(no subject)
I feel like utter shit. I just got a letter from Mott saying I owe them over a grand because apparently...my financial aid didn't go through like expected. I have to make an appointment with a counsler and declare a major...more specific than the one I already have. If I don't get this aid...I have to drop all of my classes because I can't afford this. Who knows...maybe its for the best that I don't go to school. I have no clue.
On top of all of this school stuff...I just can't quit fucking up. It seems like that's all I'm able to do. I'm quitting Lover's Lane...totally not worth it...but work and school aside, I'm fucking up my relationship. I'm going into crazy mode again. I don't want complications. I don't want to make anyone feel like shit...especially the person that means the most to me. I feel completely worthless right now and I don't know how to fix it. I've never wanted to be with anyone as bad as I want to be with Bobby, but I'm shit at showing it. I totally broke down on Lloyd today when I was at work. Normally he's the one coming to me, but today I just busted out into tears because I felt like shit. I say all the wrong things. I honestly don't understand why or how he puts up with it. I just want to sit in a corner and cry. That's all I have the energy to do right now.
To top it off...I have to sit through a three hour class tonight that I don't have my paper done for. Should I even bother? I don't even know if I'm going to be able to keep the class.
I'm going to have to suck this all up and just go up to the school and see what's going on. God knows sitting here crying isn't going to accomplish anything.
On top of all of this school stuff...I just can't quit fucking up. It seems like that's all I'm able to do. I'm quitting Lover's Lane...totally not worth it...but work and school aside, I'm fucking up my relationship. I'm going into crazy mode again. I don't want complications. I don't want to make anyone feel like shit...especially the person that means the most to me. I feel completely worthless right now and I don't know how to fix it. I've never wanted to be with anyone as bad as I want to be with Bobby, but I'm shit at showing it. I totally broke down on Lloyd today when I was at work. Normally he's the one coming to me, but today I just busted out into tears because I felt like shit. I say all the wrong things. I honestly don't understand why or how he puts up with it. I just want to sit in a corner and cry. That's all I have the energy to do right now.
To top it off...I have to sit through a three hour class tonight that I don't have my paper done for. Should I even bother? I don't even know if I'm going to be able to keep the class.
I'm going to have to suck this all up and just go up to the school and see what's going on. God knows sitting here crying isn't going to accomplish anything.