(no subject)
Another response to Melissa's entry.
YES. Something to comment on. School was canceled again, I'm babysitting, and I'm also going to kill Brooke. That "anus-meets-pasta-maker" idea sounds pretty sweet, right about now.
Okay. So this Andrew kid. On the surface, he sounds like a bit like he's just an asshole and is too concerned with looks. I have no tolerance for people "like" this. (Quick side note, I put "like" in parenthesis because..well.."people like this" implies that there is a certain group of people. Now, it's not necessarily a group, more like, an aspect of someone's personality. You know what I mean by it)
The reason being, of course, because I think that looks, (as cliché as it sounds), are very overrated. Yes, I said it. Overrated. I mean, being pretty and skinny is nice, and for me, being disgustingly and horridly ugly is a huge turn-off. But it sounds like Andrew is dwelling on this one new physical attribute of yours.
In some ways, I can't blame him. I admit, I often associate physical turn-offs with mental ones, which is kind of hard to explain. It's sort of like, "Oh, you're a fat ugly stupid slob. Die." It's like, I guess I see the ugly, therefore they are the ugly, until they have proven me wrong, of course. I guess it's a bad habit that I have with myself, too..I mean, you know how, even when you lose weight, you still feel like the same person? You look in the mirror and literally see yourself the way you have always been, and pick out every little thing about you. So you constantly see yourself as "ugly," and you also associate that with your mental attributes, because of your low self-confidence. So, I guess you make the same associations with other people, as well. At least that is what I do, and vice-versa. Basically, you could have the "hottest" manwhore in the world standing before me, and if he bores me to tears, I automatically have this physical biased against him. I have this thing stuck in my head that says that he is "ugly."
So, on one hand, I think that Andrew is just being a shallow cunt. Yet on the other, I can't blame him. YET, there's another side to this. Maybe his feelings are just growing for you, and coincidentally, you've been losing weight. He's associating these feelings for you with your looks, as well. The only problem there then, would be the fact that he is still dwelling on it, and spending too much time talking about it. It seems, almost, like he's using it as an excuse to constantly talk about his feelings for you, rather than your weight loss. Or maybe it's just giving him something to talk about. Maybe he's just insensitive, and doesn't realize the sort of messages he's giving by saying all of those things.
I don't know which it is, but personally, I don't think you should care much. I know that sounds horrible, yes, but really, I think that either way, he's not worth the thought. There's just something about him that gives me a bad feeling..something on your figurative path towards him screams "MAKE A SHARP LEFT" at the next intersection.
Okay, so eating. Now, I've given this a lot of thought in the past. I once read this article about primitive human diet. Now, naturally, us humans don't need nearly as much food as we regularly consume. In fact, the average human can go an entire month without eating a thing, and still survive. Food isn't as vital as everyone thinks. And I know what you mean about feeling happy about not eating. I get that way, too, like I'm doing something good for my body. All in all, I don't think that purging and starving is really all that bad of an idea, as long as you are not suffering. As long as it makes you feel good, do it. It's not really harming anything. I just think that you should be warned of the way it might turn out. Now, I never got really bad with my bulimia, but there are many cases in which bulimics go so far with it that whenever they do go back to eating, their stomach will not take it. Their stomach rejects food. As well as an eroding esophagus, there are many other physical disadvantages to bulimia, as well as anorexia. This, surprisingly, is not what gets to me. What gets to me is the way some of these people look. This may be shallow of me, but it's like, due to their so-called "fucked-up body image," they become these lifeless piles of flesh and bone.
But honestly, Melissa, I don't think you and I will ever wind up like that. I feel like it's just a comfort thing, like you're more comfortable emotionally when you don't eat, and you see yourself in a more positive light when you don't eat, as do I. I don't think there's too much harm in it, in all seriousness. I mean, I've really thought about this, ever since I've stopped, and I feel like there really isn't anything wrong with it. In fact, if it weren't for all of the privacy that I lack in my home, I'd still be bulimic. Yeah, I'll admit it. I would be. And I'd be damn happy, too.
Many might see this as being sick and fucked-up, and maybe you and I really are sick, but really, I don't care. As long as you're happy with it.
Now, your mother, being that she hasn't had the same feelings on this (or at least, I'm assuming), she doesn't understand it, and only knows what these so-called "experts" have told her.
It's like my grandmother. When my aunt Devon was younger, she went in to the hospital, for...whatever. And while she was there, there was this one doctor who took my grandmother aside and said that he found numerous cuts on certain parts of Devon's body. He also told her that he knows, as a fact, that teenagers who have been sexually abused, cut themselves, and any other cases (of "cutters") consist of those in need of attention, etc.
