Probably a Butterfly Effect: 2010
pictures have dwindled; i even had to look at tagged facebook pictures to get some. but the memories are freshly branded in my mind; i think i wrote so much more in the year, thought even more, grew some, lost some, became less confused, more grounded.
we had a CO concert for our soft launch at the beginning of the year. to be honest, i didnt feel much for the orchestra yet, partly because people came and went, came and went, it didnt feel much like an orchestra. but i got to know these 2 girls here and they are so awesome.
and then i cut my hair. ok that's an understatement. i murdered it. to be honest, it felt liberating the moment i cut it off. i had had long hair since i was 14 and i always wondered how it felt like to be a boy again. and then after a few days the fact that i had indeed shucked away 70% of my hair sunk in uh ohhh and i swore NEVER to do it again. i dont know why how something as superficial as hair can affect me but it does, and im still waiting around for it to growwwww. in the end, i realised there was just something about me i wanted to do for myself and change deep down, and i guess changing something physical was the easiest thing to do.
i wanted so much to break free from who i was the year before, to get over my relationship and to live life independently. i learnt that it is one thing be still in love (A), and it is one thing to find it hard to get over a relationship (B). to experience (B) didn't necessitate that (A) had to occur. the beginning of the year saw me attempting to break out of ill reliance, dependence and rumination. and somewhere in the middle of the school semester, i did it. it happened unconsciously, when i realised that i no longer had default memory flashbacks and i was happy living in the present just doing things that were important to me.
and then it was yuan's birthday, probably the defining event and the beginning of a great friendship (with zhen and siyun). all i can say is that friendship needs no conscious effort when people love, and the friendship that the 4 of us share definitely does not. it is something i cannot type out in words, but all i know is that no matter where we may be down 5 years later, be it siyun getting married hurhur or fengyuan with her fixed up husband in Shanghai, i know that this is for life.
school wasn't of much significance, the same old crazy routine of deadlines and more deadlines. i loved the modules i did too, especially abnormal psych and consumer behavior! this year saw us (juls and i) doing really well in our projects, and i'm glad i've her to tide me through.
me and the girls before huiyi flew off
but i probably did more growing after school than during. i started off the holidays telling myself that i needed an escape after the crazy semester, so i ended up somehow on some impromptu mountain trekking trip with cass, eric and his friends. it was a great start to the holidays actually, i've always loved doing boring nature stuff like trekking and walking in the woods and going to waterfalls, and i got to know cass more during the trip, she is so retarded hurhur. and she introduced me to raw foods. even though i have no time for raw foods nowadays, i know that its the eternal cure for cancer and ailments. haha i need to start raw once more
ok we also made paos at her house cos we wholeheartedly believed that we could start up a sweet pao business but it faileeeeed (i still love paos to to an obscene degree)
i also ignited my love for avocadoes.
and started work at the Candlenut Kitchen. i cannot be more bleedingly thankful for the friendships that i've made here. routine either makes people
1) complain and become like zombies
2) yearn to know the world and to break out from the well.
i'm glad we were (and are) the latter, that we didn't stop at sharing our experiences in travelling.
and the trio, we were awesome. full stop.
and then i was reunited with nyco, the girls are such inspirations, they made me recall how it was like to yearn for good music, to want to perfect that 10 bars of crescendo, and it really reignited my interest in CO again.
amidst Candlenut work, amidst researching for Nestle, we did a few random events over the summer. just the 10 of us, but i could already feel the friendships. it wasn't just about the music anymore.
and then sometime about mid June, the routine kind of killed me. i don't know why i'm so much of a worrier, i had so much existentialist thoughts and starting thinking about the impending graduation (which wasn't even that soon to begin with) and that was when i wrote a song about needing to see the world
mid June, in retrospect, was the turning point of the year. i had wanted to accomplish something during the holidays and learn more, and i was busying myself with stuff, but i realised that in the midst of doing so, i was stuck in a rut of routine, getting sucked into old habits and i honestly wanted to do something about it.
and that was how we started on planning The South East Asia trip. i almost thought it wasn't going to happen, but i knew that we had to want it so much to do something about it. and honestly i did. and thus it worked out!
and then August came around and Zelanie left for Cornell :(.
i got busy with pre departure things, like packing for the trip to Laos.
and then i couldn't be any more thankful for my travel buddies, Christabel, Adam and Fairli!!! i had. the.trip.of.my.life.
