Movies I have watched recently that either rocked or sucked, without exception
For some bizarre reason these past few weeks I've been on a huge movie kick. I can't seem to decide which movies I want to watch, so I keep starting and stopping things, but I did manage to get through a few: The Swan Princess, Sleeping Beauty, 9, District 9, and Repo! The Genetic Opera. Commentary is as follows:
The Swan Princess: DEREK NEEDS TO GROW UP AND GET SOME BALLS. Actually, wait, he has plenty of those. DEREK NEEDS TO GROW UP AND FIND SOME BRAINS.
Bizarrely I remember this being one of my favorite movies as a kid, which suggests to me that I was either out of my mind ill on cold medicine whenever I watched it or...I don't know. I have no excuses. My point being, it sucks. I saw the ballet. I liked it. Watching this movie I felt that these people could not become any more shallow and stupid and I am fairly sure the part of the story we don't get to hear is that once Odette stops being tall blonde and beautiful and starts getting stretch marks from childbirth Derek's going to go play with the serving maids. Honestly.
I was deeply amused by the scene where he figures out that the culprit is a shape-shifting mouse and goes mouse-hunting in the forest, though. Ten points to Hufflepuff, Derek, for sheer effort and determination.
I had a lot more to say about this when I was watching it, such as the idiocy of the lyrics ("No Fear," shoot me now) or why a puffin has a Scottish accent. Or why, when I attempted to watch the sequel, Derek could understand the talking animals. By the way I didn't make it through either sequel. They were too painful.
Sleeping Beauty: Despite the fact I have yet to really think of a Disney princess with a personality, I really like this movie still. Prince Phillip actually gets his ass out there and does things. Admittedly he needs three dumpy fairies to get something done, but really, what did Prince Eric do? Got himself enchanted. The prince in Sleeping Beauty? Showed up in the last ten minutes. Aladdin? Wasn't really prince. (And I take it back, Jasmine has a personality. GOOD FOR YOU JASMINE.)
Apart from that, I can see why making the movie almost bankrupted Disney back in the day. Holy crap are those backgrounds detailed. I found myself paying more attention to that sometimes than the figures waltzing in the forest. And who can forget to lovable kings getting drunk in the castle and discussing their future grandchildren? I just wanted to cuddle them and tweak their mustaches.
That being said, I was surprised to find that the movie is more about the three fairies and their part in the story than the actual story. Which works, don't get me wrong, because the movie is still awesome, but I can't help wishing Prince Phillip got to do more. And Maleficent got more screentime. 'Cause she's pretty rad, for an evil chick.
9: So apart from the fact that I spent the entire movie facepalming over what Elijah Wood's character does (and also, Elijah Wood the voice actor- it just didn't fly with me) I actually liked it a lot. I mean, when Elijah Wood tells you it's going to be okay, how can you not believe him? Even if he's been wrong 10298301295 times before in the space of a few days and everybody knows that. It's basically a sucky world they live in with no indication that it's going to get better, and I found myself wondering- are the cute little sack people just going to live in this barren wasteland for eternity? Are they going to age and die at some point? But they can't, they're sack people...
Ahem. My point. Cool movie, even if I spent the first 20 minutes going "WTF am I going to get an explanation?" (Just as 1 starts giving an explanation, LOL my timing) I wibbled a lot. You probably will too. And Jennifer Connelly makes an awesome action girl. I really can't say more without giving away plot or anything.
District 9: Well, it would be nice if Megavideo would let me finish watching this movie, but I know what happens anyway (thank you, TV tropes). It's...not what I was expecting, from the trailers. Not what I was expecting at all. I can't really decide if I like it or not, because it did seem like a fascinating premise. You find that it's hard to really like any of the characters, especially the main character, Wikus (which I kept hearing as Dickus, so that says something). Even as shitty things continually happen to him and his life goes straight down the tubes I can't help feeling that on some level he might deserve this. But then I get squicked again and remember that I wouldn't wish his fate on anyone.
I'm trying not to give away plot, but basically he gets hit with some alien substance and starts becoming one of the aliens. The effects are great, which means that yeah, asdlkfajsdlf I kind of shuddered repeatedly at certain scenes. The aliens look realistic, though! And not like your typical aliens, which was great! It's a new take on alien movies, which I found refreshing. I still say it's worth watching, but it definitely took a different turn than what I was expecting, and it was fairly thought-provoking. What Measure is a Non-Human and all that.
