SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! What is this madness?
I'll tell you what it is--it's catching! thelovemafia brought this up in a post and the idea has plagued me ever since. So I pretty much just sat down tonight and wrote the damn thing and it's so long! I haven't written a fanfic this long since...since...I don't know when, but why is this so long? Anyway, you know who to blame this insanity on...
Jealous Truth
If Shouichi was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he liked the sense of authority. It was heady, like the fine wine Byakuran plied him with when he was feeling particularly romantic; it steadied his steps and made his heart pound harder in his chest. He couldn’t suppress the internal smirk of pleasure he experienced every time one of the Black Spell retreated quickly from his path, or at the awed deference the White Spell paid him that had once been reserved exclusively for Byakuran, or at the silent anger and grudging respect paid to him by Gamma, now a tamed beast. And the Cervello, giggling behind their hands as he passed.
His cape swirled behind him as he paced down the halls with quick, purposeful steps. After so many years, things were finally going his way-he was finally earning the respect he had craved after so many years as the bullied, the nerdy, the snub-nosed-broken-glasses-dork. Years of research and planning has rewarded him. Who said hard work didn’t pay off in the end?
Still, he had an anxious feeling that cramped his stomach and left him dizzy when he woke, panicked, in the middle of the night. The Vongola boss was still alive-the one person who might strip Shouichi of everything he had fought to possess. Feverish with fear, driven to desperate insomnia, he could only pace his chambers night after night and rack his brain for any clue. He could not bring himself to think of treachery, not yet; there was no proof of that yet. But the feeling grew, until he could feel the itch of unseen eyes on the center of his back where a knife could suddenly sprout. The whispers of admiration turned conspiratorial in his ears; every smile and admiring look seemed to mask a hidden intent.
Until one night he snapped.
Alone, he slipped through passageways and empty halls down, down to the lower levels of the base where the tech department played games with electricity and wire, his shadowy cape hiding his white uniform. Not that he had any reason to hide his presence anywhere anymore; but better safe than sorry. The whole company didn’t need to know what he was up to.
He paused before a familiar hangar door and stared at the small slivers of light peering through the cracks. The Cervello had reported that he was here every night since the fight with the Vongola boss, working on some secret project. Shouichi hadn’t asked anything more; what the man did in his spare time was none of Shouichi’s concern. He understood the need for privacy among the techs and engineers, because every little breakthrough or discovery was like your baby, and you had to protect that against everything because it was yours and yours alone. Until it was perfect and you were ready to share. So he hesitated to break the unspoken code before pushing open the heavy door and stepping inside.
Pieces of dismantled or broken Moscas littered the floor, their hollow bodies oddly toy-like when not up and on the move. Shouichi moved through the graveyard of robot parts searching for the master engineer.
“Spanner,” he called. “Are you here?”
A familiar face poked out from behind two Moscas propped like dolls against the wall, wreathed in a friendly smile.
“Hello, Irie-san,” Spanner said calmly. “Would you like some tea?”
Shouichi is sixteen when he leaves Japan for the first time.
The plane takes him to England, where the air is cold and wet and people speak in strange, harsh tongues so unlike the quick and graceful Japanese he is used to or even the smooth, romantic Italian Byakuran sometimes uses on accident when he is angry or feeling particularly appreciative. They are so tall, so foreign that Shouichi’s stomach cramps automatically. He isn’t sure what to say to these people or how to make himself understood to them.
It turns out he doesn’t have to. Science is a universal language, and one that Shouichi speaks best. He wins the robotics contest by a landslide; top marks from every judge. Flushed with the unfamiliar sensation of prize, he stands next to the tall, lanky English boy who took second place as the announcer makes a speech in his honor, the words translated into many languages throughout the hall so everyone can appreciate what Shouichi has accomplished. And beside him, the tall boy smiles, his pale eyes lit with an intense light, and whispers in halting Japanese: “Congratulations, Irie-san. My name is Spanner. Would it be alright with you if we could talk later?”
Shouichi sipped green tea in silence, watching Spanner bend over the teapot with something approaching childish glee on his face. He’d gotten quite good at it since he first came to Japan to work for Shouichi some years ago, after Shouichi had officially become part of the Millefiore and risen so quickly to the rank of captain. But then, Spanner had always learned quickly.
