THIS COMMENT IS TMI AND VERY TRIGGERY ABOUT EATING DISORDERSjoyfulAugust 27 2011, 19:38:06 UTC
Okay, if I say anything insulting or snappish or bitchy, I'm sorry. I'm really bad sometimes about talking about things that affect me personally.
I comprehend your point of view, but I find it problematic. Because I am one of the invisible people who never gets counted in statistics, and nobody knows I exist. I am clinically obese, and I am anorexic.
I'm gonna get a little personal here, so feel free to scroll by if you're easily triggered by talk of eating disorders and weight.
I have been living with anorexia, bulimia, and body dysmorphic disorder for about a decade. But it got really out of control about 6 years ago.
I had been doing okay at a slightly above average weight, but then I had some other issues in my life, and my family sent me to an eating disorder rehab for a couple months. When I went in, I had been severely bulimic. Vomiting anywhere between twenty and eighty times a day. I was having cardiac arrhythmia and my voice had started to get a little raspy from the damage to my esophogus.
While I was at the ED rehab, I was diagnosed as bipolar and put on psychotropic medication. The medication I was on caused a rapid weight gain and for the first time in my life, I wound up at a weight of over 200 pounds.
I moved into my own apartment not long after, and my anorexia started to get bad. Because they had scared me off purging with horror stories of rupturing esophaguses and exploding stomachs, I had mostly stopped. But my thinking is (and still is) disordered. My logic was, if I can't get rid of it before digestion, I just won't eat. My anorexia got bad. I was taking in about 300 calories a day, and keeping myself going with diet coke and sugar free gum.
Now, this is where it gets complicated and counter-intuitive. According to my doctor, the sudden drop in caloric intake caused my body to go into "starvation and hibernation mode." Basically, what happened is, my metabolism dropped to a crawl, and my body began converting everything I ate into fat. I had no energy, coupled with my depression, and began sleeping all day. I stopped being active because I had no energy. And my body continued storing fat, so I ate as little as possible.
When I quit smoking, in 2008, my weight took another climb. Nowadays, I would guess my weight at somewhere around 250. I don't know for sure because I don't own a scale or a mirror. The last time I owned a scale I tried to kill myself.
Now, the doctors keep telling me that if I eat more (I'm currently at about 650 calories a day, I think) I will lose weight. Eat more and exercise. Unfortunately in order to have the energy to exercise I have to eat more, and holy shit if that isn't the scariest thing in the world. And it just feels wrong, you know, "Eat more, more times a day, and you'll lose weight!" wtf? Counter-intuitive.
I'm heavy. I know that that paints a certain picture of how I must live when people look at me. But in reality, I don't overeat. I barely eat. And from what i understand, my story isn't that uncommon.
Oh, I also have a bunch of health problems that have nothing to do with my weight directly, but affect my ability to exercise. ~
Re: THIS COMMENT IS TMI AND VERY TRIGGERY ABOUT EATING DISORDERSjoyfulAugust 27 2011, 19:38:39 UTC
fucking character limits
And this is why I have such a problem with the portayal of "fat girls" on Glee. It has been directly stated that Lauren has a thyroid problem. This affects weight control. Yeah, she likes food, but she's also athletic and very active. If it weren't for her thyroid, even with the way she eats, she'd probably be a lower weight. Not thin, but not obese.
Mercedes' characterizations bother me. The whole tater tots thing was annoying, combined with Jesse pointing out in Funeral that she's lazy because she doesn't practice or put effort into things. It opens a whole other can of worms if you take her race into account, because the stereotype that "black people are lazy" is incredibly offensive (and also inaccurate). I liked Mercedes a little more before the episode where they gave her early ED warning signs. That whole episode was problematic and triggery for me.
~
Some people are just fat. They eat properly, they exercise, and they continue to be overweight. A lot of weight and body mass issues are genetic. If your parents and grandparents aren't thin, you're going to work twice as hard to be thin. Which is usually dangerous.
The idea that all fat people are lazy and gluttonous is not only inaccurate, but it's hurtful. I barely eat enough food to keep an animal alive, and I get some form of exercise daily. And yet, because of my weight, when people look at me, they automatically assume I'm lazy and I overeat. (I am lazy, actually, but that has more to do with my other health problems than with my weight)
~
And can I just say that the idea that curvy, voluptuous women aren't attractive is completely ridiculous?