thinking back, the whole trip had been surreal right from the start. i feel its amazing how paths cross on this Earth. meeting Christabel, and sharing the love of travelling and interest in the same destinations and Asian history. and then Adam, Christabel's coursemate, who is the most unpretentious, down to earth dude ever, whom i admire and respect alot because underneath being a disgusting open book (hahaha), he knows what he wants in life, and freaking gets things done. and POHFAIRLI. ok, i've never met a girl like her, Ever. ok wait, maybe i have. she shares my mother's birthday and she totally is my mother's carbon copy. in every single way, personality wise. and that's heartening, because i happen to find my mother retardedly funny sometimes. ok so the 4 of us got along notoriously well.
we visited Pong Song village, where Adam did his OCIP a few months back. it was interesting the things we learnt. i've always been really interested in education, because to me that is the spine of any society, it is what determines your leaders, it is what decides the political ideology suitability of a country (perhaps, why Singapore cannot be known as a democracy hurhur). but in a way, the trip was the beginning of lots of informal questioning and learning, and i truly felt like an infinite sponge.
and then roadtrip with our Pong Song buddies. i don't think i would ever have the opportunity to experience something like that again. you know how OCIPs always revolve around service learning, and friendships formed within the team itself? this was a totally new experience- making friends with people whom we didn't even share a common language with. but somehow, we all didnt need verbal affirmation of our friendships. it was nodding, smiling, and alot of help from Peter Tan. it was so heartening when we found out that they were supposed to leave for their village, and us for Muang Kham (another village) but they cooked up some funny excuse about not wanting to go back to their own village without Peter and i think that they secretly wanted to spend more time with us :). hahah.
and at Muang Kham Village, i met a girl who reminded me alot of myself.
And Burma. Burma needs a separate blog post on astrangemess.wordpress, really. but all i can say is.. Burma is Beautiful. Breath-takingly, heart-breakingly Beautiful. i remember that one evening in Bagan, after a whole day of being driven around in a horsecart (by an irritating bad aura driver, and a poor horse), and getting hounded by endless locals and feeling so damn disturbed, the intensity and wonder of the sunset and how mystical the Payas looked against the horizon still offset that horrid mood, and really made me want to cry.
us with Oga and his brother, and Whizzamu. this little boy taught me abit about human nature, but let's leave it to another day. but anyway, i think he is kinda cute.
and then when i came back, i really couldn't get used to life in singapore.
my birthday came.
secondary school friendships are like Old Gold.
same with high school friendships.
and uni friendships. i've come to realise that it doesn't matter which part of your life you meet someone. people say relationships late don't last. not true. loveless friendships don't.
Joyce and I conquered the 21k! honestly, a fulfilling run.
i rested for TWO WHOLE months. ok honestly even though i felt like the world's greatest bummer, i really enjoyed i. it was to me, a much needed break for personal growth and catching up with family and friends, and taking time off to appreciate and love them. i especially love how i got to know my dad better, and with my friends as well.
i was always abit bothered about how during the school sem it always seemed as though every one was caught up in their own lives and just couldn't make time for one another, and honestly looking at how they were suffering from an outsider's perspective, it really made me come into terms with my friendships with people. i'm glad i could be there for them when i otherwise would not have found time to had i been studying too.
i read up alot, it was simple like that.
these months were also the defining point in the orchestra. from being entirely bored and merely going for practices because it was habitual, i started to look forward to orchestra as we took on ownership of our own song choices and did more challenging songs for dazu. it helped that tanbo yue is the most awesome section ever, because sectionals are always full attendance, and very lively! loved halloween the most.
i also did random things like made my own shelf, when i'd probably would not have had the time for such nonsense if i had been schooling.
and did a YCAMP, haven't done one in a long while. it's bittersweetness, the things i learn from this experience. i realised that i needed to grow, to be a better leader first.
hung out with old friends, some things never change.
and did things i regretted, like perm my eyelashes hahahhahaha
and reaffirmed new friendships.
and stayed true to old ones, even though they were miles and miles away, it was like Level Up DIDIDI.
and my hair grew.
found more time with the family.
and then school ended for the friends, and CO AGM came and went! love these bunch of people.
and then i started my internship. and got busy within a matter of weeks. played/sang for D&D. pretty awesome experience
december came around, co practices still full blast even though half the orchestra was gone.
and then yuan and siyun left for their homeland! this was sort of their farewell lunch, we reaffirmed our friendships with pretty charms.
and the morning of Christmas eve, with my 2 friends.