Okay, now, there is seriously something fucked up with that. Who is to say that just because you have been sexually abused, that automatically means that you are going to mutilate yourself? Is it written in some book somewhere? What the fuck? And also, who is to say that the only reason why any teenager would cut themselves is due to sexual abuse? And just WHO is to say that cutting for any other reason is merely for attention? These observations were made by a MEDICAL (I reiterate, MEDICAL) doctor, in the early nineties, and were obviously flawed. But my grandmother, not being one to question what she is told by these so-called "experts" believes every word that this gentleman had to say.
Why? Well at first, she was like, "Well, my daughter has never been sexually abused, blah blah blah, that can't be, it must be just for attention." But then, of course, COMPLETELY COINCIDENTALLY, she finds out, oddly enough, that her daughter WAS, in fact, sexually abused. Now, any intelligent human being would observe that this was merely a coincidence, that Devon cut herself due to her emotional problems, her situation with her family AND because she was sexually abused.
But no, because of what Dr. Cuntface said, she seems to think that, like some sort of scientific law, ANYONE who cuts themselves has either been sexually abused, or is looking for attention. This is so frustrating, as she just can't seem to bring herself to look outside of the box and realize that teenagers are fucked up. Yeah, some might think that it's cool to cut themselves. Some actually like mutilating themselves. Some like the sight of blood. Some do it to keep themselves sane. Some do it because of their emotional problems. Some do it simply to test themselves, for their own endurance. It is NOT a black and white situation. Jesus Christ. Anyone with more than 5 brain cells can see that.
So it's just like your mother. She doesn't look at every side of this situation; she doesn't see how it makes you feel, without that whole "eating 'disorders' are bad" bias. I mean, it shouldn't even be considered a disorder. It's just how someone is. It's just their eating habits. Just like ADD, or depression, etc. It's just part of their personality. I mean, sure, it's proven that certain people with OCD have over-worked and overheated parts of their brain. But really, what about those who are in between? Who is to say who has OCD or not? Again, it is NOT black and white. There are many grey areas, and I definitely think that many people, such as your mother, are treating this as a very "this or that," "bad or good" situation. It's ridiculous.
My mother is just as bad, but a hypocrite, as well. She has the same, "fucked-up" image of herself. She knows that when she doesn't eat and goes to the gym until she dies, she feels good. Yet, she fucking nags me about eating, and how I think that I look. Goddamnit.
..Sorry that this is so late. I wrote it in the morning, but then I like...fell asleep.
YES. Something to comment on. School was canceled again, I'm babysitting, and I'm also going to kill Brooke. That "anus-meets-pasta-maker" idea sounds pretty sweet, right about now.
Okay. So this Andrew kid. On the surface, he sounds like a bit like he's just an asshole and is too concerned with looks. I have no tolerance for people "like" this. (Quick side note, I put "like" in parenthesis because..well.."people like this" implies that there is a certain group of people. Now, it's not necessarily a group, more like, an aspect of someone's personality. You know what I mean by it)
The reason being, of course, because I think that looks, (as cliché as it sounds), are very overrated. Yes, I said it. Overrated. I mean, being pretty and skinny is nice, and for me, being disgustingly and horridly ugly is a huge turn-off. But it sounds like Andrew is dwelling on this one new physical attribute of yours.
In some ways, I can't blame him. I admit, I often associate physical turn-offs with mental ones, which is kind of hard to explain. It's sort of like, "Oh, you're a fat ugly stupid slob. Die." It's like, I guess I see the ugly, therefore they are the ugly, until they have proven me wrong, of course. I guess it's a bad habit that I have with myself, too..I mean, you know how, even when you lose weight, you still feel like the same person? You look in the mirror and literally see yourself the way you have always been, and pick out every little thing about you. So you constantly see yourself as "ugly," and you also associate that with your mental attributes, because of your low self-confidence. So, I guess you make the same associations with other people, as well. At least that is what I do, and vice-versa. Basically, you could have the "hottest" manwhore in the world standing before me, and if he bores me to tears, I automatically have this physical biased against him. I have this thing stuck in my head that says that he is "ugly."
So, on one hand, I think that Andrew is just being a shallow cunt. Yet on the other, I can't blame him. YET, there's another side to this. Maybe his feelings are just growing for you, and coincidentally, you've been losing weight. He's associating these feelings for you with your looks, as well. The only problem there then, would be the fact that he is still dwelling on it, and spending too much time talking about it. It seems, almost, like he's using it as an excuse to constantly talk about his feelings for you, rather than your weight loss. Or maybe it's just giving him something to talk about. Maybe he's just insensitive, and doesn't realize the sort of messages he's giving by saying all of those things.
I don't know which it is, but personally, I don't think you should care much. I know that sounds horrible, yes, but really, I think that either way, he's not worth the thought. There's just something about him that gives me a bad feeling..something on your figurative path towards him screams "MAKE A SHARP LEFT" at the next intersection.
