ha-ha-ha hardly working
on second thought, maybe not. but i am already here.
deprived, i see dancing santas, swimming fishies and such other entertaining things thru maniac tears and infectious giggles. when i look back (my life), it fears me that i loathe it (myself). i have heard it said that people loved me, people cared for me, there must have been something there. but as blind as i was then, hindsight continues to fuck me. since i am who i was and i left an imprint on the world... if i choose not to ignore it, how do i not hate it.... and if i hate it then i hate everything i am, then and now. if i ignore it, i ignore everything i am.
deprived. there are so many things to hold on to. grasping to hold, everything real falls away. holding (things) close is empty and lost. hindsight does not replace nowsight. nothing... nothing at all reaches what i need to express.
deprived, i see dancing santas, swimming fishies and such other entertaining things thru maniac tears and infectious giggles. when i look back (my life), it fears me that i loathe it (myself). i have heard it said that people loved me, people cared for me, there must have been something there. but as blind as i was then, hindsight continues to fuck me. since i am who i was and i left an imprint on the world... if i choose not to ignore it, how do i not hate it.... and if i hate it then i hate everything i am, then and now. if i ignore it, i ignore everything i am.
deprived. there are so many things to hold on to. grasping to hold, everything real falls away. holding (things) close is empty and lost. hindsight does not replace nowsight. nothing... nothing at all reaches what i need to express.