Christmas morning with dad
the bitter sweet Christmas dinner I will always remember- Sangria and Satay Chelok.
and CO camp- a really successful gift exchange.
and spending the evening of New Year's Eve with the sis, grandparents, auntie and uncle, slow driving around quiet Malacca, amidst the back drop of the beautiful sunset, the most perfect way to end the year.
reflection post coming up; i found my time capsule!
we had a CO concert for our soft launch at the beginning of the year. to be honest, i didnt feel much for the orchestra yet, partly because people came and went, came and went, it didnt feel much like an orchestra. but i got to know these 2 girls here and they are so awesome.
and then i cut my hair. ok that's an understatement. i murdered it. to be honest, it felt liberating the moment i cut it off. i had had long hair since i was 14 and i always wondered how it felt like to be a boy again. and then after a few days the fact that i had indeed shucked away 70% of my hair sunk in uh ohhh and i swore NEVER to do it again. i dont know why how something as superficial as hair can affect me but it does, and im still waiting around for it to growwwww. in the end, i realised there was just something about me i wanted to do for myself and change deep down, and i guess changing something physical was the easiest thing to do.
i wanted so much to break free from who i was the year before, to get over my relationship and to live life independently. i learnt that it is one thing be still in love (A), and it is one thing to find it hard to get over a relationship (B). to experience (B) didn't necessitate that (A) had to occur. the beginning of the year saw me attempting to break out of ill reliance, dependence and rumination. and somewhere in the middle of the school semester, i did it. it happened unconsciously, when i realised that i no longer had default memory flashbacks and i was happy living in the present just doing things that were important to me.
and then it was yuan's birthday, probably the defining event and the beginning of a great friendship (with zhen and siyun). all i can say is that friendship needs no conscious effort when people love, and the friendship that the 4 of us share definitely does not. it is something i cannot type out in words, but all i know is that no matter where we may be down 5 years later, be it siyun getting married hurhur or fengyuan with her fixed up husband in Shanghai, i know that this is for life.
school wasn't of much significance, the same old crazy routine of deadlines and more deadlines. i loved the modules i did too, especially abnormal psych and consumer behavior! this year saw us (juls and i) doing really well in our projects, and i'm glad i've her to tide me through.
me and the girls before huiyi flew off
but i probably did more growing after school than during. i started off the holidays telling myself that i needed an escape after the crazy semester, so i ended up somehow on some impromptu mountain trekking trip with cass, eric and his friends. it was a great start to the holidays actually, i've always loved doing boring nature stuff like trekking and walking in the woods and going to waterfalls, and i got to know cass more during the trip, she is so retarded hurhur. and she introduced me to raw foods. even though i have no time for raw foods nowadays, i know that its the eternal cure for cancer and ailments. haha i need to start raw once more
ok we also made paos at her house cos we wholeheartedly believed that we could start up a sweet pao business but it faileeeeed (i still love paos to to an obscene degree)
i also ignited my love for avocadoes.
and started work at the Candlenut Kitchen. i cannot be more bleedingly thankful for the friendships that i've made here. routine either makes people
1) complain and become like zombies
2) yearn to know the world and to break out from the well.
i'm glad we were (and are) the latter, that we didn't stop at sharing our experiences in travelling.
and the trio, we were awesome. full stop.
and then i was reunited with nyco, the girls are such inspirations, they made me recall how it was like to yearn for good music, to want to perfect that 10 bars of crescendo, and it really reignited my interest in CO again.
amidst Candlenut work, amidst researching for Nestle, we did a few random events over the summer. just the 10 of us, but i could already feel the friendships. it wasn't just about the music anymore.
and then sometime about mid June, the routine kind of killed me. i don't know why i'm so much of a worrier, i had so much existentialist thoughts and starting thinking about the impending graduation (which wasn't even that soon to begin with) and that was when i wrote a song about needing to see the world
mid June, in retrospect, was the turning point of the year. i had wanted to accomplish something during the holidays and learn more, and i was busying myself with stuff, but i realised that in the midst of doing so, i was stuck in a rut of routine, getting sucked into old habits and i honestly wanted to do something about it.
and that was how we started on planning The South East Asia trip. i almost thought it wasn't going to happen, but i knew that we had to want it so much to do something about it. and honestly i did. and thus it worked out!
and then August came around and Zelanie left for Cornell :(.
i got busy with pre departure things, like packing for the trip to Laos.
and then i couldn't be any more thankful for my travel buddies, Christabel, Adam and Fairli!!! i had. the.trip.of.my.life.