Also cat food=alien crack. I should not have been as amused as I was.
Repo! The Genetic Opera: I really hate bloody slasher movies. I prefer my horror films to be psychological. But I read the TV tropes page for this and the premise sounded pretty interesting- wide-spread disease that causes organ failure, company sets itself up for transplants on a payment plan, miss a payment and they'll repossess the organs. Can you see the interesting moral dilemna? The philosophical questions that raises? Yeah I didn't see one of them addressed in the movie. Maybe if I had made it more than 30 minutes in.
I really should have seen that Paris Hilton was in the movie and just called it a day right there.
The problem is- it just became gaudy and tasteless. I liked the opening, with the comic book and everything- I think if the movie weren't a musical it would be tolerable, but as it was it was just sinking under the weight of its own gloomy pretentiousness. Furthermore, I feel if you're going to have a musical, you have an obligation to provide decent lyrics and hire people who can actually sing. The girl from Spy Kids? Whoever the hell played her father? Yeah, I was not impressed. I found the room full of dead bodies unnecessary, too, though I'm curious what fluid you can extract from a corpse's nose that is neon blue.
Not included in these reviews are Moulin Rouge and Hunchback of Notre Dame because they were just pretty awesome, and compared to those five I really had nothing else to say about them. I think that's a measure of how pleased I was with them. On the list to watch: Public Enemies, Citizen Kane, 500 Days of Summer and whatever else I come up with. Also Lucky Number Slevin, because I can't remember what happens.
My problem with movies seems to be that I keep looking for the same things I want in books- I want plot, I want well-defined characters, I want it to inspire some feeling or thought. I want to be impressed. To be completely and utterly honest, some of those movies I listed did that very well- I still find Sleeping Beauty moving after all these years, though it wasn't what I remembered it to be. 9 and District 9 were thought-provoking in a lot of disturbing ways. But I can't help wondering if I'm just watching all the wrong movies if I want sweeping, epic drama that really delves into the human psyche. I haven't seen a movie come out recently that really did that for me. Maybe I need to look harder.
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The Swan Princess: DEREK NEEDS TO GROW UP AND GET SOME BALLS. Actually, wait, he has plenty of those. DEREK NEEDS TO GROW UP AND FIND SOME BRAINS.
Bizarrely I remember this being one of my favorite movies as a kid, which suggests to me that I was either out of my mind ill on cold medicine whenever I watched it or...I don't know. I have no excuses. My point being, it sucks. I saw the ballet. I liked it. Watching this movie I felt that these people could not become any more shallow and stupid and I am fairly sure the part of the story we don't get to hear is that once Odette stops being tall blonde and beautiful and starts getting stretch marks from childbirth Derek's going to go play with the serving maids. Honestly.
I was deeply amused by the scene where he figures out that the culprit is a shape-shifting mouse and goes mouse-hunting in the forest, though. Ten points to Hufflepuff, Derek, for sheer effort and determination.
I had a lot more to say about this when I was watching it, such as the idiocy of the lyrics ("No Fear," shoot me now) or why a puffin has a Scottish accent. Or why, when I attempted to watch the sequel, Derek could understand the talking animals. By the way I didn't make it through either sequel. They were too painful.
Sleeping Beauty: Despite the fact I have yet to really think of a Disney princess with a personality, I really like this movie still. Prince Phillip actually gets his ass out there and does things. Admittedly he needs three dumpy fairies to get something done, but really, what did Prince Eric do? Got himself enchanted. The prince in Sleeping Beauty? Showed up in the last ten minutes. Aladdin? Wasn't really prince. (And I take it back, Jasmine has a personality. GOOD FOR YOU JASMINE.)
Apart from that, I can see why making the movie almost bankrupted Disney back in the day. Holy crap are those backgrounds detailed. I found myself paying more attention to that sometimes than the figures waltzing in the forest. And who can forget to lovable kings getting drunk in the castle and discussing their future grandchildren? I just wanted to cuddle them and tweak their mustaches.