“Spanner-san,” Shouichi asked after some moments. “I was wondering if you could tell me about your fight with the young Vongola boss.”
Spanner glanced up at him with that piercing, searching stare that so unnerved Shouichi. He didn’t like not being able to read Spanner’s emotions, and he hated the close scrutiny that felt like Spanner was stripping him to nothing with his eyes, even if that was not the man’s intent. But the man’s face soon relaxed into its usual grin, slightly knowing and filled, as it always had been, with blatant admiration for him.
“There’s not much to tell you that wasn’t already in my report, Irie-san,” Spanner said softly. “He fell into the water, and that is the last I saw of him.”
“But that’s not the whole truth, is it?” Shouichi insisted gently. “You’re hiding something from me.”
Spanner smiled. “You don’t miss anything, do you Irie-san?”
“Really, what you did was so amazing,” Spanner said admiringly. “I wanted to know-how did you ever think of such a thing? How did you know it would work?”
“I really didn’t,” Shouichi admitted. “But theoretically it seemed like it should all work out, so I decided to take the risk.”
“It was innovative!” Spanner laughed in delight. “To think to route the power that way, and all the circuitry work! That must have taken you hours.”
“It was worth it.”
“Of course it was! That’s the point of robotics, isn’t it? To go even farther and get closer and closer to achieving the most efficient, the most ideal? And it’s really true what they say-the Japanese are really the most technologically advanced in the field of robotics and engineering.”
Shouichi found himself blushing at the boy’s enthusiasm. “I suppose so.” It felt so wonderful to be able to talk to someone who understood what it meant to build and create, who could appreciate his work and didn’t just think “nerd” or “geek” whenever he opened his mouth. “But yours was also impressive, Spanner-san, much more so than mine.”
“I thought so, too, until I actually saw yours,” Spanner beamed at him in pure admiration. “I could never in a million years hope to think of something like that. You are truly what they mean by genius, Irie-san.” He glanced out across the expansive hotel gardens, lit by the slenderest of fingernail moons.
“Say, Irie-san,” he said after a moment. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
The bright lights of the hangar made Shouichi feel as though he were on stage somewhere as sweat gathered beneath the collar of his uniform. He wasn’t entirely sure where Spanner was taking him and had begun to regret coming here alone, without the comforting presence of the Cervello at his back. Because if he really really forced himself to think about it (and he didn’t like to), Spanner was definitely not right in the head. You could see it in his face, in his too-bright eyes and flushed cheeks. Brilliant, yes, but being with Spanner was like poking a rabid dog with a stick-insanity may keep it from noticing you for awhile, but eventually it will take your head off. In all honestly, Shouichi was waiting for the day they would have to lock Spanner up to keep him from being a danger to them all with dread; he wasn’t sure if he would have the heart to put to man behind bars, especially since they were friends, almost, in an odd way.
But he would do it, if it was necessary, he reminded himself. He would not let emotion get in the way of his duties and obligations as a captain of the Millefiore family.
“It’s not really finished yet,” said Spanner apologetically, stepping towards a large mound of something, covered in a heavy white sheet. “But I don’t mind showing, since it’s you, Irie-san.” He beamed again.
Shouichi heard the blood rushing in his ears as Spanner pulled the cloth away.
The garden is a kaleidoscope of shadows and moonlight dappled across the high hedges. They walk in silence through the trees, both enjoying the others’ company and the soft caresses of the wind on their hair, until they at last reach a small covered patio, perhaps for hosting parties in the summer. Twisting vines climb gently up the pillars and the sweet scent of roses vaguely fill the air, like something out of a fairytale.
“It’s so pretty,” Shouichi wonders aloud. “Isn’t it, Spanner-san?”
He turns to find his companion behind him, too close for comfort, hot breath on his upturned face and Shouichi’s blood turns to ice in his veins because he is too close, much much much too close and his brain seems to have shut down-
--because suddenly warm and feverish lips are pressed against his own and he can’t help yielding to admiration and praise and whatever sort of madness is catching as he feels Spanner’s hands slide down his back and over the slight curve of his ass as their hip bones grind together and they tear frantically at each other’s clothes seeking heat, seeking contact, seeking the spark of brilliance so often missing in the masses.
