In the sea of pretty people...
A lot of ups and downs, the past while.
I'm back from clubbing, early, sweaty, not drunk, and feeling quite emo.
Work's been looking up, then this week, I finally lost -all- hope, entirely. The only thing that gets me through the day is the thought that I'm in a good position to find another job after the current place insults me with my year raise shortly.
Today was just so shitty, that when I was invited to go clubbing, despite recovering from illness, I decided to go have fun. Unfortunately, I verified that I'm in such a place in life, that it really does require alcohol for me to enjoy myself, and I wasn't drinking enough because of the recovering sick thing.
I stood in midst of the "pretty people" looking out at everyone else, not a position I'm used to being in. It simultaneously satisfied my vanity and made me horribly self-concious. My evening went from being arm candy to following one person or another around. Gawd, I endured bad karaoke just to escape it periodically. I don't know if this new life is working for me. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's all just me and falling back into the depression that I was rising out of for a month or so.
I've been housecleaning, literally and figuratively. I have a dininng room, now. Not that I've served anyone in it, yet. It'll be sort of a monumentous occasion. Maybe it'll happen before I move far away... I threw out the last reminder of someone that I didn't remember I still had. The entire experience was garbage, and I'm worth more than that.
It's all at the dump, now.
I won't go into details, but I may have had a very very serious violation of trust, recently. I'm still waiting for verification. That'll teach me to trust. *twirls finger* I hate not even knowing what I'm supposed to think.
Going home to Littleton, tomorrow, whether work likes it or not. Heh. Hopefully I'll get to relax a little.
Cheers, all
I'm back from clubbing, early, sweaty, not drunk, and feeling quite emo.
Work's been looking up, then this week, I finally lost -all- hope, entirely. The only thing that gets me through the day is the thought that I'm in a good position to find another job after the current place insults me with my year raise shortly.
Today was just so shitty, that when I was invited to go clubbing, despite recovering from illness, I decided to go have fun. Unfortunately, I verified that I'm in such a place in life, that it really does require alcohol for me to enjoy myself, and I wasn't drinking enough because of the recovering sick thing.
I stood in midst of the "pretty people" looking out at everyone else, not a position I'm used to being in. It simultaneously satisfied my vanity and made me horribly self-concious. My evening went from being arm candy to following one person or another around. Gawd, I endured bad karaoke just to escape it periodically. I don't know if this new life is working for me. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's all just me and falling back into the depression that I was rising out of for a month or so.
I've been housecleaning, literally and figuratively. I have a dininng room, now. Not that I've served anyone in it, yet. It'll be sort of a monumentous occasion. Maybe it'll happen before I move far away... I threw out the last reminder of someone that I didn't remember I still had. The entire experience was garbage, and I'm worth more than that.
It's all at the dump, now.
I won't go into details, but I may have had a very very serious violation of trust, recently. I'm still waiting for verification. That'll teach me to trust. *twirls finger* I hate not even knowing what I'm supposed to think.
Going home to Littleton, tomorrow, whether work likes it or not. Heh. Hopefully I'll get to relax a little.
Cheers, all