Goodbye

[glasswhore]

Um, i'm feeling really weird. I've been in shock since saturday night when i found out that a friend of mine from primary school hung themself at a party the night before. I've semi cried a few times, a couple in my car driving, some at home... I know I should have balled a million times by now but i'm just in too much shock. Jacob Smith was this little smart arse kid with the cutest smile who was one of the people who I hung out with on the oval on our bikes after school, chatting, trying to do tricks thinking we were the shit. I was on my Ninja turtles bike which I named the shredder because I thought I was an awesome rider. I remember sitting on the shredder, back pack on watching jacob thinking, yeah he's gonna smack into the fence, any second now, aaaany second now. Bam. Told ya. But he was always laughing, I remember clearly in my mind watching jacob with all my boys playing footy on the feild behind the school, they were the coolest guys, footy guys are always the popular ones and jacob was no exception. He knew EVERYONE and everyone knew him. He had the same haircut for his whole life, same colour same style so you could always pick him out on the field. He was so full of life, laughter and innocence. But as usual things always change. When time came for all of us southport primarians to separate, it was sad as i knew things were never ever going to be the same, sure enough all the simplicity went out the fucking window and now... well... you know the end. Its really hard to sit here and think about the fact that, thats it, he's gone. Not six months ago i had to go through the same thoughts when dale hung himself. Two lives in one year. I'm never going to see them. ever. Jacob came to Keebra for a while mainly for football i think, but soon left again to go to aquinas. And I hadn't seen him in ages. I saw him out a few times but that was the most of it. couple of weeks ago was the last time i think... It was a Hi Leah, in his kinda husky deep voice, its a hard voice to describe. distinct. A couple of laughs, and gone again. I mean its kind of the usual with people based totally in your past. But never would you think weeks later you'd hear that they had topped themselves. For what? Why? It Rips me to shreds when I can't even comprehend why they would leave so many people behind. Dales funeral was absolutely packed, and jacobs is going to be the same if not worse... besides the fact that both times their closests mates had to see them dead and hanging, cut their bodies down, try to save them, and lose. Colin is in and out of mental institutions from finding dale in colins own bedroom. Like its crazy. Jacob took rope to a party, he had the plans to do it. Hayley was the last person to speak to him before he said "I'm gonna go for a walk". So down the street he went, climbed up a pool fence and hung himself from a tree. Like... What. The. Fuck. That's all i could say when wade rang me and told me. What. The. Fuck. because its so unbelievable. The funeral notice is in the paper this morning and i think thats what has made me write this. It just kinda hit home that yeah, he's gone. There is no more Jacob Smith. In the last 3 years i've lost 7 people. bazaaco, and gilbert to car accidents. Scott to heroin. Brad to cancer. Dale and Jacob. And my grandma. Why the fuck does all this bullshit happen. I mean in the end it starts to all take its toll. But it really puts into perspective how much i value everyone that is around me, and how much I do not give two shits about petty bullshit. Because all of the stupid shit that goes on, doesn't even compare to the feeling of losing someone. We only have one shot at this... And for those who've lost it, for whatever reason, i want to live it for them. And i just wanted to say that, I love all of you. Friends, you mean so much to me, and I would do anything for you. I just hope that you really know how much i cherish and value all of the memories i have, and all that I am am going to create with you. Time is of the essence. Live it.

Love forever Leah.

R.I.P Jacob.
R.I.P Dale.