They are not quite sure what to do with their pale and youthful nakedness beneath the moonlight; no high school sex-ed classes have been offered for male-on-male. Both being inventors, however, goes a long way to figuring the mechanics out.
“Isn’t it something?” Spanner said reverantly.
A new Mosca, then, and Shouichi breathed a heavy sigh of relief before stepping forward to examine the new craft. It was smaller than the others, lighter too, and yet when he tapped on the outer shell it seemed to be stronger in material, less easily broken. He ran his fingers gently over the wires and circuitry; a new design, this, infinitely more efficient than the previous model, designed for speed and power yet unheard of in their field. Shouichi felt excited, with the familiar thrill of inventing humming in his ears. He could understand now Spanner’s intense drive to work and his increasing secrecy in the previous weeks.
“It’s because of him,” Spanner continued. “The little Vongola, I mean.”
“How do you mean?” It was very advanced; Shouichi could see the elements of the design that would allow it to perfectly counter the X-Burner, resist the power and strength and perhaps even overcome it. How did he get such good data from such a brief fight?
Shouichi felt rather than saw Spanner’s casual shrug. “He tore through everything I had like so much paper. But I got a good look at the way his technique works, so that next time…” He sighed. “Next time I’ll get him for sure.”
“Mmm,” Shouichi agreed, absorbed in examining the half-assembled Mosca before him. He was so engrossed at the sensation of warm breath made him start, and half-turn before Spanner’s arms locked around him and pulled him to rest gently in the taller man’s embrace.
“He was really something, that little 10th Vongola Boss,” Spanner said softly. “I never met another human being like that. So brilliant, so…perfect, almost. He was so simple and so effective, the exact essence we engineers have always tried to capture.” He nuzzled the back of Shouichi’s neck affectionately; Shouichi relaxed in his grip and allowed him to explore, tentatively, as Spanner unzipped and unbuckled his complicated uniform to slide his hands to the warm skin beneath the cloth. It had been so long ago, that night at the hotel, and Byakuran was so far away…
“It just proves what I said all those years ago,” Spanner’s voice was a little ragged now, his breath a little gaspy, and Shouichi felt him stiffen against his backside. “The Japanese really are amazing people…”
Shouichi laughed raggedly. Spanner was becoming more insistent, more urgent as he fumbled with the zipper of Shouichi’s pants…
“He was so much like you, Irie-san…”
Shouichi froze instantly; his stomach cramped painfully with sudden realization.
“What did you say?” he whispered through clenched teeth.
Spanner stopped. “I said that he reminded me of you, Irie-san. When you were younger. When I first met you.”
“That’s what I thought.” Shouichi jerked himself from Spanner’s grasp and rounded on the taller man. “That’s all I needed to hear.”
A sudden blush flared in Spanner’s cheeks. “Irie-san, you can’t honestly think…”
“As of now, you are confined to your quarters until we apprehend the 10th Vongola boss,” said Shouichi icily. “That is an order, Spanner.”
Spanner’s face hardened; his hands twitched. “I see, Irie-san.” he replied softly, without malice.
Because, because-Shouichi could not so willingly condemn brilliance to death and Spanner could not help seeking brilliance in any form. Because the 10th Vongola boss could not stay hidden forever. Because of something that might have been when they were younger and purer and believed in science instead of politics at the point of a gun and death. Because Spanner could not do anything if he could not leave the base.
Because Shouichi had no proof that Spanner had helped the Vongola and didn’t want to find any.
“This is your one and only chance, Spanner,” said Shouichi at the doorway without looking back. “Don’t fail me.” He could just imagine the hurt look on Spanner’s face.
“I understand.”
The door slammed shut behind him as Shouichi began to stalk back up the corridors, his cloak fanning in swift-moving ripples behind him, angrier than he had been in a long time. Perhaps it was the suspicion of treachery from Spanner, of all people; perhaps it was the comparison between himself and a half-grown, naïve brat who didn’t know half of the power he had been granted and didn’t deserve it, the lazy no-good slacker.
Or perhaps it was because of the sound in Spanner’s voice of reverent admiration that had once been reserved for Shouichi and Shouichi alone.
But he would never admit it.
Notes: Did I keep this IC? That's my biggest fear. I'm so sorry, this is such a crazy idea and I don't know what I thought I was doing *retreats to corner with teddy bear*
Jealous Truth
If Shouichi was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he liked the sense of authority. It was heady, like the fine wine Byakuran plied him with when he was feeling particularly romantic; it steadied his steps and made his heart pound harder in his chest. He couldn’t suppress the internal smirk of pleasure he experienced every time one of the Black Spell retreated quickly from his path, or at the awed deference the White Spell paid him that had once been reserved exclusively for Byakuran, or at the silent anger and grudging respect paid to him by Gamma, now a tamed beast. And the Cervello, giggling behind their hands as he passed.
His cape swirled behind him as he paced down the halls with quick, purposeful steps. After so many years, things were finally going his way-he was finally earning the respect he had craved after so many years as the bullied, the nerdy, the snub-nosed-broken-glasses-dork. Years of research and planning has rewarded him. Who said hard work didn’t pay off in the end?
Still, he had an anxious feeling that cramped his stomach and left him dizzy when he woke, panicked, in the middle of the night. The Vongola boss was still alive-the one person who might strip Shouichi of everything he had fought to possess. Feverish with fear, driven to desperate insomnia, he could only pace his chambers night after night and rack his brain for any clue. He could not bring himself to think of treachery, not yet; there was no proof of that yet. But the feeling grew, until he could feel the itch of unseen eyes on the center of his back where a knife could suddenly sprout. The whispers of admiration turned conspiratorial in his ears; every smile and admiring look seemed to mask a hidden intent.
Until one night he snapped.
Alone, he slipped through passageways and empty halls down, down to the lower levels of the base where the tech department played games with electricity and wire, his shadowy cape hiding his white uniform. Not that he had any reason to hide his presence anywhere anymore; but better safe than sorry. The whole company didn’t need to know what he was up to.
He paused before a familiar hangar door and stared at the small slivers of light peering through the cracks. The Cervello had reported that he was here every night since the fight with the Vongola boss, working on some secret project. Shouichi hadn’t asked anything more; what the man did in his spare time was none of Shouichi’s concern. He understood the need for privacy among the techs and engineers, because every little breakthrough or discovery was like your baby, and you had to protect that against everything because it was yours and yours alone. Until it was perfect and you were ready to share. So he hesitated to break the unspoken code before pushing open the heavy door and stepping inside.
Pieces of dismantled or broken Moscas littered the floor, their hollow bodies oddly toy-like when not up and on the move. Shouichi moved through the graveyard of robot parts searching for the master engineer.
“Spanner,” he called. “Are you here?”
A familiar face poked out from behind two Moscas propped like dolls against the wall, wreathed in a friendly smile.
“Hello, Irie-san,” Spanner said calmly. “Would you like some tea?”
Shouichi is sixteen when he leaves Japan for the first time.
The plane takes him to England, where the air is cold and wet and people speak in strange, harsh tongues so unlike the quick and graceful Japanese he is used to or even the smooth, romantic Italian Byakuran sometimes uses on accident when he is angry or feeling particularly appreciative. They are so tall, so foreign that Shouichi’s stomach cramps automatically. He isn’t sure what to say to these people or how to make himself understood to them.
It turns out he doesn’t have to. Science is a universal language, and one that Shouichi speaks best. He wins the robotics contest by a landslide; top marks from every judge. Flushed with the unfamiliar sensation of prize, he stands next to the tall, lanky English boy who took second place as the announcer makes a speech in his honor, the words translated into many languages throughout the hall so everyone can appreciate what Shouichi has accomplished. And beside him, the tall boy smiles, his pale eyes lit with an intense light, and whispers in halting Japanese: “Congratulations, Irie-san. My name is Spanner. Would it be alright with you if we could talk later?”
Shouichi sipped green tea in silence, watching Spanner bend over the teapot with something approaching childish glee on his face. He’d gotten quite good at it since he first came to Japan to work for Shouichi some years ago, after Shouichi had officially become part of the Millefiore and risen so quickly to the rank of captain. But then, Spanner had always learned quickly.
“Spanner-san,” Shouichi asked after some moments. “I was wondering if you could tell me about your fight with the young Vongola boss.”
