Past the open windows on the darker streets/Where unseen angry voices flash and children cry

[glass_beddau]

[Heading back out]
[Late enough to worry]

"Yeah." Dorian pulls himself up and I lean into him, arms light 'round him until I need to pull back enough to get to my feet. "We should go." And then he's adding "You don't have to go with me. You know that," and I realize he's talking about that we, not our we.

"I won't hurt him," and I think he

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[dorian_excolo]

"I want to go with you," she says and I nod, because I'm not shocked. "Let me just-- let me get out of this dress, okay? And I-- we-- I'm glad you're here." I want to kiss her again but her eyes are going to Oscar and her face changes. "And I'm sorry. I didn't want you hurt."

"Don't apologize." It's lower this time and I hope it's gentler. "Go change."

Glass goes back into the bedroom and there's just silence left if I ignore gagging sounds from the floor. "Proč se mě nezabiješ?" And I don't know what to say. I follow her into the bedroom.

[glass_beddau]

Heels: nice when you want to go out, bloody nuisance as soon as you're dragging home a drunken suicidal underage wannabe-gangster from Prague...

I need to start planning my nights better. Clearly. Go to a better class of club.

They probably wouldn't let me in.

Sitting down to take them off and give Dorian kind of an apologetic look as he comes to the door. "There have been better nights," and then I look down, run my hand through my hair. "I missed you. It's good to see you."

[dorian_excolo]

"There have been better nights," she says and I laugh. It's not much of a laugh, but I feel better for it. "I missed you. It's good to see you."

"I missed you, too." I feel awkward, this feels awkward, sitting on the bed beside her. "We should talk now." Look at her. "If you want to."

[glass_beddau]

Smile when he laughs; it helps. "I missed you, too," and he sits down next to me, and I want to cry again, in a sort of distracted way. "We should talk now. If you want to."

"I..." Put one arm 'round him, and lean my head on his shoulder, forehead against the side of his neck. "You said we needed to," and it's a quiet sort of thing to say, like I think it might snow. I missed the smell of him, and I'm suddenly wishing I could curl up and sleep, but... "How long can you stay?"

[dorian_excolo]

She puts her arm around me and I close my eyes with her breath on my neck. "You said we needed to." I nod, but I don't open my eyes. Not yet. Not until, "how long can you stay?", and I don't have an answer.

I look at her. "I don't know." After Oscar's dealt with. There's nothing. "Until I have to go." Swallow. "Or you want me to go."

[glass_beddau]

"I don't know," he says, and I nod a little and then it starts to sink in. "Until I have to go. Or you want me to go."

Wait, what? No, hang on, and I'm trying to scramble through the tangle of wondering if he's sure he's going to need to kill Oscar and if he thinks I'll be angry at him after and--

"I don't want you to go," words coming out in a tangle. "I didn't call because--" because I don't, usually, and because I thought he needed time to get himself straightened out, because... "I was waiting," and that seems very unfair, now, and my own damn fault. I've turned around more to face him, now, and I'm cold and tired and my head aches from the glass and I don't care, this matters more. "I don't want you to go, okay?"

[dorian_excolo]

"I don't want you to go. I didn't call because--" She sounds small. I put my arm around her shoulders, because I don't know what else to do. "I was waiting."

I think back to the past few weeks. I think of her calling then. And I nod, because I wanted her then, I missed her and wanted to hear her voice, and hold her and not let go, but... "Waiting was a good idea."

"I don't want you to go, okay?"

Blink. I-- I smile. "Okay," but it comes out smaller than I'd like, and I'm suddenly very aware of the open door and the boy on the bathroom floor. I get up and close it and, when I come back to the bed, I kiss her. I could kiss her all night, I think, and it's all I thought of, really, while I was away.

I pull back, though, eventually. "We still need to talk."

[glass_beddau]

"Okay," and he sounds a little thin, and then he gets up and goes to close the door. Pick Typhus up, and drop him off the bed, and he stalks off flicking his tail. Grin a little as Dorian comes back and sits down and after so long seeing him it's... he's alive. Hand light on the side of his neck, over the healed scar of my teeth, and he tastes clean and sharp and dark.

I hate it when you're not there, honey. It's too hard to be sure you're not dead, and there's only so long I can stand it.

"We still need to talk," he says, then, and the air and space between us leaves me worn.

"Right." Glance over my shoulder at the door, and... oh, well, Oscar's airway is clearly fine, and I'm glad I can't speak Czech. Sigh and lean back, looking up at Dorian, one hand light on his side. "Talk, and then where are we taking him?"

[dorian_excolo]

"Talk, and then where are we taking him?"

"The Red Lantern." There's still the concern over what Maria will say, but I'm in enough of a mood tonight that at least she won't say it very long. I'm tired, and the sooner this is done with the better. "He'll be safe there. I don't know if they're looking for him yet, but... They won't look there. You can decide what to do with him tomorrow."

Which leads to the talking, I think. I put my arm around her and pull her close, because it's easier to talk when I can feel her next to me. "What are you going to do?"

