(no subject)
Somebody who is in recovery posted about her struggles. My comment ended up being really long-winded, but I found that it actually helped me with my own situation in a way that I had not anticipated. I have really been getting sucked down a hole, but I was, as I said in the comment, reminded of my priorities.
This is what I wrote:
Even just forcing yourself to put on a happy face brings you one step closer to sincerely feeling it. I haven't been to a specifically ED recovery, but I've been to a youth mental hospital, rehab, and a dual-diagnosis center, and I can say that when you hate it, that's when it's working. We don't want to change the lifestyle we're comfortable in, we don't want to admit that our beliefs about ourselves and the world we live in may be fallacies. It's incredibly painful and difficult.
I put so much effort into trying to live the lifestyle I thought was glamorous and would bring me love and recognition, one of drugs and behavioral disorder, I was so disappointed when I went into treatment that I would never achieve the rock star biopic as a lifestyle. Even they never did it. When I accepted that it is unattainable (it really only happens in rock biopics), it was like bursting through a brick wall. Not that it happened so suddenly-just that I had a moment of clarity, reflecting on my past, that I had moved on from there.
It took a lot of time, especially after leaving the last treatment center, to get as far as I have. I still have a lot of struggles-for instance, I beg your to forgive my rambling because I'm a bit stoned at the moment-but I also am developing as stronger and stronger sense of self-worth based on my true self, rather than a particular identity/'ego' (in something of a Buddhist sense), such as being an addict or having an eating disorder, or even being smart or having pretty eyes.
This is just my experience, though. I always hope that someone who is going through a hard time can relate to some of my experiences, and maybe feel encouraged that even if you come out still flawed, you'll have the ability to accept those flaws in a way that feels more powerful than any perfection you've ever imagined.
It sounds corny, but I think the most important thing I could say is to love yourself. Or at least, for now, treat yourself with love, even if you don't really feel it yet.
Yeah, I'm done now. And thank you for posting, by the way, because in writing this comment I am reminded of everything I'm working for. Maybe I'm even writing more to myself than you.
Okay, now I'm done.
Love,
Maria
This is what I wrote:
Even just forcing yourself to put on a happy face brings you one step closer to sincerely feeling it. I haven't been to a specifically ED recovery, but I've been to a youth mental hospital, rehab, and a dual-diagnosis center, and I can say that when you hate it, that's when it's working. We don't want to change the lifestyle we're comfortable in, we don't want to admit that our beliefs about ourselves and the world we live in may be fallacies. It's incredibly painful and difficult.
I put so much effort into trying to live the lifestyle I thought was glamorous and would bring me love and recognition, one of drugs and behavioral disorder, I was so disappointed when I went into treatment that I would never achieve the rock star biopic as a lifestyle. Even they never did it. When I accepted that it is unattainable (it really only happens in rock biopics), it was like bursting through a brick wall. Not that it happened so suddenly-just that I had a moment of clarity, reflecting on my past, that I had moved on from there.
It took a lot of time, especially after leaving the last treatment center, to get as far as I have. I still have a lot of struggles-for instance, I beg your to forgive my rambling because I'm a bit stoned at the moment-but I also am developing as stronger and stronger sense of self-worth based on my true self, rather than a particular identity/'ego' (in something of a Buddhist sense), such as being an addict or having an eating disorder, or even being smart or having pretty eyes.
This is just my experience, though. I always hope that someone who is going through a hard time can relate to some of my experiences, and maybe feel encouraged that even if you come out still flawed, you'll have the ability to accept those flaws in a way that feels more powerful than any perfection you've ever imagined.
It sounds corny, but I think the most important thing I could say is to love yourself. Or at least, for now, treat yourself with love, even if you don't really feel it yet.
Yeah, I'm done now. And thank you for posting, by the way, because in writing this comment I am reminded of everything I'm working for. Maybe I'm even writing more to myself than you.
Okay, now I'm done.
Love,
Maria