meditations on the "shuffle songs" function of an ipod.

[gleamingkey]

again i find myself at my desk downstairs at the hilltop office. and again, i’m wasting time, only this time, i’m listening to my ipod on shuffle. i have been doing so for the past half hour or so, part of which was during my lunch break. while on the later portion of this lunch break, it occurred to me how typically 21st-Century the concept of

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[artofdrowning22]

ok this is actually in response to your previous post, i came on to reply to that and then saw this one and figured it was easier...so here's the deal. you just haven't been drinking long enough. i know that sounds hella dumb, but check it: you are having the same issues that all of us had back in like the 10th grade, you're just way more sensible and conscious of it. drinking at all isn't necessarily a bad thing. i got past the whole drinking and emotional shit, and i can't tell you how nice it is to socially drink. it's so much better. when ryan comes home from work these days, we have a beer and cook dinner, and maybe have another while we watch a movie, but it's just so chill...and when i'm at school, it's great to walk across the road in the afternoon with a mate and have a scotch and an intelligent conversation, or to go out and meet some friends and split a pitcher and watch the hockey game...so by all means, avoid the ugly shit (i've SO been there), but give yourself a chance to just enjoy a social drink or two. this is one of the many reasons i think the high drinking age in the states is stupid. i'm also not sure if this made any sense, but you get the general point. it's not necessarily the drinking but how you view the situation. i could be totally off-base, though, so feel free to tell me i'm stupid. anyway. it's hot as hell here in davis and i was baking cookies all afternoon so i'm going to shower before ryan gets home from work and breaks up with me for being sweaty and flour-y. i promise to see you soon, and remember, if you have folks over while your parents are in canada, you're inviting ryan and me.
love you lots
m

P.S. been listening to indie-cisive all day today. ryan even uploaded all the mixes you made me cause he thinks they're fucking awesome too. you rule. xoxoxoxo

[gleamingkey]

see, this is the way i would love to be able to operate. and i sort of can. i can sort of enjoy going to my friend's house in the afternoon and having a couple beers, relaxing in the sun, whatever. but once i have a little bit of alcohol in me, i don't want to go back to sobriety until i wake up the next day. so if it's 3:00 in the afternoon, and i'm only planning on hanging out for an hour, then heading home to finish homework and go to rehearsal...i'll just have the first couple, then decide nothing else is important and that i need to keep drinking. now, since i'm in lowkey hangout mode, i might stick to a couple beers--or one, even--an hour. but i maintain some level of buzz until i go to sleep.

i'm not sayingn that nobody should drink. and i'm certainly not saying that everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. but i think that people like me, who have alcoholic fathers and alcoholic tendencied, should put two and two together and circumvent the situation before it arises. especially since yesterday, i was talking to my dad about this choice, and he said that the way i describe my drinking habits are like i was talking about him in college. it's like...i feel like i'm dodging a bullet that will most certainly hit me if i don't dodge it.

see, despite what we'd like to think about ourselves, pretty much everyone has a vice. and at least for right now, weed is a vice that works for me. i can smoke a doobie and then be cool for the night. i can also smoke a doobie and maintain a conversation, as well as some sense of normalcy, wheras when i'm drinking, i'm usually transforming myself into someone exceptionally angry, exceptionally weepy, or exceptionally loud.

and i dunno. maybe i will still try to drink socially on some occasions. but once alcohol becomes a normal part of my life, it quickly becomes a VERY REGULAR part of my life, and i ain't havin that. if my kids have to spend their high school years afraid that their dad's going to come home and start a fight with them, i'll never forgive myself.

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