That being said, I was surprised to find that the movie is more about the three fairies and their part in the story than the actual story. Which works, don't get me wrong, because the movie is still awesome, but I can't help wishing Prince Phillip got to do more. And Maleficent got more screentime. 'Cause she's pretty rad, for an evil chick.
9: So apart from the fact that I spent the entire movie facepalming over what Elijah Wood's character does (and also, Elijah Wood the voice actor- it just didn't fly with me) I actually liked it a lot. I mean, when Elijah Wood tells you it's going to be okay, how can you not believe him? Even if he's been wrong 10298301295 times before in the space of a few days and everybody knows that. It's basically a sucky world they live in with no indication that it's going to get better, and I found myself wondering- are the cute little sack people just going to live in this barren wasteland for eternity? Are they going to age and die at some point? But they can't, they're sack people...
Ahem. My point. Cool movie, even if I spent the first 20 minutes going "WTF am I going to get an explanation?" (Just as 1 starts giving an explanation, LOL my timing) I wibbled a lot. You probably will too. And Jennifer Connelly makes an awesome action girl. I really can't say more without giving away plot or anything.
District 9: Well, it would be nice if Megavideo would let me finish watching this movie, but I know what happens anyway (thank you, TV tropes). It's...not what I was expecting, from the trailers. Not what I was expecting at all. I can't really decide if I like it or not, because it did seem like a fascinating premise. You find that it's hard to really like any of the characters, especially the main character, Wikus (which I kept hearing as Dickus, so that says something). Even as shitty things continually happen to him and his life goes straight down the tubes I can't help feeling that on some level he might deserve this. But then I get squicked again and remember that I wouldn't wish his fate on anyone.
I'm trying not to give away plot, but basically he gets hit with some alien substance and starts becoming one of the aliens. The effects are great, which means that yeah, asdlkfajsdlf I kind of shuddered repeatedly at certain scenes. The aliens look realistic, though! And not like your typical aliens, which was great! It's a new take on alien movies, which I found refreshing. I still say it's worth watching, but it definitely took a different turn than what I was expecting, and it was fairly thought-provoking. What Measure is a Non-Human and all that.
Also cat food=alien crack. I should not have been as amused as I was.
Repo! The Genetic Opera: I really hate bloody slasher movies. I prefer my horror films to be psychological. But I read the TV tropes page for this and the premise sounded pretty interesting- wide-spread disease that causes organ failure, company sets itself up for transplants on a payment plan, miss a payment and they'll repossess the organs. Can you see the interesting moral dilemna? The philosophical questions that raises? Yeah I didn't see one of them addressed in the movie. Maybe if I had made it more than 30 minutes in.
I really should have seen that Paris Hilton was in the movie and just called it a day right there.
The problem is- it just became gaudy and tasteless. I liked the opening, with the comic book and everything- I think if the movie weren't a musical it would be tolerable, but as it was it was just sinking under the weight of its own gloomy pretentiousness. Furthermore, I feel if you're going to have a musical, you have an obligation to provide decent lyrics and hire people who can actually sing. The girl from Spy Kids? Whoever the hell played her father? Yeah, I was not impressed. I found the room full of dead bodies unnecessary, too, though I'm curious what fluid you can extract from a corpse's nose that is neon blue.
Not included in these reviews are Moulin Rouge and Hunchback of Notre Dame because they were just pretty awesome, and compared to those five I really had nothing else to say about them. I think that's a measure of how pleased I was with them. On the list to watch: Public Enemies, Citizen Kane, 500 Days of Summer and whatever else I come up with. Also Lucky Number Slevin, because I can't remember what happens.
My problem with movies seems to be that I keep looking for the same things I want in books- I want plot, I want well-defined characters, I want it to inspire some feeling or thought. I want to be impressed. To be completely and utterly honest, some of those movies I listed did that very well- I still find Sleeping Beauty moving after all these years, though it wasn't what I remembered it to be. 9 and District 9 were thought-provoking in a lot of disturbing ways. But I can't help wondering if I'm just watching all the wrong movies if I want sweeping, epic drama that really delves into the human psyche. I haven't seen a movie come out recently that really did that for me. Maybe I need to look harder.
ALSO CLICK THE KRAKEN:
Click Me!