Spanner glanced up at him with that piercing, searching stare that so unnerved Shouichi. He didn’t like not being able to read Spanner’s emotions, and he hated the close scrutiny that felt like Spanner was stripping him to nothing with his eyes, even if that was not the man’s intent. But the man’s face soon relaxed into its usual grin, slightly knowing and filled, as it always had been, with blatant admiration for him.
“There’s not much to tell you that wasn’t already in my report, Irie-san,” Spanner said softly. “He fell into the water, and that is the last I saw of him.”
“But that’s not the whole truth, is it?” Shouichi insisted gently. “You’re hiding something from me.”
Spanner smiled. “You don’t miss anything, do you Irie-san?”
“Really, what you did was so amazing,” Spanner said admiringly. “I wanted to know-how did you ever think of such a thing? How did you know it would work?”
“I really didn’t,” Shouichi admitted. “But theoretically it seemed like it should all work out, so I decided to take the risk.”
“It was innovative!” Spanner laughed in delight. “To think to route the power that way, and all the circuitry work! That must have taken you hours.”
“It was worth it.”
“Of course it was! That’s the point of robotics, isn’t it? To go even farther and get closer and closer to achieving the most efficient, the most ideal? And it’s really true what they say-the Japanese are really the most technologically advanced in the field of robotics and engineering.”
Shouichi found himself blushing at the boy’s enthusiasm. “I suppose so.” It felt so wonderful to be able to talk to someone who understood what it meant to build and create, who could appreciate his work and didn’t just think “nerd” or “geek” whenever he opened his mouth. “But yours was also impressive, Spanner-san, much more so than mine.”
“I thought so, too, until I actually saw yours,” Spanner beamed at him in pure admiration. “I could never in a million years hope to think of something like that. You are truly what they mean by genius, Irie-san.” He glanced out across the expansive hotel gardens, lit by the slenderest of fingernail moons.
“Say, Irie-san,” he said after a moment. “Would you like to go for a walk?”
The bright lights of the hangar made Shouichi feel as though he were on stage somewhere as sweat gathered beneath the collar of his uniform. He wasn’t entirely sure where Spanner was taking him and had begun to regret coming here alone, without the comforting presence of the Cervello at his back. Because if he really really forced himself to think about it (and he didn’t like to), Spanner was definitely not right in the head. You could see it in his face, in his too-bright eyes and flushed cheeks. Brilliant, yes, but being with Spanner was like poking a rabid dog with a stick-insanity may keep it from noticing you for awhile, but eventually it will take your head off. In all honestly, Shouichi was waiting for the day they would have to lock Spanner up to keep him from being a danger to them all with dread; he wasn’t sure if he would have the heart to put to man behind bars, especially since they were friends, almost, in an odd way.
But he would do it, if it was necessary, he reminded himself. He would not let emotion get in the way of his duties and obligations as a captain of the Millefiore family.
“It’s not really finished yet,” said Spanner apologetically, stepping towards a large mound of something, covered in a heavy white sheet. “But I don’t mind showing, since it’s you, Irie-san.” He beamed again.
Shouichi heard the blood rushing in his ears as Spanner pulled the cloth away.
The garden is a kaleidoscope of shadows and moonlight dappled across the high hedges. They walk in silence through the trees, both enjoying the others’ company and the soft caresses of the wind on their hair, until they at last reach a small covered patio, perhaps for hosting parties in the summer. Twisting vines climb gently up the pillars and the sweet scent of roses vaguely fill the air, like something out of a fairytale.
“It’s so pretty,” Shouichi wonders aloud. “Isn’t it, Spanner-san?”
He turns to find his companion behind him, too close for comfort, hot breath on his upturned face and Shouichi’s blood turns to ice in his veins because he is too close, much much much too close and his brain seems to have shut down-
--because suddenly warm and feverish lips are pressed against his own and he can’t help yielding to admiration and praise and whatever sort of madness is catching as he feels Spanner’s hands slide down his back and over the slight curve of his ass as their hip bones grind together and they tear frantically at each other’s clothes seeking heat, seeking contact, seeking the spark of brilliance so often missing in the masses.
They are not quite sure what to do with their pale and youthful nakedness beneath the moonlight; no high school sex-ed classes have been offered for male-on-male. Both being inventors, however, goes a long way to figuring the mechanics out.
“Isn’t it something?” Spanner said reverantly.
A new Mosca, then, and Shouichi breathed a heavy sigh of relief before stepping forward to examine the new craft. It was smaller than the others, lighter too, and yet when he tapped on the outer shell it seemed to be stronger in material, less easily broken. He ran his fingers gently over the wires and circuitry; a new design, this, infinitely more efficient than the previous model, designed for speed and power yet unheard of in their field. Shouichi felt excited, with the familiar thrill of inventing humming in his ears. He could understand now Spanner’s intense drive to work and his increasing secrecy in the previous weeks.
“It’s because of him,” Spanner continued. “The little Vongola, I mean.”
“How do you mean?” It was very advanced; Shouichi could see the elements of the design that would allow it to perfectly counter the X-Burner, resist the power and strength and perhaps even overcome it. How did he get such good data from such a brief fight?
Shouichi felt rather than saw Spanner’s casual shrug. “He tore through everything I had like so much paper. But I got a good look at the way his technique works, so that next time…” He sighed. “Next time I’ll get him for sure.”
“Mmm,” Shouichi agreed, absorbed in examining the half-assembled Mosca before him. He was so engrossed at the sensation of warm breath made him start, and half-turn before Spanner’s arms locked around him and pulled him to rest gently in the taller man’s embrace.
“He was really something, that little 10th Vongola Boss,” Spanner said softly. “I never met another human being like that. So brilliant, so…perfect, almost. He was so simple and so effective, the exact essence we engineers have always tried to capture.” He nuzzled the back of Shouichi’s neck affectionately; Shouichi relaxed in his grip and allowed him to explore, tentatively, as Spanner unzipped and unbuckled his complicated uniform to slide his hands to the warm skin beneath the cloth. It had been so long ago, that night at the hotel, and Byakuran was so far away…
“It just proves what I said all those years ago,” Spanner’s voice was a little ragged now, his breath a little gaspy, and Shouichi felt him stiffen against his backside. “The Japanese really are amazing people…”
Shouichi laughed raggedly. Spanner was becoming more insistent, more urgent as he fumbled with the zipper of Shouichi’s pants…
“He was so much like you, Irie-san…”
Shouichi froze instantly; his stomach cramped painfully with sudden realization.
“What did you say?” he whispered through clenched teeth.
Spanner stopped. “I said that he reminded me of you, Irie-san. When you were younger. When I first met you.”
“That’s what I thought.” Shouichi jerked himself from Spanner’s grasp and rounded on the taller man. “That’s all I needed to hear.”
A sudden blush flared in Spanner’s cheeks. “Irie-san, you can’t honestly think…”
“As of now, you are confined to your quarters until we apprehend the 10th Vongola boss,” said Shouichi icily. “That is an order, Spanner.”
Spanner’s face hardened; his hands twitched. “I see, Irie-san.” he replied softly, without malice.
Because, because-Shouichi could not so willingly condemn brilliance to death and Spanner could not help seeking brilliance in any form. Because the 10th Vongola boss could not stay hidden forever. Because of something that might have been when they were younger and purer and believed in science instead of politics at the point of a gun and death. Because Spanner could not do anything if he could not leave the base.
Because Shouichi had no proof that Spanner had helped the Vongola and didn’t want to find any.
“This is your one and only chance, Spanner,” said Shouichi at the doorway without looking back. “Don’t fail me.” He could just imagine the hurt look on Spanner’s face.
“I understand.”
The door slammed shut behind him as Shouichi began to stalk back up the corridors, his cloak fanning in swift-moving ripples behind him, angrier than he had been in a long time. Perhaps it was the suspicion of treachery from Spanner, of all people; perhaps it was the comparison between himself and a half-grown, naïve brat who didn’t know half of the power he had been granted and didn’t deserve it, the lazy no-good slacker.
Or perhaps it was because of the sound in Spanner’s voice of reverent admiration that had once been reserved for Shouichi and Shouichi alone.
But he would never admit it.
Notes: Did I keep this IC? That's my biggest fear. I'm so sorry, this is such a crazy idea and I don't know what I thought I was doing *retreats to corner with teddy bear*