not sure of so many things, these days. But he doesn’t want to just sit on a chair across from the bed, like an awkward guest with good wishes and a secret desire to get out of here as soon as he can. That’s not him. He wants to be here, as long as he can, by this silent boy with sad eyes that used to smile and sparkle as he jumped on furniture and danced with boundless energy.
So Kurt compromises, kneeling down on the floor by the bed, so that his head is level with Blaine’s and their hands only inches apart. Blaine’s lips, dry and cracked, are so close like this and Kurt feels the pull of longing; it’s been so long since they last kissed, saying goodbye in front of Kurt’s house, never suspecting the circumstances of their next meeting would be like this. Blaine’s eyes move to look at him, and for a moment they both just stay like this, silent, unmoving, greenish grey locked on amber. There’s such an ocean of pain, sadness and loneliness in Blaine’s eyes that Kurt’s heart breaks in the silence, even though he thought it was broken completely already. And there’s resignation there, too, which terrifies him more than anything.
After a long while Blaine speaks hoarsely.
“Hi.”
“Hi. I see they gave you some more freedom today?” Kurt answers softly. Another thing he’s not sure of - are there things he shouldn’t talk about now? Damn, he just feels so lost.
Blaine shrugs.
“72 hour watch is over. Now they can pretend to trust me not to try and kill myself again.”
The way he says this, level and monotonous, like he could be talking about yesterday’s weather, freezes Kurt’s blood.
“Will you?” The question is out before he can censor himself.
“No.” Blaine’s eyes are focused now, earnest. “I won’t. I’m sorry, Kurt. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you wanted to hurt yourself?”
“I… I don’t-“ Blaine’s face crumples and he closes his eyes. “Please, let’s not talk about it. I’m just so tired.”
“Okay, baby. Okay.”
Except there’s not much they can safely talk about, it turns out. Everything is somehow awkward - New York and Kurt’s college stories, McKinley, Glee, friends. Talking about feelings and their relationship here, now, seems terribly out of place so they don’t even try. Blaine mostly pretends to sleep and Kurt mostly pretends to believe he does, and they talk just a little, about neutral, unimportant thinks, but at some point their hands end up together and that’s enough. Mrs. Anderson comes around noon, adding a bit of warm chaos to the room, but seeing that her son is in good company, she leaves soon, promising to come back in the evening.
Blaine seems to be genuinely asleep when Kurt has to go in the afternoon, to eat dinner and spend some time with his family, so he dares to press a soft kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead before he whispers “I love you” and leaves.
Dinner is a somber occasion, even though Kurt is happy to be with his family. They talk and exchange news, and it’s all very nice and warm, but Kurt cant’s stop thinking about Blaine, alone in his hospital bed, and this awful look of resignation and defeat in his eyes.
Reply
Ow. My heart. But the tears were held at bay (barely) with the overwhelming gratitude I have for Kurt sticking by Blaine, no matter what.
Don't worry, I am without a doubt that they'll be back at your next update.
Reply
I just love this image. I was in Blaine's position once and this was exactly the kind of thing I needed - no talking except about meaningless things, and then only because it was reassuring to have the noise of words to remind me that I understood them and therefore, must be alive and human. And just someone else being there and breathing in the same space, being there for me (and therefore reminding me that I must be worth something, even if I didn't feel like it at the moment) and not trying to solve things.
Kurt has no idea how much he is doing for Blaine, because of course he wants to solve everything now. But what he's doing is so important.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment