(no subject)

[glassonyourlips]

i dont think anyone reads this anymore...
i hardly write anymore
but im finding that maybe i need to
because looking back im finding myself scattered
i think thats it, what i am anyway
thats the word that ultimately describes me
scattered
scattered
i dont think this is a good thing
it seems good at the right pace
when things arent moving too fast or too slow

things are moving too fast
and when they dont i wish they were
because the images in my head
that keep replaying are too much
and i dont know how to find beauty anymore
and im here in baltimore
and the beauty is gone
because ive looked at it too long and deep
and i dont sleep when im supposed to
i stay up all night
and when i drive at 3am
i dont see beauty
i see alone
alone spead all over the city, scattered
prosititutes, homeless, rats, and broken glass
and nothing about it is beautiful
the weekends have become nothing but empty beer bottles
and cigarette cartons
waiting for the week to start again
waiting for time to start moving too fast
waiting to go home
but i dont know what to
when i was away this summer i saw friends, a group
and i remembered our group
and i remembered that set feeling
and i missed it
i missed it as in i longed for it
and i missed it because it happened and i wasnt there
for the get togethers and trips
for the talks and the laughs

i got the second hand stories
and a scattered experience
its what i wanted then
but now i have nothing to go back to
nothing to fit into

nothing with meaning.
scattered.