~
So for getting off topic and personal. I just had a lot of shit I felt I needed to share.
Re: THIS COMMENT IS TMI AND VERY TRIGGERY ABOUT EATING DISORDERSchirpingemuAugust 28 2011, 03:32:20 UTC
Can I just say that you much be one heck of an amazing and wonderful person? Genetics has dropped so many safes on top of your head and you come across as somebody who's fighting all of that with grace and with so much caring for others.
I comprehend your point of view, but I find it problematic. Because I am one of the invisible people who never gets counted in statistics, and nobody knows I exist. I am clinically obese, and I am anorexic.
I'm gonna get a little personal here, so feel free to scroll by if you're easily triggered by talk of eating disorders and weight.
I have been living with anorexia, bulimia, and body dysmorphic disorder for about a decade. But it got really out of control about 6 years ago.
I had been doing okay at a slightly above average weight, but then I had some other issues in my life, and my family sent me to an eating disorder rehab for a couple months. When I went in, I had been severely bulimic. Vomiting anywhere between twenty and eighty times a day. I was having cardiac arrhythmia and my voice had started to get a little raspy from the damage to my esophogus.
While I was at the ED rehab, I was diagnosed as bipolar and put on psychotropic medication. The medication I was on caused a rapid weight gain and for the first time in my life, I wound up at a weight of over 200 pounds.
I moved into my own apartment not long after, and my anorexia started to get bad. Because they had scared me off purging with horror stories of rupturing esophaguses and exploding stomachs, I had mostly stopped. But my thinking is (and still is) disordered. My logic was, if I can't get rid of it before digestion, I just won't eat. My anorexia got bad. I was taking in about 300 calories a day, and keeping myself going with diet coke and sugar free gum.
Now, this is where it gets complicated and counter-intuitive. According to my doctor, the sudden drop in caloric intake caused my body to go into "starvation and hibernation mode." Basically, what happened is, my metabolism dropped to a crawl, and my body began converting everything I ate into fat. I had no energy, coupled with my depression, and began sleeping all day. I stopped being active because I had no energy. And my body continued storing fat, so I ate as little as possible.
When I quit smoking, in 2008, my weight took another climb. Nowadays, I would guess my weight at somewhere around 250. I don't know for sure because I don't own a scale or a mirror. The last time I owned a scale I tried to kill myself.
Now, the doctors keep telling me that if I eat more (I'm currently at about 650 calories a day, I think) I will lose weight. Eat more and exercise. Unfortunately in order to have the energy to exercise I have to eat more, and holy shit if that isn't the scariest thing in the world. And it just feels wrong, you know, "Eat more, more times a day, and you'll lose weight!" wtf? Counter-intuitive.
I'm heavy. I know that that paints a certain picture of how I must live when people look at me. But in reality, I don't overeat. I barely eat. And from what i understand, my story isn't that uncommon.
Oh, I also have a bunch of health problems that have nothing to do with my weight directly, but affect my ability to exercise.
~
Reply
And this is why I have such a problem with the portayal of "fat girls" on Glee. It has been directly stated that Lauren has a thyroid problem. This affects weight control. Yeah, she likes food, but she's also athletic and very active. If it weren't for her thyroid, even with the way she eats, she'd probably be a lower weight. Not thin, but not obese.
Mercedes' characterizations bother me. The whole tater tots thing was annoying, combined with Jesse pointing out in Funeral that she's lazy because she doesn't practice or put effort into things. It opens a whole other can of worms if you take her race into account, because the stereotype that "black people are lazy" is incredibly offensive (and also inaccurate). I liked Mercedes a little more before the episode where they gave her early ED warning signs. That whole episode was problematic and triggery for me.
~
Some people are just fat. They eat properly, they exercise, and they continue to be overweight. A lot of weight and body mass issues are genetic. If your parents and grandparents aren't thin, you're going to work twice as hard to be thin. Which is usually dangerous.
The idea that all fat people are lazy and gluttonous is not only inaccurate, but it's hurtful. I barely eat enough food to keep an animal alive, and I get some form of exercise daily. And yet, because of my weight, when people look at me, they automatically assume I'm lazy and I overeat. (I am lazy, actually, but that has more to do with my other health problems than with my weight)
~
And can I just say that the idea that curvy, voluptuous women aren't attractive is completely ridiculous?
~
So for getting off topic and personal. I just had a lot of shit I felt I needed to share.
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