Spare Time=Glass Writes

[glasssubway]

So I can deliver, as promised. Original fic this time, Cain as I said it would be. That's the good thing about all this IB/AP testing; we're not doing much in class anymore because everybody is in and out, so I have time to do whatever I want to do. Criticism is love, though I'm sorry to disappoint anyone who thought I was proffering up more

Comments

[cleartempest]

LOL, Elise is one brave woman! And before, I had always thought of Cain as a cross between Near and Belphagor, but now I know his colors! Yeah...anyways, I like it too. XD I liked all the references -- like the Waiting for Godot thing is not just random, no? I can seee the Existentialness. And Thorpe's Republican-ness, etc.. And lines like looked as though someone had just asked him to solve Schrodinger's equation on wave mechanics with an abacus were great because that actually made his expression very clear XD. Yes, and their respective deaths were so descript and I like Cain's 'creativity' and the way you wrote it.OMG Terry Simon could not have suddenly contracted sickle cell without genetic tendency for it in the first place. haha, XD why were they so funny?! And this:“I don’t know how to use the telephone,” Cain replied flatly. Haha, cute kid. XD And the characterization so far is pretty good too. I can really get a sense of Cain and Fellencoure's relationship. I don't know much about ELise yet, but um...careful about Mary Sue-ness. T_T But, I don't think you'd let that happen. XD It's just that most things I have read casting a pretty, smart, brave/border line weird woman have been Mary Sue-ish. I DID like that she looked MANIC, though. LOL. But yeah, good job with all the logistics too, really. I wonder how you would write the role of the US government, though. But then again, I guess I'll just have to find out.

[glasssubway]

Well, originally when I thought of Cain he was very Near-like in his lack of emotion (and I guess he is like Bel, too, actually) but as I started writing him he became less like either of them and more like himself and less tolerant of people (I think it's because he has absolutely no understanding of them at all, even if he can pick up on their every thought and emotion-he doesn't know what any of it means). But it's supposed to be funny, in a gallows-humor, black-humor sort of way, so it's okay to laugh at the snarkiness of it all.
That is the problem with Elise, though; I have two ideas for how to use her but I am faced with the terrible problem of making her a more human character and keeping her away from Mary-Sue-ness (I am so terrible with female characters)
I think I may just have to type up all (or some of my notes) and send them to you and ask for your advice on some of it (though I have no idea how to do that without revealing everything to you...)

[cleartempest]

he has absolutely no understanding of them at all, even if he can pick up on their every thought and emotion-he doesn't know what any of it means OMGOMGOMG, sounds like such an interesting premise!!! 8DDD And I figured the wry sense of humor behind it all was intentional...

The Mary Sue observation is a little premature on my part, sorry, because 600 some words really wouldn't be enough to tell. Is she gonna be an extreme foil?

[glasssubway]

'Tis because he isn't human *laughs* I think I've made that obvious by this point.

Uh...she is. Basically right now she serves to illustrate that point you just quoted, but later on she'll either be instrumental in helping or destroying Cain and another character I've yet to introduce. But she does have the possibility of bieng a Sue in some form or other, so I'll be careful about that XD