thinking back, the whole trip had been surreal right from the start. i feel its amazing how paths cross on this Earth. meeting Christabel, and sharing the love of travelling and interest in the same destinations and Asian history. and then Adam, Christabel's coursemate, who is the most unpretentious, down to earth dude ever, whom i admire and respect alot because underneath being a disgusting open book (hahaha), he knows what he wants in life, and freaking gets things done. and POHFAIRLI. ok, i've never met a girl like her, Ever. ok wait, maybe i have. she shares my mother's birthday and she totally is my mother's carbon copy. in every single way, personality wise. and that's heartening, because i happen to find my mother retardedly funny sometimes. ok so the 4 of us got along notoriously well.
we visited Pong Song village, where Adam did his OCIP a few months back. it was interesting the things we learnt. i've always been really interested in education, because to me that is the spine of any society, it is what determines your leaders, it is what decides the political ideology suitability of a country (perhaps, why Singapore cannot be known as a democracy hurhur). but in a way, the trip was the beginning of lots of informal questioning and learning, and i truly felt like an infinite sponge.
and then roadtrip with our Pong Song buddies. i don't think i would ever have the opportunity to experience something like that again. you know how OCIPs always revolve around service learning, and friendships formed within the team itself? this was a totally new experience- making friends with people whom we didn't even share a common language with. but somehow, we all didnt need verbal affirmation of our friendships. it was nodding, smiling, and alot of help from Peter Tan. it was so heartening when we found out that they were supposed to leave for their village, and us for Muang Kham (another village) but they cooked up some funny excuse about not wanting to go back to their own village without Peter and i think that they secretly wanted to spend more time with us :). hahah.
and at Muang Kham Village, i met a girl who reminded me alot of myself.
And Burma. Burma needs a separate blog post on astrangemess.wordpress, really. but all i can say is.. Burma is Beautiful. Breath-takingly, heart-breakingly Beautiful. i remember that one evening in Bagan, after a whole day of being driven around in a horsecart (by an irritating bad aura driver, and a poor horse), and getting hounded by endless locals and feeling so damn disturbed, the intensity and wonder of the sunset and how mystical the Payas looked against the horizon still offset that horrid mood, and really made me want to cry.
us with Oga and his brother, and Whizzamu. this little boy taught me abit about human nature, but let's leave it to another day. but anyway, i think he is kinda cute.
and then when i came back, i really couldn't get used to life in singapore.
my birthday came.
secondary school friendships are like Old Gold.
same with high school friendships.
and uni friendships. i've come to realise that it doesn't matter which part of your life you meet someone. people say relationships late don't last. not true. loveless friendships don't.
Joyce and I conquered the 21k! honestly, a fulfilling run.
i rested for TWO WHOLE months. ok honestly even though i felt like the world's greatest bummer, i really enjoyed i. it was to me, a much needed break for personal growth and catching up with family and friends, and taking time off to appreciate and love them. i especially love how i got to know my dad better, and with my friends as well.
i was always abit bothered about how during the school sem it always seemed as though every one was caught up in their own lives and just couldn't make time for one another, and honestly looking at how they were suffering from an outsider's perspective, it really made me come into terms with my friendships with people. i'm glad i could be there for them when i otherwise would not have found time to had i been studying too.
i read up alot, it was simple like that.
these months were also the defining point in the orchestra. from being entirely bored and merely going for practices because it was habitual, i started to look forward to orchestra as we took on ownership of our own song choices and did more challenging songs for dazu. it helped that tanbo yue is the most awesome section ever, because sectionals are always full attendance, and very lively! loved halloween the most.
i also did random things like made my own shelf, when i'd probably would not have had the time for such nonsense if i had been schooling.
and did a YCAMP, haven't done one in a long while. it's bittersweetness, the things i learn from this experience. i realised that i needed to grow, to be a better leader first.
hung out with old friends, some things never change.
and did things i regretted, like perm my eyelashes hahahhahaha
and reaffirmed new friendships.
Click to viewand stayed true to old ones, even though they were miles and miles away, it was like Level Up DIDIDI.
and my hair grew.
found more time with the family.
and then school ended for the friends, and CO AGM came and went! love these bunch of people.
and then i started my internship. and got busy within a matter of weeks. played/sang for D&D. pretty awesome experience
december came around, co practices still full blast even though half the orchestra was gone.
and then yuan and siyun left for their homeland! this was sort of their farewell lunch, we reaffirmed our friendships with pretty charms.
and the morning of Christmas eve, with my 2 friends.
Christmas morning with dad
the bitter sweet Christmas dinner I will always remember- Sangria and Satay Chelok.
and CO camp- a really successful gift exchange.
and spending the evening of New Year's Eve with the sis, grandparents, auntie and uncle, slow driving around quiet Malacca, amidst the back drop of the beautiful sunset, the most perfect way to end the year.
reflection post coming up; i found my time capsule!