Okay, so eating. Now, I've given this a lot of thought in the past. I once read this article about primitive human diet. Now, naturally, us humans don't need nearly as much food as we regularly consume. In fact, the average human can go an entire month without eating a thing, and still survive. Food isn't as vital as everyone thinks. And I know what you mean about feeling happy about not eating. I get that way, too, like I'm doing something good for my body. All in all, I don't think that purging and starving is really all that bad of an idea, as long as you are not suffering. As long as it makes you feel good, do it. It's not really harming anything. I just think that you should be warned of the way it might turn out. Now, I never got really bad with my bulimia, but there are many cases in which bulimics go so far with it that whenever they do go back to eating, their stomach will not take it. Their stomach rejects food. As well as an eroding esophagus, there are many other physical disadvantages to bulimia, as well as anorexia. This, surprisingly, is not what gets to me. What gets to me is the way some of these people look. This may be shallow of me, but it's like, due to their so-called "fucked-up body image," they become these lifeless piles of flesh and bone.
But honestly, Melissa, I don't think you and I will ever wind up like that. I feel like it's just a comfort thing, like you're more comfortable emotionally when you don't eat, and you see yourself in a more positive light when you don't eat, as do I. I don't think there's too much harm in it, in all seriousness. I mean, I've really thought about this, ever since I've stopped, and I feel like there really isn't anything wrong with it. In fact, if it weren't for all of the privacy that I lack in my home, I'd still be bulimic. Yeah, I'll admit it. I would be. And I'd be damn happy, too.
Many might see this as being sick and fucked-up, and maybe you and I really are sick, but really, I don't care. As long as you're happy with it.
Now, your mother, being that she hasn't had the same feelings on this (or at least, I'm assuming), she doesn't understand it, and only knows what these so-called "experts" have told her.
It's like my grandmother. When my aunt Devon was younger, she went in to the hospital, for...whatever. And while she was there, there was this one doctor who took my grandmother aside and said that he found numerous cuts on certain parts of Devon's body. He also told her that he knows, as a fact, that teenagers who have been sexually abused, cut themselves, and any other cases (of "cutters") consist of those in need of attention, etc.
Okay, now, there is seriously something fucked up with that. Who is to say that just because you have been sexually abused, that automatically means that you are going to mutilate yourself? Is it written in some book somewhere? What the fuck? And also, who is to say that the only reason why any teenager would cut themselves is due to sexual abuse? And just WHO is to say that cutting for any other reason is merely for attention? These observations were made by a MEDICAL (I reiterate, MEDICAL) doctor, in the early nineties, and were obviously flawed. But my grandmother, not being one to question what she is told by these so-called "experts" believes every word that this gentleman had to say.
Why? Well at first, she was like, "Well, my daughter has never been sexually abused, blah blah blah, that can't be, it must be just for attention." But then, of course, COMPLETELY COINCIDENTALLY, she finds out, oddly enough, that her daughter WAS, in fact, sexually abused. Now, any intelligent human being would observe that this was merely a coincidence, that Devon cut herself due to her emotional problems, her situation with her family AND because she was sexually abused.
But no, because of what Dr. Cuntface said, she seems to think that, like some sort of scientific law, ANYONE who cuts themselves has either been sexually abused, or is looking for attention. This is so frustrating, as she just can't seem to bring herself to look outside of the box and realize that teenagers are fucked up. Yeah, some might think that it's cool to cut themselves. Some actually like mutilating themselves. Some like the sight of blood. Some do it to keep themselves sane. Some do it because of their emotional problems. Some do it simply to test themselves, for their own endurance. It is NOT a black and white situation. Jesus Christ. Anyone with more than 5 brain cells can see that.
So it's just like your mother. She doesn't look at every side of this situation; she doesn't see how it makes you feel, without that whole "eating 'disorders' are bad" bias. I mean, it shouldn't even be considered a disorder. It's just how someone is. It's just their eating habits. Just like ADD, or depression, etc. It's just part of their personality. I mean, sure, it's proven that certain people with OCD have over-worked and overheated parts of their brain. But really, what about those who are in between? Who is to say who has OCD or not? Again, it is NOT black and white. There are many grey areas, and I definitely think that many people, such as your mother, are treating this as a very "this or that," "bad or good" situation. It's ridiculous.
My mother is just as bad, but a hypocrite, as well. She has the same, "fucked-up" image of herself. She knows that when she doesn't eat and goes to the gym until she dies, she feels good. Yet, she fucking nags me about eating, and how I think that I look. Goddamnit.
..Sorry that this is so late. I wrote it in the morning, but then I like...fell asleep.