All About The Crumbling WorldarisueseiMay 18 2008, 10:14:01 UTC
Apoligize in advance for capslock abuse. cerepan and nymous-fic's bad habit is contagious. SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. I don't want giving half-assed comment since you wrote this fic beautifully so you deserve the best.
One of your strong points on writing is describing situation and place. I LOVE ALL YOUR TAKE ON DESCRIBING DINO - HIBIRD EXCHANGES. SO CUTE AND AND IF I WERE AN ILUSTRATOR, I'D BE DIE HAPPILY DRAWING ILUSTRATION OUT OF THIS. GAAAAAAAAH ~~~
My fave scenes of course these two : “I guess its goodbye to you too, huh?” said Dino, reaching up to take Hibird gently in his hands. “Will you give something to Kyouya for me?”
Hibird bounced up and down on his palms, eager to do anything for its master. Smiling sadly, Dino bent and kissed to top of its feathery head gently.
“Give that to Kyouya,” he said softly. “With my love.”
and
In response, Hibird flitted to his face, pressing itself gently against his mouth, its feathers still warm with Dino’s Apollonian heat. Hibari’s eyes widened in shock, clearly caught off guard by this sudden affection from his old teacher, even if the fool had chosen a bird as a messenger.
You were using Apollo as comparison to Dino.YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE ?! XD Sorry, I've had image of him as Apollo since reading Percy Jackson and The Titan's Curse. That Apollo is much alike Dino, except Dino never reciting bad haiku and flirting with his twin sister's Hunters. XD
Once I said to rukawagf that Future arc is the most depressing arc cause it's full of uncertainty, losing the beloved ones, being forced to face unwanted battles, etc. You managed to pull them out in one shot : The Millefiore attack, the death of Xanxus (must be a great loss for Varia and Vongola itself), and Dino being the next target of Millefiore. I want to rec this fic : The Path I Took Ten Years Later by rukawagf.
I would've been a happiest fangirl if Hibari back to Dino's mansion and er, confess his love for Dino in HIS-LIKE MANNER. Maybe crushing his tonfa onto Dino's face or stay with him until enemy's coming and they're fight together and DINO SOMEHOW MANAGED GETTING THEM RUNAWAY AND HIDING IN VERY SECLUDED AREA ON MOUNTAINS THEN LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
Is it just me or you tend to write long sentences ? That's not bad, but it's better you decrease it a bit. I'm afraid habit of writing long sentences might get readers tired and lead you to Purple Prose.
OF COURSE I COMPARED DINO TO APOLLO ON PURPOSE! Although I think maybe I got that idea from something cerepan said, because now that I think about it I remember reading something like that in one of her fics...And my sister returned the Percy Jackson series to the library before I could read any more than the first book! (Now I need to go check them back out, I guess...)
Is Xanxus being dead actualy canon? I can't remember; it seemed right to me. But TYL! is just dark to me because of the way everybody has been so divided and you're right, everything is uncertain and even the strongest allies are falling (like Mukuro! *sob* Never saw that coming) Although TYL! Xanxus and Dino were in a cover spread from one chapter (I think 163?), so I think they will show up eventually
Your fantasy sounds nice XD I think I won't write a sequel after all, because it's much nice if people just imagine what happens and because if I write it it might not come out like that...
I think I tend towards long sentences in angsty sorts of pieces (it's maybe like a pseudo-stream-of-consciousness?) but thanks for tipping me off to Purple Prose so I can check for that from now on :D
Apoligize in advance for capslock abuse. cerepan and nymous-fic's bad habit is contagious.
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. I don't want giving half-assed comment since you wrote this fic beautifully so you deserve the best.
One of your strong points on writing is describing situation and place. I LOVE ALL YOUR TAKE ON DESCRIBING DINO - HIBIRD EXCHANGES. SO CUTE AND AND IF I WERE AN ILUSTRATOR, I'D BE DIE HAPPILY DRAWING ILUSTRATION OUT OF THIS. GAAAAAAAAH ~~~
My fave scenes of course these two :
“I guess its goodbye to you too, huh?” said Dino, reaching up to take Hibird gently in his hands. “Will you give something to Kyouya for me?”
Hibird bounced up and down on his palms, eager to do anything for its master. Smiling sadly, Dino bent and kissed to top of its feathery head gently.
“Give that to Kyouya,” he said softly. “With my love.”
and
In response, Hibird flitted to his face, pressing itself gently against his mouth, its feathers still warm with Dino’s Apollonian heat. Hibari’s eyes widened in shock, clearly caught off guard by this sudden affection from his old teacher, even if the fool had chosen a bird as a messenger.
You were using Apollo as comparison to Dino.YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE ?! XD Sorry, I've had image of him as Apollo since reading Percy Jackson and The Titan's Curse. That Apollo is much alike Dino, except Dino never reciting bad haiku and flirting with his twin sister's Hunters. XD
Once I said to rukawagf that Future arc is the most depressing arc cause it's full of uncertainty, losing the beloved ones, being forced to face unwanted battles, etc. You managed to pull them out in one shot : The Millefiore attack, the death of Xanxus (must be a great loss for Varia and Vongola itself), and Dino being the next target of Millefiore. I want to rec this fic : The Path I Took Ten Years Later by rukawagf.
I would've been a happiest fangirl if Hibari back to Dino's mansion and er, confess his love for Dino in HIS-LIKE MANNER. Maybe crushing his tonfa onto Dino's face or stay with him until enemy's coming and they're fight together and DINO SOMEHOW MANAGED GETTING THEM RUNAWAY AND HIDING IN VERY SECLUDED AREA ON MOUNTAINS THEN LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
Is it just me or you tend to write long sentences ? That's not bad, but it's better you decrease it a bit. I'm afraid habit of writing long sentences might get readers tired and lead you to Purple Prose.
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I miss cerepan. I hope she comes back soon...
OF COURSE I COMPARED DINO TO APOLLO ON PURPOSE! Although I think maybe I got that idea from something cerepan said, because now that I think about it I remember reading something like that in one of her fics...And my sister returned the Percy Jackson series to the library before I could read any more than the first book! (Now I need to go check them back out, I guess...)
Is Xanxus being dead actualy canon? I can't remember; it seemed right to me. But TYL! is just dark to me because of the way everybody has been so divided and you're right, everything is uncertain and even the strongest allies are falling (like Mukuro! *sob* Never saw that coming) Although TYL! Xanxus and Dino were in a cover spread from one chapter (I think 163?), so I think they will show up eventually
Your fantasy sounds nice XD I think I won't write a sequel after all, because it's much nice if people just imagine what happens and because if I write it it might not come out like that...
I think I tend towards long sentences in angsty sorts of pieces (it's maybe like a pseudo-stream-of-consciousness?) but thanks for tipping me off to Purple Prose so I can check for that from now on :D
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