[glass_beddau]

"The Red Lantern," and I look at him a little curiously, and... okay, yes, I can make an assumption and I kind of don't want to. "He'll be safe there. I don't know if they're looking for him yet, but... They won't look there. You can decide what to do with him tomorrow," and I nod and settle against him. He's warmer than I thought he'd be. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I say, closing my eyes. "Lie down with me? ...I don't know, he's being an idiot. Maybe see if he's any different sober. Maybe..." I'd have made a fucking terrible EMT, I can tell that.

"It's not fair," quiet, so quiet. "He wants to kill himself, okay." Not okay, not at all, but at that point I can't stop him and I don't know anyone or any place that can. "Just, not for someone else's reasons."

[dorian_excolo]

If I lie down, I'll be tempted to sleep soon enough -- I can sleep when we're together, actually sleep, and it's been too long -- but I lie down anyway. "I don't know, he's being an idiot. Maybe see if he's any different sober. Maybe..."

He'll be worse sober, I think. Sober enough to remember his honor, at least, and that's a dangerous path. But he'll be out of here, away from Glass...

"It's not fair. He wants to kill himself, okay. Just, not for someone else's reasons."

"What other reasons are there?" I kiss the top of her head because I can. "No one wants to die. I think... Dying's just easier sometimes." Compared to the alternatives.

"So we'll wait until he's sober. Then what?"

[glass_beddau]

"What other reasons are there?" And I shake my head, stop when I feel his mouth against my hair and curl up with one arm across him instead.

"I think..." I shrug. "Think it's easy to get told something loud enough you forget it's not true. Maybe never knew it's not true. That doesn't make it your reason; makes it someone else's reason, that they'd like to have you believe." Don't know if I'm making sense.

"No one wants to die. I think... Dying's just easier sometimes."

"I know." That's what I mean, I think. "That night you came over. That night it was raining. I wasn't thinking of killing myself, but it... everything seemed so hard." And I kissed you; and Constantine called; and you left me. "And in the morning, it wasn't. It still wasn't good, but it wasn't as hard." I shake my head a little, and curl against him. "Nobody wants to hurt, just sometimes hurting less, it's enough."

"So we'll wait until he's sober. Then what?""I don't know." Again. Still. "How much danger is he in, d'you think? I mean." Open my eyes, make

[dorian_excolo]

"I think..." she moves against me. "Think it's easy to get told something loud enough you forget it's not true. Maybe never knew it's not true. That doesn't make it your reason; makes it someone else's reason, that they'd like to have you believe." And that, that at least I can agree with. That, at least, I understand.

"That night you came over. That night it was raining. I wasn't thinking of killing myself, but it..." Blink. "And in the morning, it wasn't. It still wasn't good, but it wasn't as hard." She curls against me and I hold her as tight as I dare. "Nobody wants to hurt, just sometimes hurting less, it's enough." Tight enough that I can imagine, if I don't let go, she'll never leave.

Nobody wants to hurt. Nobody wants to be alone. Don't leave me, I want to say. Don't ever leave me, please because I won't die, no, I'm already dead and if you go...

I close my eyes until I can remember why we're talking. Oscar. Right.

"I don't know," she says and I don't either, I'm sorry. "How much danger is he in, d'you think? I mean." I

[glass_beddau]

Find myself making the little squeak Typhus makes when I have had a very bad day and am insisting on holding him, but I hold him a little closer--which is really just tightening one arm 'round him, I don't think there's much room to pull nearer--and hang on.

"Hey," quiet, I can feel his heart under my arm, the pulse in his throat against the side of my face, no need to be loud, "I'm here, honey. 'm here, Dorian, okay?"

"Maybe." Not what I wanted to hear, not the worst it could have been-- "They will, if that's what you mean. I just don't know if they are yet." Oh. Well. Could still be worse, just the ways it could get worse are shrinking fast. "He was never one of them. I don't think-- They gave him the chance, and he failed. He's already dead. All that's left is how he wants to die."

"That's not-- What about you?" and as the words come out of my mouth, it goes from wondering about how they took to him to actually worrying what'll come next. "They sent him after you, and..." And he wasn't much, and that's not something I

[dorian_excolo]

"That's not-- What about you?" I look at her, because it's been a long night in a long string of sleepless nights, and because I wish we weren't talking about this, I wish it would just go away. "They sent him after you, and... Will they leave you alone, for not being one of them, for someone already trying and failing? Or is someone else going to come for you?"

We're talking about the future now and it's not something I've had time to think about. It's not something I've let myself think about. I close my eyes. "They didn't send him. They... Let him come. I don't think--" But no, I do. I know. "They never came after me. All these years, and they left me alone. Maybe I was too protected, when I worked for Lei-" worked for, past tense- "or the embarrassment over Ivanov was enough to let it go..." I wish I knew. But that's just curiosity, that's just sick of wondering and waiting. It doesn't change anything. "If they wanted me dead, I would already be dead." If they wanted me dead, they'd tell someone like me to send a message. And

[glass_beddau]

"I think they'll come after him. I think they were looking for a reason," and I grumble a little, low in my throat, not quite a growl. No. Stupid boy, vicious boy, but but but... Hook one hand around the back of Dorian's neck and huddle into him.

"Deal with that later," angry, not at him. "'m glad you're not dead. The, the Red Lantern... how long can we keep him there?"